17. Evan
SEVENTEEN
EVAN
The buzz and commotion of the Cedar County Farmers Market used to make my skin crawl.
Once mid-May rolled around, Tipp was a hub that drew in local crafters, vendors, and farms from several counties over.
At the Cedar County Farmers Market, you could find everything from a bouquet of flowers to your next puppy, and the sea of unfamiliar faces always put me on edge.
It took months before I stopped constantly scanning the crowd for a face from my past, though I still caught myself doing it once or twice.
Laurel Canyon Ranch, as we were officially known, had a sizable booth.
We used it to strengthen our presence in the county, form friendships, and sell beef.
Today it was even better because I had been able to swap shifts with Ray and spend the entire day with Val.
I was packing the cooler we’d brought on a trailer and couldn’t help but watch her dazzle everyone as she set up pamphlets and said hello to the strangers who walked by.
When one man stopped to ask beef questions she had little to no idea how to answer, it took only one flick of his eyes down her front for me to step in .
“All the beef is grass fed, grain finished, registered Highland beef.” As my voice cut in, the man stood back and gave me a once-over.
“It’s kind of pricey. Don’t you think?”
“I think you get what you pay for.” My arms crossed over my chest as I fought the defensive tone in my voice.
“Hormones?”
“No hormones, no steroids, no subtherapeutic antibiotics.”
The man nodded, considering the information I gave him. “All right, what’s your ordering process?”
“You can order in quarters, halves, or wholes. A standard quarter will have a hanging weight of around one hundred fifty to two hundred pounds. You pay for processing and pick up directly from Cedar Processing.”
I glanced at Val and caught her wide eyes staring at me, and I fought the twitch of a smile at the corner of my mouth.
Who knew that impressing Val, no matter how small, would give me the thrill it did?
I took the man’s order down and tucked the form into the binder before returning to set up the rest of the booth.
Val walked up behind me. “Well, I’ll be damned.” Humor laced her voice, and I turned to see the full radiance of her smile directed at me.
“What?” I shrugged and tried to appear unaffected by her approval.
“Nothing . . . just . . . you’d never know. You know?”
I looked at her in question.
“You know, Evan Walker .” She gestured to all of me.
I smiled and winked at her. “I’m Evan Walker. Born and raised in Montana. ”
She shook her head and laughed before returning to the other side of the booth with a muttered Mm-hmm .
The town buzzed with energy. The smells of kettle-cooked popcorn, flowers, and pine-laced mountain air wafted through the county fairgrounds. A sea of familiar faces from town stopped by the booth to say hello or place an order.
On a sunny early-summer day, with the mountain breeze at my back, it was easy to forget my shitty childhood or the horrible things I had done in my former life. I wanted nothing more than to leave that behind.
Start fresh.
I knew I didn’t truly deserve it, but somewhere along the line, Tipp, Montana, had come to feel more like any home I’d ever had. Its residents accepted everyone who filtered in—as soon as they proved worthy. I only hoped I could do that acceptance justice.
Val’s eyes were wild as she scanned the booths and took in the true magic of a locally run, large-scale farmers market. I could tell she was itching to explore.
“Hey, Scotty.” He turned away from his conversation. “Can you cover for a while? We’re gonna grab a bite to eat.”
“Bring me back one of the good sandwiches from Mrs. Roberts if she’s got ’em.”
I nodded and turned toward Val. “Hey, come with me.”
Her eyes were questioning, scanning the crowd as I pulled her away from the booth.
“Relax.” I lowered my voice to whisper in her ear. “We’re taking a break.”
She exhaled. “Oh. Sounds good. I’ve got no clue how to answer any of the questions I’m getting anyway. What about Scott?” She moved her eyes toward him .
“We have an agreement. We’ll be fine for a few minutes anyway.”
She nodded, and as we wound through the crowd, Val’s excitement built. “This is incredible. I’ve never seen anything like it.” She paused in front of a booth and toyed with her lip. I wanted to pull her close and suck that lip in a kiss, but instead, I chose to share her excitement.
“Well, go on. We’ve got plenty of time. Stop anywhere you want to.”
Like a kid on Christmas, Val squeezed her hands together and barely contained an actual squeal. She paused at nearly every booth to run her delicate fingers over the items for sale. Honey, paintings, fresh produce. Dozens of stalls had fresh baked bread, artisan cheeses, and crafts.
“Can’t get this in the city, huh?”
Val shook her head. “Not even close. I thought the farmers market in the city was nice, but this is unbelievable. It reminds me a little of the Mercado de San Cosme outside of Mexico City. And this is all homemade. Someone made or grew or built these things, you know? Just incredible!”
Her enthusiasm was infectious. I itched to touch her and ran my palm down her forearm, capturing her hand in mine.
Val paused and glanced down at our linked hands. Her gorgeous, deep-brown eyes met mine. I leaned to breathe in her citrus shampoo and whisper in her ear. “We’re safe in the crowd. I have to touch you.”
She pumped my hand once and gripped my forearm with her opposite hand to pull me closer. Together we walked, linked and looking like any other couple we saw wandering through the crowded market. Warmth radiated up my arm at her touch.
We laughed and talked about the different booths, and we stopped at each of them that caught her eye.
I didn’t give a shit about any of it, but because of the simple fact it made her as happy as it did, I would forever be willing to look at someone’s crocheted scarves.
Toward the end of the row, something caught Val’s eye, and she pulled away to go into the booth.
