Chapter 30
Avery liked Chance as a person.He was deeper, more intense than Jolene. He spoke less, but when he did, it was always something that mattered. Sure, he bantered with his wife, but with other people, he was fairly reserved, uncomfortable when he was thrust into the spotlight. It was impossible to talk to him or watch his movements without comparing him to herself. They were actually very similar, both in personality and in appearance. He wasn’t a ginger, but they had the same jawline, nose, cheekbones. He held his hands over his guitar the way she did, and stylistically, while he was way better and much more experienced, she could see shades of her own melody-focused writing in his work. He was a genius songwriter and she hoped with training and experience she could become the same.
He was patient with her and didn’t roll his eyes when she asked stupid newbie questions.
After several days of working with him, it was starting to bother her that she could never tell him her suspicions about her parentage. The urge to confess was growing. It would satisfy her questions, but would only raise new ones for Chance and she wasn’t sure that was fair to him. Yet she felt an ache in her heart for family. It was an emotion she hadn’t been expecting. Sadness. Especially when he asked her about her upbringing.
“You sure you’re not from Nashville,” he said, tuning his guitar. “Seems like you were meant to be here.”
“No, but my mother did live her for a while. This is where she met my father.” She couldn’t resist, even though she knew she was strolling into dangerous territory. But considering she had actually at one point contemplated swiping Chance’s coffee cup for DNA testing, she knew she needed answers sooner than later. It might be easier than she thought to just pick her way around it. Let Chance connect the dots. But then she bit her tongue and forced herself to add, “My mom was a caterer looking to make it big in Nashville. It didn’t work out.”
“Did she and your father stay together?” Chance wasn’t looking at her. He was looking at his strings. He sounded conversational, not really super curious.
It was an opening she wanted to resist. She danced around it.
“No. It was a hookup. Turns out he was married.”
Chance looked up and made a face. “Sorry, I wasn’t trying to pry.”
“I brought it up.” She shrugged, her heart racing. “My mom said she actually met you when you were little. She worked for the caterer your parents used for their parties and that’s where she met my father.”
“Oh, yeah?” Chance smiled. “The infamous parties. It was like the Playboy mansion of Music City in those days. Wait, does this mean my father is indirectly responsible for your existence?” He laughed.
Avery gave a limp laugh in return. “Something like that,” she said weakly.
“I used to roll joints for my parents’ friends at those parties. At like six years old. Not exactly the best parents in the world, but I do have my dad to thank for opening doors for me in the business.”
“It’s your talent that has gotten you where you are.”
Chance grinned. “Don’t believe that load of crap. I had a golden ticket and I’m well aware of that fact. Genetics and being the kid of a famous songwriter meant more than talent.”
Avery’s palms were clammy, but as she idly played the bridge of “Cleaning Up a Man’s Mess” she pushed just a little. “I never knew my father. Even if yours wasn’t the best, at least he was in your life.”
“Buck was many things, and not a great dad, but you’re right, he was better than nothing.” Chance eyed her curiously. “What happened to your father? He disappeared?”
She shrugged. “He told my mother to take a hike, probably because he was married. Like I said, she met him at one of those parties at your house. She said one time he showed her the cigar collection that your dad had.”
Chance hit a bad note. “What are you talking about? How do you know about the cigar collection?” He sounded puzzled.
Avery struggled to remember exactly what her mother had said, not wanting to mess this up. Not wanting Chance to think she was a liar, or that her mother was some kind of delusional groupie, like folks back home had. “I don’t know. My mom said they would go into a room at your house and he would show her some cigar collection hidden behind a painting and point out that all the furniture was knockoffs.” She realized immediately that sounded rude. “I’m sure it wasn’t but—”
“No one saw that cigar collection. Ever,” Chance cut her off, staring at her suspiciously. “It wasn’t on display. It was behind a painting, like you said, and it was a secret. Only my mother knew about that.”
Well, hell. Her heart started to race. “I don’t know,” she said, because she didn’t. “That’s just what my mama told me.”
Chance looked at her and his eyes widened and all at once she knew he knew. “Oh, shit, Avery. Your eyes …” He trailed off. “Did your mother know Buck?”
