Chapter 25
Chapter Twenty-Five
JOEY
The restaurant in the museum was one of Joey’s favourite places, and once she’d shown Vanessa the best view in Barcelona, it seemed only right they have some food. It was a smarter place than Joey was usually to be found in, but it had amazing views across the city, and her stomach was grumbling.
“Now this is incredible,” said Vanessa, looking up from her food into Joey’s eyes. Vanessa was irresistible. There was something about her zest for life, her interest in everything, that made Joey want to show her every part of the city she loved.
“I’m glad you like it,” Joey replied, with a smile on her lips that reached all the way to her heart.
“This is an amazing restaurant,” said Vanessa. “I mean, and I don’t mean this in a weird way, it’s really romantic. The views, the food, the high ceilings and the atmosphere. You must have brought someone here and impressed them before now, right?”
Joey wasn’t sure how to respond. She opted for honesty. “Only you.” She felt her cheeks warm. “Can I say that?”
Vanessa’s eyes widened for a moment before she spoke. “Of course. But I feel like there’s a story here, right?”
Joey put her head on one side. “How so?”
“Well,” said Vanessa, putting down her cutlery and fixing Joey with a stare that made her skin tingle, “and this might sound like I’m trying to butter you up, but here we go.
You’re gorgeous, and intelligent, and brilliant at your job.
You have a passion for this city and its history, and you’re kind and loyal to your friends.
” She took a breath. Joey’s head was spinning.
“But from what both Carmen and you have said, you tend to be permanently single and have no plans for a relationship. I have to ask, and you can tell me to back off, but are you Ace? It would be one explanation.”
Joey raised her eyebrows, not sure where to begin. “I guess that would be an explanation.”
Vanessa nodded, looking like she was working hard to keep her face blank.
“But it wouldn’t be the right one,” Joey added.
Vanessa took another breath. “So…” she encouraged.
“So, I guess I’m just someone who is careful,” said Joey. “People are unpredictable and sometimes they let you down. I’ve found that I’m the only person I can depend on, or at least the one I can always guarantee I can depend on.”
“I see.” Vanessa furrowed her brow a little. “And were you always of that opinion?”
Joey shook her head. “No. I really wasn’t.”
Vanessa looked at Joey. She seemed to be silently willing Joey on.
“There was someone. Once,” said Joey.
Vanessa picked her cutlery back up. “You can tell me, you know. I’m a good listener. Honest. But you can also tell me to go away.”
Joey hadn’t told this story in so very long, but in this environment and with Vanessa’s gentle encouragement, she decided that she had nothing to lose. At the very least, perhaps it might help Vanessa understand her. She tried not to think too deeply about why that was important to her.
“I was at university in the UK,” said Joey.
“After everything with my parents, I was just so thrilled to have left home. I threw myself into university life, made loads of friends. I had one friend. She was my best friend, actually. Anna. We did everything together. I had such a big crush on her. I was a complete cliché.” Joey shook her head at her own naivety.
“Oh, all sapphics have been there at one point or another,” said Vanessa. “Hard relate.”
“Yeah, I guess it’s a cliché for a reason,” agreed Joey. “And the thing was, I fell in love with her. I couldn’t help it.”
“Did you tell her?” asked Vanessa.
“Well, not as such. By the time we got into the final year at uni, I had it bad. I told another of my friends who encouraged me to talk to her. She said that I might be surprised by Anna’s response.
” Joey closed her eyes for a moment before continuing, remembering the anxiety she’d had at the time.
“I thought that surely Anna must already know. I’d been mooning after her for the best part of three years.
Anyway, so we finished our degrees, and at the graduation ball everything suddenly felt different. And anything felt possible.”
Joey pictured the cotton suit she’d worn, and Anna’s stunning dark green dress.
Her heart was so full. They’d made it this far, they’d passed all their exams, they were about to graduate, and they’d done it all together.
Tonight was surely the night. And Anna seemed different, too.
When Anna looked at Joey her eyes shone in a way they’d never done before.
“So, something happened?” prompted Vanessa.
“We’d gone outside for some air, and we were sitting on the brick wall outside the students’ union.” Joey could still feel the warmth of Anna’s thigh against hers, the light of the moon on the summer’s night. “And then, we kissed. It was perfect.”
“It sounds so romantic,” said Vanessa, urging Joey on.
Joey sighed. “Yeah. It was. Really romantic, actually. Probably the most romantic thing that ever happened to me.” She closed her eyes to bring herself back to the sensation of that kiss, the kiss that seemed to offer the potential of something new and beautiful in her life.
“And we spent that night together.” Joey couldn’t put into words what that had meant.
It had been intense, funny, gentle and meaningful.
To her, at least. “It was everything I had ever wanted.”
“But…” Vanessa could feel it coming.
“Yes, exactly, but.” Joey grimaced. “The next morning everything had changed again. Anna was still Anna, but she laughed it all off, like a university jape. She said it had been fun, but that we shouldn’t think too hard about it.
” Joey could still feel the scar tissue that remained in her heart after that moment.
She remembered just nodding and smiling at Anna, pretending to agree with her, because she didn’t know what else to say.
“Oh, Joey.” Vanessa’s hand went to her heart. “That sounds so tough. I’m sorry that happened to you. Did you stay friends?”
“We always said we’d never lose touch, but to be honest, things weren’t the same after that.
We never talked about it, but our friendship had changed forever.
” Joey chased the last few vegetables around her plate with her fork.
“It wasn’t that we lost touch, we just stopped being relevant to each other’s lives.
Between that and my parents and their chaos, I realised I just had to leave.
I packed everything I owned into a little suitcase, bought a one-way ticket to Barcelona and fifteen years later, here I still am. ”
“Wow,” said Vanessa. “That’s quite the power move. What a brave thing to do.”
Joey looked up, surprised. No one had called it brave before. “My dad told me I was running away. And he was right.”
“But it sounds like it was the right decision for you at the time, right?” said Vanessa. “And you were, what, twenty-one?”
“Yeah, just.” Joey nodded to herself. She had been little more than a child.
“And there’s been no one since?” Vanessa put her head to one side.
“I had a few one-night stands in my twenties. You know, scratching an itch, if you like. But no, no one special. I realised very quickly that I don’t really do casual.” Joey stopped and then spoke again. “I’m like Chappell Roan in that way.”
Vanessa burst into laughter and Joey smiled. She couldn’t help but join in. “Look at you,” said Vanessa, a teasing look in her eyes, “making jokes. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you do that before.”
A waiter arrived to clear their plates and asked if they’d like dessert. “We have to have dessert here, they’re amazing,” said Joey. She could feel her heart lift the more time she spent with Vanessa.