Handmade jewelry hung from small displays. Some were simple metal pieces and others had gemstones or rocks with bits of wire spiraled around them.
“Aren’t these pretty?” Val held up a necklace and smiled.
I shrugged, not knowing much about women’s jewelry.
“Look, this is a geode.” Val picked up a small necklace that from the outside looked like it had a simple gray rock hanging from the chain. But on the other side, it was a tiny cavern of glittering, colored crystals. She placed it in my palm so I could look more closely.
“It is pretty,” I conceded.
Val continued to scan and touch every piece in the booth.
Over her shoulder, she said, “It reminds me of you. Craggy on the outside, but on the inside is something special.” A small smirk played at her lips as she absentmindedly moved on to other pieces, but I was rooted to the ground.
I stared down at the pretty gemstone, not truly believing her words.
Had anyone else ever thought I was good on the inside?
A war of emotions tumbled violently in my chest. I didn’t deserve her affection, or her thinking I was special.
She had only the vaguest idea of the man I was before ending up in Montana.
The thought of her knowing the real me, the scary and darkest parts of me that still lingered at the edges, made my gut pitch and lurch.
She needs to know .
I replaced the necklace and followed Val out of the booth and toward the horses that were penned at the end of the row. Workers milled about, walking or training the horses as people gathered to either watch or assess a specific horse they were interested in buying.
I ran a hand down Val’s back, settling it at the small of her waist. She leaned on the gate, resting her chin on her hand, and looked out over the small arena and watched the horses trot and eat the hay that children fed through the bars.
“I told you I would never lie to you.”
Val tipped her head sideways, resting her cheek on her hand and looking at me. “Then don’t.”
Her simple statement held so much weight. She made me want to crack open and reveal all my secrets.
My sins.
I still didn’t know if that drive to open up was to draw her closer or push her away.
I settled next to her, resting my forearms along the metal fence. “I did a lot of very bad things for a very long time.”
“I figured.”
“There’s still a chance I have to serve time.” Her eyes ripped from the horses to look at me. I stared out over the gate with my boot propped on the metal bar, but continued on. “It’s not that I shouldn’t have to pay for what I’ve done. I’ve come to expect it. In a way, I even welcome it.”
“You really think you’ll have to serve time in prison?”
“I don’t really know. Joining witness protection doesn’t always erase the past. Part of my plea deal was that I could be free to care for Gemma. All it takes is one prosecutor or federal judge to change their mind and I go away for a long time. ”
“And you’re not afraid?”
A grim line formed in my brow. “I’m not.” I’d become a snitch, and it was like trading away my very soul.
She studied my profile. “You think you deserve it.”
“I know I do.”
“There are other ways to relieve you of the burdens you carry.” Her voice rose, laced with what almost sounded like anger.
“Kind of ironic, coming from a cop, don’t you think?” I finally mustered the courage to look at her. Her brow was furrowed, and her eyes danced with fire.
She rolled those gorgeous eyes at me. “If you would have asked me that a month ago, I think my answer would have been very different.” She rolled her lips together. “So,” she said, her voice going quiet, “you were in the Mafia.”
I looked around. No one was even remotely paying attention to us. We were protected by the anonymity of the crowd. “Connected. My brother, Parker, was much deeper in the organization, but we’re not family. Just hired muscle.”
“Muscle?”
“I was a Reminder . When someone was behind on payments or owed one of the guys something ...”
“You reminded them payment was due. By hurting them?”
“An enforcer. When I had to be. Sometimes, just a visit was enough; other times it wasn’t.”
The weight of the truth lightened with an exhale.
With Val there was no pretending. There was a strange comfort in her knowing who I was before I became Evan Walker.
I could exist in my new life without having to lie about my past. We didn’t need to keep up the facade of my new identity when it was just the two of us.
She sighed and stretched her arms, bending at the waist and bowing her head between her arms. “Ugh ... that is so illegal.”
A sad chuckle escaped me. “Yep.”
“Have you ever been to jail?”
The muscle in my jaw flexed. “Once or twice.”
She stretched back up and looked at me. I searched but couldn’t find judgment in her eyes. “So you’re a Mafia cowboy?”
“Former Mafia. Guess I’m just a cowboy now.”
Her eyes scanned down my back and paused on my ass. “Well, you do wear your jeans tight like a cowboy. And I’m not mad at that.” Her hand found my back pocket, and she leaned into me.
The air smelled of animal and grass and fresh air, but I couldn’t help but let the scent of her fill my lungs as I held my breath to savor it there. I didn’t deserve for her to understand me or my past, but I had learned a long time ago to take my chances when I got them.
“We should head back. Get Scotty his sandwich before someone comes looking for us.”
“Only if we can go past the nuns’ booth again. I need that cheese in my life.”
I mussed her hair as she bounced on her toes and looked up at me. “Deal.”
As we wound back through the crowd toward the Laurel Canyon Ranch booth, I let myself imagine a life here with Val. It could be full of laughter and farmers markets and nuns who make cheese and no more agents who follow us or secrets.
The lie was easy to hold on to. My life was riddled with unforgivable sins, and Val’s acceptance eased a bit of the ache that took up permanent residence in my chest.
A flash of dark hair pulled me from my thoughts. For a split second, recognition hit me as a man walked through the crowd. Panic crept up my spine as I tried to locate him again.
It was like seeing a ghost—clear as day one second but gone the next.
I tried to shake the feeling, find the place of warm comfort I felt with Val, but my mind wouldn’t let it go. The singular thought dogged me the rest of the afternoon.
Parker.