Chapter 22
Ursuline wasn’t able to come to the manor until that night.
I’d texted them at once and then done my best to avoid the Triton family by spending the rest of the day painting in the studio. Distraction was all I could do to keep from losing my mind. I didn’t want to fake conversation with Arielle or Darla, not after what I’d overheard.
I splashed color onto the canvas in one furious brush stroke after another. I hadn’t even come up to eat, because the kitchen served as a reminder that Jacques had vanished. That the Tritons were no different than my family in disposing of people who didn’t reach their exacting standards.
And I couldn’t tie myself to that for the rest of my life.
If I tried walking out of here, someone would catch me before I trekked halfway down the long, winding drive.
If I asked to leave, a bodyguard would escort me, and I’d have to find a way to ditch them, which wasn’t my strongest suit.
I stabbed red onto the canvas, as if I could somehow unleash the frustration and desperation bubbling up inside me.
“What did that canvas ever do to you?” Ursuline’s voice sounded behind me, their tone wry.
I tensed and relaxed in the span of a breath as the surprise of their appearance faded away.
Tension percolated inside me with the weight of what I needed to tell them, and my lips dried.
Maybe they already knew. They were viciously intelligent, so I might be spiraling over information I’d been blind to.
Would they have hidden all of that from me? The idea made my gut churn.
I dipped my brush in the murky cup of water and stepped away from the canvas. When I turned around, the sight of Ursuline in the doorframe offered the first gasp of relief I could clutch onto, even though nerves still simmered through me.
They’d clearly come from work, wearing a high-collared black shirt, cut long like most of their tops to drift over their hips before the tentacles flared out beneath them.
Their silver hair was slicked back, and the lighting of the room cast their light blue skin in a slightly different hue, deepening the dips of their muscles, the definition of their clavicle.
They carried a plastic bag in one hand laden with foam containers, rich scents of food traveling my way.
“Figured you hadn’t eaten,” they said, holding up the takeout. “Here or upstairs?”
“Here,” I said, casting a nervous glance to the door. At least the studio room was contained. I couldn’t risk sitting up in the kitchen where anyone could overhear from another room or walk right in.
Ursuline’s brows drew together, and they gave a tight nod as they found the nearest bench and sprawled over it.
I took a seat on the floor beside them, not wanting to be farther away.
They passed me one of the foam containers, and I popped it open—pancakes with strawberry topping, which I’d commented was my favorite the last time I’d looked over Haven’s menu.
My heart thrummed. Their consideration, the way they listened and saw me, touched a deep part of me.
Silence spread between us for a few moments, and I took the opportunity to cram a bit of pancake into my mouth, just to stave off my rioting stomach. I hadn’t eaten much at all today—couldn’t manage it with all the confusion churning around inside me.
“What’s going on?” Ursuline asked, breaking through the quiet. They hadn’t taken a bite of their food. “Based on your message, how jittery you are, something happened.”
I swallowed the bite of pancakes and then sucked in a deep breath for bolstering. “I need to leave.”
Ursuline lapsed into silence for a moment, but they bobbed their head. “I agree.”
“You need to leave too,” I said, daring to meet their gaze.
Their dark eyes flashed with pain, and their lips thinned. “If only I could, Elrich.”
I shook my head. “Beyond what they have planned over the union between my family and theirs, I don’t think they’re being honest with you about your deal.”
Ursuline sighed. “The contract is ironclad. I wrote it myself. If I violate it, my family is forfeit.”
“If your family is safe…” I hedged my bets, even though my pulse thumped so rapidly I thought it’d take off. “Then why are they trying to keep you distracted? Why don’t they want you to go to New Atlantis?”
Ursuline’s eyes widened, which told me all I needed to know.
“And I stumbled upon what my family gave them in return for a chance at some of the orichalcum wealth,” I continued, before they could argue with me or stop this train from moving forward. “Access to Alpha Blue.”
Ursuline’s expression darkened, and they let out a low swear. “How do you know?”
“I overheard Arielle and Darla talking about you earlier,” I murmured, squeezing my nape. “They weren’t aware I was there. As for Alpha Blue, I found my family’s token in Frederick’s office.”
Ursuline’s tentacle wrapped around my leg, and that broke the tension between us.
I surged forward to lean against their strong, warm tentacles, just collapsing there.
A moment later, their fingers threaded through my hair as they gave a tentative stroke.
Relief shuddered through me at their touch, that they weren’t angry at me for what I’d told them.
“I’ve been a fool,” they said, their voice threadbare. “I…I get messages from my family. I’d taken those as enough all these years.”
“No calls?” I asked, my brow furrowing.
“Not for a long while,” they said. “Though calls between above and below the surface have never been too reliable.” Still, their expression darkened with realization.
The truth dug in, deep and ugly. Because if Frederick was willing to commit all sorts of unconscionable acts, there was no guarantee those messages were either from the sender or done without coercion.
“Jason’s going below,” I stated, needing to reassure them in some way. “He’ll be able to check in on your family.”
Their tentacle tightened on my leg, their fingers stilling in my hair. “I’ve had a feeling in my gut for a while now. That something was wrong. Yet whenever I messaged my family, they’d reassured me they were fine. That everything was okay.”
My stomach twisted in knots. I couldn’t imagine the heartache they’d suffered all these years.
“But I’ve been cut off from everyone back in New Atlantis for so long,” Ursuline said. “Most who escape to the surface…most of us don’t want to return.”
