20. Val
TWENTY
VAL
Even days later, if I closed my eyes and stilled my breathing, I could ignore the musk of the hay barn and still feel the pulse of Evan as he finished inside me.
“Someone has a secret!” Gemma’s giddy, singsong voice cut through my fantasy.
My eyes flew open, and a faint buzzing in my ears deafened me to the room as panic prickled at the base of my skull.
She knows. Shit. Shit!
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.” Gemma’s brows drew together, darkening her crystal-blue eyes, her hair half-swept up in a little messy bun at her crown.
“Hi.” I cleared my throat. “Uh, yeah. It’s okay.”
Gemma finished climbing the ladder to the top of the hayloft and plopped down onto a bale, crossing her slim legs. Her eyes glittered, and her wide smile was radiant. She really was a beautiful girl.
“So,” I said, ready to face the truth of being caught. “I think it’s important you know?—”
“I’m moving out!” Gemma’s excitement bubbled out of her, cutting my confession off midstream.
I stared at her as her leg bounced and creaked the old floorboards. “Oh, come on!” She planted her hands on her hips. “I thought you’d be excited for me!”
“Wow, Gem. Yeah, no, I am. I’m just confused. Moving out?” Relief mixed with newfound confusion. Were Evan and Gemma leaving the ranch? A sharp and disconcerting pain pinched behind my breastbone at the thought.
“Yes! My own place. I can’t even right now!
They finished renovation work on one of the small cottages.
It’s closer to the lodge than our place now, and I buttered Ma up––told her I wanted to take some classes at a nearby community college and needed somewhere I could study, listen to the online lectures, that kind of thing.
But you can’t tell Evan yet. Ma’s going to help me break the news. ”
“No, I wouldn’t say anything, Why would I say anything?”
Gemma flicked her wrist in dismissal. “I know you guys are like, whatever.”
I continued cleaning and sweeping the loft, but I couldn’t meet her eyes. “I’m not sure what you mean. Your brother and I aren’t ...” I shook my head with a dismissive laugh, the lie dying a bitter death on my tongue.
“Yeah, okay. Whatever, I don’t care. I just had to tell you!”
I frowned. I thought Evan and I had been doing a pretty good job at keeping outward appearances, but Gemma definitely seemed to have her suspicions.
Who else has noticed?
I steeled myself against the reality that I would have to be diligent in making sure that any interactions between us were strictly friendly .
No. Cordial.
Aloof? Fuck, I don’t know how to do this.
“A place of your own. Wow.”
“Maybe one day I can even get my own apartment off the ranch. But this is something.”
“How do you think Evan will take the news?” I tamped down my errant thoughts and tried to muster up the excitement Gemma deserved. This was a big step in regaining her confidence and her independence.
She rolled her eyes. “He’ll freak out. Sometimes I think he forgets that this isn’t just a cattle ranch. The place is literally crawling with federal agents. I’ll be fine.”
She had a point.
I smiled a true, genuine smile for my friend. “I think it’s a big, exciting, important step! Lots of girls your age go to college and live on their own.”
“Exactly. Plus, I won’t have to worry about seeing Evan walk around in a towel after his shower. Yeesh.” She exaggerated a shudder, and I couldn’t help but laugh with her. I also tucked that fresh, steamy image of Evan in a towel away in my mind for later.
“It really is a big step. I’m proud of you.”
Gemma walked over to hug me. “What about you? You don’t have to stay in the lodge. There are plenty of cabins you could claim as your own. Ma wouldn’t care.”
I squeezed her back but continued with my chores.
The truth was, I hadn’t really thought at all about moving into the little homes.
Those were typically reserved for the long-term residents.
Federal cases could drag on for years, and the cottages allowed a more homey space during that time.
I had never planned to stay in Montana that long.
“My room is fine. It’s got everything I need.”
“Is it because you’re going back?”
I offered her a sad smile, but nothing more.
“Ugh. I hate that. I’ll miss you so freaking much. But I totally get it. I miss the city too.”
Changing the subject to something that didn’t make my heart feel so bruised, I asked, “Have you finished your chores yet?”
She smiled a playful grin and pinned me with a glare, but descended down the ladder. “See. You’re even starting to sound like him.”
