CHAPTER THREE LUCY
CHAPTER THREE
LUCY
My stomach sinks and my palms sweat as I sit in the sand, staring down at my phone. We’re on the tail end of summer and the breeze has grown colder as the days get shorter. I rub at my bare forearms, tugging the blanket from my shoulder to cover my arms.
By the grace of god, Elena found Alex’s social media accounts the other night, but I still haven’t been able to bring myself to reach out to him. I don’t know where I’m supposed to start. I have no idea what I should say to him.
This is unchartered territory for me. There’s no handbook or guide that says how I’m supposed to handle this situation.
My hands shake and I pinch my eyes shut, sucking in a deep breath. No one knows my secret except for Elena. Honestly, it feels as if it’s beginning to eat me alive.
I swallow my fear and wipe the stray tears from my eyes.
I have to message him. It’s the only way I’ll feel better about this.
The unknown of what’s going to happen might be worse than the actual secret.
My fingers move across the screen, and I don’t allow myself to second-guess it before I send him a message.
Lucy
Hey Alex. I’m not sure if you remember me. We met at Denzel’s two months ago and went back to the hotel together… I was wondering if we could talk.
His response is almost instant.
Alex
Hey Lucy. Yeah, I remember. What’s going on?
Shit. I didn’t expect him to be this responsive. Hell, I wasn’t sure he’d respond at all.
Lucy
I’m not sure if this is something appropriate for talking about over text. Would I be able to call you?
He doesn’t respond, although my message status switches from delivered to read. My stomach sinks as I wait. One minute passes. I lift my gaze to stare out at the waves, clutching my phone in my hand. Another minute goes by and my chin is quivering.
Alex
I don’t think that’s a good idea. Whatever it is, you can tell me here.
Oh my god. I think I’m going to be sick. I have to say it. I have to do it. I can do this.
Lucy
I’m pregnant.
Alex
No, you can’t be.
Lucy
Unfortunately, I am.
Alex
It’s not mine.
The color drains from my face. I shouldn’t have said anything to him.
Alex
Listen, Lucy. We had a good time together, but my ex and I ended up getting back together after that night.
Nothing he’s saying helps the situation. My eyes burn and my stomach churns. He doesn’t believe me… or he doesn’t want anything to do with this child.
Alex
I’m not in the place to have a baby. This would only complicate my life further.
A harsh laugh falls from my lips, the sea breeze carrying it away. A complication. What the hell does he think this is going to do to my life? I’m starting a brand-new job that I’ll have to take off significant time for maternity leave.
Lucy
Are you saying you want no involvement in this?
Alex
I’m saying the baby isn’t mine and this isn’t my problem.
Take care of yourself and don’t contact me again.
The air leaves my lungs in a rush as the space for me to type out a response disappears. He blocks me almost immediately after sending the message. I stare at the screen, my eyes welling with tears until it shuts off. The droplets fall, streaking down the sides of my face.
As if this wasn’t already bad… Now I’m going to have to do this all alone.
I let my phone fall onto my towel and drop my face into my hands, letting out a sob. What am I going to do? I’m only twenty-three. I’ve always planned on kids one day, but not this soon. Not until I was married and owned a home. Until I was settled down into a job. Not until I chose to have a baby.
You stupid, stupid girl.
My phone rings, the sound slicing through my emotions. My heart hammers against my rib cage, demanding to be released as I pick up the device and see my mom’s picture on the screen. I’m a mess and if I answer, she’s going to know something’s wrong.
I’ve never felt more alone than I do right now.
“Mom.” I choke out the word as soon as I answer.
“Lucy, are you okay?” Her tone lifts with worry. “What’s going on? Where are you?”
“I messed up.” I let out a ragged breath, a sob tailing after. “I don’t know what to do, Mom.”
“Baby, what’s going on?” she asks again. “Where are you?”
“I’m okay,” I say, shaking my head, wiping the tears away in haste. It’s been like this since I took the pregnancy test. One minute I feel nauseous, the next I’m crying and then I’m rebounding and feeling stupid for being so tearful. “I’m at the beach house, but I’m okay.”