She nodded, because she couldn’t look him in the face and lie to him. “She didn’t know who he was,” she said in a rush. “She said he talked about himself in the third person. But I didn’t know for sure if he… if it’s him… just they did. And she had me.” Avery set her guitar down.
“Well, holy shit.”
She couldn’t tell if he was upset or not. He just looked astonished.
“I’m sorry, Chance. That’s not why I came to Nashville. I did think it might be great to meet you someday, but I never planned to tell you what I thought.” Then because that felt disrespectful to her mother she amended it. “What I know. I should have just kept my mouth shut, but my mama says that isn’t my strong suit.”
Avery waited, willing to take whatever he was going to throw at her. Did she come to Nashville to tiptoe around or did she come to Nashville to be who she was? To be a songwriter and a woman and by birth, a Rivers, whether anyone wanted to believe it or not. Hell, whether it was ever acknowledged out loud or not. She knew it and now Chance knew and they were the only two people who mattered in this.
“Well, you can’t be after money because there isn’t any left. My mother got most of it in the divorce.” Chance swallowed visibly. “Then she pissed it away. And Buck’s dead.”
She didn’t know what to say to that other than the truth. “My mother never asked for money and I have no intention of doing that either.” The idea made her sick. It was logical for him to think about it, though. “I can sign something giving up any rights to any inheritance if you want. I don’t want anything.”
“You seem pretty sure your Buck’s kid.” He was still studying her. “And looking at you, and hearing about the cigar collection, it seems pretty damn obvious to me. I kept telling Jolene something about you felt familiar.” He gave a laugh of disbelief. “Like we had met before. Damn, now I know why. You’re my half-sister, aren’t you?”
The words sent a shiver up her spine. “I’m so sorry.” It couldn’t be pleasant to hear this news about his father.
But Chance suddenly grinned. “What are you sorry for, girl? You weren’t the cheat. Trust me, this is not new information. I saw way more as a kid than anyone ever should. Frankly, I’m surprised we don’t have a dozen half-siblings running around. Hell, maybe we do.”
The fact that he said “we” meant everything to her. It felt like acceptance, which was what she had craved her whole life. “My mom said he was very charming.”
Chance laughed. “That’s one way to put it.” Then he stared at her, shaking his head. “Damn. Same eyes as him and everything. It’s crazy. How did I not see that before? You know, when I got sober, I dealt with a lot of the anger I had over my father. It was wasted emotion and only damaged me. He was who he was and it’s water under the bridge. Hell, I always wanted a little sister.”
That brought tears to her eyes. She wasn’t sure if they could have any sort of sibling relationship or if that was too weird and awkward, but it was huge to have Chance acknowledge it was true. It felt like twenty-four years of people calling her mother a liar was just erased in one fell swoop and she was worried she might start blubbering. She tipped her head down and let her hair fall forward so he wouldn’t see.
Too late.
“Hey.” Chance stood up and came over to her. He squatted down in front of her. “Don’t be upset. I know Buck was an asshole, but I’m not. I’m not going to toss you out on your ear or anything. In fact, I’d like to get to know you better as a person.”
His expression was compassionate and she nodded, biting her lips. “That would be amazing. I can take a DNA test, it’s up to you. And like I said, I’ll sign whatever you want. You’re the legitimate kid.”
Chance just snorted. “No labels. I can’t really say there was anything legitimate about my parents’ marriage other than the fact that they were legally wed. They sure in the hell didn’t take those vows seriously.” He gave her a smile. “Now stand up and give me a hug, kid.”
That made her want to bawl her eyes out, but she fought back the tears as he stood up. She rose and let him give her a loose, brotherly sort of hug. Which was the best thing she could have ever imagined. It was the last puzzle piece clicking in to place.
“What the hell is going on here?”
Avery jumped back, startled to hear Shane’s voice. He and Jolene both looked not-best-pleased to see her and Chance hugging.
“Hey y’all,” Chance said as he stepped away from her. “Have we got a story for you. Though you might already know this, Shane.”
Oh, shit. He didn’t know. Because she hadn’t worked up the courage to tell him. That suddenly felt like a huge misstep.
“I definitely don’t know what is going on here,” Shane said, gesturing between her and Chance. “Avery, baby, are you crying?” He glared at his brother-in-law. “What did you do to her?”
