21. Evan
TWENTY-ONE
EVAN
“Well, it’s all going to hell now.” Ray’s snarl was clear as he spat on the earth beside our boots.
My shoulders were heavy from the grueling Friday morning I’d worked through.
In the early hours of the day, a heifer from the naturally bred herd was found birthing, but it was not going well.
After what felt like hours standing in a pasture in the spitting rain, our attempts to figure out why she was struggling were in vain.
The calf was stillborn, and its mutated form caused one younger ranch hand to get sick right there in the pasture.
The calf was born a conjoined twin—one body, but its head was almost split in two, causing stress on the mother during birth.
We’d be lucky if we didn’t lose her too.
Occasional calf loss was a real but unfortunate reality of life on a cattle ranch.
But this was more. Genetic abnormalities were not a good sign for the health of the herd nor the reputation of the quality of cattle we produced—another reason the managers were pushing for artificial insemination.
And, according to Ray, a seriously bad omen .
Though ranchers were more superstitious than most, they believed with such conviction that it rattled me too.
If it is an omen, what the hell is coming?
I tried to ignore him and his perpetual bad mood as I scrubbed the dried blood from my hands, but it was tough to shake.
I was little more than muscle on the ranch and wasn’t in charge of making any real decisions, but I had come to care about the ranch and what it stood for. Protection for those who needed it. A fresh start for some. Redemption, or at the very least, the beginning of the path toward it.
My thoughts turned dark as Parker’s face filled my brain.
Ever since the farmers market, I’d found myself more on edge and suspicious than normal.
A deep, irrational side of me wanted to kidnap Val, tuck her away kicking and screaming.
Keep her and Gemma someplace safe where Parker and his army couldn’t find us.
Trouble was, Val was supposed to be nothing more than a friend.
I was proud of myself. The entire time at the bar I hadn’t looked at Val more than three or four times. Even then, I made sure to make my glances quick and not let my eyes catch on the curve of her ass or how her throat bobbed when she laughed at something that she found truly funny.
But the proximity of her in Hubert’s van had me coming apart at the seams. Val had teased me and her playfulness was addicting. I looked over, and Ray was still staring at me like I was something he’d stepped in. I was certain he could read my thoughts, so I buried them deep.
“I’m gonna tell you something, kid.” I glowered in his direction, but Ray kept talking. “Do what’s right, not what you want to do.”
I furrowed my brows, not understanding his meaning. Ray’s piss-poor attitude kept most people at a distance. Why he was suddenly feeling chatty was a mystery.
When I stayed silent, he continued, “You’re gonna throw away a second chance on a piece of city ass. Damn shame.”
I straightened to my full height, enraged that he’d referred to Val like that, fists clenched at my sides when I understood his meaning.
He knows. Fuck.
All I could do was stare at his back as he limped away.
The day went from bad to spectacularly shitty as it wore on. I had been summoned to Ma’s office, and she looked pissed. Gemma sat in a chair and refused to make eye contact with me.
I looked between the two women. “What’s this about?”
“We need to have a conversation.”
I breathed through the panic and flexed a muscle in my jaw to steady my nerves. “I’m listening.”
Ma’s voice was soft but controlled. “You know that here on the ranch, we do more than hide people away until their day in court.”
“Of course.”
“When the idea for this place came to me, I dreamed of giving second chances to people who deserved them. People who needed a leg up when life was busy pushing them down and beating the piss out of them. You of all people know what opportunities we have. Doors we can nudge open.”
A sickening self-loathing laced through the words that sneaked past my gritted teeth. “I’m well aware of how lucky we are to be here.”
Ma rounded my chair and placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. “There’s no need to give yourself a coronary. I simply want you to understand why I do what I do.”
I looked at her but stayed silent, ready to hear that I’d royally fucked up. Gotten caught and was no longer welcomed at the ranch.
“Gemma is ready to walk through one of those open doors.”
My head whipped up, and my eyes pinned a worried-looking Gemma. “What does that mean?”
Gemma swallowed hard but found her voice. “I’m moving out.”
My brain blinked off after she spoke. I could only stare between the two women as I struggled to find my words.
This has nothing to do with Val.
