Chapter 36
DARCY
T he week is brutal. I throw myself into work more than I have ever before. Work is my safety; it helps me switch off. When I’m focusing on my inbox or reports or cross-checking stock trend analysis, I go to a fuzzy place in my mind where nothing else exists but the words and numbers on my page.
The problem is, even working myself to the point of exhaustion isn’t working anymore. All the lack of sleep is doing is making it harder to focus, and while I was able to power on like a freight train after Father’s death, I think I’m finally starting to lose steam.
When was the last time I slept properly? In Aspen? And then before that … even with Wren shoving me out the door whenever he could, I’d only go home and work.
Before Wren? Work.
Before Dad’s passing, when he was sick and I had to step in? Work.
Before that ? Fuck, it wasn’t as bad in London, but it’s not like I did much else either.
I drive my fingers into my eye sockets, hoping to massage the deep tiredness away, but it just presses down on my shoulders instead.
There’s no way I can continue on like this. The thought of taking something like my college buddies used to for an all-nighter crosses my mind, but I shove it away. Even this far into the pit, I’m not going down that path.
Instead, I’ll just continue to pull away from any and all human interaction, like a healthy CEO who’s just had his heart ripped out.I wish Father was still here so I could ask how he did it.
I’ve already stopped going to meetings, even though half of my job is to be personable. Thankfully, Tobias has stepped in to cover them, and I’m sent a follow-up email afterward, but I just … I don’t care.
Maybe that’s why this escape isn’t working.
MediaCorp is my entire life—it’s in my bones—but without Wren, everything feels so … stupid. I wish things could have gone literally any other way.
My phone buzzes with yet another message from either Mom or Harvey or both.
The stress of even looking at what they’ve sent is suffocating, so before I can second-guess, I stand up, leave my phone, and walk out of my office.
It’s not even seven yet, so Avery isn’t in, which means no one sees me take the elevator to the roof.
Our beast of a helicopter is sitting right where it always does, and I’m hit with this spacey kind of moment as I step out and look at it.
Every time I’ve seen it before, the knowledge that I own a helicopter is incredible—even if it is technically the business’s.
But I don’t own it. It’s not mine.
I stole a helicopter.
I stole a business.
I stole an entire fucking life, and look at me paying the price for it all now.
There’s a dull glow on the horizon, showing that sunrise is coming, so I cross to behind the air ducts and wait for it to come.
The cool morning air chills the tears trying to escape my eyeballs, but I refuse to let them out.
No matter how tired I am, no matter how much everything in me hurts, crying is admitting defeat.
And I might not be a Ritcherson by blood, but I sure as hell am one by upbringing, and Dad never let me forget that.
I shiver, pulling my jacket tighter around me. It’ll get warmer, but the wind is brisk up here, and instead of heading back inside, I stay, glad to finally feel something other than pain.
The elevator behind me dings, and I freeze. Something in my gut unsettles at the knowledge that only one person knows I come up here, and whoever it is is way too quiet for a news team rushing to a story.
Only when someone steps around the metal duct, my nerves crash again.
It’s my brother. One of my actual brothers.
“Tobias.” I turn back to the view. “How did you know I was here?”
“Your phone is in your office, and this has always been your escape.”
“You knew about that?”
“Duh.” He sits down beside me. “Avery sees you come up here, and she told me. So I told Junior. Dunno about anyone else.”
“Right. Well. My one place in the world has been discovered. Congratulations.”
“Calm your tits, Darcy. We’ve never come looking for you up here before.”
“So why now?” My cold tone is surprising, even to me. Other than brief calls with Harvey, who have I actually spoken to this week? Everything I need from Avery is done via email. I’ve been texting with Junior … I really need to hurry up and get over this.
“Wanted to make sure you weren’t jumping.”
I snort. “A Ritcherson would never.”
“Yeah, but a Darcy might. Especially with how you’ve been acting lately.”
I can’t answer him.
“You need to fix shit with Wren.”
My head whips toward him. “Excuse me?”
“I don’t know what happened, but I don’t buy his excuse of freaking out because of what happened to Junior.
