5 - Ginny
O n my way to the hospital, I stopped for a brief moment to admire the fireworks. Sadly, I would not get to enjoy the 4th of July party I'd put so much effort into. Instead, I would be pumped full of poppy seed in order to survive my mate’s infidelity. Pardon, the insemination of a willing volunteer for the sake of the pack’s future. For some reason, using the politically correct language didn’t do anything to lessen the pain, be it physical or emotional.
After the fiasco of trying to stoically withstand their first fuck-fest, I’d decided that I would treat myself to sweet oblivion the second time. The added bonus of the painkillers was that my wolf was dormant for a few days afterward, so I didn’t have to smell the vanilla bitch on my mate before he could sweat her out, so I hoped for the same effect this time around.
I ran my tongue over all my teeth and theatrically sucked in my cheeks a few times to relax my face before entering the hospital; with the pitying looks awaiting me, I didn’t want to seem even more tense and pathetic. Deep down, I knew it was wrong to put on a serene face for them – who cared what they thought? Also, I was tense. And my situation was pathetic. Why not be honest about it? Who was I doing favors by pretending to be okay with any of this?
“Good evening, Luna,” the young nurse greeted me.
“Let’s just get this over with,” I said and it was obvious that my abruptness unsettled her.
That was a start. They prepped me and put me in a gown, and all the while, I let my emotions play out on my face. It felt refreshing. When they attached the IV to my arm, and I felt the first hit of the calm, all I could think was, so this is what letting go feels like. I like this. I want more of this.
???
Two weeks later, I was visiting old Mrs. Hemsworth, one of our widowed wolves who had no one left. This time, Liam and I were scheduled to keep her company for an afternoon. She liked to bake, so that was mostly what we did in our time together, and I genuinely enjoyed her company. All of a sudden, I felt the first tell-tale signs of cramping in my lower abdomen. The pain was familiar, but it couldn’t be that? Pretty soon another wave hit me and knocked out all the remaining doubt I felt.
“Liam,” I clutched his arm with my claws. “Take me to the pack house.”
Both he and Mrs. Hemsworth looked at me, puzzled.
“Now!” I screamed with my canines extending.
With him supporting most of my weight, we made it to the car. I writhed and cried in pain while clutching my stomach, and pretty soon, he had a good idea of what was happening to me. The warrior we stumbled upon in front of the pack house told us that the Alpha was in his office so we made our way up the stairs, with Liam basically carrying me. All in all, I reckon it took us about 20 minutes from the moment I'd started feeling the pain.
I ripped the door open, wondering whether it would fall off its hinges from the force of it, and found my mate standing next to his whore. He was zipping up his pants while she was tucking her blouse back into her skirt. Their faces were flushed and their hair mussed - even without the mate bond pain, it was pretty clear what had happened here. I think both my and Liam’s face must have shown such disgust that Henry had the good sense to look away and appear ashamed, while she pulled her shoulders back and met my gaze squarely. She couldn’t hold it for too long, her wolf being weaker than mine, but nevertheless, she tried, thereby disrespecting me even more than she already had.
Now that the pain was gone, it took the anger with it, and all that was left was sad resignation. I did not want to fight for Henry. Our relationship was beyond repair as far as I was concerned. I just wanted to not be in it anymore, to not be here. And the only way I could do it was medicine. I turned around and went back downstairs, with Liam following behind me.
“Get me some more of those poppy seed tincture syringes from the hospital.”
“Luna, I - ,” he met my eyes, and whatever he saw in them had him swallowing the objection. “Alright, Luna,” he said sadly and I just nodded before walking back home.
I was too far gone in my thoughts to be able to appreciate the beauty of summer. My mind sifted through all the excuses Henry had thrown at me to justify taking a concubine, and intellectually I could even agree with some of them. But this, now? Having sex with her outside of heat, hiding in his office? That was the very definition of adultery. But then again, what was the difference between Council-sanctioned adultery and plain old adultery, really? Though my mate might disagree, my heart saw no difference. He’d cheated on me the moment he’d agreed to the concubine, before ever even touching her.
???
Some three weeks later, Henry shook me awake from my drug-induced stupor. At first, the pain forced me to sedate myself maybe once a week, but then they grew bolder, and now there was no telling when the mood may strike them or how often. Luckily, Liam kept me supplied, so I was always ready.
“We're expected at the doctor’s.”
I somehow made it through the motions of a normal female getting ready to interact with other normal wolves. It was a sickening deja vu, the three of us in that office again. Only this time, the doctor’s words sobered me up faster than anything else would:
“Congratulations, Alpha, the insemination has been successful. Miss Rogers is pregnant.”