“What happened? Let me grab my things and I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“No, Mom,” I say in a rush, swallowing hard over the lump in my throat. “I don’t want you to come.”
She’s quiet for a second. “Tell me what’s going on.”
“I—” Fuck. I roll my lips between my teeth and press my fingertips to the space between my eyebrows. Those two little words are on the tip of my tongue, and I just cannot say them out loud.
I feel guilt and shame for getting myself into this situation. We used a condom, but it must have broken. If I didn’t have sex with him, this never would’ve happened.
The guilt is an entire can of worms I’m struggling to contain.
I’ll never forget how hard my parents tried to have more children.
The way Mom would get teary-eyed after coming home from the doctors or getting off the phone with specialists.
She ended up having fertility issues that made it impossible for her to get pregnant.
My mother never had the privilege of carrying a child herself, which is something I know she desperately wanted. Regardless of having me and raising me like her own, she still didn’t get that experience.
“I’m just stressed out with a lot of things and spiraling a bit.”
“Oh, Lucy,” she says softly. I don’t know if she believes me or not. I let it slip that I messed up, but hopefully my words divert her away from that statement. “Is there anything I can do to help you? I’ll come to the beach house now and we can talk through everything.”
I shake my head, although she can’t see me. “No, Mom. Don’t. You and Dad have dinner plans and I’m okay.” A ragged sigh deflates my lungs and I sag from exhaustion. “I don’t want you to come.”
The lie tastes bitter on my tongue. I want to tell her the truth… but how? I can’t imagine this is news her or my father will be happy to hear. They’ve always been by my side through every obstacle in life. They’ve never been anything less than supportive.
Yet somehow, I can’t help but feel like an utter disappointment.
“I don’t like the idea of you being alone right now.”
A pained smile tugs on my lips and my chest cracks wide open. “I’m okay, Mom. I promise.” The tears burn my eyes again. As much as I want her here, I’m not ready to tell her the truth and if she’s here, there’s no way I’ll be able to keep it from her.
“You and Dad go have an amazing dinner, okay?”
“Are you sure, Lucy? We can come there now. I promise, we’d rather make sure you’re okay than go to a dinner reservation.”
Tears fall and I smile through them, a soft laugh escaping me. What a goddamn whirlwind these emotional shifts are. “Dad made that reservation weeks ago. I know he’s dying to take you there.”
My father’s quite the foodie.
And super protective, which is part of my hesitancy in him finding out about this right now too.
I know my dad. He’ll track Alex down and give him a piece of his mind if he feels necessary.
I still remember the story my mom told me about him cornering some guy at the bar one night who was talking to my mom.
“Okay, Lu. If you change your mind or if you need anything at all, please call me or your dad.” She pauses for a beat. “We love you so much.”
“I will.” I hiccup quietly. “I love you guys too.”
Before I have the chance to start spiraling again, I end the call. The last thing I need is for the words to slip out when I have no concrete plan. As soon as I fully digest what the hell is happening, then I’ll tell them the truth.
I stay on the beach longer than I probably should. My fingers and toes are numb. I wrap the blanket tighter around my body as I drag my feet through the sand, heading to the path that leads to the back of the house.
The sun’s kissing the horizon line in the distance and the orange and pink hues melt in the clouds in the sky. Sunrises are better than sunsets here, although it isn’t often that the colors in the sky don’t resemble a painting you might find hanging in the Louvre. I love it here.
Perhaps I’ll just pack up my entire life and move to the coast instead.
I trudge through the dunes and find my sandals where I left them at the edge of the backyard. I shake the sand away before slipping my sandals on and stepping onto the grass. My eyes lift, looking at the back of the house, when a shiver trails down my spine.
My breath catches in my throat and my steps falter when I see him standing just beyond the pool. His eyes are on mine, forest green and filled with quiet apprehension. I swallow roughly and my heart pounds a little harder.
Theodore Simmons.