Their pain echoed Jason’s, how he’d often shut down at mention of his past. How he’d avoided going back for so long. The relief and guilt they must feel at being away from what they’d left behind had to be so staggering. So complicated.
I stroked my fingers along the tentacle wrapped around my leg, and Ursuline let out a ragged sigh.
“Come with me,” I murmured, my heartbeat thrumming.
They’d say no. I knew it, deep down. They couldn’t throw away their family’s safety for me. Even if I didn’t trust the Tritons to honor a deal in the slightest.
“I want to,” they admitted, their voice hoarse. My gaze drifted to the closed door, as if listening ears might be outside. I now understood for a fact we weren’t safe anywhere inside this place. They might not be able to give me an answer now, but I’d just dropped this bomb on them.
Maybe, maybe they’d realize escape was their best option too.
I squeezed the tentacle wrapped around me and rubbed my cheek against the one I leaned against. “I’m going to figure a way out of here. I’m not sure where I’ll land or how I’ll do it, but I can’t stay. Not knowing what my marriage to Arielle will do.”
“No, you can’t,” they agreed.
They stroked the tip of their tentacle along my leg, and they began to run their fingers through my hair again. The motions soothed me unlike anything else, even though my heart still ached. We agreed that I had to escape, but the idea of leaving them behind tore my heart in two.
“Where would I even go?” I asked aloud. If anyone would know the inner workings of how to escape the Tritons, I was sure Ursuline had given the prospect plenty of thought over the years.
“Fuck,” they swore, their voice as ragged as my heart. “Sunshine, I’ll make sure you’re taken care of.”
Even if they couldn’t be there.
Gods, the idea of a future without them hurt.
In my time at the Triton household, I’d grown closer to them than anyone in my entire life.
They’d shown me more care and consideration than I’d ever experienced growing up.
And my soul called to them, like the tug toward the stars in the night sky, inexorable and inescapable.
“I knew from the moment we met that I couldn’t keep you,” they murmured, almost as if to themself. “I can’t keep anyone. Not in this lifetime.”
Their pain lay heavy in the air, a suffocating blanket that crushed my shoulders.
My eyes stung, and I chewed on my lower lip, not sure what to say.
I wanted them to come, but I understood the risk.
They had family who they loved. Family who depended on them.
And if my gut feeling was wrong, that their family was still safe and the Tritons were upholding their end of the deal, then running off with me would put them all in danger.
I couldn’t imagine the weight they carried on a daily basis. The pain they shouldered.
“What if you could?” I asked, even though indulging in this would slice me open even more.
I stared down at the floor, unable to look at them without breaking down.
The warmth and smoothness of their tentacles at my side offered the solidity I craved right now, but if I looked up at them, I’d break.
The quiet in the room was laden with a thousand regrets.
“If I could keep you, we’d wake up in my apartment every day,” they said, continuing to stroke their fingers through my hair.
I shuddered from the touch, from the sheer imagining.
“You’d be covered in flecks of paint like you are now, pursuing your craft.
I’d be working for non-profits to help advance monsterkind and protect those in vulnerable situations.
I’d come home and make you scream over every surface possible, take every hole until you were trembling.
” They let out a heavy sigh. “We’d go on trips to the ocean and swim and bask in your sunshine.
I’d make you pancakes for breakfast on lazy mornings and take you to game nights with Cillian and the others.
We’d…live. Every day and every moment belonging just to us. ”
The tears slipped down my cheeks. I wanted that future so badly I could feel it hovering in the air before me, just there to grab. My chest spasmed. It aligned with everything I’d longed for, and I didn’t doubt for a moment this was the soul I’d waited for my entire life.
And now I’d be leaving them behind.
“What if we find a way to get you out too?” I asked. “The Tritons…they’re distracting you for a reason.”
Their fingers stilled in my hair again. “Leaving with you is all I’ve ever wanted. But without concrete proof, I’m tethered to them. I can’t put you at risk of being hunted for the rest of your days. The Tritons are relentless.”
It’d be worth living on the run if we could be together, but the words lodged in my throat. Ursuline seemed to be wavering, but if they left with me, it had to be their decision. I couldn’t stand it if I’d pushed them and then retribution rained down on their family in response.
“By the end of this week,” Ursuline said. “Get your most important belongings together. Pack a bag but keep it under your bed. I’ll get you out of here.”
My mind whirred at the shift. The reality brought up the main problem I’d been dancing around. “What about Jason?”
“He’s on my list to contact. Given a heads-up, he can lay low. If…” They paused, the quiet laden as if they were deep in thought. “If my concerns are founded, we might have a much larger problem on our hands.”
The gnawing in my gut emerged again, the same as when I’d found the Alpha Blue token in Triton’s office. Something terrible brewed, and we were in the epicenter of it.
“You won’t put yourself in danger?” I asked. If they wouldn’t come with me, the idea of them staying behind to face repercussions for helping me…fuck, I couldn’t bear the thought.
“Sunshine, I haven’t been surviving up here for this many years without a few tricks up my sleeve,” they said. “When I send you the text, you’ll need to head to the back entrance where the staff deliveries happen. A car will be waiting for you.”
Which implied they wouldn’t be there too. My throat tightened.
“Please come with me,” I begged again, needing to try one last time. I wouldn’t push, but I couldn’t fathom heading out of here without them. Knowing they were still trapped in this misery, a punishment without end.
Their tentacle stroked at my ankle again, but their silence gave me the answer.
When I escaped this place, it would be alone.