Chapter 18
Beth wondered if the heat had finally proved too much for her.
‘Matthew?’ she whispered, her knees suddenly turning to jelly.
He had been sitting on one of the ancient tapestry chairs in the lobby, chairs which nobody ever sat on. They were used to rest the occasional suitcase, the post, a delivery, but never guests. And yet there was Matthew, perched on the edge of one, his eyes fixed on the doorway.
‘Beth!’ he said in a relieved tone. ‘I was beginning to think you’d never get back.’
Leaping up, he covered the few steps between them and smiling, he reached out to tuck a stray wisp of hair behind her ear.
‘Hello,’ he said softly.
Fighting the urge to tilt her face into his hand and seek out the warmth of his touch, Beth jerked backwards. Behind her she could feel the heat of Jake’s body, his breath soft on the back of her neck.
Her eyes were wide with shock, her voice was wobbly, uncertain. 'Why are you here?’
Standing in front of her, Matthew sighed deeply, his shoulders sagging. He gave the man behind Beth a pointed stare but Jake simply stared impassively back, crossing his arms in front of him and leaning against the wall to make himself more comfortable. With a small twitch of annoyance, Matthew turned his attention back to Beth.
‘Oh Beth,’ he said softly, his mouth turning down sadly. ‘I had to come and see you. I’ve missed you so much.’ He reached out his hand to catch her fingers, holding them tightly and Beth was so surprised that she let him, her mind swirling with a thousand questions but her skin relishing the touch she remembered.
‘We didn't get chance to talk in Bristol but I’m here now,’ he said with a smile, the sort of smile he always used when he wanted Beth to agree with him. The smile that crinkled the corners of his eyes and made his face look soft and caring. The smile that always worked on Beth.
Beth pulled her fingers away. ‘You've had a week to talk to me,’ she said, trying to sound firm, even as her heart jumped up and down, pounding inside her body so loudly she could hear it drumming in her ears.
‘I know and I'm sorry! I just couldn't get away - and I wasn't sure if you would still want to speak to me.’
Beth bit her lip. The last time they had faced each other, Beth had tipped a vase of water over his head and been asked to vacate the office until she had calmed down. She could understand if he thought he should leave some time before they attempted another conversation.
‘I suppose we do need to talk about the future,’ she said weakly. ‘The flat and …other things.’
‘Exactly!’
Jake was still leaning against the wall blatantly listening to the conversation between them and Matthew threw him another look which was ignored.
‘Why don't we go up to your room,’ suggested Matthew with another of his crinkly smiles. ‘Where we can talk in private.’
Instinctively, Beth shook her head. She was struggling to think clearly, Matthew standing before her was too much to take in, but she wasn’t sure she wanted him in her tiny room in the eaves. It was her sanctuary, a place with no memories of Matthew other than the ones she chose to invite in with her.
She looked down at her grubby t-shirt and scratched legs. ‘I need a shower,’ she mumbled, tugging at her ponytail.
‘That’s okay!’ exclaimed Matthew. ‘I don't mind waiting. Let’s go.’ And he turned in the direction of the stairs.
Beside her, she could feel Jake’s disapproval hitting her in waves, and she had to use every ounce of self-control not to turn to see the expression in the green eyes.
‘No! It’s a really small room,’ she said weakly to Matthew. ‘Wait upstairs on the balcony, first room on the right. You’ll have more space and the view is wonderful.’
‘Okay.’ Shrugging, Matthew started striding up the stairs. ‘But don't be too long, I can't wait to sit down and talk to you,’ and Beth heard him walk across the balcony followed by the scrape of a chair.
She didn’t move. The blood was rushing through her veins so quickly it was making her dizzy. Eventually, she risked a sideways peep at Jake’s stony profile.
He was watching her, his eyes empty of expression, his mouth a straight line.
‘Are you going to forgive him?’ he asked bluntly.
Beth gasped. This was all moving far too fast. She had been so close to giving up on Matthew. She had stopped drifting off to sleep thinking about him, stopped letting him intrude on her every thought. And suddenly he was here. Asking for forgiveness.
‘No. I don't know,’ she said uncertainly. ‘I need to listen to him.’
‘Not really, you could tell him to leave.’
Beth scowled. Still telling her what to do, still thinking he knew best.
‘You heard him, he's sorry!’
‘Sorry for cheating on you and breaking your heart? Or sorry for just taking so long to say sorry?’
‘At least he’s here’ growled Beth. ‘Portia is two minutes away and she hasn't bothered to visit you.’
