CHAPTER ONE LUCY
CHAPTER ONE
LUCY
TWO MONTHS LATER
“You have to pee on it.”
My brows cinch together. I narrow my eyes at Elena through the bathroom mirror. “I know, El.”
It may be my first time taking a pregnancy test, but I’m not an idiot. It says it right on the instructions. I’ve watched enough movies that have situations exactly like this one. The idiotic girl gets drunk and has a one-night stand and then her period never comes.
“I doubt I’m pregnant. My period is always irregular.”
Elena flattens her lips. “That was a viable excuse for why it didn’t come last month.”
“I had some light spotting,” I argue, ignoring the way my heart pounds a little bit harder. The edges of my vision are blur like I’m in a dream… one I’d very much like to wake up from immediately.
I should have known the nausea I’ve been feeling lately wasn’t just a byproduct of my anxiety.
She doesn’t say a word and instead slides the pregnancy test on the counter closer to me. “You have to do it, Luce. You have to know.”
I grimace. “What if I don’t want to know?”
Elena turns to me. “If you’re pregnant, it’s not going to be something you can ignore.”
I press my palms together, my eyes closing as I press the sides of my pointer fingers against my mouth. She’s right. I may not want to know, but I have to. I need to know so I can figure out what the hell I’m going to do now.
I’m supposed to start my new job next week as an athletic trainer for the Hillford Ice Hawks.
My hands fall from my mouth. I glance down at my stomach and feel a twinge. A gnawing sensation. Absolute and utter betrayal. Shit. I didn’t even get Alex’s number. Why would I? It’s not like I would have needed it after a drunken hazed hookup.
It’s not like I thought I’d need to call him to tell him I’m freaking pregnant.
“Luce, you look like you’re going to pass out.”
My pulse thunders, my chest lurching. “I’m going to do it.” I look at her. “I have to do it.”
“I’ll wait in the hall, unless you don’t want to be alone?”
I shake my head at her, grabbing the box from the counter. “I’m okay.” I suck in a deep breath, my hands shaking as I pull out a test. “I’ll let you know when I’m done.”
Elena gently squeezes my hand. “You got this.”
My throat cinches as she lets go. I cannot believe this is happening. Elena leaves the bathroom and I move on autopilot, knowing if I stop to second-guess, I won’t be peeing on that test today.
I don’t know how this happened. We used a condom. I don’t remember it breaking. Hell, I don’t remember a lot of the night, except that I was a willing participant in what happened. One-night stands aren’t even my thing. I can count on one hand how many times I’ve had sex.
I didn’t date much in high school and ended up losing my virginity my freshman year of college to Max Jenkins. He was a smooth talker and had me thinking I was the only one. We weren’t exclusive, but I wanted to do it. It happened twice… and then I found out I wasn’t the only one.
I ended up hooking up with one other guy and then Alex, two months ago.
A ragged sigh escapes me as I finish using the toilet. I flush it and set the test on the counter, unable to look at it as I wash my hands with soap and water. “You can come back in,” I call out to Elena, my voice catching on my words.
The knob on the door turns almost instantaneously and she lets herself in. She turns around, lifting herself up onto the counter. “I’m proud of you.”
I scoff, pushing the lid to the toilet closed and sitting down on it cross-legged. “I peed on a piece of plastic, El. I’d hardly say that’s something worth writing home about.”
Oh god—home. I didn’t even think about telling my parents about this.
My stomach sinks. What will they possibly think? I’m not even in a relationship, for god’s sake.
“You didn’t want to do it, and you did,” Elena says.
My chest rises as I take a deep breath and exhale. “And now we wait.”
My phone vibrates in the front pocket of my hoodie and my body jolts from the sensation. Elena doesn’t notice as she’s turning around to inspect her eyelashes in the mirror. I pull out my phone, my stomach doing a somersault when I see my other best friend’s name on the screen.
Theo
Hey, Freckles.
We’re still on for this weekend, right?
I groan, closing my eyes as I drop my head into my hands.
“What is it?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “It’s Theo. He wanted to go get drinks this weekend, remember?”
