Chapter 20 Noelle
TWENTY
NOELLE
The women and I came out of the back office into the bar when we heard loud voices.
Brooklyn, Kylie and Rebecca all seemed excited about the fact that Tank and I were going to be parents in six months.
Even though I hadn’t met any of these women before, and our paths might not ever have crossed other than in this situation, I seemed to be getting along with them well.
Brooklyn and Kylie were close to my age, beautiful women and fiercely in love with their men. Rebecca was closer to my mother’s age but was warm and welcoming. When we heard their raised voices outside, Rebecca led us out, and we saw that the Club was deep in discussion.
Tank was standing with Gunner, Glock and his friends around the President, Axel, and I couldn’t help but admire him from a distance. The women and I took up seats in the back.
“Think they’re finally planning their final attack on the Dragon Knights,” Kylie said, keeping her eyes on the men. Rebecca nodded her head, and when I met Brooklyn’s eyes, she smiled.
“You look worried,” she said to me, and my cheeks flushed. I licked my lips nervously. I was new to this world, and even though everyone had been perfectly friendly and nice to me till now, it was all still new to me.
“No, it’s nothing. I just don’t know what an attack means…what that means for Tank,” I said, and now Kylie and Rebecca looked at me as well. Kylie reached for my shoulder and squeezed supportively.
“I know how this can feel. I felt lost and worried for Hunter, too…this was all new to me, too. But you shouldn’t worry.
These guys know what they’re doing, and they’re good at it,” Kylie explained, and I nodded my head, trying to hide the tension from my face.
Even though I appreciated their support, those words weren’t helping.
All I was hearing was that Tank was going to put himself in danger, that his life might come in harm’s way.
“And besides, honey, it’s probably better that you know this now from the beginning…
this is what keeps our men happy. They need to go out and do what they feel is right and what is best. If they don’t, they lose the meaning of their lives,” it was Rebecca speaking now.
She was Axel’s lady, a generation older than us, and a seasoned MC woman.
I appreciated her advice and what she said made perfect sense to me, but I still wasn’t able to wrap my head around the lifestyle, how the father of my child could possibly be involved in all this.
While we were outside this world, it was easy for me to forget what Tank did.
I could focus on only him, his body and how he was capable of making me feel.
Now that he had brought me here to this bar, now that I had met his friends and brothers and I was getting a taste of his day-to-day life, I wasn’t sure of myself anymore.
Not only was his world different and new, but it was also rough, rebellious and dangerous.
I wasn’t sure how I was going to be able to cope or how I could be as relaxed as Brooklyn or Rebecca watching their men plan an actual weaponized attack on a rival gang.
“Or we could take down the Four Skulls first,” it was Tank’s voice that drew my attention back to the group again. He was standing casually with his hands stuffed into the pockets of his jeans. He had made some suggestion, and the others were looking at him, nodding their heads.
“Yes! That would mean cutting off the weapons supply for the DKs,” his friend, Gunner, said, and Axel was nodding his head, too.
“No more allies on the streets for those motherfuckers,” Axel declared, and some of the men in the group cheered.
I didn’t exactly understand what they were talking about, but there was threat and anger and violence dripping from all their voices, including Tank’s.
On top of that, I had never been surrounded by so many people who cursed freely or drank like a fish in the middle of the day.
Not that any of them were drunk, which proved that this was their daily routine.
I gulped as I tried to catch Tank’s eyes, but he wasn’t looking at me.
“Good. So we take down Four Skulls first. Stop the weapons supply. Then deal with the Dragon Knights after that,” Tank was speaking again, and I watched him closely. His face was serious and angered. His body language reeked of violence.
“This kind of an attack, the one they’re talking about with the Four Skulls…” I turned to Kylie again. “Will this involve actual guns and weapons?” I asked, and Rebecca let out a laugh behind us.