The moment the words were out of her mouth she regretted them. She saw his face tighten, his eyes flash and she wished words were like emails, with the ability to call them back and eradicate their impact.
‘I'm sorry,’ she said hastily. ‘That was…’
‘You’re right. Matthew has come a long way to speak to you. I hope for your sake, he says what you want to hear,’ and with a stiff nod, he pushed past her and took the steps two at a time as though in a hurry to put some space between them.
Showering quickly, Beth grabbed her phone as she looked through her wardrobe for something to wear.
Beth: Matthew’s here!
Sally: Where? At the flat? Are you back in Bristol?
Beth: No- he’s in Welby
Sally: Matthew followed you to Welby? Like a stalker kind of follow?
Beth: No! He’s come to talk. Said we didn't have chance in Bristol so he's come here
Sally: But you did have chance in Bristol, he just didn’t want to. And then you attacked him – which was absolutely the right thing to do by the way. Go Beth!!
Beth: I suppose he didn't want to talk to me right after I tried to drown him. Anyway, he's here. Now.
Sally: What does he want
Beth: I don't know yet. He’s waiting for me, I’m just getting changed
Sally: Ooh- do you have a revenge dress? You need to remind him what he's lost, you want to make sure he regrets this for the rest of his life!
Beth looked over her wardrobe which comprised shorts and t-shirts covered in sawdust and paint and more shorts and t-shirts that were still relatively clean. At the back of the wardrobe was the yellow sundress.
Beth: I didn't think I needed a revenge dress to paint a beach hut. And anyway, this isn't about revenge. We’re just going to talk
Sally: OMG- do not tell me you are thinking of forgiving him? Do not let him get away with this Beth. He is a liar and a cheat and a total bastard. DO NOT FORGIVE HIM!!!
Beth: I didn't say I was going to forgive him. We're going to talk, that's all
Sally: But you always give in where Matthew is concerned
Beth: I do not
Sally: Yes you do. But you can't this time. Stay strong. Do not give in
Beth: I won't – really I won't. We’re just going to talk
Pulling on the yellow sundress which was already looser at the waist following a week of hard work and grief, Beth went downstairs to find Matthew on the balcony, drumming his fingers as he waited for her to arrive. There was a bottle of wine on the table which Lavinia must have provided, although there was no sign of her or Jake.
‘Odd little place isn't it,’ Matthew said to her as she arrived, looking around in bewilderment. ‘Why do people come here?’
‘Look at the view,’ Beth said, sitting opposite and pouring them both a glass of wine and then drinking most of hers in one go, nerves hammering at her chest. ‘Amazing, isn't it?’
caught the movement of the waves, the swoop of the gulls and the warmth of the sun.
But Matthew wasn't looking. He leant over the table reaching out for Beth's hands. She dropped them into her lap.
‘I came to say I was sorry, Beth,’ he said, giving her the crinkly smile. ‘So sorry.’
The breath caught in her throat twisting and turning. Was this actually happening? Was Matthew about to say he had made a mistake, that it was Beth he loved?
‘I know I must have hurt you…'
‘You broke my heart!’
From the balcony, the view of the bay and the far horizon opened up like a painting. One that had captured the movement of the waves and drifting of soft clouds.
‘Yes, yes, and I'm sorry.’
He paused for a moment and when Beth remained silent, he continued.
‘I’m afraid it all got out of hand. And I should have spoken to you in Bristol, I just didn’t know what to say.’ He took a deep breath and sat back in his seat. ‘I made a mess of things, I know I did. But I've missed you, more than I ever thought possible.’
It didn't change what had happened, thought Beth. It didn't alter the fact that he had betrayed her. But despite herself, she couldn't help the warm glow that began to radiate across her stomach, the tingling sensation in her fingers. She took another large drink.
‘You did?’
‘Yes. I keep thinking about you. All the time. I’m just getting on with my day and you pop into my head,’ Matthew continued in surprise. ‘It’s really odd.’
Not really, thought Beth. Not when you loved someone. She had thought about him constantly. Or she had, until her thoughts had been overwhelmed by rotten floorboards, wobbly roofs and mocking green eyes.
He groaned, running a hand through the normally immaculate blonde hair. ‘Oh Beth, I am sorry. It must have been awful finding out like that.’
It had been truly awful, thought Beth. Not the sort of moment that was easily forgotten. She realised her glass was empty and she filled it again. It had been a long day and the wine was adding a pleasant buzz to her otherwise chaotic thoughts.
‘Can you ever forgive me?’ He was peering at her from across the table in the disappearing light, puppy dog eyes in a sad face, his lips turned down in entreaty. ‘Is it something you could ever forgive, Beth darling? I’ve told you how sorry I am, can you forget what I did?’