“I didn’t do anything to her. It turns out Avery’s mother met Buck at a house party and nine months later along came Avery. She’s my half-sister.”
Both Shane and Jolene’s eyes widened.
“What do you mean she’s your sister?” Jolene turned to her. “Are you telling me Buck Rivers is your father?”
Avery nodded. “My mama said it was a good house party,” she added.
Jolene snorted. “I’d say so. But damn, that explains a thing or two, including your eyes. Buck had the same.”
“I wasn’t really planning on telling Chance, truly. But it just kind of spilled out.”
“Wait, so you’ve known this whole time?” Shane asked Avery.
She nodded, throat tight. His expression was hard to read.
“I’m surprised I didn’t figure it out sooner, but I guess I don’t go around thinking about who my dad was fooling around with back in the day.” Chance gestured to Avery. “But it seems obvious now. Look at how much she looks like Buck. It’s crazy.”
Jolene reached out and gave her a hug. “Oh, my word. That means you’re my sister-in-law!”
That hadn’t actually occurred to Avery before and the very thought of Chance and Jolene accepting her as family had her emotions all rise right to the surface, eyes flooding with tears. She hugged Jolene back tightly for a brief second, before stepping back.
“Why wouldn’t you tell me?” Shane’s voice was low, confused as he stared at her.
“Well, it really wasn’t anybody’s business but my mother’s and mine. I didn’t want anyone to think I was just trying to take an industry shortcut.” She stood by that. “I wanted to stand on my own two feet.”
“You don’t think it was my business?” he said softly.
She hesitated. She wasn’t sure how to explain. “I wasn’t sure how Chance would feel and I was worried no one would believe me.” Because no one ever had. Because she was scared. Because she didn’t want to see Shane’s expression change. She had a lot of reasons for not telling him, but now, seeing his face, she regretted that she hadn’t.
“I would have believed you. I’m not your ex. Who was here, by the way. Looking for you.”
That caught her off guard. “Ben was here?” she asked him in astonishment. “When?”
“He was in the waiting room just now,” Jolene told her.
“Why was he here?” She didn’t want to see him. She had exactly nothing to say to him. But even more so, she didn’t want him at her place of employment. That was super embarrassing.
“He wanted to use you to try to get a job,” Shane said disdainfully.
“What did you say to him?” She was mortified. Her business with Ben was also hers, not Shane’s or anyone else’s at Rusted Truck.
He just shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I told him to leave you alone basically.”
“Maybe next time you can just let me handle it.”
“Wait, so now you’re upset with me? I’m not the one who failed to communicate something really fucking huge. Like oh, who your father is. What the hell, Avery. I told you all about my father.”
He was right. It made her feel terrible. “I’m sorry.”
That statement about their father also got a reaction from Jolene. She moved to her brother. “Shane. Shaney. Come on. Maybe we should all go somewhere else and talk, okay?”
“You don’t want to let me in, do you?” Shane asked her quietly, ignoring his sister.
She wasn’t sure what that meant. “What are you talking about?”
“JoJo let’s leave them to hash this out.” Chance put his hand on Jolene’s back.
She nodded and they left the room and closed the door behind them.
“What does that mean?” she asked Shane, her hands shaking. The look on his face was scaring her and she was still reeling from telling Chance the truth about their father.
“I understood why you didn’t tell me a virgin though I still think you had plenty of opportunity to tell me the truth. But okay, hey, you didn’t know me, you didn’t necessarily owe me anything. But we’re together now. I love you. And you didn’t feel like you could tell me that my brother-in-law is your half-brother? I mean these aren’t random people. This is my family. You’ve been interacting with them and you didn’t say a damn word.”
She bristled a little. He made it sound like she had been intentionally deceitful or cunning. “It wasn’t like that. Everything has just been happening really quickly. I didn’t expect any of this. Maybe I haven’t handled it well, but I don’t know what I’m doing, Shane. I’m trying to figure it all out as I go.”
“Not to mention that I hate having to act like I don’t know you, don’t care about you, because of people’s opinions I don’t give a fuck about.” He ran his hands through his hair. “I feel like I’m pushing you for something you don’t want. It’s ironic. I find the one woman I want to commit too, and she can’t commit to me.”