“Honey,” she said and placed a hand on my arm. “How else are they going to bring those guys down?” she asked, and I stared back at her. I knew it was a stupid question, but I was still in disbelief.
“Don’t you want payback for what they did to Tank? The Dragon Knights almost killed him. You were there at the hospital, you know, right?” Brooklyn asked, and I nodded my head and looked away from them.
Yes, I wanted payback for what they did to Tank.
I also wanted payback for the way Mark Kaz had treated me at the hospital and the fact that they had tailed us on our date.
But an attack? With guns blazing and putting lives in danger…
was not the payback I would have had in mind. That was not the world I belonged to.
But now things were going to change. I had fallen in love with a man whose life was completely different. I wasn’t sure anymore if I could live my own life without caring about the guns Tank kept hidden in the kitchen when I wasn’t looking. He thought I hadn’t noticed it, but I had.
The men had been talking for close to an hour, discussing the details of the attack that they were planning.
Eventually, Axel ended the meeting, and Tank came over to me.
I tried to force a smile on my face when I saw him walking towards me, because I didn’t want him to know how anxious I was feeling.
“Everything okay?” he asked and drew me into his arms. His touch was enough to instantly calm me down, and despite everything I was feeling, I couldn’t help but melt right in his arms.
“Yeah, the girls have been very friendly to me,” I said. Tank’s hand moved down to my ass, and he slipped it into the back pocket of my jeans. I bit down on my lip as he squeezed my ass and started drawing me towards the door of the bar.
“That’s good, because you will be seeing a lot of them, and you might need their help when the baby comes,” he said, and we walked together.
I was glad that I would have help with the baby, given that I was sure that my family would want to have nothing to do with me when they found out.
But I still couldn’t get rid of that feeling gnawing at me, that I would never be able to come to terms with the life I had just walked into.
Tank helped me up on his bike and took up his position in front of me.
“Are you taking me back to my place?” I asked him as he accelerated his bike noisily. I clung to him for support, and I could feel his muscles become stiff and taut under his leather jacket.
“Yes, and I want to spend as much time with you as possible,” I heard him say, and despite myself, I smiled as we rode off.
At my apartment, we walked in hand-in-hand. We were both smiling and talking, and slowly, the more time I spent with him, I started to forget all my anxiety that had filled my mind at the bar.
We ate a late lunch at the kitchen counter, and Tank told me that it was the best home-cooked meal he had ever eaten.
This time, I didn’t even have to coax him; he decided to open up and tell me about his parents, about how violent his father was, how many broken bones he had as a kid and how his mother wasn’t half the mother she should have been to him.
She was more concerned about men than her son, who was getting beaten up by his father on a daily basis.
I didn’t blame Tank anymore for choosing the life he had for himself.
I understood now, why he smiled so little, why he kept his distance from people and why this was a difficult topic for him to talk about.
The people that were meant to love him the most as a kid never did, which left him feeling the need to guard himself.
I was thankful that he was letting peak behind his strong walls.
I was looking into Tank’s deep hazel eyes while he leaned over the kitchen counter across from me. We had eaten out of bowls standing up, and I still couldn’t believe how normal and natural it felt to be with him, to have him in my home.
“I’m sorry, Tank,” I said and reached for his hand. Tank allowed me to hold his hand, and he took in a deep breath and shook his head.
“I don’t want you to feel sorry for me, Noelle, because I stopped feeling sorry for myself a long time ago.
Now, I want to make sure that my child has a better life, with better parents.
That’s all I care about right now,” he said, and I leaned myself over the counter some more so that our faces were just inches away.
Tank looked into my eyes, reading in them what I was asking for.
With his forefinger, he pushed aside a few strands of hair from my forehead and then allowed his hand to trail down my cheek till he was holding my face in the palm of his hand.
To me, it felt like he was also holding my heart in his palm.
The more I looked at him, the more convinced I was that I would follow him anywhere, that none of the things I had seen or heard in the bar mattered - as long as I could have him.