31. Evan
THIRTY-ONE
EVAN
Ma stood behind her desk as I stared at my brother, fury rising in my chest. “Do not kill each other. Blood’s a bitch to get out of the carpet.” She rounded her desk, and the door closed behind her.
Parker shot to his feet and we were at a standoff, both with our arms crossed and feet planted wide. I broke first. “Don’t fucking tell me you’re an undercover agent or some bullshit.”
Parker’s barking laugh filled the office. “You know better than that.” His eyes raked down me, snagging on my work boots as though he couldn’t believe I was wearing them. He finally looked back at me and shook his head. “Never thought you for a rat.”
My fist connected with his face with a satisfying crack. Heat radiated up my arm. I held my hands up, ready for the fight.
“Fuck!” Parker swiped the back of his hand over his lip, smearing blood across his forearm. “I forgot how much that goddamn left stings.” He pinched his nose and shook his head .
“You may not have thought me for a rat, but I never thought you’d kidnap our sister. Guess we were both wrong.”
“That wasn’t my call. Ow. Fucking dickbag.”
I took one step forward, ready to lay it down again. “The fuck you say to me?”
“Gemma. That wasn’t my call. But she’d overheard some shit—weapons trafficking and the location of the drop. It made Michael jumpy. I told him I’d take care of it.”
A disgusted scoff pushed through my nose.
“Jesus, Evan. I was going to talk to her. Make sure she understood that she couldn’t tell anyone what she’d heard.
Ever. Apparently, Michael was worried a conversation wasn’t enough.
He had her snatched.” I lowered my hands and watched my big brother, looking for any signs of him lying.
“Word got around that he’d nabbed her. I was looking for her, too, you know. ”
I could only stare at the stranger in front of me.
For years I’d watched him slowly morph into someone I barely recognized.
Controlled. Darker. I hated to admit that I had been changing too.
I’d used Gemma’s abduction as an excuse to leave the life, but in reality, I’d already had one foot out the door.
“Looking for her? You didn’t want anything to do with her.”
Parker lifted his chin and stared me down. “Can you blame me? She’s the spitting image of Mom. I didn’t need the walking reminder. That doesn’t mean I want her dead.”
My nostrils flared. I was at war between protecting my sister and believing the bullshit my big brother was trying to feed me. I gritted my teeth. I had to know. “No bullshit?”
A smile cracked across his features as he reached out his hand. “No, man. No bullshit. ”
I stared down at his open hand. The ruthless man that he’d become still held traces of the protective brother he used to be.
I hated myself for even considering forgiveness.
Instead, I held my ground, my eyes level with his.
“I need answers first. Starting with what you know about Michael and how the fuck you found us here.”
The conversation with Parker left me drained.
I now had more questions than answers. Park still had his secrets, the biggest being the tiny blonde with owl eyes he’d dragged in with him.
When Parker left, she rose from the couch and scurried behind him without a sound.
I chose to tackle that mystery another day.
I was dog-tired and needed a shower. I hated myself for how I’d spat venom in Val’s direction. I would have got on my knees and begged for her forgiveness if I thought that would make her stay.
Selfish.
Val didn’t belong here.
I braced myself on the kitchen island of the lodge and hung my head. My shoulders ached and my head throbbed. The lodge was quiet, and I could feel the long-ass day tug at the muscles in my back.
Commotion from the hallway caught my attention. Robbie came barreling down the hall, Ma and two other agents at his heels. “What’s going on?”
“Val found Michael. They ran into some trouble, but the truck’s pulling in now.”
I immediately straightened and moved with them when Ma stopped in front of me. “Absolutely not.” She pointed to the chair near the island. “Sit down. ”
“No.” My fists clenched at my sides.
“Had you been there and it’d gone sideways, it would have put yourself and Gemma at risk. Val was smart. She tried to get out of there at the first sniff of trouble. He got the drop on her.”
I clenched my jaw. I had to see her for myself, to know that she was okay.
“She needs to speak with me. I need to debrief and then she’s all yours.”
Over Ma’s shoulder, Scotty walked in with Gemma tucked under his arm. When she saw me, she rushed forward. I caught her in my arms as she cried against my chest. I murmured words of comfort but kept my eyes pinned to the door, waiting for Val.
She walked in. Other agents were slapping her back and offering congratulations. She gave only a small smile. Robbie walked with swift steps, leading her down the hallway to Ma’s office.
Our eyes met and my chest hitched. She was messy and dirty and the most gorgeous woman I had ever seen. I’d brought her into this mess, and because of me, she’d been put in danger. Even here, I couldn’t keep her safe.
I tracked her movements until she disappeared behind the door.
“I’ve been removed from any further investigation.
” I lifted my head to see Val’s shoulders back, chin raised.
The defiant glint in her eye was so damn gorgeous I wanted to pull her into me.
I turned toward her but my feet stayed planted, and I ignored the pit aching in my middle.
I didn’t respond. “Agents Brown and Brown felt that I was too close to the investigation and my involvement with you was a conflict of interest.”
“You’re leaving, then?” I felt sick. My insides were screaming to go to her, comfort her, but she was guarded.
She stood with her arms clamped across her chest. Scott had kept me company and told me what had gone down at the church.
After what she had been through, I was afraid to touch her and make it worse.
“Final arrangements have been made. I’m only waiting to be debriefed, and then I’ll know my next steps.” Val took a tentative step forward, and I stiffened. One touch and I’d crumble.
