Chapter 18
EIGHTEEN
NOELLE
“Noelle?” I heard him repeat my name, but I was too dazed and too much in shock to respond to him immediately. Seeing Tank again, after all these months, had brought back all those memories and feelings, which I thought I’d managed to get over.
He was still as hot, and the way he was looking at me now could make me melt. He was angry and disappointed and curious, all at the same time, but I couldn’t get the words to come out of my throat.
“Noelle…you have to tell me what’s going on!
” he was scolding me and came even closer.
I could smell him; he was close enough to touch, and I had never been tempted to fall into someone’s arms like this before.
I knew I’d feel relieved; I’d feel safe in his arms…
but he didn’t want me! He never wanted me for anything more than one night.
“What do you want me to say?” I snapped at him, realizing that any second now, the tears were going to start gushing down my cheeks.
Tank was quiet, glaring at me with his gaze drifting to my belly from time to time as he stared at me.
“I want you to tell me if I’m the father,” he said in a quiet deep voice. The silence in my apartment between us was deafening. I could hear the clock ticking on the wall, and I could have sworn that he could hear my heart beating in my chest, too.
I opened my mouth to speak, but no sound came out. I could have lied to him and told him it wasn’t his. That would send him away. But did I really want him to go away? Hadn’t my heart leaped at the sight of him at my door, at the sound of his voice over the phone?
“Noelle?” he came even closer to me, and now he had placed a hand on my shoulder.
His touch was electrifying, and it seemed to weigh my shoulder down.
I couldn’t believe that Tank was touching me, that I was so close to him again.
I had only been fooling myself all these weeks by pretending that I had managed to move on, that I would be able to live my life without seeing him again.
I opened my mouth and let the words pour out.
“Yes, it’s yours. The baby is yours,” I said and hung my head down. I couldn’t look at him. I didn’t want to see the look of horror and disgust on his face. I didn’t want to see how badly he regretted sleeping with me.
We were both silent again till his grip on my shoulder became tighter. I felt the pinch on my skin, and I looked up at him instinctively.
He wasn’t horrified like I’d predicted; in fact, there could have been a smile on his face.
“Why didn’t you tell me, Noelle? Why did you keep this from me?” he asked, and he placed his other hand on my other shoulder. We were inches away from each other now. I was so close to falling into his arms.
“Because you didn’t want me. And I was afraid of how you would react if I told you. If you didn’t want me, why would you want my baby?” I could hear the cry in my own voice. My eyes had filled with tears already, and they were threatening to roll down my cheeks.
“That was a lie, Noelle,” he said in a deep, gruff voice, and I jerked my head to look up at him again. That smile on Tank’s face had stretched wider. He was grinning, and his eyes were lit up.
“What?” I asked, and slowly, he pulled me closer to him by my shoulders.
“I was lying when I said that you weren’t the right kind of woman for me,” he told me, and I stared at him with my brows knotted. The tears were gushing down my cheeks now, but I didn’t care. I didn’t know whether to believe what he was telling me.
“I don’t understand,” I said, and Tank smiled more.
“I don’t expect you to, and I’m sorry for hurting you. But believe me, Noelle, I told you that so that you would hate me. So that you never had to get involved with all the messed up things in my life. In some messed up way, I was trying to keep you safe,” he continued.
I shook my head. This was crazy. This couldn’t actually be happening. I had to be dreaming.
“Noelle…” he breathed my name and pulled me to him.
I fell on his chest. He wrapped his arms around me, and I could feel myself sinking into him.
I had fantasized about being in his arms; I had fantasized that he would hold me close and promise that he’d make everything all right.
I just never thought that fantasy could ever come true.
As he held me and rocked me gently, I felt like I was finally home. I had no idea how much I’d missed being in his arms. He gently kissed the top of my head.
“This is the best thing you could have ever told me, Noelle. That I’m going to be a father,” I heard him say. I moved in his arms to look up at him. Even though he was smiling, I was still finding it difficult to forget about everything and pick up where we’d left off.
“So, you want the baby?” I asked, and Tank peered into my eyes, his hazel eyes bright and excited.
“There is nothing I want more than to have a child with you,” he said, and then as fast as he had started smiling, he was frowning again.
