Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
VANESSA
Vanessa’s heart pounded. The balcony suddenly looked so romantic: Joey had transformed it from a utilitarian space to something far more inviting. Had this woman any idea how attractive she and the things she did were? Vanessa had a feeling she didn’t.
“Take a seat,” said Joey, affecting the body language of a waiter.
“Why thank you, I will,” Vanessa replied. She made herself cosy at one end of the balcony, placing the food and drink in the middle. Joey took her place opposite her. She sat cross-legged, and Vanessa noticed a tattoo peeking out where her trousers had ridden up.
“We’ve got a mixture of savoury and sweet stuff here, so while it isn’t a conventional evening meal, I hope it works,” said Joey, leaning forward and grabbing a pastry that seemed to be filled with spinach and some kind of cheese.
“It very much does,” said Vanessa. She was still curious about the change in Joey.
She seemed more open this evening than at any time since Vanessa had met her.
But somehow, more vulnerable, too, and maybe a little sad.
Vanessa couldn’t help wondering what had happened to effect this change.
Joey had been at the bakery, hadn’t she?
Had she had a row with Carmen? Vanessa bit into a pastry filled with roasted vegetables and topped with tomatoes.
“Everything ok at work today?” she asked.
“Yeah,” said Joey, who seemed miles away as she munched her food.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but if something’s happened, you can talk to me,” said Vanessa. “I might talk a lot, too much, probably, but I can listen, too. Promise. Wow, this is delicious.”
Joey shifted on her cushion. “What’s your relationship with your family like?”
This wasn’t answering Vanessa’s question, but perhaps Joey was working her way up to something.
“Yeah, pretty good,” she said. “I mean, there’s me and Carl, he’s my brother.
We’re mates most of the time, but we do get on each other’s nerves a bit.
But that’s normal, right?” She thought for a moment before going on.
“We get on with mum and dad. It’s all a bit chaotic when we’re together, as we all talk a lot. ”
“Oh my god,” said Joey in faux shock. Then she smiled. “I can only imagine what that’s like.”
“Yeah, we’re a lot. But we’re good.” She finished her pastry and let Joey think for a minute or two before she went on. “But you know, sometimes in a family like that, you get used to being a certain way – everyone expects it of you. God, even I expect it of me.”
“But sometimes that’s not you?” Joey spoke softly.
“Maybe.” Vanessa sipped her lemonade. “Or maybe I don’t want it to be me.”
Joey raised her eyebrows but didn’t speak. Vanessa was grateful for the space. The sun had gone down and the light was beginning to fade.
“I think, perhaps, I’ve been someone I’ve grown out of,” she said, eventually.
Joey nodded, her eyes focused on Vanessa’s. Vanessa felt safe in her gaze. There was a wooziness to the air around them, and a connection between them that felt warm. She hadn’t been drinking, but she felt a similar kind of buzz. Joey blinked. “More lemonade?”
“Sure,” said Vanessa. Was she imagining it? Had there been a moment there? Or was it just her?
Joey returned with the bottle, along with a dish with tiny candles in it. She placed it between herself and Vanessa, then struck a match and lit them.
“Gorgeous,” said Vanessa, before catching herself. “The candles. Really nice.”
“I had a little lamp out here, but it broke,” Joey explained, with a wave of her hand. “This gives me enough light to read by.”
“Well, I approve,” said Vanessa.
Joey settled back into her place, and Vanessa could see the flicker of the candlelight in her face. Joey really was beautiful. She never wore makeup, but her full lips and her big eyes shone. “What is this version of you that you think you’ve grown out of?” asked Joey.
Vanessa sighed. “I guess it’s the version of me that’s flighty and frivolous. You know, easy come, easy go.”
“Is that a bad thing?” There was a gentle warmth to Joey’s voice.
“Not in itself, but, well, when it means there’s a trail of failed business ventures behind me, it’s not so great.
It’s something my gran warned me about before she died.
And a trail of failed relationships, too.
” Vanessa swirled her lemonade around her glass.
“Gran told me I had to find something and stick at it.”
“And this Spanish cafe? That’s the thing?” Joey spoke slowly.
“Yes, I think it is. And it really needs to be,” reflected Vanessa. “It’s fine in your twenties, faffing about and doing as you please, but I’m thirty-six this year, and I really need to think about settling to something.” Silently she added and to someone. “I’m not like you.”
“No?” Joey put her head to one side.
“Well, I mean, obviously, we’re practically opposites.” Vanessa grinned. “But I mean, you made a choice, didn’t you? Years ago you decided you’d be here, you’d bake, you’d make a life. And that’s what you’ve done.”
Joey gave a tight smile in response.
“I admire you,” said Vanessa. “You seem so solid and strong. You know who you are and what you want, and to me that’s incredible.”
Joey looked away. She seemed uncomfortable in that second, and Vanessa regretted what she’d said. Then she looked back at Vanessa. “I don’t have it all worked out,” she said, eventually.
“I don’t think anyone has that,” replied Vanessa. “But I need to get at least some things in my life worked out. But enough about me. I’ve gone off on one. Sorry. What about your family?”
Joey looked up at her and frowned.
“Sorry,” Vanessa added. “You don’t have to tell me.”
“No, no,” said Joey. “It’s fine. It’s just very, um, different to yours.” She picked up a Magdalena and took a bite before going on. “We don’t really get on. They never really got me. Or perhaps I didn’t get them.”
Vanessa silently willed her on, saying nothing in case it spooked this woman of so few words.
“Actually, my dad texted me today. I hadn’t heard from him in over a year. And this week I’ve heard from him twice. It was a bit of a shock,” said Joey.
“A good one?” Vanessa asked.
“Definitely not.” Joey scowled. “He’s an alcoholic. Both my parents were. Mum’s gone now.”
“Oh my. I see. That must have been tough.” Vanessa fought an urge to reach out and touch Joey, to comfort her in some way.
“It was what it was,” said Joey. “But I made a decision a long time ago that I didn’t want to be part of it anymore.”
“And so you came here?” Vanessa asked.
“Not quite as straightforward as that, but eventually, yes,” agreed Joey.