My laughter filled the hayloft, and in Gemma’s absence, I breathed in. Here in Montana, it was like you could smell the sunshine. Even the dank, musky smells of the animals had grown into a comfort of sorts. Gemma was taking a step forward in her life, and pretty soon I’d be able to do the same.
Why does that thought make me want to cry?
“Will you dance with me?” I sneaked Evan a playful grin as we walked toward the Tabula Rasa.
“Absolutely not.” His jaw was flexing and tense.
We hung back, as the group of us from the ranch took up nearly the entire sidewalk.
I looked at his hard expression and couldn’t help but poke the bear. Just a little. “Is it because you’re a horrendous dancer? Do you do the white-man overbite while you only move your shoulders? It’s okay. You can tell me.”
Evan’s face twisted in disgust. “I’m an incredible dancer. How dare you.”
I covered my laugh with my hand and tried to settle the giggles that threatened to draw attention our way. “Fine. Be a stick-in-the-mud. ”
Evan subtly leaned into my space and lowered his voice. “There’s no way in hell I could have you in my arms and everyone not see what’s between us.” The penetrating rumble of his words soaked through me.
Delight danced in my veins. Getting under his skin was half the fun of our interactions. “Oh, I felt what was between us the other night,” I joked, lifting an eyebrow to glance at the front of his jeans.
He feigned shock and clutched his imaginary pearls. “I feel so ... used.” The giggle that erupted from me finally drew the attention of a few from our group, so I refocused my attention forward and quickened my pace, putting a few extra steps between us.
Evan Walker was funny, but sensitive under all that dirt and denim.
I could love him.
The thought was there before I could stop it—barreling through my mind like a freight train.
In my heart, I knew it was a simple truth.
In another life, I could love Evan Walker.
He was a broken boy, grown into a man who’d pieced himself back together.
He deserved someone to hold the leftover pieces that didn’t quite fit.
Protect those precious bits of him no one else appreciated.
As we approached the bar, Evan held the door for me but didn’t lose his playful grin as he growled, “Get inside.”
Our group of ten gathered around two wooden tables, pushed together and tucked in a darkened corner.
You’d think celebrities had shown up at the Rasa and not a few dirty cowboys.
Delighted smiles and whispers floated through the crowd.
A few men walked over, shook hands, and returned to their seats as our server appeared.
We ordered food and drinks, and my tummy rumbled in delight at the thought of a greasy cheeseburger. Evan purposely sat across the table and several seats down, and I had to will myself not to gawk at his chiseled jaw or the way the corded muscles of his forearms made his tattoos come alive.
I wasn’t the only one who’d appreciated his appearance.
He’d caught the attention of several women in the bar, and I fought the pang of jealousy that reared its head.
I hated that if he’d wanted to, Evan could take any one of them on a date.
A real date—hold her hand and spin her around the dance floor and kiss her good night without having to worry about a damn thing.
I grumbled to myself, sinking lower in my seat and watching the crowd slowly gather on the dance floor as the band played a mixture of classic rock and country music.
I surveyed our group too. After a few moments, it became obvious which of us were actual marshals and who was there for a burger and a good time.
Maybe it was because of my training at the academy, but the most obvious tell was how their eyes never stopped scanning, and there was never an instant when they were completely relaxed.
Of our ten, I was fairly certain three were definitely on duty.
Thinking of them and my own training, I felt rusty.
Had my instincts really gotten so far off?
Thank god for the opportunity to spar at the gym or I would have really regretted my lack of practice and training.
I needed to refocus. Get serious. It had been weeks since I’d even thought about my police work in the city.
Sure, I missed parts of it—the nights when you knew you made a positive impact for someone or the camaraderie of the guys––but the grueling days of manual labor on the ranch, followed by stealing heated moments with Evan, consumed my days .
I thought of Eric and made a mental note to see if there was a way to check in on him. Knowing him, he was partnered up with someone who was driving him up a wall, maybe even actually making him work instead of nap, and likely the batteries were dead on his Taser.
A steaming basket of fries and my cheeseburger were a welcomed reprieve from my thoughts. Throughout dinner, conversation ebbed and flowed, people danced and laughed and listened to the band roll from one song to the next.
“All right, folks. It’s the third Thursday of the month, which means it’s open mic for the next two hours. Sign-ups are at the corner of the stage.”