Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
Lucas
I lay there with her, and everything felt right for the first time in my life.
She told me earlier that she doubted I would ever regret anything I said or did.
My biggest regret was not telling her how I truly felt.
It took almost losing her to admit that I loved her.
I hated myself for that. I promised her when I got back from Maine that I’d always be here for her, and I was.
Just not in the way she needed me to be.
As my hand rested on her belly, I felt the baby kick.
Glancing over at Jenna, I saw she was sound asleep.
I slowly moved my hand across her belly, and with each movement came another kick.
I didn’t want to leave the bed, but she needed to be comfortable, and the bed just wasn’t big enough for two people.
Instead of sleeping on the pull-out couch in the room, I brought the lounge chair up to the bed and held her hand while I slept.
I opened my eyes and smiled when I saw Jenna was awake and staring at me.
“Good morning,” I spoke.
“Good morning.” A bright smile crossed her face. “Why did you sleep in that uncomfortable chair?”
“The couch is too far, and I wanted to be closer to you in case you needed something. Plus, this chair isn’t that bad,” I said as I struggled to get up.
She let out a soft laugh.
“Okay. Maybe it isn’t so comfortable after all. How are you feeling?” I asked as I leaned over and kissed her forehead.
“I’m ready to go home.”
“I know, and you will soon. I’ll go get us some coffee. Do you want anything else?”
“To go home.” She smiled.
I laughed as I walked out of the room and headed down to the coffee bar. When I returned to the room, Jenna had already changed into the new clothes I’d brought her.
“Planning on leaving so soon?” I smirked as I handed the coffee cup to her.
“I just want to be ready for when they discharge me.”
A couple of hours later, we walked into the building. She wanted to stop at her apartment first to grab a few things. As I unlocked the door and she stepped inside, she stood and stared at the disaster in the living room.
“Wow. This really sucks,” she spoke as she stared up at the large hole in the ceiling.
“I don’t think it does.” I smiled.
“What?” She cocked her head at me. “How can you not think this totally sucks?”
“Because now you get to live with me.” I kissed the side of her head.
My phone rang, and when I pulled it from my pocket, I saw my father was calling, so I hit decline. I’d deal with him later. After helping her pack her suitcase, I took her up to the penthouse and placed her suitcase in my bedroom.
“I’m going to take a shower, and then when I get out, we need to talk,” I said as I brushed my lips against hers.
“I know we do.” The corners of her mouth curved upward as her hands were planted on my chest. “But I think you should go to work for a while first.”
“Not today.” I stroked her cheek.
“What about your father?”
“What about him? He can wait until I come back. Until then, you’re my priority. Now go lay down and rest. I won’t be long.”
Jenna
While Lucas was in the shower, I went to the kitchen and made a cup of coffee. As I held the cup in my hand, I walked over to the large windows in the living room and stared out at the beautiful city view.
“I thought I told you to lay down and rest.”
“You do realize you can’t tell me what to do, right?” I grinned.
“I know.” He let out a sigh. “I’ve noticed that if I tell you to do something, you do the opposite.”
“It’s still the inner kid in me rebelling.”
He walked over to the window, grabbed my hand, and led me to the couch.
“I have a lot to say to you. Things I’m not used to saying to anyone. So, if I screw this up, I need you to promise me you’ll forgive me.”
“I can do that.” I grinned.
“The first thing I want to do is apologize to you. I’m sorry for everything I said and did that hurt you.
You might think I said and did those things on purpose to hurt you, but I didn’t.
I did it to protect myself from the reeling emotions that were inside me from the first moment I saw you.
You know how my father always said, ‘If you feel, you stop thinking, and when you stop thinking, everything goes to hell.’”
“How could I forget such stupidity.”
I let out a chuckle.
“When I was twenty-two, I met this girl and instantly fell head over heels for her. She occupied my mind day and night, and I would have done anything for her. I kept her a secret from my father because I knew he wouldn’t be happy, and I couldn’t let him jeopardize our relationship.
Then one day, I screwed up a multi-million-dollar deal.
A screw up so big that we lost the contract.
And the only reason I screwed it up was that I had just found out she was cheating on me with a friend.
My father knew something was up, and he badgered me until I finally told him.
Instead of saying he was sorry and trying to comfort me, he lectured, screamed at, warned, and threatened me.
He pounded into my head that it was the feelings I had for her that distracted me and cost him millions of dollars.
After you’re told something for so long, you believe it.
So, I never let myself get emotionally involved with another woman after that.
But then I met you.” He smiled. “After our first night together, I knew if I kept seeing you, I’d fall down that rabbit hole of emotions, and I couldn’t let that happen. ”
“Then I told you I was pregnant,” I said.
“Yes, and then I really freaked out. And the more time we spent together, the harder my feelings for you hit me. But I was too scared to admit it. That’s why our friendship worked for a while.
Because I could have you in my life without having to admit that I loved you.
But I failed you, Jenna, and for that, I’m sorry.
I was so selfish with my own fears and needs that I completely dismissed yours.
Then, when Laurel walked into my office and told me what happened yesterday, I had never felt so scared in my life.
The thought of losing you and our daughter terrified me, and I won’t ever let that happen again.
I’m not my father, nor will I ever be. And I refuse to live the miserable life he does.
” He brought his hand up to my cheek. “I love you, Jenna Larson. I have loved you, I am in love with you, and I plan on loving you for the rest of my life if you’ll let me because I know how stubborn and defiant you can be.
” The corners of his mouth curved upward. “But that’s what I love about you.”
“Are you done?” I asked as tears sprung to my eyes.
“I think so.”
“I love you too, Lucas. As much as I tried to fight it, I couldn’t.
And even when you were a total asshole, I couldn’t stop because I knew deep down inside you were an amazing man.
You truly are an amazing man, and you’re going to be an amazing father.
I love you so much that sometimes it really hurts. ”
“I know the feeling, baby.” He stroked my cheek.
When I heard that, I scrunched up my face.
“Don’t call me that.”
“Yeah. I’m not sure why I even said it, to be honest.”
“Babe is fine,” I said.
“‘Babe’. I like it.”
“I can call you that too, if you don’t mind.”
“I don’t mind at all. I think I’d actually enjoy it.” The smile on his face widened.
“Okay, babe. You got it.” I grinned as I brushed my lips against his. “I’m sorry about the podcast.”
“Don’t you dare be sorry for that. I’m the one who is sorry for the way I reacted. It’s just when I heard it, it hurt. I knew I failed you, and I hated myself for it. You are killing it in the podcast world, and you keep doing what you’re doing, especially if you’re helping other women.”
“Thank you. I love you.”
“I love you more, babe.” He grinned. “You do know that you’re living here permanently, right?”
“I am?” I cocked my head at him with a smile.
“Yes. Because I want my girl—girl—girl?—”
“G.I.R.L.F.R.I.E.N.D,” I slowly said the word.
“Yes. My girlfriend and my daughter with me twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. I want to wake up to you every morning, have every meal with you, and I want to hold you and kiss you goodnight every single night. I want you to stick around forever, Jenna.”
“I already planned on it.” I grinned.
“Is that so?” His brow arched.
“Yes. Because up here on the 82 nd floor, you don’t have to worry about apartment ceilings above you caving in.”
“Ah, I see. But up here on the 82 nd floor, there is a slight possibility of the roof caving in. Just a slight one, though.”
“Oh. I didn’t think about that.” I bit down on my bottom lip.
“I wouldn’t worry about it too much.” He kissed my forehead.