CHAPTER TWENTY LUCY
CHAPTER TWENTY
LUCY
I’ve gotten used to the way my obstetrician’s office smells. It’s an odd combination of coffee and sterile disinfectant that’s become comforting in a way these last few months. We got back into town a few days ago and I’ve been an anxious mess waiting for my twenty-week appointment.
All I can do is hope and pray that the baby is healthy. And if it’s not… Well, that’s something we’ll deal with, however we need to. I twirl the ring on my pointer finger, glancing across the waiting room as a toddler keeps tapping on the glass of the fish tank built into the wall.
He grunts, making a strange sound as he looks at his mother and back at the tank. “Honey, no,” she mumbles, her hand around her swollen pregnant stomach as she ambles over to him and ushers him away from the fish.
My gaze drops down to my own stomach, my breath quickening. I’m going to have a tiny human like that. Panic mixes with excitement inside my chest. Thank god, it’s only one. I still can’t wrap my mind around having a baby, but a baby and a toddler? Sounds exhausting.
Theo sits next to me, his leg crossed over the other, as he thrums his fingers along his shin. It’s a restless rhythm, like he’s nervous. Soft classical music plays through the speakers in the waiting room.
“You’re fidgeting,” I murmur, not looking at him. It’s been a week since we exchanged orgasms. A week since he made me come without even undressing me.
“Am not.”
I peek at him from the corner of my eye, now noticing his foot shaking around. The armrest of his chair vibrates again. “You look like you’re about to crawl out of your skin.” I turn my head to fully look at him. “You don’t have to be here if you don’t want to be.”
Theo exhales through his nose, his body immediately falling still. “Sorry,” he murmurs, shaking his head. It’s unusual seeing him like this. Confidence normally rolls off him in waves. But here, he looks like he has no idea what’s happening.
My chest warms and I swallow hard. “It’s okay.” I smile as his eyes meet mine. “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”
The muscle in his jaw tightens. “I don’t. Everything is fine.”
It’s a terrible lie, but I don’t push the issue. It’s obvious he doesn’t feel comfortable, and really, I can’t blame him. We’re both in a weird position, both pretending to be something we aren’t. Both pretending this is going to somehow work out.
Both pretending the other night didn’t happen.
My cheeks heat at the memory. I don’t know what came over me, but I couldn’t help myself. I needed Theo’s hands on my skin, his mouth on mine. And he gave me everything I asked for.
“Lucy Taylor?”
I look over toward the hallway where the ultrasound tech stands, holding a piece of paper. My stomach flips as I rise from my seat, Theo immediately following. He grabs my purse without hesitation and his other hand slips into mine.
It feels so natural—so normal—and I thread my fingers through his, his warm palm sending a shock of electricity up my arm.
“I’m Denise, I’ll be your ultrasound technician today,” the tech says as we meet her. With a smile on her face, she motions for us to step into the hall. “How have you been feeling?” she asks.
“Good.” I nod, smiling back as Theo and I follow her down the hall, hands linked together. “We got to feel the baby kick for the first time and it’s been pretty active.”
“Oh, that’s so wonderful.” She beams as she steps to the side outside the ultrasound room. “Come on in. Dad, you can take a seat next to the table and Mom, you know where to go.”
Theo walks to the table with me, releasing my hand as he drops down into the chair next to the table and I climb on, lying down.
“Today is a fun appointment,” Denise says, grabbing the bottle of gel. “You’ll get lots of pictures and find out the baby’s gender, if you’d like to.”
My heart hammers inside my chest. I look at Theo, finding his green eyes already on mine. His hand finds mine in an instant, squeezing gently. The safe and familiar smile of his lifts his lips and he dips his chin. “Yes, we would.”
“Perfect!” She beams as I look back at her. “We’re not allowed to officially say the gender, but if it’s obvious, we’ll be able to tell,” she adds with a wink. “You have an appointment with Dr. Liverpool after this, so she can confirm for us, too.”
“Okay.” I smile, nodding my head.
“Alright, lift your shirt up a little for me.” She waits as I pull my shirt up over my stomach. “We got new warm gel, so it shouldn’t be too cold.”