Avery tucked her hair behind her ear, tears suddenly rising without warning. “Shane. This isn’t all or nothing. And please don’t put words in my mind. I did not come to Nashville to be with yet another man who wants to control my life.”
“I don’t want to control your life.” His jaw was tense, his eyes filled with a sorrow that scared her.
She wanted him to reach for her, but he didn’t.
He was the man who had held her, comforted her. Made love to her.
She was in love with him. In her mind, she was committed to him. “I want to be with you.”
“And I want to be with you too. But I damn sure expect that if I open my heart to you, if I tell you stuff, things that matter, that you’ll do the same thing.” His jaw was twitching and when he finally held out his arms for her, his eyes were intense and dark. “And if you can’t, then maybe our timing is off. Maybe we’re in different places.”
“It’s not that easy,” she whispered, closing her eyes and sighing when he pulled her against his chest. “I wasn’t trying to keep secrets from you. A relationship should be a place of safety where you share when you’re ready. It grows naturally.”
“That’s my point, sweet girl. Maybe I’m a little more ready than you and I need to respect that. We’re at different places in our lives.” He kissed the top of her head and released her. “Maybe we both just need some time to think this all through and see where we’re at.”
She winced, but she nodded. He had made up his mind, that was obvious. He wasn’t wrong, either. She was confused and emotional. She did need time to sort out all of her feelings and thoughts and what all of this meant for her future.
She yanked her guitar off the chair and nodded. “I’m going to take the rest of the afternoon off and listen to some Johnny Cash in a dark room. Will you call me?” It sounded pleading. She knew it did and she didn’t care. She didn’t want to lose Shane. Even if she wasn’t sure she could give him whatever it was he was asking for.
“I’ll call you,” he promised.
With that reassurance, she rushed out of the room, and promptly burst into tears.
Fortunately, Jolene and Chance were hovering and they whisked her out of the building through the back door and into an SUV with tinted windows. Before they pulled out there was a tap on the door. Jolene opened it and Avery saw her boss was standing there. Good, Lord, what must Pat think of her.
“So, Miss O’Leery, are you having a relationship with Shane Hart, yes or no?” Her face was pinched, annoyed.
Was she still having a relationship with Shane? Avery pictured tangled limbs, Shane’s smile, felt his soft kisses behind her ear, heard her own cries of pleasure as he slipped his tongue over her. “Yes,” she said, because there was no denying it. To deny it would be to deny herself and everything she believed in.
“I’m going to have a senior staff meeting this afternoon. Don’t come in tomorrow unless I call you.”
She closed her eyes briefly. She was getting fired. Forcing herself to look at Pat, she nodded. “I understand.”
Pat gave her no reassurance, she just nodded and turned on her heel.
“Oh, God,” Avery said, falling against the seat. “I’m getting fired.” She didn’t want to cry, but she couldn’t stop herself. It was really stupid to be sharing her emotional turmoil with Jolene Hart, for a lot of reasons. But she was anyway.
Jolene patted her knee and said, “Don’t worry about that right now.” She had gotten into the back seat with Avery and now she indicated to Chance that they could pull out.
“Where are we going?” Avery asked, momentarily confused.
“We’re taking you to your place. Or if you’d like, we can drop you at Shane’s.”
She shook her head, hard. “No, no, absolutely not. He wants space right now. He thinks I need time to consider what I really want.”
Jolene didn’t respond to that.
“You know what really sucks?”
Jolene shook her head.
“What really sucks is that when I need someone to tell me it’s okay, and to make me feel better, it’s Shane I want to turn to. Now I can’t do that. I screwed up, Jolene.”
It was that thought that had her sobbing, clinging to her guitar, mortified that she was being so personal, but unable to stem the flow.
“Shh,” Jolene soothed, rubbing her leg over and over. “Nothing a little time and talking can’t fix. If that’s what you want to do.”
Avery saw Jolene and Chance exchange looks of concern in the rearview mirror and it just made her feel even worse. “I don’t know what I want. Maybe more than I had a right to expect.”
She’d gotten everything she’d ever wanted and now she was in danger of losing it all. Shane. Her job. And she was sobbing in front of two people she really wanted to respect her.
The tears came harder.