13. Chapter 13
Chapter 13
Emma
T he fair is even bigger in person than it seemed on paper, bursting with the smell of popcorn and glazed donuts. I take in a deep breath and smile widely at the rides before us, anticipating getting on them and going for a spin.
“So, where do we start?” Jonathan asks no one in particular.
“There are so many good rides,” James, Andy’s fiancé, says. “I suggest we don’t eat anything for now if we’re going on the huge rides like the Ferris wheel.”
Andy shivers at his words. “I will not be going on the death wheel.”
“The death wheel?” I ask, chuckling. I haven’t been on a Ferris wheel since I was a child, but I don’t remember it being that bad.
James nods. “She’s terrified of that ride, but you guys need to try it. Don’t be intimidated by it. It’s not half as bad as it looks.”
Andy and James lead us toward the Ferris wheel, then leave for the bumpy rides that Andy insists are the best. Although James looks mildly annoyed, I can tell he loves her a lot by the way he looks at her. Andy knows it, too.
I find myself watching them, wondering what people see when they look at Jonathan and me. Do they see a couple in love, just like Andy and James? Or do they see the cracks, the way I hesitate, the way he keeps his distance? A part of me hopes they see something real, even if I know it’s all just pretend. And I find myself aching for that love and companionship with someone. Andy and James have left already, their hands clasped together sweetly. I yearn for something like that, but all I have is a fake marriage with an expiration date and a book that desperately needs to be written.
“Emma, aren’t you coming?” Jonathan asks, looking back at me with a frown. He’s already halfway to the Ferris wheel, and I jog up to catch up with him.
I push the distracting thoughts away as we rush together toward the Ferris wheel and join the queue. Soon, it’s our turn, and we get on the machine. The worker straps us in and we start ascending.
“Are you scared?” Jonathan whispers, and I shake my head.
“Why?” I ask.
He points at my hand, the one I’m tapping over and over again against my thigh. I hadn’t even realized I was doing it.
I let out a laugh. “Oh, it’s just a bit of nerves, mixed with excitement. I don’t have anything against Ferris wheels, but…I don’t do well with heights.”
“Why didn’t you just say no?” Jonathan asks with a frown. “We could have tried something else, maybe even the bumper cars or whatever they’re called.”
I shrug. “It’s alright, I’m fine. We don’t stay suspended for long anyway, and as long as the Ferris wheel is moving, I think I’ll be fine,” I promise him.
Jonathan hesitates, his gaze flickering between me and the ride operator. A part of me wonders if he’ll back out to spare me from this, but instead, he exhales and takes my hand, grounding me with his touch.
“For a bit of support,” Jonathan mutters, and my heart flutters. I nod and clasp his hand tightly, and the nervous energy leaves me completely. All that’s left is the tingling sensation from the thought of holding him, and us being so close. It all feels a bit too intimate, and I struggle to make sense of it.
The ride soon gains speed, and I’m lost in the thrill of the rising up into the sky. Jonathan is laughing next to me as I stare far out over the glittering ocean. The wheel isn’t too fast, just enough for me to feel a little breeze on my face. If anything, it’s near perfection.
Until it stops being perfect.
The second we get to the highest point, the wheel suddenly stops, leaving us suspended up in the air. The seat feels lighter up here, and I begin to shake.
“I think the machine is broken,” Jonathan mumbles as he stares down. I try to look down, but we’re so high up in the air that I immediately feel my heart clench.
I close my eyes tightly while muttering to myself, “I can’t believe this is happening to me—just my luck.”
I can’t breathe, and my throat constricts. This reminds me of memories I’ve suppressed so well that I haven’t thought of them in years.
“Emma? Emma, are you okay?” Jonathan asks next to me, his voice worried.
I’m not okay. How could I be? I feel like I’ll keel over right here and now, and then what will happen to me? Fear climbs into my chest and refuses to leave, only clutching my heart and squeezing it even harder.
“J-Jonathan…” I gasp, my hand holding on to his so tightly I’m sure he can feel the terror running through me.
“I got you, I’m here for you. Hold on to me as long as you want,” Jonathan whispers into my ear in a soothing tone. I can hear some commotion happening below us, but I can’t make sense of it. “They’re fixing it. It might take a while, but it’ll be okay, I promise.”
“We won’t fall?” I ask, my voice like a child’s, so fragile and hurt. “I don’t want to die.”
“We won’t fall,” Jonathan says. “Open your eyes. It’s scarier if you can’t see what you’re dealing with.”
I hesitate. I’m not sure knowing how far up we are will make me feel any better. I shake my head, too scared to even speak. Tears well up in my eyes, my throat tightening as I struggle to take a steady breath—just one blink, and I’ll cry. I feel like a fool, like a stupid kid crying because I’ve been forgotten and left alone. Except now I’m not alone. I can feel Jonathan’s strong hands holding me.
