CHAPTER SEVEN LUCY
CHAPTER SEVEN
LUCY
Theo’s quiet as he walks me out to my car. This isn’t the first time I’ve wanted to know his thoughts, just to slip inside his mind so I can know what the hell is going on inside there. His expression is stoic, giving nothing away.
I hate when he’s like this. Silent and cautious.
He doesn’t lock me out, yet he doesn’t easily let me in.
And for the first time, I don’t want to press the issue. As much as I want to know what’s going on inside his mind, the unknown terrifies me. What if he thinks differently of me now? What if he’s silently judging without being forthcoming about his feelings?
What if this changes everything between us?
We promised years ago that nothing would ever come between our friendship. We promised we would never let anything ruin this. We were teenagers when we made that promise. Maybe this is the one thing that changes it all.
We reach the driver’s side of my car, and I press the unlock button on my key fob. Theo stops by the door, still silent. I glance at him, immediately tearing my eyes away. I can’t look at him.
“Thanks for coming with me today,” I half-whisper, looking back at the office and the car. I can’t help but feel awkward, all things considered. “I really appreciate it.”
“Of course,” he says, his voice rough. He steps to the side, shifting his weight on his feet, blocking the way into my car. His chin dips as he looks down at me. “Are you okay?”
My eyes snap to his, my head slowly following. “What?”
“You’ve been quiet since we walked out.” His eyes search mine. His voice is gravely, yet there’s a tenderness that slides across my eardrums. “If it’s because they thought the baby is mine—”
My eyes widen and my stomach flips. Neither of us corrected the doctor or the ultrasound tech when they made their assumptions. I’ve felt like I’m standing on unsteady ground since I found out about the pregnancy. Thinking clearly isn’t something I really have going for me right now.
Although, I don’t know why he didn’t correct them.
“I don’t know what’s going on. This all feels weird and I don’t want this to change anything between us.”
His eyebrows tug together. “What?”
“Do you think differently of me?” I ask, the words tumbling from my lips without any second thought. Shit. “I mean, me being pregnant. This whole situation. I don’t know.”
He’s silent again. I wish the ground would open up beneath my feet and swallow me whole. I feel like the man in Theo’s drawing, tumbling from the moon. My heart pounds erratically in my chest. Theo tilts his head to the side, his expression softening as his eyes roam over my face.
“There’s nothing that could ever make me think differently of you.” He straightens his head. “It doesn’t change anything between us. I told you I won’t let you do any of this alone. I meant what I said.”
My chest cracks wide open. Tears burn the corners of my eyes and I inhale a ragged breath. My shoulders sag with relief. I don’t want to be a burden on him but hearing that confirmation is comforting.
Knowing I don’t have to face this by myself lifts the weight off my shoulders. I can’t stop the tears as they spill over, streaking down the sides of my face. I don’t know if they’re from relief or sadness or what the hell is happening.
“Luce,” he murmurs, stepping into my space, wrapping his arms around me without a beat of hesitation. “Fuck. Don’t cry,” he breathes, smoothing my hair down my back with his big palm. “You can’t get rid of me that easily. I’m not going anywhere.”
“I’m sorry,” I mumble against his chest, reveling in his warmth and the familiar smell of cedar and leather. “I don’t know what the hell my problem is.”
He chuckles against the top of my head. “It’s your hormones. I think it’s normal.”
“Well, it’s stupid.”
If I’m ten weeks pregnant, that means I’m almost three months along. According to the internet, things get a bit better after the first trimester. Only a little over six months and my body can start to go back to normal.
My body goes rigid. I’m going to have a baby in six months.
“Oh my god, Theo,” I choke out, my hands tightening on his shirt. “I’m going to be a mom.” Panic builds in the pit of my stomach. Somedays I barely feel like an adult myself. How am I going to be a mom?
“You’re going to be the best mom,” Theo says softly as he unwraps his arms from around my back.
His hands find the sides of my face, cupping them with his warm palms. He runs the pads of his thumbs along my wet cheeks, collecting my tears.
“This baby is going to be so damn lucky to have you as its mother.”
My chest tightens and my eyes start to burn. “I don’t know how to be a parent.”
“No one does, Luce. I think they just figure it out as they go.” Hues of green swirl in his irises as they slowly search mine. “You’re going to fuck up along the way, but that’s to be expected. You’re human. No one’s perfect, but if there’s anyone who comes close to it, it’s you.”
The butterflies in my stomach stir, fluttering their wings. What he’s saying are just words. Words from my best friend to comfort me. Nothing more…
I shove the feelings down into the Theo shaped box in my chest.
“I don’t know,” I murmur, lifting my brows. “You might have me beat.”
His eyes slide down to my mouth and the corners of his twitch. “I doubt that.” His gaze flicks back to mine. His hands fall away from the sides of my face, my cheeks warm from his imprint. “What time are you going to your parents tonight?”
“Around six.” I swallow hard at the reminder that the hardest part of my day isn’t over yet. The ultrasound pictures weigh heavily in my purse. “I’m supposed to go there for dinner, although I’m not sure I’m going to have much of an appetite.”
He frowns, his brows tugging closer. “You need to eat, Lucy. For you and the baby.”
“Yeah.” I sigh, chewing on the inside of my cheek for a second. “I know.”
“What can I do to help? What will make this less stressful for you?”
I snort. Not having to tell them alone would be a start. “Come to dinner with me.” My body stills as I realize I said it out loud. “I didn’t mean to—”
“That’s something I can do,” he interjects, cutting me off mid ramble. “I’ll pick you up around five thirty?”
The space between my eyebrows creases and I quickly shake my head. “That’s okay, you don’t have to come.”
“Lucy.” His chest rises as he takes a deep breath, followed by a slow exhale. “What time should I pick you up?”
My heart stumbles over itself. “Five thirty would be good.”
A smile drifts across his lips and he steps away from my car, pulling the door open for me. “I’ll see you then,” he says softly as I climb inside. “Try not to stress about it too much, okay?”
I chuckle softly. Easier said than done. “Bye, Theo.”
He lingers for a moment, his eyes roaming across my face before he nods. “Bye, Luce.”
He takes a step back, quietly closing my door as I start the engine of my car. He stands outside, lifting his hand to wave as I put it in reverse and ease out of the spot. I turn to look at him, waving back as he finally gets into his own car.
My stomach is still in knots as I head back to my apartment, but I try to ignore the feeling of dread that threatens to consume me. I don’t know how this evening is going to go, but at least I know I don’t have to do it alone.