Chapter Nineteen Crime and Punishment #3
We spend the entire week scraping the paint and replacing all rotten wood on the bandstand.
My shoulders and hands are sore, and my fingers are covered with blisters because it’s so much easier without the gloves on.
Noah and I talk pretty much the whole time—about our childhoods, our favorite classes in school, and about places in the world we want to travel to when we finally get the freedom to be able to do it.
It’s amazing. Yeah, I’m grounded, but I think this has been my favorite week in Cherrybridge.
Working together every day is giving Noah and me a chance to know each other on a deeper level.
We’re able to steal a few moments of physical contact here and there. Squeezing each other’s hand when no one’s looking. We even manage a quick kiss on Wednesday when Lainey asks us to meet Jeff in the parking lot to help bring the power tools to the bandstand.
At home things aren’t as good. Mom’s still barely speaking to me. Jason, too. But no one has mentioned Randell, so that’s good, at least. And with Mom not talking to me, I can be on the phone or texting Noah for hours every evening.
On Friday, Nani calls me after Mom brings me home from CROP. I’ve spoken to her a few times this week, and she’s refused to ask Mom to reverse this grounding. I send her a link to a new Instagram account I set up to post pictures from Gordon Park.
“Oh, these are beautiful!” Nani says. “You’re so talented. I knew it was a good idea for you to spend your summer there. I only wish you and your mother could get closer.”
“Seriously, Nani? How are we supposed to get closer when she won’t talk to me?
I see just as little of her as I did when we lived in the city.
” I’m not going to say that I agree that coming here for the summer was a good idea—and not just because of Noah either.
I’ve learned a lot in Cherrybridge, about privilege, about societal divides, and even about carpentry.
But Mom and I are further apart now than we’ve ever been.
“Meera, give her some credit for trying,” Nani says.
“You’ve always been such a good girl, and she’s never had to discipline you before.
At least you stopped seeing that boy. I don’t understand why you would get involved with a boy again after knowing the consequences of our curse.
You always focused on your schoolwork before, not on boys. ”
I wish I could go back in time and be less good so I wouldn’t have to live up to my own standards. I sigh. It would be nice to be able to tell my family that yes, I’m in a relationship, and I’m extremely happy, but I can’t. “Nani, do you really believe in the curse?” I ask.
“Of course, Meera. You’ve heard the stories. You know what happened to your mother, to me, and my—”
“Okay, but hear me out, Nani. If we’re all cursed to be miserable in love, then what’s the point of, I don’t know, living?
Trying to be happy? Connecting with people?
I just feel like…” I pause. “I was stupid with Gabe. I know I made a big mistake, but it was easier to blame the curse than to blame myself. And if I blame the curse, then does that mean I will never be happy? That I don’t deserve to actually fall in love, or deserve for a good person to fall in love with me? ”
Nani doesn’t say anything for a bit. I don’t know why I’m telling her this now, but I can’t get out of my head what Noah said that day we first kissed. Believing I’m cursed means believing that I’m not deserving of what Noah and I have now. And why don’t I deserve to be this happy?
“Meera, you’re seventeen,” Nani finally says.
“You’re too young for all this talk anyway.
You should only be focusing on your schoolwork and getting into university now.
You will be the first girl in this family to get a degree!
You’re the smartest girl this family has ever seen. Don’t waste all that for a boy.”
“Believe me, Nani, I have no intention of giving up on my goals. Ever. I just wonder if I can achieve my goals and be my true self, too?”
Nani is quiet for a few more moments. “You’re smarter than all of us,” she finally says. “You’ll work hard and get everything you want. I won’t tell you to make up with your mother, because I know how stubborn you both are, but remember she loves you. She gave up everything for you.”
I huff at that. I’ve heard it so many times.
Mom gave up her youth and her freedom when she had me.
But why do I have to repay that? I never chose to be born.
And I was forced to give up my summer plans in Toronto because she wants to be a real housewife of Cherrybridge.
“Nani, I can still live with you in September so I can finish school there, right?”
“Of course, sweetheart. But it’s your mother’s decision.”
I don’t bother saying that I’ll be there no matter what Mom says. We talk a bit more about Nani’s book club, and about some drama at the mosque, and it’s nice. At least I still have some family who actually wants to talk to me.