Chapter 21
21
S am immediately recognized the rapid strumming of the electric guitar, followed by the steady drumbeat, as “Maps” by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs began. The lead singer’s emo bangs had inspired Sam to make the mistake of cutting her own. Plus, Sam had loved this song written by Karen O about her then boyfriend, Angus Andrew. She’d figured out before Damon that “Maps” was an acronym for My Angus Please Stay, and that the lyrics pleaded with Angus not to leave.
Sam took in a deep breath and closed her eyes as Karen O’s sweet voice sang to her. Like a whoosh of air leaving her lungs, her whole body lightened. The unmistakable give of powdery sand made Sam’s eyes shoot open as she clocked that she was on the beach. She pushed herself up to standing and glanced around at the long stretch of tumbling waves.
The light was soft and warm, the way it changed as the sun dipped closer to the horizon. A strong sea breeze blew hair into her mouth and she coughed. She tugged the headphones off and threw them, along with the player, into the sand.
She caught a glimpse of a figure marching near the shore, and when she took a closer look, she recognized Alligator Alice pumping her arms in a red-and-white-striped Adidas tracksuit.
“Hey, you sure you’re okay?” Damon’s voice came from behind Sam.
She turned as Damon stepped off the nearby boardwalk with Alt-Sam at his side. Damon was in dark blue nursing scrubs with a low ponytail and slightly longer hair. Not a terrible look for him, but a choice .
Alt-Sam wore a rather questionable snake-print halter dress. Her long red hair was swept up into a bun, with two tendrils styled around her face, framing the matching red-stained lip.
“Remember what the doctor said? After a miscarriage, they recommend you rest for at least a week,” Damon tried again.
A miscarriage?
Alt-Sam’s expression darkened as she glanced away from Damon. “I remember.”
Sam’s heart sank. She hadn’t wanted Alt-Sam to be a teen mom, but a miscarriage was...awful, she imagined. She’d known women who’d been through the same thing—Rachel’s wife had tried to conceive with IVF for the past year, and they’d had one miscarriage that was so traumatic they’d put their fertility journey on hold. How was her eighteen-year-old self handling all this?
Not well, judging by the tension between them.
“Okay,” Damon eventually said. “We can go home. Just say the word.”
Alt-Sam kicked a spot in the sand and glowered. Damon looked like he was about to hug her, but that was when Farrah’s voice broke through.
“Time to party!” Farrah tucked a loose strand of hair into her newsboy cap as she bounded onto the beach. Her airbrushed tee read, “Farrah,” in a swarm of puffy clouds, and the gold belly chain hit just above the start of her gaucho pants.
Farrah opened her small shoulder bag and took out a flask. “Happy first day of nursing school, little bro!” She handed Damon the flask. He glanced at Alt-Sam before taking it.
“Sorry, but I couldn’t fit a full bottle in this small-ass purse.” Farrah shrugged.
“Is this one of your moonshine brews?” he playfully asked.
Farrah pulled out another flask and shook it at Alt-Sam. “ This is a delicious pale ale that I’ve been perfecting. How about you, Sam-Sam?”
Alt-Sam shrugged, slightly brightening under Farrah’s gaze. “Yeah, let’s celebrate.”
Damon seemed to finally exhale at the change, like he’d been holding his breath to see what she’d do before he decided how to proceed. He opened the flask and sipped.
“What do you think?” Farrah looked at him expectantly.
“Not bad.” He took another sip. “Are you still entering the local brews competition?”
“Well, I thought we’d be entering together. But now that you’re deep in nesting mode, I’m not sure.”
Hmm. That was interesting. So Farrah was striking out on her own, and Damon wasn’t involved in the brewery at all?
“I keep telling him to work with you.” Alt-Sam sipped from the flask and crossed her arms. “He faints at the sight of blood.”
Damon shot her a hurt look, but Alt-Sam tipped the flask up and downed the rest of it.
“You know I never liked school. I’m not smart, like you,” Damon said. “And we need the money, remember?”
Alt-Sam dug her toes into the sand. “I can save for the surgery by myself.”
“Wow, you both are clearly in the middle of something .” Farrah playfully rolled her eyes at them. “When you’re done with whatever this is, come over. I’ve got real bottles we can drink. Congrats, Damon.”
Farrah gave Damon a kiss on the cheek, and he watched her leave. When she was out of sight, he turned to Alt-Sam.
Alt-Sam spoke before he could. “I don’t want to fight.”
“Then let’s not,” Damon gently said. He wrapped Alt-Sam in his arms. “I’m sorry, Sam-Sam. I know you don’t want to talk about it, but I’m sad, too.”
