11. Affection
Several days later, Raela and Killian walked in their usual pattern around the border of the meadow. He never asked to go farther, and she never offered to take him past the brush. They were cloistered in their secret, special place. To take him past the line of brush would ruin the spell. Under the hot sun, cooled by the autumn breeze, and engrossed in their mutual study of languages, Raela was perfectly at peace, and perfectly distracted—even if her aunties were crazy and had started her birthday soup this morning—a whole day early.
She watched his scruff as it was pulled taut over the corner of his jaw, the muscle beneath pulsing, struggling to pronounce the full names of her and her aunties. His face was so sharp and angular, more similar to Jax’s than her own round one. Her cheeks were soft to her fingertips, and she wondered how his short facial hair stayed so short. It had felt rough but not unpleasant when she’d touched it before. She made a fist to hold back the impulse to do so again. His neck was threaded with thick muscles, like cords of trees that grew from a shared root with shoulders twice as broad as hers and arms wider than her splayed hand. His green-gray eyes reminded her of crystalline frost on the winter pine needles and they were wholly focused on her. Her heart trilled under his attention.
“Why are your names so long?” he asked.
She shrugged. “Our names are words combined. Prayers from our families. The meanings are often discovered throughout our lives, after events, or sometimes they show up as character traits.”
His brow furrowed. “So, what does your name mean then?”
Raela bunched up her nose. “I do not like it. Raela means break into many, many pieces; meta is bright light at end of a long, dark tunnel; and nashi means rest like sleep.”
Jax sat up, one eyebrow raised. I think that in Common, meta is the word for hope.
Killian gathered his thoughts. “So shatter, hope, and rest?” he asked. She nodded. “That is an odd prayer.”
“Yes. Why shatter? Why is that my name?” Raela smiled in exasperation. “My aunties say that maybe it is, ‘May what was broken find the light and rest,’ or ‘shatter the curses, and run to the light.’ Or maybe, ‘Even though you may break, push to the light and find your rest.’ But neither of those sound very happy to me. Who wants to be shattered or in a dark tunnel? But the magic of the forest told Auntie Shou these words, so”—she shrugged—“they are my name now.”
“And your aunties? What are their names?”
“Motukalatabeli, which means ‘moment, strong, and worry.’ Very fitting for her bustling, worrying self. And Torulonmana’at means ‘why, know or stone, and in the past.’ Shourentameta’il is ‘courage, oppose, and future.’ So long.” She laughed. “I call them Auntie Mo, Auntie Toru, and Auntie Shou mostly. What does Killian mean?”
Killian paused in his step. “Little Warrior. It was my grandfather’s name, and his grandfather’s, and his grandfather’s.”
“Many great leaders,” she said. “It is nice you have so many ancestors’ prayers with you.”
One side of Killian’s lips lifted, his eyes glittering. “Many great first gooses.”
Raela snorted and batted at his shoulder. “It is a great example of leading.”
“It is,” he said with an exhale.
“The first goose works the hardest. Has the plan.”
“He is supposed to.” Killian kicked at a mushroom. “But if they don’t think I can do it, maybe I don’t even want to be first goose. Maybe I could just stay here. Sit on the grass.”
She giggled and tugged on his hand to pull them to the ground. “Like this? Sit with me?” She started to pull her hand away as they landed in the grass, but he held on tighter. His gaze locked on their entwined fingers.
His voice was low, and barely audible above the breeze. “Like this. With you,” he said.
Her heart thrummed like a hummingbird, beating out of her chest as her cheeks scorched hotter than the rays of sunlight. Her chest tightened, and she swallowed. Her aunties had no books about this. She knew the forest creatures often came in pairs of male and female, but nothing prepared her for the flush of emotions and heat that she felt when he looked at her like that. Killian huffed and slipped his grasp away from hers before pressing his palms against his eyes. He collapsed onto his back.
“Raela … I …” He hesitated.
Her heart was thudding harder if that were possible. She was about to speak when Jax lay down beside Killian, nudging him with his nose. She could tell he was speaking, but unlike previous occasions, he spoke his words to Killian alone. She frowned. What would the ancient wolf be keeping from her?
Killian glared at Jax, but then his eyes closed. “I’ll talk to him. Help him see reason.”
“Who?” Raela asked, pulling a strand of a flower through her fingers. “Who will you talk to?”
Killian sat up and took her hands back in his. Her mind and soul buzzed with pleasure, almost masking his next words. But as he spoke, all the world fell away except for him. “Raela, I know we have only known each other for a short time, but you are the most amazing woman I have ever met. You are beautiful, graceful, and clever enough to pick up a language in mere weeks. Your smile is brighter than the sun.” He leaned forward. “I can’t imagine anyone in my life, anyone in my future, except you.”
Her throat dried the words on her tongue. His gaze scorched her, so full of want and attention and … affection? But it felt nothing like her aunties’ affection.
“I’ll be back after talking with my father. Tonight at sunset. Will you meet me here?”
A thousand thoughts whirled through her mind, but steady and unmoved was her utter enjoyment of his company. If he was asking to spend more time with her, the answer was easy. “Yes. I will be here at sunset.”
Killian burst into a wide smile, and he leaned toward her, his thumb drifting along her jaw. When he brushed her hair behind her ear, his touch burned like fire, but then his eyelids fell halfway down his irises and his lips pushed out slightly. He paused, three fingerbreadths away from her face, like he was waiting.