She squirts some onto my stomach, pressing the wand to my skin as she begins to move it over my abdomen and pelvis. Theo scoots closer, his arm pressed against mine, fingers intertwined as he turns to look at the screen on the wall with me.
Denise takes a few measurements, documenting them on the computer before getting to the good part. I hear the smile in her voice and my stomach flutters as the baby becomes visible on the screen.
“There’s your baby.”
My breath catches. Theo’s thumb strokes my knuckles. Tiny arms move on the screen and my stomach shifts from the movement. “Oh my god,” I whisper, my eyes widening. “I felt that.”
It’s the first time I’ve felt movement and watched it happen in real time on the monitor. Seeing its arms moving and then its legs, I can’t stop the soft laughter that escapes me. Theo turns his head, his eyes unreadable and filled with a myriad of emotions as he looks at me.
The image sharpens on the screen, showing the baby’s profile. My heart stumbles over itself as I take it all in. The baby’s nose and lips. It’s delicate, fragile body and spine. My breathing hitches as excitement erases the panic.
I stare at the life growing inside me with an overwhelming sense of wonder. “This is so crazy,” I breathe, looking at Theo.
“Yeah.” His voice is barely audible and he’s not looking at me. He’s staring at the screen with the same amazement in his eyes. He watches the baby move like it holds the secrets of the universe.
My chest aches at the open emotion etched in his expression.
Denise continues to measure the baby, going over everything she’s doing, but I’m only getting half the information. I’m lost in absolute wonderment and excitement, yet captivated by Theo who can’t look away from the baby.
“Everything looks perfect.” Denise smiles. “The baby’s measuring right where we want it to and looks healthy.”
Relief I didn’t know I was waiting for hits me in the chest like a ton of bricks. My eyes sting with tears. I didn’t realize how tightly fear had been constricting my rib cage until now. I’ve tried not to think about the negative ‘what-ifs’ around this appointment.
But hearing those words is everything I needed to hear.
“Let’s see if baby will cooperate and if we can see what the gender is.”
Denise moves the wand around my abdomen, switching the angles as the baby wiggles in my stomach. I let out a giggle, a smile forming on my lips as I glance nervously at Theo and then at the screen.
“Well, look at that. She’s being very cooperative.”
My chest constricts. She.
Theo’s eyes are wide as he whips his head to the side, his forest green eyes colliding with mine.
“Congratulations!” Denise says with excitement that vibrates down my spine. Theo and I both look at her. “You’re having a baby girl.”
My heart crawls into my throat. A girl. Oh my god, we’re having a little girl. Emotion punches my sternum. “A girl,” I repeat, immediately looking at Theo.
His eyes are warm and his expression absolutely ruins me as I find him already staring at me. His expression is soft. Warm. Awestruck. Absolute pure happiness, like this matters to him. Like I matter to him.
An incredulous laugh escapes him. “Holy shit.” He shakes his head once, as if he can’t even believe it. “A little you.”
Tears streak down the sides of my face and he’s on his feet in seconds, his fingers catching my tears as he wipes them away. Words fail me, and my heart is doing dangerous things right now.
Denise is quiet as she prints out the photos from the ultrasound and wipes my stomach before giving us the strips of images. She’s talking about walking us over to my next appointment with the doctor, but I can’t stop staring at the black and white pictures in my hands.
My daughter.
Emotion lodges in my throat. Our daughter.
The thought should feel absurd, yet instead, it feels right. Nothing about this feels wrong, not when Theo’s here with me with the promise of not letting me do this alone.
Theo helps me off the exam table and his hand doesn’t leave mine. Not after we leave the ultrasound room. Not after we get into the other room to meet with the doctor. His palm stays pressed against mine, fingers threaded together through the appointment.
It isn’t until we reach the passenger side of the car that he releases me.
“You wanna get food?”
I lean back against the side of the car, tilting my head up to look at him. “How did you guess?”
“It’s been a long morning.” He chuckles as that grin breaks out across his face. That damn grin should come with a warning label. “Craving anything in particular today?”
