Chapter 28
DARCY
“C an we move here?” Wren asks, leaning back into my arms. The Jacuzzi water is bubbling warmly all around us, view of the snowcapped mountains standing against the dark sky.
We go back to Seattle tomorrow, and I’ve never looked forward to something less. As much as this break has been exactly what I needed, it’s going to be so much harder to return to reality after getting to spend time with Wren like this.
“Yes.” I nuzzle his neck. “We’ll go completely off the grid. Clear out our bank accounts, harvest food for the winter, skin some Elk for fur …”
Wren sniggers. “If I thought you knew how to do any of those things, I’d jump on that future in a heartbeat.”
“I could clean out my bank account.”
“First, I don’t think you could carry that much money. Second, do you really think you could resist investing it in stocks or … or … cryptocurrency or something?”
Cryptocurrency? He’s adorable. “Let me have my dreams.”
Wren falls silent again, hands tracing patterns over my legs.
It’s so peaceful out here, so easy to forget.
I breathe in his scent and revel in his soft skin under my fingertips.
This fire I have growing for him hasn’t dimmed; if anything, this weekend has made it burn brighter.
The tease of the life we could— should —be living …
and never will. The lump in my throat makes it difficult to swallow, but I refuse to let on to Wren that my thoughts have taken a turn.
This is supposed to be our chance to be happy, and all I can think about is the pain in my future.
I’ve completely fallen for him. Head over heels. Never want him out of my life, and I was okay with the pain for myself, but I’ve seen the way Wren’s been looking at me. I’ve seen those same feelings reflected back in his eyes.
For me to be denied making my own choice and following my heart? It’s literally how I’ve been raised. It should be second nature by now.
But for Wren? Unacceptable. He deserves everything he wants and more.
I run my hands over his abs, cock too spent to react, then dip my fingers into the crease on either side of his groin. “You are one sexy motherfucker.”
“I think you mean brotherfucker.”
I cringe and bite his shoulder. “Stop that.”
“But joking about the fucked-uppedness is the way I deal. You wouldn’t want to change me, would you?”
“I wouldn’t mind you being less of a bed hog.”
“Nonnegotiable.”
“What if it was a deal breaker?”
Wren’s laugh is deep. “Because so many other things between us aren’t already?”
“Fair point.”
“Play with my dick.”
I smile and nip at his ear. “There’s no way you’re getting it up again.”
“Probably not.” He stretches out against me. “Just feels nice.”
He’s right in that it does, and I’m right in that his dick doesn’t get more than mildly interested. Given that we’ve been having sex at every and any opportunity, I’ll be lucky if I can get it up for a week after we leave here.
Which is probably a good thing because I doubt we’ll get the chance to be together with all the catching up on work I’ll have to do.
“I really need to find balance,” I say at last.
“For what?”
“Work. Life. I love it, and it’s important to me, but there are so many other things I’d probably love to be doing with that time and just never do.”
“Like what?”
I think for a moment, trying to consider the possibility of freedom. If I didn’t have to work past five and had the whole afternoon off to do anything I wanted.
“The fact you’ve had to think about it so long is depressing.”
“I’m getting there.”
Wren’s right though. It shouldn’t be this hard. Then I have a flash of him teaching me to cook, and while I hated being that hopeless at something, it also gave me a boost to learn something new. “I’d cook more. Practice and see how I go.”
“Good one.”
“Maybe even spend a whole night doing nothing but watching movies or TV shows.”
Wren snorts. “You? Do nothing? There’s no way.”
“It could happen.”
“Uh-huh. And I could run MediaCorp.”
I pinch his nipple. “I’d have faith.”
“And you’d be very, very wrong.”
“We just have to make sure it never comes to that.”
“Agreed, and in the meantime, I’m going to teach you something new.” He stands, water dripping over his naked backside and almost distracting me from what we were talking about. Wren holds out his hand. “Come on. Let’s watch a movie.”
“Right now?”
“Yup.”
“Do I have a say in the matter?”
“Of course. You can either stay out here by yourself or get that sexy ass up and join me in bed. Only one of those choices is the right one.”
I take his hand, letting him pull me to my feet. “I’m not done playing with you yet.”
We dry off and climb into bed, and before I can reach for the remote, Wren scoops it up and starts flicking through the options.
“Let me guess, you’re a remote hog as well as a bed hog?”
“Yep. We’re watching one of my favs.”
I arch an eyebrow as he lands on Brokeback Mountain . “While I’m all for the eye candy of Heath and Jake, isn’t this movie one of the most depressing things to ever exist?”
He turns to me, mouth hanging open. “You haven’t seen it?”
“Is this a surprise to you when we’ve already established I spend the majority of my life working?”
“Wow. After this, we’re moving on to Rocky Horror . Then Happy Gilmore .”
I frown at him. “Aren’t they all old movies?”
“They’re the ones I mark my childhood by. Uncle Hal used to love them, then wondered why Remy and I both ended up gay as an ice cream sundae.”
“I’m stuck on which part of that sentence to correct first.”
Wren laughs as he hits Play, then flops down onto the bed beside me. His skin is still warmed from the Jacuzzi, and even though the heat is on and it’s not cold inside, I curl up against him anyway.
“Is this going to make me cry?”
He settles an arm around me. “Two men who can’t be together even though they’re desperate for each other? I don’t know why you’d make that assumption.”
“Yikes.”
Wren presses a long, hard kiss to my forehead. “You wanna know the really stupid thing?”
“Of course.”
“The first time I watched this with Uncle Hal, it made me angry.”
“And now it’s your favorite.”
“I understood it more as I got older,” he says. “Wrapped my head around how the world was for people back then, so it made a lot more sense. I connected with it in a deeper way.”
“Then why did it make you angry?”
“Because I couldn’t figure out how two people could be so stupid.” His fingers trail over my face. “They wasted their whole lives telling themselves no and never got the chance to be happy.”
The weight of his words settles over me. “Wren …”
“And now I suddenly understand the movie even more than I ever did.”
We share a soft smile while I try to pretend like my heart isn’t aching. “Glad to be of service.”
Almost from the moment it starts, I can tell I’m never going to be the same after this.
The emotion is so raw, so real, and it sits heavy on my chest. The decision between the two leads and the impenetrable wall between them, even when they’re within arm’s reach.
I tighten my hold on Wren, watching them struggle and knowing that sooner or later, that will be us.
No matter how we try to pretend, no matter how many trips away we book to forget the real world.
It exists.
That future is coming.
My chest hurts in a way I never knew it could hurt.
The movie is exactly the kind of all-consuming, passionate love I’ve ever wanted for myself, but I never stopped to consider the flip side; that kind of love can exist and be unattainable.
How did people live like this? How did they survive, feeling this way?
I keep my tears silent, already mourning the end that’s going to sneak up on us sooner than I’m prepared for.
One day, there’ll be another man holding him like this, listening to his heartbeat, wrapped up in his warmth, and all I know is that it won’t be me.
No matter how much I want it.
“I wish I knew how to quit you,” he murmurs along with the movie, arm tightening around me.
And while those words send warmth rushing through my bones, they terrify me as well. Because one of us is going to have to figure it out.
Before it’s too late.