Her mind whirled with his closeness. His hand still pressed against her head and neck and burned like the summer sun against her skin. She studied the lines of his face, enjoying the sensation of his body close to hers. But she wasn’t sure what he was doing, or what he expected from her. Her brows furrowed in a moment of embarrassed realization that she was missing something. His breath was hot on her lips. She whispered, “What are you doing?”
Killian pulled back in surprise, his brows ducking into the hair that had fallen forward onto his forehead. Behind him, Jax collapsed to the earth in a wheezing, wolfy laugh, his maw gaping open as his tail beat behind him.
Killian’s face lit with a pinkness that darkened his cheeks. She studied the wave of color. “I was—” He cleared his throat. “That is, I was going to see if—”
Jax spoke in their minds, He was going to push his face to yours. Lip to lip. Kiss your face.
Raela brought her fingertips to her mouth as it burst into tingles. “Lip to lip?” That sounded surprisingly nice.
Killian’s face was now as red as a rose. “Have you never seen people kiss? Been kissed?”
“No. My aunties do not kiss lips. Kiss wounds, hurts, bruises, yes, but not lips.”
Jax was still grinning. Killian’s face softened and he smiled as well, chuckling under his breath. “Okay, well then. Let’s back up. When two people like each other, sometimes they kiss to show the other person they like them.”
“Why not just say the words?”
Yes. Why, Killian?Jax was now on his belly, head on his paws looking up at Killian with a toothy grin. Tell us the details of courtship.
“Jax, I don’t need your help.”
Raela turned more fully to them. “Curship?”
“Courtship,” Killian corrected. “It’s when a man tells a woman that he likes her and wants to be with her and her alone.”
“Like the swans?”
Jax snorted but agreed. Like mates, he said.
That pink color returned to Killian’s cheeks. “Yes. Something like that.” Killian dragged a hand across the back of his neck. “With humans, sometimes they bring flowers, or food, or hold hands, or kiss, all before making a promise of marriage, which is where the two people stand in front of other people and promise to be mates.”
Her eyebrows went up as her eyes flashed from Jax to Killian. “You want to be my mate?”
Killian considered this for only a moment before his grin fell back into his lazy sideways smile. “Yes. I want to be your mate.”
“We can be mates.” The answer was easy. Her heart was wholly convinced that she wanted to spend every day with this man, just as she had spent every day with him for the last stretch of time. “Does this mean we are marriage now?”
Shaking his head with amusement, Killian shifted to his knees. “No, we are not married yet. For humans, there is a big gathering. Now, I need to talk to my father, to get out of … a promise … and to bring you out of this forest. It would be unfair to rip you from here and toss you to the wolves without preparation. No offense, Jax.”
An immense amount of offense is taken. Court is not like wolves. Wolves do not act like those horrible creatures.
Killian dragged his fingers across the fur on Jax’s head. “I will talk with my father and return for you, Raela.”
Her heart lightened. He was coming back. “At sunset?”
“At sunset.”
“And then, will you kiss me?” she asked, her heart pounding at the thought.
He grasped her hand to help her stand, then traced the lines of her palm with his finger. Raela was enraptured at the delicate touch. Each stroke raced up her arm to touch her soul. “I will. When you want me to.” He glanced up at her face, studying her with such attention. “May I kiss your hand? Where I come from, men do this with the women they want to court.”
She nodded. In a moment, he brought his lips to the back of her hand and pressed them to her skin. Her heart burst at the warmth and grew hotter as she thought about his lips touching hers. Undoubtedly, her cheeks were as red as Killian’s had been before. Her heart delighted in every moment.
He looked up from her hand with a smile. “Until next time.” He released her and moved toward the edge of the meadow. With a final wave, they disappeared into the dark shadows of the pines.
Raela watched the forest for some time. Her cheeks tingled. Her heart refused to settle back into a normal cadence. The place where he had kissed her hand burned. Mates. No, marriage. Courtship. He was coming back again tonight. They would be together, and he wouldn’t leave her ever again. Would he move into her cottage? She shook her head. It was too short for him. They would need somewhere else, somewhere taller. Would she go with him? To his father’s house?
A thrill of excitement shivered through her. She would finally step out of the forest. She would finally go out—out of the pattern of her life, out to change and to explore. She would finally get to see other people and women and men. She would be with Killian, and they would be together forever. It was everything she had wanted and more.
Her joy was irrepressible. With a giggle she gathered up the notebook, jotting down a few more things before she tucked it into her satchel. She danced slowly through the tall grasses, singing to herself as she brushed the tall dry stems with her fingertips. The wind danced, filling the air around her with seeds and petals.
As she approached the path that led home, she looked back toward the northern pines … where he had disappeared. A yawning hole gnawed at her chest, aching for him. She scolded herself. He would be back. He’d promised.
She pulled aside the bush and moved to step into the oaks when her steps faltered and her smile fell. Auntie Mo and Auntie Toru stood before her alongside the ancient elk. Auntie Mo was bristling, her arms crossed and her face covered in the most disappointed frown that Raela had ever seen. Auntie Toru was biting at her nails and bouncing on her heels while her eyes brimmed with tears.
The air left her lungs in a whoosh as her heart settled into her gut like a stone.
They had seen everything.