Chapter 38
DARCY
I swear my heart stops.
“W-Wren …”
He grips me tighter, wetness dripping onto my neck, and I hold him while his body shakes, and I do everything in my power not to follow him.
“I-I’m sorry,” I say.
“Stop.”
“I’m so, so sorry.” My throat hurts to speak, and Wren growls at my words, finally pulling out and shoving away from me.
His eyes are red, cheeks wet, scowl crossing his handsome face. “If you dare say that was a mistake …”
I won’t say that because I can’t say anything. I just stare at him with sad eyes, begging him to understand.
“Why did you come here?”
“Tobias said you haven’t been texting him back. And with what a wreck I’ve been, he guessed that something happened … between us. That’s why you left.”
“Smart brother,” he grumbles.
“I thought I could do this. I thought I could beg you to come back, but I can’t.”
“So you just fucked me instead.”
“That’s not fair,” I snap.
“You’re still going to marry him though, aren’t you?”
My face crumples. “Wren.”
He turns away, and it makes the pain in my chest overwhelming.
“I haven’t made any decisions yet.”
“Must be nice. To have a choice at all.”
I stand, tugging on my underwear, trying to ignore his cum running down my crease.
“A choice ? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.
” I stalk over to where he’s sitting on the side of the bed and grab his jaw, forcing him to look at me.
“I have never had a choice. Ever. All my life, I’ve had rules set out for me, and I’ve followed them to the letter.
You have no idea how reckless, how not like myself I’ve been acting and all because … because …”
His eyes narrow on mine. “Because what?”
If he doesn’t know, he’s not as smart as I always thought he was. “I’m in love with you, Wren.” I swallow back the lump in my throat. “And not being with you makes it hard to breathe. To think. To exist. So if you think any of this is my choice, you’ve never been more mistaken.”
He shoves to his feet so fast. “Did you seriously say that when we both know you’re going to walk out that door? Are you trying to break me completely?”
“I don’t want to break you at all. I just needed you to know that I’m broken too.”
“Goddamn it, Darce, that just gives me hope. That doesn’t help. That just makes me feel a thousand times worse that we love each other and you’re choosing wrong.”
Guilt consumes me, pushing me to take back the last few moments, even if it means lying.
Even if it means turning cold and impersonal and pointing out that everything between us is the mistake that it was.
But even if lying would help him long term, I can’t do it.
I’m selfish. Knowing Wren feels the same way about me is like a knife to the chest, and I want to tell him I’ll fight.
I want to tell him that we’ll find a way and everything will be okay, but the reality is … it won’t.
“You can’t ask me to choose you.” I step back, trying not to choke on the emotion building inside me. “I never learned how to do that.”
“You’ve never even tried.” Desperation tinges his words, and if I thought a breakup over the phone was bad, it was nothing, nothing to this. To face him, knowing he loves me and having to walk away anyway.
I can’t look at him as I pull on my pants, otherwise these tears will win. “I never lied to you. You knew what this was.”
“Yeah. The greatest few months of my life.”
The pang that hits my chest suffocates me, and I can’t reply.
Can’t keep arguing with him. So I do exactly what I always do and run, scooping up my shirt and jacket on the way out of the house.
I pass Remy in the driveway as I’m struggling to get my arms in my sleeves, and I have no idea what he calls out because I can’t hear, can’t see, can’t think.
I’m breaking all over again, and I don’t think I can survive it this time.
My hands are shaking as I climb in the car, as I start the ignition, as I pull out onto the road. I’m on autopilot, head too full of Wren and love and pain and so, so, so much regret.
I choke on a sob. And then another one. The first tear splashes onto my cheek, and then I’m done for.
My vision lasts just long enough for me to jerk the car over onto the shoulder of the road, and the second I get it in park, I let go.
I’m sobbing so hard I can’t breathe. Huge, raking gasps leave me as the pain just builds and builds and never feels like it’s going to end.
How do I do this? How do I keep going on, pretending like I’m okay?
Because I’m not. Without Wren, I’m nothing.
I pull my shit together enough that I’m able to get back on the road, but the tears won’t stop, and I don’t think I want them to. Without them, the pain is too much.
By the time I pull up to Mom’s house, I feel like I’ve been run over. My muscles are tired, my head and face ache, and when I climb out of the car, no shoes, buttons mismatched, shirt untucked, and ass sore and covered in Wren’s dried cum, I don’t feel like myself.
I don’t feel like anybody.
I stagger inside and collapse onto the couch, which is where Mom finds me a few minutes later.
“Darcy? What happened?”
Even lifting my head from my hands is effort, and I must look terrible because her eyes widen comically at the sight of my face.
What happened?
