ZAMBONER BOYS GROUP CHAT
Cross
If one more person is late to practice again, Coach is going to lose his mind.
Matty
Shaw, this is about you by the way.
Shaw
I wasn’t late.
Theo
You walked in after warm ups already started, carrying coffee and donuts.
Shaw
Still made it.
Matty
Did your ex wait outside the rink again or are we getting a day off?
Shaw
Can we not talk about her for five minutes?
Cross
Something is seriously wrong with her.
Theo
Didn’t she send your hoodie back with a note attached to it?
Matty
The note was the craziest part.
Shaw
You guys are unbelievable.
Cross
You called me at midnight because she was liking your posts from years ago.
Shaw
That would bother anyone.
Theo
I’m surprised you didn’t take it as a compliment.
Shaw
It felt like a threat lmao
How am I the topic of the conversation when THEO HAS A WHOLE ASS BABY ON THE WAY?!
Cross
Because you’re the one who keeps showing up late.
I think we’re all in shock about Theo still.
Matty
I can’t believe it’s with Lucy.
Theo
Well, believe it.
Shaw
Theo has a whole baby on the way and still lives like a teenager.
Theo
That’s not true.
Matty
You own one plate.
Theo
No way. I own at least one set of good plates.
Shaw
Yeah, because your mom bought them for you a month ago.
Cross
The kid’s going to come home to an air mattress and a mini fridge.
Theo
Fuck the three of you.
If I remember correctly… Shaw, you asked if babies could drink Gatorade.
Shaw
That was one time.
Matty
I mean, you’re a child yourself, so it’s a legitimate question.
Cross
HAHAHAH
Shaw
Jesus, is this come at Cameron Shaw day?
Matty
You’re an easy target, sorry bud.
Theo
Drama seems to follow you everywhere you go.
Shaw
Fuck, tell me about it. I need to hire someone to date my ex or something, I swear.
Cross
Did you ever find out how she knew what hotel we were staying at on our last road trip?
Shaw
She guessed.
Theo
She guessed the room number too?
Cross
She probably hired an Etsy witch or something.
Matty
What the fuck is that?
Cross
Idk, I heard your sister and Posey talking about it the one day.
Shaw
Fuck if I know how she knew. I’m not asking her.
She messaged me last night.
Cross
What’d she say?
Shaw
“I watched some of your game. Nice turnover in the third.”
Theo
Get the fuck out.
Matty
She’s watching film now?
Cross
Why haven’t you blocked her yet?
Shaw
Dude, I have. She’s making burner accounts on every social media platform and messaging me on there.
Cross
You might need to go into witness protection at this point.
Shaw
I hate you.
Matty
You need to date someone else or something. Maybe that would get her to leave you alone.
Shaw
You think your sister would be game?
Matty
Elena???
Shaw
Hell yeah.
*Matty Ford has left the group chat*
Theo
Fucking Shaw. You made him leave again.
Cross
You have a death wish lmao.
Shaw
Hold on, I’ll add him back.
*Shaw added Matty Ford to the Zamboner Boys*
Shaw
All better. Matty’s back now.
Theo
Until you piss him off again.
Cross
It won’t take much.
Matty
Cameron Shaw, if you value your life, you’ll stay away from my sister.
Shaw
Dammit.