Chapter 4
Four
A fter making trousers that fit me, the barbarian disappeared long enough to fetch us breakfast. Leftover meat from the night before, from the looks of it, fresh bread and a bowl of fruit. It looked delicious, and it only took a little encouragement to get me to eat. I was still hungry after being starved for two days. While we were eating, he held up each fruit and said their name. The ones I was familiar with, I said in my own language to show I understood.
“Blueberry.”
He mulled it over, trying his hand at mimicking me instead of me copying him. “Blue…berry.”
I nodded, and he looked proud of himself. Then his eyes narrowed and instead of picking up another fruit, he pointed at me instead.
For a minute, I thought he wanted to know the word for shirt, and I pinched it while saying the word out loud, but he shook his head, knocking my hand away before putting his massive palm on my chest. My heart stuttered for a moment, and when I didn’t understand, he touched his chest with his other hand.
“Rath.”
“Rath…” I repeated slowly. He nodded and tapped two fingers to his chest. It finally clicked and I looked up in surprise. “Your name is Rath.”
That was too much, he didn’t understand me, but I understood what he wanted now. I debated telling him my full name, but I always hated it, and I had an opportunity to use something different now. It wasn’t like my father was going to show up to berate me for disrespecting the family name. Putting my hand next to his, I introduced myself.
“Finn.”
“Finn,” he repeated, eyes soft. I had to duck my head to escape the intensity of his stare, and he eventually moved on, giving me a chance to get my heart rate under control. Were barbarians supposed to be so sweet?
He continued on that thread for a while, pointing at things and saying them in his language, then encouraging me to repeat him. He only stopped when I yawned for the third time. Despite his help the night before and the nap that morning, I was still tired. I didn’t sleep much the past few days. While waiting for the barbarians to arrive, the mayor had the marshal take me to jail. Because, to them, having sexual urges for something other than women was bad enough to imprison someone. None of my family ever came to say goodbye. I was alone and scared and I worried about what they’d do to me if I actually fell asleep. Now that I was at least semi safe, I kept nodding off.
Rath tipped his head toward the bed, giving me a significant look. I shook my head quickly. I didn’t want to come off as more useless than I already was. When he reached for me, I flinched and his hand drew back, his expression pained.
“I-I’m sorry!” I rushed out, panic lacing my tone. I hadn’t meant to do that. I just couldn’t figure out what he was going to do next. I squeezed my eyes shut, waiting for him to lash out for the insult, but when his hands cupped my face, they were gentle and warm.
My eyes fluttered open, and I took in his expression. Pain, worry, understanding. No anger that I could see. His thumbs stroked over my cheeks and he pulled me closer to press his forehead against mine, murmuring low under his breath. I didn't understand the words, but his tone was soothing. This time, when my eyes drifted closed, it was to hide the tears filling them. In my entire life, I’d never been treated so gently. Like I was something precious. I wanted to enjoy it while it lasted, before he finally figured out how useless I was and stopped being so kind.
For the next few days, we settled into a sort of routine. Rath got up with me early in the morning to take me to the trench to relieve myself before sending me back to bed. Then he fed me, we practiced his language, and he showed me things that were unique to his people. The necklaces he wore were different for everyone, but since I hadn’t been allowed to interact with anyone yet, I didn’t understand how. My grasp on the language was too new to follow everything he was saying. He proudly showed me his knives a few times, and I figured out eventually that he was a hunter for his people. He had a bow that was almost as big as I was that he used to hunt, as well as small knives he could throw and bigger ones to take down larger animals after wounding them. Hunting wasn’t really my thing, but he seemed happy to show me, and I wanted to do what I could to keep him in a good mood.
Not once in the past few days since I arrived did he give me a reason to think he’d hurt me. He held me every night to keep me warm, he fed me, and he made me clothes by hand. And not once did he get angry with me when I woke him at night because I’d had another nightmare of my father kicking me out and couldn’t stop crying. He just petted my hair and hummed a little tune until I settled enough to sleep again. But I still found it hard to fully trust him. I wished I could understand more of his language. Maybe then I could understand what he wanted from me.
“Rath!” a voice called from outside the tent, followed by a string of their language too fast for me to translate. Rath looked up from where he was carving something out of wood, frowning at the flap entrance to the tent. He’d started it the day after I arrived, but I didn’t have the skill to ask what he was making. He answered, though slower than the person outside. I couldn’t catch all of it, but a word I was familiar with popped up. Hunt.
“Hunt?” I repeated, tipping my head.
Rath nodded and sighed heavily. He pushed to his feet and like every time he stood next to me, especially when I was still sitting, I gaped at his massive form. Were barbarians part giant?
My expression always seemed to amuse him. He offered me a hand, pulling me to my feet, a smile tugging at his lips. I blushed and ducked my head. If I could, I’d try to explain myself. My town didn’t have tall men. Yes, most were taller than me, but not by as much as he was.
“Come,” Rath said, squeezing my hand gently.
Surprised, I looked up at him. We were leaving the tent? Aside from relieving ourselves, we hadn’t done that yet.
