Chapter 25
Avery was lost to Shane.Just truly and utterly lost. There was no resisting him. There was no thinking. There was only him and the glorious sensations he could coax from her body. He was teasing her in a way that was both cruel and genius. He’d stop, then start. He’d lick her clit, then shift to her inner thigh. He’d go back, then dip into her belly button.
What shocked her the most though was when she was on the verge of an orgasm and he pulled back completely, and without hesitation, entered her with one hard thrust. Her eyes went wide and she didn’t know what to do because it was unlike everything she’d ever experienced in her entire life and she wanted it to never end.
She moved her hips though she wasn’t sure why. There was no way to get him any deeper inside her, but she wanted to, she was seeking that. He lifted her ass up off the mattress and held her with a firm grip, so that her clit ground against him. She was vaguely aware of the bed squeaking, of her hair being caught beneath her and tugging at her scalp.
“Yeah, give it to me, Avery. Come for me.”
“Shane,” she sobbed.
There was nothing but him. His hard arms and chest, his thrusting erection. His deep, dark eyes that spoke the words he didn’t. It was like no time had gone by, yet it had, and now she knew him better. She understood his gestures, his expressions, the way he tilted his head before he asked a question. Now she’d seen his work and heard him speak about his family and she’d known what it meant to have the full force of his attention turned onto her. This was new dangerous territory in the best way possible.
The intensity of his gaze was almost too much, overwhelming. She felt her emotions threatening to boil over, pop the lid, so she closed her eyes and gave into the pure physical passion. The orgasm came in hot, jerking her from head to toe like an electrical current and dragging a loud cry of shock and ecstasy from her lips. Her eyes flew open as she grabbed at his arms, needing him to ground her. His teeth were grinding together and he had a look of pure, male pride. He was pleased at what he had done to her, and hell, he should be. She rode it out, thrusting up to meet him, knowing that Shane had well and truly made her feel like a woman.
A sexy, dirty, grown-ass woman.
As she shuddered back down to earth, her shoulders relaxing, she expected him to finish. But instead, he pulled out, leaving her empty. He shifted his head and drew her nipple into his mouth. When he did that, she felt aftershocks deep inside her, radiating back in all directions. “Shane,” she said, though she couldn’t have said why.
“Get up on me,” he said, rolling onto his back. “I want to see you ride me.”
Avery had no damn clue what she was doing but she wasn’t about to go shy now. It was loving and intimate and she never wanted to be without this man, so she sat on his abs and put a leg on either side of him. When she gave him a look indicating that she needed help, he shifted her hips and eased himself into her. Holy crap, that was different. She moved her body, and found her seat. It was like riding a horse. You just had to know the right angle.
Once she was where she needed to be, he helped her with the initial rhythm. Then she took over, amazed at how sexy it made her feel. It was liberating, empowering. Novice status was irrelevant because it wasn’t complicated and it was natural. She raised her hands into her hair to push it back and then saw the reaction the movement got from Shane. He groaned deep in the back of his throat.
“Fucking gorgeous,” he told her. “That’s what you are.”
She wanted to feel his chest so she leaned forward, bracing her arms on either side of his head, her nipples to brush over his pectoral muscles. The new position ground her clit down onto him and a second orgasm, unexpected and earth shattering, tore through her. She locked eyes with him, this time her pleasure soundless, trapped inside her, a frozen moment between them. It was raw and deep, something she would only ever have shared with him, another first.
Collapsing onto his chest, she said, “I don’t even understand what just happened but I’m not complaining.”
“Hang on because we’re not done yet.”
She raised her head and said, “I can’t move like that any more. My legs are giving out.”
He smacked her ass. “Turn around. I’ll do all the work.”
She wasn’t sure about that particular position. It just didn’t look all that much fun for a woman. But considering what he had just done to her twice, she figured she could woman up and give the man what he was asking for. Legs shaking, she disengaged their bodies and got on her knees.