“You’re right. I don’t want to talk about that.” Alt-Sam didn’t meet his eyes. “And I’m sorry I’ve been...moody, lately. I’ve just been dealing with a lot.”
“I know,” he gently said.
“I have something for you.” Alt-Sam reached into the top of her halter and pulled two tickets out from her bra.
Classy.
“Ta-da!” Alt-Sam said with a smile.
Damon took the tickets. “You got—you got us Blink-182 tickets?”
Alt-Sam’s smile widened. “Had to get them from a guy off Craigslist. I knew you wanted to see them. A first-day gift—and, not to get you even more stoked, but I heard they’re bringing on The All-American Rejects, Asher Roth and Fall Out Boy, too.”
A small frown creased Damon’s face. “Can we afford this?”
Alt-Sam scratched a spot on her leg. “I dipped into my flight school fund. I think we need some fun.”
“Sam,” Damon started to say.
“By the time I get the surgery and recover from that, I’ll have saved up enough again.” Alt-Sam waved off his concern. “Don’t worry, I thought this through.”
“But the concert’s tonight in Atlanta...”
“Oh, right, that.” Alt-Sam put her hands on her hips and dramatically tapped her foot. Then she pulled out a BlackBerry cell phone covered in stickers and charms. “It’s the weirdest thing, but I gassed up the car, got a bunch of terrible junk food for the drive—including those awful beef jerky sticks you love—and if we leave now we should make it in time.”
Damon gave her a close-lipped smile, like he was fighting back a grin so wide it would hurt his face. “I love you,” he said.
“But you’re gonna love me even more when you hear ‘What’s My Age Again?’ live.” Alt-Sam smiled.
“I might black out if they play ‘All the Small Things.’” Damon smiled back.
“Don’t worry. My boyfriend’s a nurse. He’ll help.” Alt-Sam wrapped her hand behind Damon’s head and pulled him down for a kiss. They were in love. They loved each other.
Sam had never been in love before, but in this version of her life, she was. Was being in love worth more than what she had in the real world? As their lips were about to meet, Sam blinked and found herself back in her room.
What she’d just seen were two people going through difficult times, but getting through them together. It wasn’t the happiest she’d ever seen them, but they were dealing with real-life issues. And they had each other. That was what couples did, she supposed.
Sam went to her desk, opened her notebook and wrote down the new track in the playlist.
SAM AND DAMON’S MAGICAL PLAYLIST
Track One: “Bring Me to Life” by Evanescence. Otherworldly song about being understood by another human. Tybee High parking lot. Questionable amounts of eyeliner. Alt-Sam kisses Damon. Missing earring is found.
Track Two: “I Believe in a Thing Called Love” by The Darkness. A bop about being head over heels for someone. Alt-Sam and Damon are officially dating. Myles continues to disappoint. Marissa didn’t have an awkward phase in high school. JanSport backpacks are timeless.
Track Three: “Supermassive Black Hole” by Muse. Inarguably the best song and movie scene pairing ever. Damon and Alt-Sam make out during Twilight and get kicked out. One too many hickies.
Track Four: “Want You Bad” by The Offspring. A banger about a bad boy wanting to corrupt a good girl. Myles gets owned by Alt-Sam. Damon skips detention. Alt-Sam skips her extracurricular. I miss Dunkaroos.
Track Five: “Dance, Dance” by Fall Out Boy. A song about a guy meeting someone he likes at a school dance, and the angst of trying to desperately impress them. Damon tries to impress Alt-Sam and they get into A GODDAMN CAR CRASH. Soffe shorts. Condoms from Pearl. Looks like I never get to go to prom.
Track Six: “Fell In Love With a Girl” by The White Stripes. Can I ever hear this song again and not think about Alt-Sam and Damon sneaking around (??) and probably having sex (??). Alt-Sam’s vision problems continue AND she’s getting a C on an essay?
Track Seven: “Read My Mind” by The Killers, which is all about uncertainty. Makes sense, since in Alt-Sam’s high school graduation, I’m not valedictorian and waiting on a surgery to get into flight school.
Track Eight: “Over My Head” by The Fray. Written about a fight, where one person was totally out of their depth. Alt-Sam is pregnant and moving in with Damon. Maybe they’re not ready to be parents?
Track Nine: “Maps” by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Damon’s starting nursing school and not a brewery. Wanting someone to stay is the theme of the song, and maybe Damon wants Alt-Sam to know he’ll stay by her side and through the miscarriage?
Sam absentmindedly doodled in the notebook as she waded through the songs. Damon had been a rock for Sam when her mom left, and he was being a rock for Alt-Sam through miscarriage and life-changing surgery. If anything, all signs pointed to the fact that Damon was the guy no matter what happened.
And maybe that realization should’ve comforted her, but all she felt was unsettled by what she’d seen.