Chapter 9
CHAPTER NINE
HENRY
I hadn’t said the words expecting anything from Garrun.
I’d only wanted to give him the same reassurance he gave me when I was spiraling earlier.
So when he pushed past my hands and pressed his lips to mine, I didn’t see it coming.
I startled a little from the abruptness, but when Garrun pulled back, perhaps to apologize, I reached for him again, using my palms against his cheeks to guide his lips back to mine.
It was an experience like nothing I’d ever felt before.
His lips were soft, gently plucking at mine in slow, drugging sips that made my heart pound loudly in my ears, and my body sway in an unconscious bid to be closer to him.
The scrape of his beard as it tickled my palms was oddly thrilling, and when I ran my fingers through the coarse hair, he made a low grumbly sound that seemed a cross between pleasure and pain.
Like he’d been just as sure as I was that this experience was out of reach, and his heart ached like mine did to finally feel the kind of connection everyone always talked about but that neither of us had the pleasure of discovering ourselves.
One of his large hands came around my back, pulling me closer to eliminate the limited space between us.
His other hand cupped the back of my head, thick fingers sliding through my hair and sending a shiver up my spine.
I gasped in response, letting out a quiet whimper when his tongue tentatively slid against mine.
I leaned into Garrun a little more, trusting my weight against him, and felt the bulge of his arousal press against mine.
Breaking the kiss with a gasp, I sucked in big gulps of cool night air.
My skin suddenly felt tight, my knees weak despite me not standing on my own two feet.
A fine tremble seemed to overtake my body, overwhelmed by all the foreign sensations.
“Garrun…”
He hummed, resting his forehead against mine. I felt the crease of his brow, my fingers automatically moving to trace the pull of his lips into a slight frown. “It’s okay. You do not need to rush. You are safe.”
My breath left me in a whoosh, a smile overtaking my face. He said the same thing when I was upset, gently reassuring me that I could take my time wrapping my head around my feelings. I appreciated that more than words could say.
“Can I… play you something? I feel like this moment deserves music.”
With my fingers still on his lips, I felt when he smiled, his arms tightening around me in a hug before releasing me again. “I would like that. I like your music.”
A flush burned my cheeks that only deepened when I tried to move back to the rock and slipped.
If Garrun hadn’t been nearby, I would’ve likely scraped myself against the side of the rock or perhaps smacked my head on it, which would have been embarrassing.
But thanks to the sweet barbarian who was determined to look out for me, I was carefully deposited back on the rock and my violin case was set gently in my lap.
My mood before had been melancholy, the sadness in the notes reflecting how I felt about maybe never feeling the way Alice had described she felt for Vaddarr.
But after my kiss with Garrun, I was feeling more hopeful.
I let the sweetness of the kiss play again in my head, putting the bow against the strings as I began to play something more upbeat and full of excitement and hope.
A smile stretched across my lips, and I swayed with the music, letting my emotions get the better of me.
I never thought the choice to join the barbarians would lead to anything like this. To me finding someone who understood me and supported me. Who looked past my vision loss and saw me for who I was. And who let me see him in the same way.
When Garrun eventually led me back to my tent, the emotional turmoil I’d left with was gone, and in its place was a new hope for the future. I squeezed his arm, smiling up at him, and absolutely melted when his big hand cupped my face and he pressed a gentle kiss against my lips.
“Sleep well, erska. I will see you in the morning.”
“Yeah. See you,” I murmured, forcing myself to release him and duck into my tent.
If I didn’t, I was worried I’d never stop kissing him and it would lead to something I wasn’t sure I was ready for yet.
I felt Garrun’s words down to my bones. I didn’t want to rush.
I wanted to catalogue every feeling, every new experience with him, and I wanted to make sure he felt just as excited about it all as I did.
That part would be the hardest for me. I wasn’t even sure how to do that. The only option I had was to ask.
Crawling into bed, I closed my eyes, a smile lingering on my lips as I fell asleep.
After I’d learned to play the violin, my dreams stopped being images or reminders of what I’d lost. I started dreaming in colors, pulses matching whatever musical symphonies were swirling around in my subconscious at the time.
I loved it, loved feeling surrounded by the music and colors, and when the dream was intense enough that I remembered it upon waking, I always woke with a song in my heart and a smile on my face.
I didn’t think at my age that the dreams would change.
New sensations seemed to follow along with the music, creating the colors I was familiar with; a scrape and tickle against my palms a bright pink, the soft brush of Garrun’s lips on mine more of a soft amber.
I felt like I was floating in it, and when I opened my eyes, the feelings lingered long enough that I reached to touch my lips, wondering if I somehow could still feel him hours later.