“Shit,” Elena mumbles. “If you’re pregnant, you can’t drink.” She turns back to face me. “Just cancel or say something came up. You know Theo, he’s always understanding.”
My stomach rolls at the prospect and I pull my hand away from my face. Theodore Simmons has been my best friend since we were in diapers. And for some reason, the thought of telling him about this situation—if it is a situation—has my stomach in knots.
“Maybe I’ll go to the beach house for the weekend. No one is supposed to be there, right?”
Elena shakes her head. Both our parents, Theo’s and two other families own a beach house together.
They bought it when we were kids, as they wanted to have a place for us all to go to be together.
The summers of our childhood were spent running through the sand and flopping around in the pool together.
Theo and I haven’t gotten to see each other much the last few years, with me in school and him chasing his dreams playing professional hockey. Since getting a job for the team he plays for and moving to Hillford, we talked about how we’d get to see each other more often now.
Is he still going to want to see each other when I’m carrying a baby around on my hip?
Lucy
Something may have come up, but I’ll let you know, okay?
Theo
Yeah, sure. Let me know when you know.
Lucy
I will.
Theo
Miss you, Luce.
Lucy
Miss you too.
I immediately put my phone on silent mode. I can’t deal with my plans with Theo on top of this mess right now.
“Should we…” Elena looks at the plastic stick lying on the opposite side of the counter. “Do you want to check?”
“No,” I admit with zero hesitation. I swallow hard. “What if it’s positive? What if I’m pregnant?”
“We’ll figure it out, Luce. You’re not alone in this and you never will be, okay.” She hops down from the counter. “I promise.”
My lungs deflate with a ragged breath as I stand up. “I’m not even sure I remember his last name.”
“Don’t even worry about that right now.”
I close my eyes, sucking in another deep breath, ignoring the way my heart knocks against my rib cage. I can do this. Whatever the results are, I can handle this. I exhale, my eyelids springing open as I force myself to pick up the pregnancy test.
I blink twice, my gaze finally dropping to the small window on the plastic stick. My heart stops, my lungs deflate and my stomach plummets to the ground. The test falls from my fingers, clattering on the floor. “Oh my god.” My eyes begin to burn with tears as I quickly look at Elena. “Oh my god.”
Her eyes widen and she steps closer to me, not bothering to pick it up from the floor. “It’s okay,” she murmurs, reaching for me, wrapping her arms around me and pulling me to her. “Oh, Luce. It will all be okay.”
“I can’t be pregnant,” I sob against her shoulder. “What the hell am I supposed to do with a baby?”
My mind races and I’m spiraling. My new job—are they even going to want me if they know I’ll have to go on maternity leave?
And what will I do for childcare? I have my own place in Hillford now, but is this where I want to raise a baby?
I can’t afford to buy a house right now.
And my parents… How the hell am I going to tell them about this?
And Theo. Jesus, what is he going to think? If there’s one thing we don’t talk about together, it’s our sex lives. Why would we need to? But this news… I don’t even want to know what image he’ll have of me now.
“Lucy,” Elena says, squeezing me tighter. “Hey, it’s going to be fine. You need to get your breathing under control, okay? I know this is insane, but an anxiety attack is not what we need right now.”
I pull away from her. “Elena. What am I supposed to do?”
“We take it one step, one day, one fucking second at a time, okay?” She wraps her arm around me, guiding me out of the bathroom and into my living room.
She doesn’t release me until she has me sitting on the couch with a plush blanket wrapped around me.
“Why don’t we see if we can figure out how to get in contact with Alex first, okay?
We’ll tell him what happened, make an appointment with your doctor and then go from there. ”
My stomach sinks, embarrassment heating my neck. I prop my elbows on my knees and bury my face in my hands. “This is a fucking disaster.”
“You know what? It might seem like it right now, but things always work out, right? No matter what happens, everything always has a way of working itself out.”
I peer up at her through tears, envious of her optimism. “How can you be so sure?”
“Because I just am.” A smile pulls on her lips as she grabs her phone. “You just have to have a little bit of faith.”
Easy for her to say… she’s not the one who just found out she’s pregnant.