He moved behind her faster than she would have ever thought possible. It was like ninja sex. And as he thrust back inside her, she realized that she should never have doubted him. He knew what he was doing. Avery gripped the comforter for purchase and spread her knees a little further, testing to see what a shift would do to the sensation.
Shane grunted in approval. His hands were digging into her hips so hard she anticipated bruises later but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered but giving him the same satisfaction he’d given her. She wanted to know that she could fulfill him, that she could be the woman who stripped him of his control and brought him down with her into their hot, sizzling cocoon of mutual pleasure.
When he paused, then exploded, she felt it inside her. Felt the throb of his cock as he came. It was everything, this moment, this raw uncomplicated slap of skin and all barriers down between them. She hadn’t known it would be like this and for some inexplicable reason she had tears in her eyes. Thank goodness he couldn’t see her face because he might not understand that she wasn’t upset. She was… complete.
“Holy shit,” he said, as he carefully pulled out. “Avery, I…
She carefully lowered herself to the bed, afraid her legs were going to give out. She eased onto her side so she could look up at him. Her insides were throbbing with a strange, aching sense of being well loved and she took a few deep breaths, wanting to shake her hair out of her eyes but unable to move. “Yes?” she asked.
But Shane just shook his head. “I forgot what I was going to say.” On his knees, he reached over and ran his thumb over her bottom lip. “All I can think is that you’re perfect.”
She was far from that. But maybe he would understand the tears. He seemed as stunned and taken aback as she felt. “I think we’re perfect.” Maybe that was revealing too much, but she couldn’t hold back.
Shane smiled. “You read my mind.”
He certainly was looking at her like he believed the words. After removing the condom, he shifted so that he was lying beside her, spooning her body with his. He kissed behind her ear, causing her to shiver. “You’re not going home tonight, just so you know. I’m keeping you here until you ask to leave.”
Avery sighed, settling her bottom against his hard thighs. She felt perfectly comfortable naked with him, all warm skin and tangled limbs. His arm wrapped around her and settled easily under her breasts. “I don’t want to leave,” she told him.
“I don’t know what we’re doing,” he told her, sounding raw. “But I love you. I do. I want this. I want you.”
“I don’t know what we’re doing either.” She didn’t. She started out the day determined to avoid him like crazy and now here she was and she felt nothing but satisfied and content. Emotionally and physically connected to him in a way that she couldn’t explain, but that she didn’t want to lose. “I hope we’re doing a lot. Together.”
He sighed. “I think I might have mentioned I have commitment issues. I feel like I need to explain that and why. I want you to understand.”
“I don’t think you said that exactly.” It was Jolene who had told her Shane didn’t do relationships.
“I keep you know, a wall up in front of my emotions because I didn’t want to do the whole marriage-and-kids thing.”
Yeah, she definitely didn’t want to have this conversation right now. Some day she might want those things that Shane had mentioned, but she didn’t want them right now and she didn’t want to talk about something far into the future. Right now she wanted to enjoy the moment with Shane, not have it lessened by the reality of its impermanency. “Okay,” she told him. “So is this a warning? Don’t beat on the wall with my fists?” She wasn’t trying to be flippant, just clear.
He kissed the back of her head. “I don’t think it’s a warning. I’m pretty sure you’ve already kicked out most of my bricks with your boot when I wasn’t looking.”
That made her stomach tighten. “Yeah?” Odd enough, she felt a flutter of arousal again.
“Yeah. I told you I love you. I never say that to anyone. I mean it. I love you. But I feel like I need to explain.” His voice was low, slow. Like he was thinking his words through carefully. “I had a nasty, mean father. He was abusive to my mother and I spent my childhood vacillating between fear and overwhelming anger. I was afraid of him, but I also wanted to pound him into the ground. I lost my control a few times and he put me in the hospital because while I had the rage, he had the size and experience on me. Motherfucker broke my arm in three places and knocked me unconscious. We lied about it. Told the hospital staff I fell off the porch.”
“Oh, my God, Shane,” she whispered, horrified. “I’m so sorry.”
