14. Chapter Fourteen ~ Emma
Chapter Fourteen ~ Emma
Isn’t pregnancy supposed to be okay at the beginning?
Like, you’re not supposed to be feeling super tired and sore and everything this early, right?
So why am I all of those things and more?
Why does it feel like so much effort to get through my shift?
And since no one knows yet I can’t let on that anything is wrong. Not to mention I don’t want Chris to know because then he’ll try telling me yet again that I shouldn’t be working.
With a sigh I grab my tray and make my rounds again, dropping off drinks and picking up the tips left behind as tables clear out. Or customers head to the dance floor.
With Chris paying all of my bills now, or rather paying his own bills while I enjoy the benefits of it, I have extra money of my own to give to Mom and Leann as well. And that’s why this weekend we’re going to be hitting the furniture store. They need some upgrades. And they definitely deserve them.
Though I’m not prepared for the conversation at our lunch to suddenly turn to me and Chris and the baby.
“So, have you thought of names yet?”
“Huh?”
“For the baby. What are you going to name it?” Leann asks and my wide eyes must clue her in. “You haven’t even thought of it? You don’t have anything picked out?”
“I … no. We haven’t.” Am I going to be the one naming the baby? Is Chris planning on naming the baby? Should we discuss something together? We never really talked about all the details that would go into having this baby. Just that I was going to have one.
Now I’m feeling even more overwhelmed because I have no idea what’s actually happening. Or what the next step is in this process. Maybe we should sit down and talk some things out … and probably soon because I’m sure that the next few months are going to go by fast.
“Well, you’d better get to it. And are you going to find out if it’s a boy or a girl?”
“I think we want to be surprised.” At least, I want to be surprised. And since Chris hasn’t said anything I guess he’s okay with that too. But again, we haven’t really discussed it.
“I can’t believe I’m going to be an aunt!” she squeals, digging into her plate of food and I shake my head with a laugh.
“They’re going to adore you,” I reply and she beams in response.
“So, have you met his family?” Mom asks and I know by her tone that she’s leading up to something. Most likely the fact that they haven’t met him yet.
“No,” I reply evenly. “We haven’t done the ‘meet the parents’ thing yet.”
“Hmm,” is her only reply and I shake my head. “What kind of family does he have?”
“Standard. Mom, Dad, sister.”
We all fall silent thinking about how our family doesn’t fit that mold. Though I also have a mom and a sister. But Dad …
Ever since he ditched us when Leann was six and we first found out about her kidney issues, things have been rough around here. Not that they were great before but at least his income helped.
I look around at the little house Leann and Mom share now. It’s a sight better than it was when Dad first left,when Mom struggled to get a job and take care of two kids at the same time.
When we had Christmases where there was only a single doll for Leann under the tree and nothing for me. Not that I minded. I always told Mom to get Leann a present and that I was fine. Or the dinners that were often ramen noodles or cans of beans.
The fact that there are even beds in both of the rooms is a testament to how far we’ve actually come. Because Leann and I shared a pile of blankets on the floor for a long time.
“They’re rich, right?”
“What do you mean?” I ask sharply, glancing over at Leann.
“Well, you paid off the bills and you’re taking us shopping. So obviously the guy has money. And you brought us bedding and jewelry …”
I felt a little bad about bringing some of the things that Chris had left for me. Some of the nice bedding from the room that I knew was brand new and bought just for me. But I have bedding of my own that’s just fine. So I brought the new stuff for Mom and Leann.
And the jewelry … there have been a few pieces left for me over the last couple weeks. I kept the special necklace that he bought for me when I told him I was pregnant. But the rest; what do I need all that jewelry for?
Mom and Leann can sell it and get some of the things they can use around here. And I told them as much. Though I’m not so sure that Mom was really listening. She seemed to stare at the jewelry for a long time before she put it away without a word.
“Have you gotten anything from that jewelry?” I ask and Mom stares down at her plate.
“That’s special. It was bought for you. It’s not right for us to use it for anything.”
“I want you to use it. Get the things that you need. I don’t need jewelry. I have things I like.”
Still, I can tell that she’s going to be difficult so later that night I pull Leann aside and tell her to take care of it. “She says it’s not to be touched.”
“There are things you guys can use and you know it. So take the jewelry, pawn it, and get something else. I don’t care if you buy new books with it, Leann. I just want you to have it for things that are more useful than yet another necklace.”
She hesitates but finally nods her head. “Mom could use some new sheets. Those blankets that you brought over are great. But she gave them to me and she still uses the same threadbare sheets she always has. And maybe some new towels.”
“Great. Use the stuff I bring you. Please.”
Leann at least promises to do something. And I know that she will. Though whether Mom will be happy about it or not, that’s another issue entirely. But at least they’ll be using the stuff.
And it’s not like Chris even notices that it’s gone. He doesn’t ask about the jewelry he gave me. And he certainly doesn’t ask about the bedding and things. I doubt he’s ever seen the inside of his laundry room so how would he know what I’m putting in the wash?
When I walk back through the door that night I’m feeling exhausted. Dealing with Mom can be like that sometimes. Even when she means well she can be stubborn. And right now, she’s not thrilled about the fact that I’m giving away things she figures I’ve earned.
Never mind how many times I tell her that it’s not anything I’ve earned. It’s gifts from other people that I don’t need.
“Emma, I have something for you.” I look up, startled at the voice, tearing me from my musing. I didn’t even look to see Chris’s car in the driveway when I got here and I’m surprised to see him standing in front of me now.
“What is it?” He hands me the costume for Mardi Gras and I can’t help but grin. “Well, you guys really decided to go all out, huh? Good thing you can’t tell I’m pregnant yet,” I quip and his eyes narrow, scanning over my body.
I feel flushed and warm immediately, but it’s hard to tell just what he’s thinking. Because he doesn’t speak. He just gives a slight grin and takes a step back. I try to bite back a sigh.
Am I really that unattractive to him now that I’m pregnant? Does he see more than I do of the changes in my body? What’s going to happen when I start showing even more? Will he avoid me entirely? He can’t fire me for being pregnant, but I certainly won’t be able to get the tips that I do now once it’s more obvious. At that point I may be forced to quit.
“I’ve got a few things to do,” I mumble vaguely, taking my new outfit and heading down the hall.
“There’s something else in the bag as well,” he calls after me and I manage a slight wave of the hand as I make my way out of his sightline.
Sure enough, inside the bag is another bag. A gift bag. This one is filled with spa accessories. Soaps and some kind of mask. Leann will like them; I think to myself. And they’ll be great for after her next treatment.
He’s always putting something in my room. Candles. Blankets. One of the blankets I kept, but the others went to Mom and Leann.
Each time I feel guilty but what am I supposed to do? I don’t need those things. And Mom and Leann can use them. Or can use the money from them. But still, I don’t know what Chris would think if I told him what I was doing with the gifts. It’s not like I can anyway. Because in order to tell him what I’m doing with the gifts I would have to tell him the truth about my family and our financial situation, and that’s not something I’m ready to talk about.