He was liking it here. You were both happy and working together, then suddenly, he’s gone and refusing to take my calls or answer my texts, and you’re locked away in your office like the goddamn Grinch in his mountain cave. ”
“Nothing happened.”
He rolls his eyes. “I’m not a dumb kid anymore, so don’t treat me like one. Look, Junior and I were closer in age growing up, and you were always Dad’s favorite?—”
“What?” I almost die laughing over that. “Dad adored you both. He gave you everything.”
“Ah, no. You’re the one he spent time with, you’re the one he brought into the office, you’re the one?—”
“Because he was preparing me for his life.”
“And? Junior and I would have killed for that kind of attention.” He shakes his head. “I’m not trying to argue with you about Dad, just explaining that we had each other, and you had no one, and then Wren came along and it was like you finally had the brother you always wanted.”
Silence creeps after his words, and it’s on the tip of my tongue to deny it. To tell Tobias that Wren isn’t my brother. I can’t though. Even if I wanted to, the secret is buried too deep.
“I guess I was never the brother Wren wanted.”
“You guys had a fight, didn’t you?”
“Remind me of the part where it’s your business?”
He scoffs. “Are you kidding me? Darcy, you made it my business when everything suddenly got dumped on me. People are legit scared of you. You walk around the office looking like you’re going to either fire or murder someone, and half the staff don’t know which would be worse.
They’re all coming to me. Avery is coming to me.
You keep changing up your schedule so much that she was here until eight last night, just trying to smooth it all out.
I’m doing your meetings, I’m fielding calls, and I’m trying to get through all my coursework before winter break, but you’re making it almost impossible.
I don’t want to be here until midnight every night. ”
“Why not? I am.”
“Yeah, and I don’t want to be you. Maybe Junior does, but I’d actually like some kind of life outside of this place.”
And maybe Tobias and I have never been all that close, but genuine guilt hits me. My stubbornness won’t let me admit that though. “You wanted all Father’s attention. Congratulations. This is your crash course on how to run the place, only without Daddy’s overbearing criticisms.”
“Crash course is right. I’m not complaining about doing the extra work—even though we agreed I’d be focused on finishing college before I stepped in more actively here—I’m complaining how unpredictable it is.
Nothing’s organized, everything is last minute.
No one knows what’s going on down there, and it’s only been a week.
Between everything in London and you checking out, people are talking that the company’s in danger, and I won’t let MediaCorp go down like that. ”
“MediaCorp is everything to me,” I grit out, furious that he could think otherwise.
“You have no idea the sacrifices I’ve made.
You have no idea .” I almost choke on my words, those tears coming back to make this whole thing so much harder.
“If I want to take a week for myself for the first time in my entire existence, I will. I’m still here.
I’m still running this place. And maybe I need a little help, but?—”
“A little help? When was the last time you shaved? Or washed your hair?”
My laugh is bitter. “I don’t see anyone anyway, so what the hell does it matter?”
His eyes are wide as he looks at me, questioning my sanity, and I don’t blame him. But he’s made me miss the sunrise with his shit, and the last thing I need is someone throwing Wren in my face and making out like I’m the one who can fix it. I’ve never been the one with that power.
This is all on Father, and as much as I miss him, and as much as I love him, I can’t help resenting him. And Mom. And the fact that history is so obviously repeating itself through me.
Love or obligation.
Only my stakes are a thousand times higher than Dad’s ever were.
“I can’t believe at one point in my life that I looked up to you,” he says in a voice so cold it could match mine.
“Why don’t you go back to sucking up Junior’s ass and let me do my job?”
Tobias gives me a seething look. “Junior’s just as messed up. I never thought I’d say this, but I’m so glad Dad brought Wren in. I finally have a brother worthy of my respect.”
Ouch .
I deserve it, but ouch .
The tears flood my eyes with more insistence this time, but I squeeze them all back. I’m not doing this. Not with him.
I unstick my throat and choke out, “Go work in construction, then.”
“You’re pathetic.” He stands up, but before he walks away, he throws back, “I wish Dad had chosen Wren in the first place.”
“You know what?” I mutter. “So do I.”