He paused long enough to grab his blades and tie them to his belt before taking my hand and leading me outside. The man who’d called out to him was waiting, a little shorter than Rath, but still several hands taller than me, with a more trim build and braids in his hair. He smiled brightly at Rath, squeezing his shoulder, before turning a curious look towards me.
“Verus, my clan brother,” Rath introduced, gesturing to the man. Then he turned to his friend. “My Finn.”
My cheeks burned at the possessiveness in his tone. Not just Finn. His Finn.
A part of me worried how the clan would react to Rath claiming a man so readily, but Verus didn’t even blink. He said something in a teasing tone, elbowing his friend, and ducked with a laugh when Rath tried to cuff him. He didn’t seem to care either way. Could it be that this clan didn’t care about same sex couples?
Not that Rath and I were a couple. I didn’t know what we were. He took care of me, but he didn’t ask for affection or try to touch me in unwelcome ways. Petting my hair when I was scared was nice, and he held me at night to keep me warm, but he never pushed for more. What did that make us?
Verus led the way through the rows of tents. I hadn’t looked much, but from what I’d seen, the little village was laid out like a wheel and spokes, all tents circling a massive fire in the middle. There were smaller fires here and there, but the one in the middle was where they congregated together. That’s where Rath brought me that morning. The air was cool outside the tent, so it was nice to be near the warm flame. Rath steered me toward some cushions nearby and pushed me onto one, putting up a finger to ask me to wait before he walked away. I was a little nervous, I felt safer with him, but he wasn’t gone long. He brought a woman with him and my stomach sank thinking maybe this was his wife or girlfriend. It would be just my luck that the first guy who treated me kindly enough to even consider a relationship was taken.
She smiled and nodded as Rath spoke to her, stopping a few feet in front of me so he could do introductions. “My Finn, meet Zoya.” He said another word I didn’t recognize, and when I frowned, she spoke for herself.
“That word means healer. I’m one of the clan healers. It’s nice to meet you, Finn.”
My eyebrows shot up and my mouth fell open. “You speak my language? Does everyone?”
“No, not everyone,” she replied with a shake of her head. “I’ll be happy to explain it to you, but first, Rath asked for me to stay with you while he goes on a hunt. He’ll be gone a few hours, and he doesn’t want to leave you all alone. Would you be comfortable with that, or would you prefer to go back to his tent to rest?”
I opened my mouth to reply with an immediate yes, since I really wanted to talk to someone who understood me. But then it clicked that she said he’d be gone for a few hours. I looked around hesitantly. Rath proved that it was safe to be around him, but I didn’t know anyone else. I hadn’t been around anyone but him. Were they all as nice as he was, or would others take issue with a smaller man not contributing in any way. Should I have volunteered to work?
Rath must’ve seen my panic because he kneeled in front of me and cupped my face, his brows drawn together tightly. He said something, but I didn’t understand him. I was too panicked to run through all the words he’d taught me so far.
“He said you’re safe,” Zoya murmured. She sat beside me, worry and understanding written on her face. “He’s not lying. You’re safe here. Tributes are important to the clan. It’s a place of honor for them.”
I wanted to shake my head, but I couldn’t with the way Rath was holding me. “I’m not a woman. It’s not the same. I–” I choked back tears, trying to pull Rath’s hands away so I could hide. He wouldn’t budge and a few tears slipped out anyway. I whimpered, waiting for Rath to finally lose his patience, but he never did. He gently brushed the tears away with his thumbs and rested his forehead against mine, muttering something I didn’t understand. Zoya understood him, though, and huffed out a laugh.
“He wants to take you with him. Pretty sure going on a hunt would only scare you. The animals out there can be terrifying.” She said something to Rath, shaking her head at him. He answered, but he sounded put out about whatever they were talking about. Zoya turned back to me.
“I know things are overwhelming and scary, and it’s completely understandable to want to hide away, but he’s planning on rushing to get back to you and that can be dangerous. So for his sake, can you sit here with me so he knows you’ll be okay and he can do his thing safely? I promise, no one will hurt you,” she cajoled, putting her hand on my shoulder supportively.
I didn’t want Rath to get hurt just because I was being a big baby about everything. I nodded quickly, summoning what little bravery I had. “I-I’m fine here. He doesn’t need to rush on my account. I’m okay.”
Thankfully, Zoya translated for me. For a moment, it didn’t look like Rath believed her. He gave her a look that said as much anyway. She sighed and rolled her eyes, but there was a hint of affection in her smile. He couldn’t really argue with her, Verus and a few others called for him, so he couldn’t linger.
He shot another worried glance at me, and I did my best to hide my expression so he wouldn’t feel rushed. Touching his hands that were still cupping my cheeks, I murmured, “I’m okay.”
That time, he seemed to understand me. He nodded and in a move I didn’t expect, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my forehead, lingering for a moment before releasing me and pushing to his feet. He said something else to Zoya before he walked away, joining his friends and mounting a much more enormous version of a horse. He glanced over his shoulder, studying me with a frown, and I did my best to show him it was okay. I wasn’t going anywhere. I didn’t have anywhere else to go.