“We don’t talk about this shit any more. None of us. My mom finally left him. Jolene dealt with it by being a friend to our mother and pouring her heart into music, and Elle dealt with it by pretending she doesn’t give a shit about anything, but it was different for them. I was the only one who ever got into physical confrontations with our father because I felt like I should be man enough to protect my mother. I was ten the first time I stepped between them.”
Avery shifted her hands so that she was cupping his. She squeezed. Her throat was tight. “No ten-year-old should have to do that.”
“I agree. But it’s messed me up some, you know, and there you have it. My fear is, was, and always will be that I don’t know how to be a husband or a father. I’ve never wanted to be in a relationship, get close to anyone, for that reason.”
She didn’t know what to say to that. It wasn’t up to her to talk him out of his feelings. They were his and as such, she had to respect them. “You have to do whatever is right for you, Shane. And no one who didn’t experience what you did has any right to express an opinion about it so I won’t, other than to tell you that I trust you. And I’m just sorry that you, your family, had to go through that.”
His grip on her tightened. “But what I’m offering you is me, as I am, flawed and bound to fuck up, and I will try every day to make that be enough for you. You’re a special woman, Avery.”
She wanted to cry and she closed her eyes briefly, grateful he was behind her and couldn’t see her tears. She didn’t want him to misinterpret it. “You’re a special man and you’re more than enough for me. I love you, too, you know.” She squeezed his hand again. “Thank you for being honest and sharing that with me.”
“I’ve never told a woman what I just told you.”
It wasn’t any coincidence, in her opinion, that he’d chosen to tell her when she wasn’t facing him. But she didn’t think he had any reason to be ashamed. “It means a lot to me that you trusted me with that. I won’t ever tell anyone, you have my word.”
She also knew that she needed to tell him about her relationship to Chance. But she wanted to make sure he was done telling her what he needed her to hear.
“Good.” He sounded gruff. “It’s nobody’s business but mine and my mother’s. I still have hate in my heart for my father, you know. That’s why I’ve kept my distance from women. How far is love from hate?”
That broke her heart for him. “You’d be surprised by how far apart they actually are when someone unconditionally loves you. I didn’t come here tonight to ask for anything more than you can give, Shane.”
“Was it for the food?” he joked, and she knew his honesty had been hard for him. He was retreating immediately behind humor, Mr. Casual.
Avery gave a soft laugh, to let him know she was okay with his changing the subject. She wasn’t going to press him. “No. I had a hard week, because of everyone giving me such a shit time at work. But it was also a great week. I want to share both of those feelings with you because I know you’ll celebrate with me. And more importantly you’ll give me a hug.” She craned her head over her shoulder, needing to see him.
He shook his head. “I’m here for you, Avery, that I can promise you.”
That was almost like the definition of commitment but she wasn’t going to point that out to him. She just appreciated his words. “Shane?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m glad you left that bachelor party early that night.” Her story would be much different if he hadn’t.
He pulled her in closer, and yanked a sheet over their cooling bodies. He reached over and turned the lamp off. “Me too. Now go to sleep, Red, and in the morning I’ll make you black coffee the way you like it.”
She had to confess. “I actually like cream and sugar, I was just being contrary that night.”
Shane laughed. “Figures. That’s probably half of why I like you.”
“Happy birthday, Shane. A few days late.”
“Best present I ever got.” He pulled her close and squeezed her hard. “Because I know you meant it when you wished me a happy birthday.”
“I did.”
Avery wanted to sleep but she kept wondering what would have happened if Shane had walked into the hallway and heard her song without knowing her. Would it have gone down the same way? Would he have shown casual interest in her talent and nothing more? Would he have thought she was attractive?
If Ben hadn’t cheated on her would she have even had the balls to walk into Rusted Truck? She wasn’t sure. But as Shane’s breathing settled into the deep rhythm of sleep, she realized it didn’t matter.
This was her story, her love song.
Exactly as it was.