Instant relief was replaced with confusion as Gemma’s words began to sink in, and my heart pounded harder.
“Move out? Like fuck you are.” I was on my feet, rounding the chair and pacing between the door and the desk.
Ma stood, the air in the office crackling with tension. “Ace.” She shook her head. “She is a young woman. She can make her own choices. She’ll be taking residence in one of the empty cottages.”
“She needs protection. To be safe.”
“She’ll have all the protection she needs while having the space and autonomy to grow as a woman. Gemma has decided to enroll in a few college courses. This is a good thing. It’s what we do here.”
I scoffed an angry puff of air out of my nose and rolled my eyes. “She’s a kid and you’re going to get her killed. ”
At my tone, Gemma stood. Her tiny frame took up hardly any space, but she came toe-to-toe with me, lifting her chin and jutting her finger hard against my chest. “I’m smart and I can learn new things.
You may look at me and see her, but I will be more than our mother.
I wasn’t asking for permission. I’m moving out. ”
Tears welled in her eyes as she stormed out of the office, rattling the keyboard as the door slammed behind her.
I sank back into the chair.
Dammit.
My skin felt too tight. I dragged my hands through my hair, feeling like a piece of shit. “Was this your influence?”
Ma laughed. “Hardly. You don’t give her enough credit. That girl hasn’t discovered it yet, but she’s got fire in her.”
I rubbed the spot in my chest where Gemma had poked me.
“I know she does. But she’s so young, she needs .
..” I had no fucking clue what she needed.
All I knew was that I needed to feel like she was safe.
That she was protected from anyone who wanted to hurt her and that she wouldn’t get carved up in someone’s basement because I couldn’t help her.
“She needs her big brother to support her and love her.” Ma’s hands found my shoulders. “Part of you loving her is letting her make her own mistakes. She can’t get into too much trouble here. The cottage is within walking distance of yours, and we’ll be sure to make extra rounds if need be.”
I growled at her logic, hating that she was right. “She’ll be taking classes?”
“The community college in Chikalu Falls has online offerings. She can stay safely here and earn credits.”
I relaxed slightly. It was an easier pill to swallow, knowing she would still be at the ranch and not moving farther than a few hundred yards away. Still, it felt like everything was shifting and changing beneath my feet.
“Okay. It’s fine.”
A burst of laughter startled me into looking at Ma. “Oh, sweet boy. Gemma was right—neither of us was asking your permission.” I rose as she wiped tears of laughter from the corner of her eye. “You are a stubborn, protective soul. Off you go.”
Ma ushered me out the door as the conversation rattled around in my skull. I needed to track down Gemma, apologize for being an asshole, and see what I could do to make things right between us.
Then I was finding Val.
“You actually helped her pack?” Disbelief dripped from her voice as she looked at me across my small kitchen table. It was still a mindfuck to see her sitting in my cottage.
I nodded and sipped my beer. “Yup.”
“I’m proud of you.” Val’s smile and words tightened the vise that resided in my chest whenever she was around.
Or I smelled her shampoo on the air.
Or simply thought of her.
“I don’t think there’s anything to be proud of. My hands were pretty tied.”
“I’m proud because you could have thrown a hissy fit. Instead, you supported her. I’m sure that means more to her than you realize.”
It was a strange and almost uncomfortable feeling to know someone was proud of you. In my years in Chicago, I inspired fear, respect, and intimidation, but never pride.
“Hissy fit? Me?” I lowered my brow and growled as I pulled her chair toward me, scraping it against the floor. I leaned in, breathing in her scent and trailing soft kisses up the column of her throat.
Her head tipped back, and her eyes moved across the room, taking in the small space, washed in a warm glow.
She leaned toward the little cork board, pausing to look at the few pictures I had on it.
Val glanced at me, skepticism evident in her squinting eyes.
“I never took you for a sentimental guy.”
I shrugged and buried the hot coal that burned in my chest. “A few pictures are all I have left.” I reached across her to point one out. “That’s Mom.”
Val lifted the corner of the picture to get a closer look.
My mother was young in the photograph. Her face was slightly away from the camera, a cigarette hanging from her fingertips.
She was partway through a good laugh—a sound I wished I could remember.
She looked happy and exactly how I wanted to remember her.