Chapter 23
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
HENRY
“You are ready,” Yngvar insisted.
“What if I get lost?” I protested, still clinging tightly to Ekkar’s fur, Garrun hovering at my back. They both knew I was uncomfortable. They wouldn’t leave until I told them it was okay.
“Then you get lost,” Yngvar said blandly. “You know how to find your way again. I have taught you how. Go, Henry. Gain back the freedom your family took from you.”
Swallowing hard, I forced myself to let go of Ekkar, using the staff Yngvar had taught me to use to ensure I didn’t trip and end up on my face somewhere.
I’d gotten as far as going from his tent to the village center without any help, but that was as far as I was comfortable going on my own.
Ekkar always found me before I went too far anyway.
This time, Garrun would be holding him back, ensuring he didn’t approach me unless I called. I had to do this on my own.
I wasn’t just finding my way through the village this time.
Yngvar wanted me to find my way to the spot Garrun and I shared, the spot that felt more like home to me than anywhere I’d ever been before.
Garrun promised he’d find me another spot every time we moved, and we’d come back to this one when the clan wanted to settle for a time, but today was the last day I got to enjoy it before the clan moved on, returning to their nomadic ways and exploring their new homeland to the fullest.
Taking an uneasy step forward, I put my hands out automatically, forgetting for a moment all the lessons Yngvar had taught me.
I had to stop myself, taking a deep breath and centering my focus, listening for the direction I wanted to go.
I heard the murmured voices of the clan, the rustle of tent flaps in the breeze made from lighter fabric now that better allowed the wind to pass through even when the sun was hot.
To my right, I heard a tinkle of the little bell the clan potter had made to direct me toward the cooking tent.
The forest wasn’t in that direction. I needed to go the opposite way.
Using the staff to check my surroundings, I took a steady step forward, Yngvar’s words flashing through my head whenever anxiety popped up.
“What if I fall?”
“Then you feel foolish for a moment, get back up, and try again.”
“What if I go the wrong way?”
“There is never just one way to find your way home. We are nomads, Henry. The journey is part of the adventure.”
“I’m… afraid.”
“So be afraid,” he encouraged. “Let the fear make itself known and keep going. Fear is not physical. It cannot stop your steps.”
Taking deep breaths, I listened to my surroundings, reaching out to touch tents when I bumped a stake or brushed past them.
Like Yngvar’s Clan, the Velgraz Clan had added markers to each tent, decorating the sides in ways that I could recognize by touch to show me which way to go.
Alice’s tent, with the feathers, would expand soon, once she was formally bonded to Vaddarr.
Dras’s tent had a simple braided belt, my fingers following the bumps as I continued forward.
I eased myself away from the line of tents toward where I knew in my heart Garrun’s and my tent lay, the marker he made for us not only on the sides but wrapped around the ropes holding the tent up and along the entrance so I didn’t have to feel to find my way in.
I walked around it, a smile pulling at my lips as the dangling leather danced over my palms, and continued forward behind our tent, passing the line of tents at it’s back and toward the sound of the trees.
Rustling leaves guided me forward, and when the staff bumped against a tree, I felt in front of me for the markers Garrun had made me so I could find my way.
When I came up empty, I frowned, worried I’d gone too far in one direction.
Fear threatened to make me turn back, to head back to our home and give up, but I let the feeling brush over me and kept going, turning to the left in search of the nearest tree next to the one I’d found first.
Two trees to the left were incorrect, so I turned around and went back the way I came, counting the trees until I went one past the one I’d started at. The marker brushed over my hand and I huffed out a strained laugh, silently berating myself. I’d gone the wrong way.
Despite that, I found my way back, just like Yngvar said I would.
He told me my family did me an injustice by keeping me inside and never allowing me to get lost and find my way again.
I didn’t even start going to the town center on my own until they’d passed and I was already an adult.
Of course I was scared after being caged for so long.
I didn’t blame my parents, they were just trying to keep me safe, but I felt my confidence swell as I found the next marked tree without getting lost a second time.
I could do this. I just had to trust myself.
Tinkling like bells made me smile as I headed in the direction of our place. Garrun told me he’d make it so I could find my way. He’d never told me how. I should’ve known he’d do something sweet. It was just his way.
“Erska. You did it.”
His voice was warm and filled with pride and I felt my stomach flutter at the simple acknowledgement. “I did. I found my way home.”
He didn’t approach, didn’t come to rescue me. He let me find my way the final few steps, until the staff bumped against our rock and I could reach out to touch him. Only then did he take my hand, pulling me into his arms and hugging me tightly.
“I’m proud of you.”