She let out a breath and looked at me. “I understand you’re angry, but I want you to know that I made the deal with Walsh because I thought it would protect you and Gemma. I wanted to stay. With you. I couldn’t stand the thought of leaving. I should have told you.”
Losing her would destroy me. Val was the best thing that had ever happened to me, and I was the anchor tied around her neck.
A life with me would mean giving up her dream job at the ATF, her life in Chicago.
If protecting her from me meant that I had to live without her, I’d willingly suffer through it.
“You should have left.” My heart had been carved out of my chest, and I held the knife. I closed my eyes and tried to swallow the bile that threatened the back of my throat. I gritted my teeth to get through what needed to be said. “Listen, we both knew what this was.”
Val stared at me, her dark eyes serious and unwavering. “What this was ...”
She was going to make me say it.
Fuck .
“Yeah. Fun. Temporary, until it ran its course or you went back to Chicago.” The words burned in my mouth. The warmth in her eyes was gone, and I knew I’d never feel them warm my skin again. She would never look at me like I was something more than a lowlife. A criminal.
“This isn’t who you are.”
I turned away from her. It was too painful to hear the hope in her voice. I couldn’t hold on to the hope or I would destroy us both. “You’re wrong. I know exactly who I am. You just didn’t want to believe it. Don’t put that on me.”
“You are unbelievable,” she whispered, shaking her head, her jaw set.
I realized that I needed her anger. I couldn’t stand the idea of making her cry. Anger was better. Anger wouldn’t rip my insides to shreds, but the tears that clung to her lashes would bring me to my knees.
“Gemma and I have started over. You’re a threat to everything I’m trying to build here.
” She knew. Val knew what going into witness protection and adopting a new identity meant for us.
We would never get the chance at a fresh start again.
“This is the one chance I have at giving Gemma the life she deserves.”
“What about what you deserve?”
A humorless laugh huffed out of me. “I know I’m getting exactly what I deserve.” I had never spoken truer words.
Val took a long, shaky breath. When she moved toward the back door, the relief I’d hoped for was replaced with a skittering of panic. My body was screaming to turn around and move forward, stop her and somehow make it right.
“It didn’t have to be this way, Evan. Whether you can admit it to yourself or not, we both know this was more than just some casual fling. Yes, it was complicated and unconventional, and it would have taken some hard conversations to figure out how to make it work, but it wasn’t impossible.”
Her words, so empty of hope, gutted me. Somewhere between trying to be someone I’m not and falling in love with her, I had lost control. “You said it once yourself. I’m too much. This is too much. You were right about that.”
Her anger flared. My beautiful, spitfire goddess. “You may make a habit of twisting words, but I refuse. I know exactly what this was, and when you’d told me that you would never get enough of me, I was stupidly hopeful enough to believe you.”
I couldn’t think straight, not with a hundred warring emotions coursing through me. I sucked a ragged breath in through my nose. I knew the facts. “You’re a cop, and I’m a criminal testifying in a federal case. How did you think this was going to play out?” I took a deliberate step away.
Val turned the handle to the door, but at the last moment, I surged forward, gripping her arm and pulling her into me.
I love you so much, and it’s fucking killing me.
She melted against me, her chin lifted so her eyes could meet mine, and a ripple of disgust ran through me for getting hard against her. Knowing this was the last moment I would hold her in my arms ripped my heart from my chest.
Her unshed tears were replaced with cold indifference as she wrenched herself free. “Goodbye, Evan.”
If looks could freeze hell, Gemma was about to become Ice Queen of the Underworld.
She sat on the small porch of her cottage, and I carefully lowered myself into the wooden rocker next to her.
My eyes dipped to the bruises that colored the inside of her wrists.
I tried to lay a comforting hand on hers, but the look she shot me stopped my hand midair.
Somehow, in the forty-eight hours since her panic attack and confrontation with Michael, Gem had stuffed her fear and anxiety so deep that it had forged into blind rage.
She. Was. Pissed.
“Come on, Gem.”
“Don’t ‘Come on, Gem’ me. None of this makes any sense.”
I breathed deeply. “I know.”
“Parker is here . Why hasn’t he been arrested?”
“I don’t know.”
“And he brought a girl?”
I dragged a hand through my hair and expelled a breath. “Yeah, it’s fucked up.”
“People are saying they’re married. You know as well as I do that’s complete bullshit. Parker was a total skank.”
I scoffed at her relatively accurate description of our brother. We hadn’t been close enough for me to know, but he didn’t come across as the kind of man who was looking for commitment. I shrugged and let my hand slap against my thigh.
“And what about Val? You screwed that up royally. She’s leaving , Ev.”
Tightness shifted in my chest. “Yeah. She’s going home.”
“Are you going to tell her not to?”
“Why would I do that?”
She blew out a disgusted little noise. “You’re a coward.”
Today I had managed to piss off two women I cared about, and there was nothing I could do about it.
Awesome .
To prevent further emotional beatdowns, I stood and walked in the direction of my cabin.
The low moo s of the cattle in the pasture were an unwelcome reminder of the first time I’d kissed Val.
Tension wound through my back. Voices ahead of me caught my attention.
In the distance, I could see a car had pulled up next to one of the open cabins.
Parker exited the car, rounded the hood and opened the door for the small woman.
Parker’s deep voice floated across the open air. “I’ll grab your stuff.”
It looked like the woman was choking back tears, but when her eyes met mine, she paused, and I stopped walking. Her shoulders straightened, and she marched up to me as Parker stared after her in disbelief. “Hi! You must be Evan. I’m Sienna. Parker’s wife.”
My eyes shot to my brother, who scowled and stomped into the cabin.