I looked at both of them and it seemed like this wasn’t news to them. Maybe that was what had prompted the celebratory romp that had me reaching for the syringe earlier. She was pregnant. I hadn't thought I was capable of feeling any more pain, but this information hit me straight in the heart.
So it had been me. I was the problem. Now Henry and Catherine and everyone else would be justified in saying he needed a new womb. I’d never felt more worthless in my life. The tears were streaming down my face, but luckily, no one paid any attention to me. The future parents kept throwing questions at the doctor while I sat alone in my misery.
Maybe now he’d let me go? What was the point of keeping me around? He now had her, for sex, for breeding, for being parents together. I would gladly teach her how to perform all the Luna duties, if only he would let me remove myself from this grotesque picture.
As if he'd heard my thoughts, he turned to me with an elated expression, but upon noticing my tear-stained face, he frowned.
“Aren’t you happy, Ginny? We’re going to have a pup,” he said and took my hand in his, as if we were the ones receiving the good news without Miss Rogers.
When I said nothing, he let go of my hand, offended. Of course. He put all this work into making the pup, and now he wasn’t being appreciated. I wanted to laugh. But I also wanted to die because the Doctor turned to me and said:
“Towards the end of the pregnancy, we need to start inducing lactation in the Luna. It's a fairly straightforward process, don’t worry,” he was quick to reassure me, having misinterpreted the look of horror on my face. “We'll meet up here in about three months and we’ll get started, how does that sound?”
I simply nodded, not wanting Henry to command me into lactating, but there was no way in hell I would be breastfeeding that female’s pup. I needed to find a way out of this, and fast.
When we were done, Henry opened the door for her and escorted her out with a hand on the small of her back while she looked up at him, her face beaming with adoration and happiness - a pose they would mirror during the pack announcement later that night. Unlike at the concubine announcement, during which I stood by him and she stood alone on the sidelines, this time I was the outsider, the odd one out.
I only heard parts of the speech, “Hannah carries the future of this pack”, and the enthusiastic cheers of the crowd, because I was too busy observing the two love birds. They moved in sync, like two people very familiar with each other’s bodies. Meanwhile, my poor wolf was battered from the infidelity and the drugs, and I couldn’t help but wonder how Henry’s wolf was coping with all of this. He had to be sedating him with wolfsbane constantly.
Her parents and who I guessed was her step-brother were hugging both her and Henry, and they really seemed like a big, happy family. When I saw Henry’s mother approaching the group, I turned around and left.
???
In the middle of one of the following weeks (I’d almost completely lost track of time at this point), Catherine waltzed into my home uninvited and frowned upon seeing me passed out on the couch in my pajamas at 3 pm.
She talked at me for a while, urging me to pull my shit together (my translation of her polished speech), to go back to performing my Luna duties (which I’d started ignoring because, what was the point?), to be more understanding about the fact that Hannah was now a pregnant female and Henry had to be by her side to help with the sexual cravings that she was experiencing (that one had me throwing up in my mouth a little), and finally, how at the end of all this I would be getting a pup to raise with my mate.
It took all my self-control not to punch her. After not getting a response from me for the first time since she'd known me, she simply left and I went back to sleep.
If it hadn't been for Dorothy, who came over to feed me, bathe me, and take care of me like a pup, I don’t know whether I would have survived those days. I stopped cooking completely. Unless Dorothy brought me something and forced me to eat it, I survived on peanut butter and fruit once a day. Among the rare lucid moments I could remember was when she informed me that Lucy had given birth to her male, Declan.
Henry and I arrived at the hospital separately to go in and bless him. He tried talking to me but I just ignored him and made my way upstairs. Declan was the sweetest pup in the world, and Lucy was a beautiful, radiant new mother. The tiny part of my heart that wasn’t dead and rotten was so happy for her. While Henry and Calum stepped outside to discuss some patrol issues, she quietly asked me how I was doing.
“Why is he keeping me here, Lucy? I just want to leave, I just want to not be here,” I whispered with snot bubbling up from my nose and ugly tears pouring down my face.
One night, Henry found me passed out from the pain, and he held me, rocked me, gently kissed my temples and my forehead as if he was still my lover, and whispered apologies and sweet words in my ear when I woke up.
“It’s her hormones, Ginny; the pregnancy is driving them through the roof. I can’t say no to her now, just be patient for a little while longer, I’ll get you more drugs. I’m really sorry, Ginny, please look at me.”
My eyes remained closed.