Beaming brightly, I touched his face, feeling the pull of his smile, the softness around his eyes accompanying such sweet words.
“I’m proud of me, too. I wish I would’ve thought to bring my violin.”
Chuckling, he tugged me to sit on the rock, setting the violin case in my lap. “You think I don’t know you by now, kolrav? I prepared for this. You feel your emotions through your music. Let’s hear how this moment makes you feel.”
If I hadn’t already fallen for him, that little gesture would’ve been enough to make me fall head over heels for him.
Garrun knew me. He looked past my limitations and truly saw me for who I was.
A musician, a proud man, and now… free. I could go anywhere with my clan to support me, and the skills Yngvar continued to teach me so that fear no longer froze me in place.
All thanks to this man who saw me. Who didn’t hesitate in approaching me and treated me like I was his equal.
Like whatever challenges we faced in the world, we faced together.
GARRUN
Watching Henry play, the pride and joy radiating not only on his face but in his music, brought me peace in ways I never expected.
Letting him find his way had been a challenge for me, but seeing how proud he was of himself, feeling it in the notes so similar to the first time he played for me when he said he felt free, I didn’t regret it.
He needed to find his way on his own. It was my job as his bondmate to support him just like he supported me.
Clan members filtered into the little place Henry and I called ours.
I’d considered doing our bonding ceremony in the village center like everyone else, but Henry loved this place.
He said it felt like home. I wanted to tie our lives together in the place he was happiest. With the people he cared for the most.
Clan leader Idrull patted my shoulder as he moved to stand a few feet away, Vaddarr and Alice following him in the traditional clothing of a bonding ceremony.
Henry didn’t know we were bonding today, he thought it would be done after we’d found a new place, but Alice had been sneaky while helping her brother choose clothing that morning.
He wore traditional white, but in the fabrics made by Tyos’s tailor, covering his skin to protect it from the bite of the sun without overheating him.
I’d shaven his hair on the sides after he’d complained it’d gotten too long and was hot.
He looked like a man ready to be bonded, and I couldn’t help but smile when he swayed with the music, enraptured by him.
When the music ended and Henry carefully replaced the instrument in its case, I took his hands, pulling him gently to his feet. “Come, kolrav. It’s time for the bonding ceremony.”
Surprise made his eyebrows jump. “Who’s ceremony? You never mentioned anything.”
“Ours,” Alice replied, taking his hand when he was close enough and pulling him in for a hug. “Me to Vaddarr, you to Garrun. We made this journey together, Henry. I thought it was poetic to seal our happily ever after together too.”
Laughing, Henry squeezed her tightly and set her on her feet again. “Godess, I love you. That sounds perfect to me.”
Clearing his throat, Idrull drew the clan’s attention to him. “Then we will begin. We gather here today to honor these couples…”
Idrull’s voice drifted away as Henry turned to look up at me, his face so full of joy, it took my breath away.
I smiled back, unwilling to hide my expressions from him as his fingers danced over my face.
The pull on my scars no longer brought me discomfort.
The memory of pain no longer overtaking my mind.
All I felt was Henry’s gentle touch and the memory of his lips trailing over the marred skin while he told me what he saw and how much he loved it.
Loved the reminder of my loyalty, my bravery, my survival against all odds.
When I’d told him how I stopped smiling because of the pitying looks and the reminder pulling with every tug of my lips, he did what he always did.
Called me his silly barbarian and told me to be proud instead.
With his help, I was learning. And I’d keep smiling because it made him happy, and his joy brought light back into my life. I would never take that for granted.
Ekkar pushed between us like he always did when we cuddled for too long, making Henry and the rest of the clan laugh.
I rolled my eyes at the stubborn animal, sidestepping so he was seated at our feet and not between me and my love.
I didn’t push him away, though. He was as much part of this family as Henry and I were. He knew he belonged with us.
When it was my time to slip the bonding necklace over Henry’s head, his hand followed mine, tracing over the carved circle about the size of his palm. He hummed a happy sound, fingers running over the bumps and grooves. “It's beautiful, Garrun. Did you make it?”
“I did. It is normally smooth, but for you, I thought this was better.” I brushed my fingers over the surface next to his. “So you could see how much you mean to me.”
His eyes crinkled at the sides, his smile a little watery with emotion. When he cupped my cheek, I leaned into it, sighing happily as his fingers traced over my face. “I see how much you care,” he murmured. “I feel the same way.”
“Thank you, Henry. For seeing me.”
He chuckled, leaning against my side as much as Ekkar would allow. “Silly barbarian. You saw me first.”
“We saw each other.”
As it should be.