My whole life happened. Fresh tears spill out as I look at her, and I know, I know she did what she thought she had to in order to survive. But this pain is because of her.
Did Dad feel like this when he had to make his choice?
Did Wren’s mom feel the way Wren feels right now?
They’re proof that all of this will turn out okay, at least where everyone else is concerned.
But I don’t want to settle for okay .
I want my everything.
I want Wren.
“I can’t do this anymore,” I say.
She quickly takes the seat beside me, rubbing circles into my back. “It’s okay. Whatever it is, we’ll fix it. We always do.”
“I don’t want to fix it.”
Her hand stills. “What are you talking about?”
What am I talking about? I don’t even know. I’m confused and lost and just so done. The last thing I want is to lose MediaCorp—it’s my entire world—but I don’t think not being with Wren is an option.
So I speak the only truth I can decide on.
“I don’t want to follow the rules anymore.”
“What does that mean?” But she knows. I can tell by her tone that she does.
“The lies. The deceit. Doing everything blindly just because I’m told I have to. That if I don’t, I’ll be found out. I’ll be blamed for a decision made before I was born.”
“You need to stop.”
“I haven’t even started yet!”
She shifts closer, grips my forearms tight. “I did this for you. I’ve done everything for you. For your brothers. Do you understand what you’re saying?”
“Of course I understand. Ever since I found out the truth, the consequences have been drummed into me.”
“You’ll lose everything !”
“Maybe I deserve to.” I glare at her, and she stares at me like she doesn’t know what she’s looking at.
“Where is this coming from?”
That’s the one question I wish she wouldn’t ask me. “Nowhere.”
“It’s Wren, isn’t it?” Her teeth clench. “He’s done this. Made you feel guilty. Manipulated you into thinking this is your fault.”
“The only thing Wren has done is get thrown into this and be treated like shit the entire time.”
“That doesn’t entitle him to run a company you’ve been training to take over your entire life.”
“He doesn’t want it. Let Junior have it. I don’t care anymore.”
“You don’t mean that.” And she’s right. I don’t.
“You might not have been planned, but I was never happier than I was the day I found out I got to keep you. Then you brought Warren and me together, and I know it’s because he was pretending you were Wren.
Pretending you were the son he should have had, and that only made me more protective of you.
Your brothers were born into this life, but you …
you saved me. You made my life worth something.
And now you want to throw away everything I’ve done to make sure you had the greatest life you could. ”
“But that’s the thing. It’s not my life.”
“You can’t tell me it’s Wren’s. That backward scum wouldn’t know the first thing about being a Ritcherson.”
“Because we stole it from him! Backward scum? Are you listening to yourself? Where do you think we’d be if Warren didn’t make the choice he did?
You just admitted you weren’t going to keep me.
I wouldn’t be here. You wouldn’t be here.
Wren would own everything he’s entitled to, but do you know what?
” I lean in. “I’m glad Warren chose wrong.
Not because of where I am but because of who Wren is.
He will never know what it’s like to be a Ritcherson because he’s too kind, too generous, too goddamn good. ”
Mom’s jaw drops. “Oh no …”
I hold her stare and refuse to look away.
“Darcy, how could you?”
“We’re not related,” I point out.
Mom lets out a wounded cry and stands, paces as far from me as she can get. “That doesn’t make it right ! He’s your brother!”
My jaw clenches against the need to cry again.
“Tell me he doesn’t know. Tell me you’re not that stupid.”
“He knows.”
She doubles over, hands ruining her perfect blow-dry. “We’ll be ruined. All of us.”
“He won’t tell anyone.”
“Of course he will! Telling people gets him the money, the company, the vindication his whore mother has always been looking for. I told Warren not to do this. I told him nothing good would come from dragging that bastard into our lives.”
“Shut. The goddamn fuck. Up.” I shove to my feet and use my full height against her. “You will not speak about Wren that way. You will not call his mother those things. You will keep your goddamn mouth closed if you know what’s goddamn best for you, and you’ll let me sort this out.”
“You’re unbelievable,” she gasps. “What about your brothers ? Do you even care what this means for them?”
“Of course I do. Why do you think I’m sitting here, completely heartbroken over having to see this thing through with Harvey when all I want is to be with the man I love?”
“You’re still going to marry Harvey?” The hope in her voice is sickening.
But a reality check.
Because if my own mother is this disgusted at the thought of Wren and me, if she’s willing to sacrifice my happiness to keep us apart, then what the hell will everyone else think? Tobias and Junior? We’re not close, but they’re my brothers.
And Wren’s.
The reminder crashes down around me.
“How naive of me,” I mutter, heading for the door. “To think my mother would make everything better.”
I leave her, feeling more confused than when I arrived.