“Pancakes,” I admit as my stomach simultaneously growls. “Drenched in butter and syrup.” The baby must approve because she kicks hard enough against the side of my stomach. “Oh!” I gasp, reaching for Theo’s hand. “She just kicked me so hard.”
His eyes are on mine. “Do you think I’ll be—” He inhales sharply and my chest grows warm as my stomach flutters again and I feel the sensation as the baby kicks his hand. “Holy shit.”
I laugh softly, smiling back at him. “Crazy, right?”
“I almost can’t believe it.” He laughs, the different hues of green shining in his eyes. “She’s strong… like you.”
I swallow hard, my gaze dropping down to my stomach as he brings his other hand to cradle it.
He lets out a soft sigh. “Before we go, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”
My stomach flips and my pulse stumbles. I’m acutely aware of how close he’s standing. Warmth washes over me, although there’s a touch of uncertainty, of the unknown of whatever he’s about to say. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” he says softly, his eyes roaming over my face before landing on my eyes. “I’ve been thinking about the other night…”
Oh god, here it comes. He hated it. He regrets it.
“Oh, okay.” My eyes drop to the ground. “You regret it?”
He doesn’t hesitate. “Absolutely not.” His finger hooks under my chin and he tilts my head back. “Do you?”
Electricity slides down my spine and my heart slams into my ribs. “No.”
His gaze drops to my mouth. My breath catches. “Tell me to stop,” he murmurs, his eyes sliding back to mine.
I can’t. I don’t think I ever could…
I grab the front of his shirt, tugging him closer as I push up onto my toes. His hand immediately slides into my hair, his mouth meeting mine. The air leaves my lungs in a rush, and I expect the intensity and desperation like the other night, but instead I’m met with something completely different.
Something slow and tantalizing. Warm and tender, with the devastating certainty of someone kissing you as if they’ve waited an eternity to do so.
As if they’re savoring every caress, every breath.
I melt into him, his thumb brushing against my cheek as his tongue slides along the seam of my lips, coaxing them open.
My brain’s quiet, my mind still, and he kisses me deeply, carefully, like he’s afraid I may break.
And my god, if he stops, I think I might.
My body is flush against his, warmth spreading through my chest as I hold onto him. His lips are soft and gentle, kissing me with a tenderness that has my toes curling. I’ve kissed a few guys in my life, and it’s never felt quite like this before.
They weren’t Theo.
My lips are tingling, my lungs desperate for oxygen as we slowly break apart.
“You have no idea,” he whispers softly against my lips, “how badly I’ve been wanting to do that again.”
My entire body is flushed. “Me too,” I admit, breathlessly. His eyes flick to mine, but only for a second before his mouth finds mine again. I don’t let go, kissing him back, neither of us in a rush.
If I didn’t know this was fake, I’d have a hard time believing it wasn’t real.
My stomach growls and there’s a prick of irritation in my chest as I ruin the moment. Theo laughs softly against my lips. “Let’s go get you some food, love.”
There it is again. Love.
“Love?” I ask, my voice quiet as he pulls away. “That’s twice you’ve called me that.”
He arches a brow. “Are you keeping count?”
“Maybe I am,” I quip playfully, giving his shoulder a weak shove.
A ghost of a smile drifts across his lips as he stands less than a foot away from me, his gaze latched onto mine. He lifts a shoulder, letting it fall. “I don’t know, it just came out. I don’t have to call you it again”—he bites the inside of his cheek—“if you don’t like it.”
My heart hammers against my rib cage and I give a swift shake of my head. “No.” I swallow, pushing away from the car. “I like it.”
A lot, I don’t say.
“Noted,” he says with a wink. “Come on,” he says, pulling me away from the car. “Let’s get you some pancakes.”
My stomach growls with approval and Theo chuckles softly as he pulls open the door and I climb into my seat. I smile back at him as he shuts the door and rounds the front of the vehicle, making his way to his side.
My lips are swollen from kissing him, my cheeks ache from smiling at him, and my chest cavity is filled with a warmth that’s tangled around my heart.
And I know that warmth all too well.
It’s him.