My heart dropped. Had he changed his mind so quickly?
“Fuck. This gives them the bloody leverage that they needed,” he said.
“What are you talking about?” I asked him as he stepped away from me.
Panic set in Tank’s eyes when he ran a hand through his hair. I wanted him to hold me again.
“Tank?” I begged him to explain, and he finally looked at me.
“Noelle…I’m sorry that you’re involved in this because of me,” he told me, and I shook my head in confusion.
“Involved in what?” I asked. Tank seemed to take in a deep breath, and he clenched his jaw before he spoke again.
“The reason that I forced you to stay away from me all those weeks ago was because I was afraid that the Dragon Knights were going to come after you because of me,” he revealed, and my lips parted in shock. What he was saying was making very little sense to me.
“They wanted to come after me?” I asked in a small voice.
“They were tailing us, watching you. That’s how they knew we were at the restaurant together. I saw them there that night, which is why I brought you back to my place,” he said, and I noticed how he had his fists clenched angrily. I gulped, trying to assimilate the information he had just given me.
“They wanted to hurt me because of you?” I asked, and Tank glared at me, searching my eyes for a reaction.
“I knew they were going to use you to hurt me, to trap me…to do something. I didn’t want them to find out that I cared about you,” he said in a deep quiet voice. He cared about me? That was all that seemed to matter.
I stepped towards him, my hands shaking as I drew closer to him.
“And you broke up with me to keep me safe?” I asked, and Tank remained silent for a few moments.
“I thought I was keeping you safe, but the truth is that you’ll never be safe as long as you know me.
I know that now,” he said, and his gaze dropped to my belly.
I reached for him, for his shoulders…just to touch him again.
I wanted him to know how safe I felt with him, that I had never felt more like myself, or safer, than when I was with him.
He caught my hand and lifted it to his lips and kissed my fingertips gently.
“Did he realize you were pregnant?” he asked and looked at my belly again. “Do they?” he asked, and I gulped. My throat had run dry; I was slowly beginning to understand what he was talking about.
“Yes, he saw…he knows,” I replied, and with one pull, he yanked me to him; we were hugging again. He stroked my hair and kissed my forehead, and I placed my head on his chest. I wanted to hear his heart beating.
“Now they know that I will always care for you…I will always care for our child,” I heard him say.
“So they will use our baby and me against you,” I added in a quiet voice, and he kissed the top of my head again.
“I’m sorry, Noelle. I should have stayed away from you.
I shouldn’t have asked you out on a date.
I don’t know what made me think that I could have a normal life with you,” he said, and I drew away from his chest to look up at his face.
I wanted him to see it in my eyes how much I disagreed with that statement.
“Tank, I have never wanted anything as much as I’ve wanted to be with you.
Please don’t say that…meeting you has changed me.
It’s made me stronger, and even though it hurt me to stay away from you, I never regretted my decision to be with you,” I told him, and Tank stared into my face, searching me with his deep hazel eyes.
Despite everything he had just told me, despite the fact that I should have been afraid for my life at that moment…
I felt happy. I felt at peace to be in his arms.
Tank’s hands drifted from my arms towards my belly. Slowly, he stroked my stomach where he imagined his baby to be, and a glimmer had entered his eyes. When he looked back up at my face, I could see that his anger had vanished, and there could have been a glint of happiness in his eyes.
“Noelle…I promise you that I will do everything to make sure that you and our child are always safe,” he said. I nodded my head.
“I know you will,” I replied.
“I don’t want to push you away. I want us to be together; it’s the best way for me to take care of you…of you both,” he continued, and I nodded my head again.
My heart was already leaping out of my chest with happiness. I didn’t care what the future held for us. I didn’t care who came after us. At that moment, all I cared about was that we could finally be together again.
“I’ve been miserable without you, Noelle. You’re the only woman for me,” he said, and Tank leaned over to take my lips into his.
I melted in his arms, my body sizzling with desire for him again. I kissed him back with force. He nibbled on my bottom lip, our tongues crashing against each other hungrily. When he finally drew away from me, we were both panting, and we both knew what we wanted.
My eyelids were heavy with desire, and he was glaring at my face.
“I want you, Noelle…I need to have you,” he growled.