‘I don't know,’ she said slowly, taking herself by surprise.
If he had turned up a few days ago, she would probably have said yes. But so much had happened since Beth had arrived in Welby. Not least, that she had found some of the belief in herself she suspected had previously been missing.
Was that a hint of surprise in his eyes, Beth wondered. Had he also expected that Beth would forgive and forget?
‘I understand,’ he said quickly. ‘I do understand. I’m hoping that you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me but I understand if you need time.’
It sounded as though he thought it was pretty inevitable, decided Beth, glugging on her wine. Maybe Sally was right and she had always been a pushover where Matthew Pettigrew was concerned.
‘As long as you know I want to be with you,’ he said.
When Beth looked up, her eyes wide and startled, he smiled and nodded.
‘That’s right. I want to be with you, Beth.
‘You do?’
‘I do. So much. If spending time with someone else has taught me anything, it’s how much I need you in my life.’
Beth swallowed hard.
‘Why don't we leave this place,’ he said softly with a cajoling smile. ‘There’s a wonderful hotel somewhere called Craggy Heights. I could see if they have a room for the rest of the weekend.’ He let his fingers walk across the table, dancing in front of her and waiting for her to reach out her own. ‘We could talk and swim and remind ourselves of what we used to have together.’ His voice had dropped an octave, like honey trickling from a spoon and he smiled the smile and wriggled his shoulders seductively, ‘What do you think?’
Beth was finding it hard to think. Or breathe. Or do any of the things she normally took for granted.
‘What about Laura?’ she croaked, her voice having trouble fighting its way around the emotion.
‘Laura?’ Matthew sat back in his chair, his mood souring, the dancing fingers disappearing.
‘It was a mistake,’ he said shaking his head. ‘People always think the grass is greener on the other side and it may be but it also needs a lot more work,’ he muttered.
Beth frowned. He seemed to be comparing her to a lawn, an easy-care sort of lawn.
‘She is very demanding. About all sorts of things,’ he added with feeling.
Beth didn't want to know about all the ways Laura could be demanding.
‘I mean, who has a white settee and then gets sniffy when it gets a little stain? And who wants to spend the whole evening watching Love Island?’
Well, certainly not Matthew. The only thing he liked spending the whole evening watching, was the highlights of the cricket test match.
‘And all this detox business! I went back to our flat just so I could get a decent meal. She caught me eating a KitKat in the bathroom and took it off me!’
He’d gone back to their flat. Beth had imagined him cosied up somewhere with Laura, gazing into each other’s eyes but he’d been in their flat all along. What if Beth hadn’t fled to Welby? Would he have arrived home, unhappy with the lack of cricket and chocolate biscuits and said he was sorry? Would Beth have been so relieved to see him that she would have made him a chicken curry and welcomed him back?
‘Why are you here?’ she asked, pouring herself more wine.
Looking up she saw Lavinia hovering anxiously in the hallway and Beth offered her a reassuring smile, along with a beseeching look as she pointed to the now empty bottle.
‘I realised I needed you.’
The honey tone was back, the fingers dancing across the table, although once he noticed that the bottle was empty, he danced them back to his side in disappointment.
‘You've left her?’ asked Beth.
His eyes dipped, his mouth pouting.
‘I came here because I missed you,’ he murmured.
‘How did it start?’ asked Beth and Matthew winced.
‘I don't think we should dwell too much on the…’
‘How?’ barked Beth, just as Lavinia arrived with another bottle of wine.
‘Everything okay, Beth dear?’ she asked in a quiet voice, resting a calm hand on Beth's shoulder.
‘Everything is fine, Lavinia. Matthew has come to tell me how much he misses me. And KitKats and cricket.’
Both Lavinia and Matthew looked confused but Beth knew what she meant, and she gave Lavinia a smile and a nod. ‘I’m fine,’ she said softly. ‘Really.’
Reaching out for the bottle, Matthew had to work hard to wrest it from Beth’s insistent grip, but he managed to jerk it away and hastily fill his glass before she took it back.
‘Are you okay?’ he asked hesitantly. ‘Perhaps you've had enough…’
‘How did it start?’ repeated Beth.
Perhaps she had drunk a little too much on an empty stomach and a day of intense work. Everything was beginning to dance slightly before her eyes, including Matthew and his crinkly smile.
‘It was just meant to be a fling,’ he admitted with a sigh. ‘No one was more surprised than me to hear her say we were in love.’
‘A fling?’ Her voice rose again, veering into a screech and she saw Matthew flinch at his choice of words.