Scrubbing my hands over my face, I bit back a groan.
If this was how Alice was feeling, it was no wonder she was so conflicted about staying.
I wasn’t eager to go anywhere either. I wasn’t sure staying would work for me, though.
Life was difficult enough without adding constant movement, new arrangements for how we lived every month or so, not to mention the difficulty of trying to keep myself steady in uneven terrains.
Was it even possible to have the stability I needed without giving up the sweet man who made me feel seen?
A rustle drew my attention, and I dropped my hands just in time for Ekkar to pad onto my pallet of blankets and lay on top of me. I groaned under his weight, a strained chuckle escaping me as he rested his big head next to mine and sighed.
“Long night?” I croaked, petting the thick fur of his neck down his back. “You’re crushing me, you know.”
Ekkar didn’t make any noises in response, and I realized belatedly that he probably only understood the barbarian language.
Garrun and I often spoke in our own languages when replying to one another, so I’d not gotten into the habit of speaking the barbarian language first. It was hard to think straight with a wolf laying on top of me, but I searched my limited vocabulary, telling him, “Ekkar is heavy. Understand?”
This time he huffed but still didn’t get up to move. I gave up, laughing as I resigned myself to being Ekkar’s bed until Garrun came to find him.
“Henry? What’s so funny?” Alice’s sleepy voice asked. I heard her blankets rustle, and when she sat up to look at me, she let out a strangled sound, her tone a little more alarmed when she said, “Henry?”
“I’m fine,” I told her, still laughing. “He’s just a little heavy. Can you get Garrun for me?”
“I, uh– Yeah, I’ll do that,” she rushed to reply. I heard the flap of the tent rustle as she disappeared, and I listened curiously to the noises outside the tent to see if I could pinpoint Garrun’s reaction.
“He what?” Garrun barked, making me snicker.
“You’re asking trouble,” I said to Ekkar, smiling wider when his tail thumped in a happy rhythm. He still didn’t move an inch, not even when the tent flap rustled again and Garrun’s growly voice filled the space.
“Ekkar! Move!”
Ekkar growled low like a warning but still didn’t move. I could practically feel Garrun’s hesitation, and I realized belatedly that if he tried to force the big animal to move, he could risk hurting me. I twisted my mouth to hide my smile.
“He’s not going to move willingly, is he?”
“No laughing,” Garrun insisted, though I could hear the smile in his voice. “You are only encouraging him.”
That only made me laugh harder. Apparently, laughter was the trick to my freedom, though, because I jostled Ekkar enough that he finally moved off to lie beside me instead. I drew in a deep breath, feeling my lungs fully expand after such a harrowing experience.
“You teaching him bad habits,” Garrun complained in the common tongue as he took my hand to pull me to my feet.
“Hey, I didn’t invite him,” I chuckled. “He just showed up here.”
“He does this only with you,” Garrun countered in the barbarian language. “You are at fault.”
Since he said it in his language, I was pretty sure he hadn’t expected me to understand him, but I caught enough to laugh.
I hadn’t done anything to Ekkar but be kind to him and give him pets.
I was sure plenty of other people in the clan did the same thing.
It wasn’t my fault the wolf decided I was now one of his people.
“Ekkar, go sleep in your own bed,” Garrun grouched. “Let Henry rest.”
“Henry is done sleeping,” I disagreed, grinning at him. “He’s fine where he is. I just need to get ready for the day.”
Garrun grunted in response, guiding me to where my bags of clothes were tucked in one corner. “I will take you to the trench when you are ready.”
I was still smiling to myself when Alice came back. She still sounded hesitant, which I figured had to do with Ekkar, who’d ignored all of Garrun’s grumblings to get him to follow and was still asleep in my bed.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. He got tired of using me as a bed pretty quickly,” I grinned.
She huffed a small laugh. “I’ll bet. You wouldn’t make a very good bed.” She poked my side, making me snicker and jerk away from her. “You need to eat more.”
“I eat what you give me,” I pointed out with a smirk, chuckling and shifting away from her when she poked me again. “I’m going to ask Garrun to show me to the river today so I can wash our clothes. Do you want me to do yours as well?”
She hummed, and I heard her moving around, likely gathering the clothes that needed washing and putting them into a bag so I could move them easily. “No music this morning?”
Pressing my lips together to hide another smile, I shook my head.
I didn’t want to tell her yet that I’d gotten out of bed last night to play.
If I told her, she’d probably hear it in my voice or see it on my face that something had changed, and I didn't want to share the moment I’d had with Garrun just yet.
The moment we shared was too new, too precious, to explain just yet.
I didn’t want to put pressure on it. We were taking our time. There was no rush.