GIRLS ONLY GROUP CHAT
Tella
My father yelled “use your legs” at me today when I was carrying groceries into the house.
Elena
To be fair, he’s been a hockey coach for like ten years. I think he’s physically incapable of speaking normally now.
Jade
Matteo told me “good hustle” after I got my book to my editor last week.
Lucy
That’s kind of sweet.
Jade
I didn’t know dating a hockey player meant I’d have to talk like one too.
Elena
He looooves you, Jade.
Lucy
That’s true. You’re all he talks about.
Last week he spent ten full minutes trying to explain your book to one of the new defensemen.
Jade
Oh god.
Elena
How’d that go?
Lucy
Not well. He tried to get into the actual plot and ended up saying something about interiority, which didn’t make sense with what he was saying.
Jade
I’m not even surprised. Poor guy. He tries.
Lucy
Then Shaw asked if interiority was a medical condition.
Tella
Men really do just move through life with so much confidence and absolutely no information.
Jade
That should be the new tagline for your podcast.
Elena
We basically said that exact thing in today’s episode.
Tella
And naturally a man commented, “you girls blame everything on misogyny.”
Lucy
Oh, wow. Does he want a prize for noticing the theme?
Elena
He was holding a fish in his profile picture, too.
Tella
Why is that such a universal phenomenon? And why are they always smiling like creepers.
Jade
Because no one’s ever told them to stop.
Elena
Ugh, men.
Lucy
Try working with them all day. They’re like children in adult bodies.
One of them swore he was fine today…as he limped by.
Elena
Was it my brother again?
Lucy
How did you know?
Tella
Sounds like Matteo.
Jade
He told me he was just sore, but he could barely get onto the couch last night.
Lucy
He apologized to me for being dramatic while I was wrapping his knee.
Tella
There needs to be more studies on male athletes and their egos.
Elena
I think it’s just men in general, honestly.
Jade
Your brother did once take ibuprofen with an energy drink and tried to say it was for recovery.
Lucy
The other day Shaw asked me if there is protein in electrolytes.
I’m resigning.
Elena
LOL you just started this job!
Lucy
Too bad. They can find a new trainer.
Tell your dad I quit, Tella.
Tella
You’re so dramatic. You tell him.
Lucy
No way.
Jade
He lowkey scares me.
Elena
He’s my uncle… and I think he scares us all.