‘No! Not a fling but not a...a… not anything that would take me away from you.’
‘So, if I hadn't found out you two would still be off flinging together?’
‘No, no! Of course not. I would have told you. I meant to tell you!’ With a sigh, Matthew continued. ‘She just appeared at my desk one night and asked if I would like to join her in her office for a drink.’
‘And of course, you said no.’
‘Yes. I mean no, I didn't say no, I said yes.’
Beth emptied her glass angrily.
‘Go on.’
‘She has the corner office, next to Lester’s and I thought it would be interesting to check it out. You know, try it out for size.’ He gave a slightly hollow laugh.
Beth did know.
‘You thought you would go to Laura’s corner office and get your feet under her corner desk,’ she said accusingly. ‘You saw an opportunity to get a spot on the 8 th floor a lot quicker than the usual route, you know, the one where people just work hard and get promoted.’
‘Not at all,’ said Matthew indignantly. But Beth could see his eyes swivelling, like they always did when he wasn't being entirely truthful.
‘You thought that Laura was a good way of getting on Lester’s radar,’ she continued, her voice rising and the grip on her glass tightening.
‘Beth! How could you suggest such a thing…’
‘You were using Laura.’
‘What an awful thing to say…’
‘And now you've found it hard going with her, you've come scuttling back to me because you think that nice Beth, sweet Beth, will forgive and forget and take you back without a second thought.’
‘Absolutely not. Wait, which part? I mean I do want you back. Because I love you and because I realise you are my soul mate…’
‘I just don't have a corner office on the 8 th floor! You've come back because I’m not demanding and I let you eat KitKats!’
Beth was shouting now, on her feet as she waved her empty glass in his direction. Beneath her feet, the balcony tipped and swayed, and Beth wasn't sure whether it was sheer unadulterated anger or the amount she had drunk on an empty stomach.
‘Well, I’ve got news for you, Matthew Pettigrew. I am not a pushover. I can be quite demanding myself and I also like to watch Love Island. I will not forget what you have done and I most certainly will never forgive you. And I want you to leave, right now!’
She gave a toss of her head, one that was meant to convey her complete disregard for the man sitting opposite her, but which meant she lost her balance and almost fell over.
Matthew jumped up, grabbing Beth’s arm and trying to steer her back into her seat.
‘Let go of me,’ she shouted crossly. ‘I don't need your help!’
‘I think you should sit down. You’ve had far too much to drink.’
'I have not and don't tell me what to do. Get off me…oh!’
Suddenly Matthew was gone, but without his supporting arm Beth was heading for another fall, and was saved only by Lavinia’s restraining hand and plump body. Opposite her Matthew appeared to be spinning around.
‘What…’ she began only to realise that Jake had taken Matthews’ arm and hauled him away from Beth.
‘Beth has asked you to leave. And I think that’s exactly what you need to do.’ Jake’s voice was low and calm, but filled with a quiet anger.
Beside her, Lavinia bristled with disapproval, her worried eyes seeking out Beth’s own.
‘Are you all right, my darling?’ she whispered.
‘Of course I am. Matthew wouldn’t hurt me. Jake let go of him please.’
‘Take your hands off me,’ Matthew was demanding in outrage, puffing out his chest which Beth realised was woefully inadequate compared to Jake’s. ‘Who are you anyway? This has nothing to do with you. Beth,’ he commanded. ‘Tell this man to stop immediately. What kind of place is this and why is he…oh!’
Shocked eyes played a game of tennis between Beth and Jake, occasionally involving Lavinia.
‘Is he…are you…Beth! How could you!’
Beth stared at him groggily. ‘What?’
‘Is this why you don't want to take me back? Because you've already found someone else?’
Beth heard Lavinia’s quiet gasp and saw Jake’s jaw tense, but her eyes were fixed on Matthew’s outraged face and disapproving mouth
‘What!’ she yelled. ‘Of course not. We aren't…we’re not…we don't even like each other!’
She saw Jake and Lavinia’s eyes swing her way.
‘Well, not very much. Or we didn't but maybe we’ve started to,’ she mumbled. ‘A little bit anyway although he still thinks I'm annoying and …’ Yep, definitely drunk too much wine and she dragged her angry glare back to Matthew. ‘How dare you! You're the one who cheated on me, don't try and blame me for anything. You…you…’
She took a step closer, her mouth opening and closing as she tried to find the words before stopping and in an almost perfect rerun of their last encounter, she snatched the bottle of Chardonnay from the table and held it high over his head, watching as it ran down his face and he gasped for air.