“Please don’t let me go, please,” I beg him, over and over again. Because it’s all I can do, and I feel myself getting close to hysteria.
“I won’t,” Jonathan says gently. “Open your eyes and look at me. Look at my eyes.”
I do as he says, and when I open my eyes he’s all I can see. He offers me a gentle smile, and his deep brown eyes instantly make me feel better. I don’t look away, letting his eyes soothe me in a way that words can’t.
“This just in, your eyes are the recipe to solve anything: cancer, fear of heights, world peace,” I joke, making him laugh.
“I’ve heard I have that effect on people.” His eyes twinkle. “You’re my favorite person to test that theory on.”
My heart flutters at his words. “I don’t think it’s fair that you get flirty on me when we’re stuck on the death wheel.”
“Really? What if you did the flirting instead?” he asks, causing a shiver to run down my spine.
“I’d rather not,” I say.
He tilts his head to the side. “What if we talk about something else? Why are you afraid of heights?”
His question takes me off guard. Jonathan notices my reaction, so now he knows that this fear is just as deep as it seems.
I sigh. “I don’t just have a fear of heights. It’s deeper and more complicated than that. And it’s stupid, too.” I pause, taking a deep breath. “When I was really young, Reed and I went to the park to play. It was just kids there, no adults to supervise. Reed dared me to climb on top of the monkey bars and I did, but then he ran off to a friend’s house nearby. We usually went there after playing.
“Anyway, he forgot about me entirely, and I couldn’t get down from the monkey bars by myself. The longer I stayed up there, the bigger the distance felt between me and the ground. I felt this sort of gripping fear that didn’t let go, and it wasn’t until late in the night that our friend’s parents realized I wasn’t with Reed. They started searching for me, and surprisingly, they didn’t check the park first.”
“It’s silly.” I laugh, but there are tears in my eyes. “But the fear stuck to me, and it took so long for them to come get me that my legs almost didn’t work due to how paralyzed with fear I was. It was a quiet neighborhood, so people didn’t frequent the park enough to see me earlier.”
“It’s not silly,” Jonathan says as he draws soothing circles on my hand. “That would be terrifying for a child.”
I shrug. “It still is. I thought they’d all forgotten me. My parents were at home, so they had no idea I never made it to my friend’s house. Reed was too young to be in charge of his younger sister. My friend’s parents were too busy with their lives to notice my absence. I’ve had abandonment issues since then, and I always linked those feelings to height, be it literal or metaphorical. I felt invisible, like I was nothing. That’s one of the reasons why I wanted to become a big-name author…but you know how that’s going.” I chuckle.
Jonathan nods. “I know you have a bestselling book in your future. Emma, your writing is incredible—your characters feel real and the emotions jump off the page. This is your best work yet. And I think the general public will love it, too.”
I look up at him, wide-eyed. “Really?”
He nods, smiling. “And the male protagonist? He sounds a lot like me.”
“How so?” I ask, wondering how he caught on to their parallels. I hadn’t planned on writing the main character based on him, but it just happened to work out that way.
Jonathan pretends to think, his brows furrowed. “Well for one, he sounds really handsome.”
I roll my eyes and smack the side of his arm. “Nobody said you were handsome, you just have an ego the size of a football field.”
Jonathan scoffs. “Anyone can tell you how good-looking I am,” he jokes. “And soon enough, you’ll come to realize it, too.”
The funny thing is, I already know that he’s handsome. I can’t get our kiss out of my mind, and how tingly and giddy I felt after it. I can tell I’m starting to get attached to him, and I can’t help it. And maybe I don’t even hate him as much as I used to.
“Oh! We’re moving!” Jonathan says, and true to his words, the wheel starts descending slowly. I’d completely forgotten that we were stuck at the top of a Ferris wheel, and my heart feels so much lighter.
Is this what love feels like? I used to think love was meant for other people—people who weren’t afraid of getting left behind. But sitting here, feeling Jonathan’s hand in mine, I wonder if I’ve been wrong all along.
Jonathan guides me out of the Ferris wheel, and just then Andy and James rush to us, all concern. I haven’t even begun to process the fact that things between Jonathan and me are feeling like they’ll be permanently altered from how they used to be.
“Whoa, are you two okay? It’s the death wheel, I tell you! The death wheel!” Andy fusses over me.
I give her a reassuring smile. “I’m okay, I had Jonathan with me. I have no idea what would have happened if I’d been alone up there.”
Jonathan smiles down at me. “I told you I won’t let go of you.” His hand finds mine and he holds on to it, just like he did during the ride.
Andy coos at us. “You two are so cute! It’s hard to believe that only two days ago, you were practically begging me to find you a different room just to get away from him.”
I smile fondly at that, surprised at how a little trip to a small island could change so much. Who would have thought I’d be falling in love with Jonathan? Because that feels like exactly what’s happening.