Chapter 14
Chapter
Fourteen
REID
I gripped the edges of the toilet bowl and retched into it, unloading my breakfast inside. My abdomen ached, the muscles worn out from throwing up, and the bitter taste in my mouth made me retch again, even though I had nothing else left in my stomach and it squeezed like a wrung-out sponge.
“I need… fresh air…” I panted, tearing off a length of toilet paper and using it to dab my sweaty forehead and then around my mouth.
“Are you all right?” Zander asked.
He was hovering outside the bathroom and had been since I’d sprinted away from the dining table and dropped to my knees in front of the porcelain throne—as had become common for me over the past two days.
It was like now that my mind knew I was pregnant, my body was throwing all of the unavoidable signs at me.
“Fine,” I muttered, swallowing the temptation to ask whether I looked like I was all right. I was pretty sure that would be a no.
I staggered upright and snatched the glass of water from his outstretched hand. I took a gulp, swirled it around in my mouth and spat into the toilet, then flushed the disgusting mess away.
“I have fried chicken,” he said, motioning toward the kitchen. “Will that help?”
I retched again. For some reason, chicken was the last thing I wanted now, even though I’d craved it for several days.
“Okay, no chicken,” he amended. “Crackers?”
“Pickles,” I decided. “But I need to settle my stomach first. Being outside will help.”
“It’s howling out there,” Zander said as I handed the glass back to him. “I think it would be best if you stayed in the house.”
I straightened and bit back the reply that leapt to my lips. While no one here had harmed me, and I was beginning to think they never would, I was constantly worried that I might say the wrong thing and someone would lash. Then I’d finally have evidence that I was right not to trust anyone.
A dark part of me kept pushing at their boundaries, almost wanting them to snap so I’d have that evidence.
It made no sense because I was warm and well-fed and being treated kindly for the first time in…
well, longer than I could recall. I should just relax and enjoy it, but I was scared that if I did, the rug would be pulled out from under me.
“It won’t be for long,” I said calmly. “I don’t want to risk my baby. I just need to feel the wind on my face.”
I half-expected him to try to forbid me from doing it, but instead he nodded, although he clearly wasn’t happy with the decision.
“Wait here,” he said gruffly and disappeared into one of the bedrooms. When he emerged, he was carrying a bundle of clothing. “Here. Put these on.”
I took them, baffled. There was a beanie, so I tugged it over my hair. I wrapped the scarf around my neck and slipped my arms into the sleeves of the jacket. It was massive on me, falling nearly to my knees, but I zipped it up and slid my hands into the gloves.
“Thank you.” I breathed in. The fabric smelled of pine trees and bergamot, and it made me think of lean muscle and sun-bronzed skin.
Zander grinned. “Thank you for humoring me. Let’s go.”
I frowned. “You’re coming with me?”
“Yeah.” He stuck his ungloved hands into his pockets. “But I can keep my mouth shut if you need quiet. I know that can be difficult to find in this household.”
I cocked my head. “If you’re coming along, shouldn’t you be wearing a jacket too?”
He shrugged. “Shifters run hot. A sweater is fine with me. If I get too cold, I can always shift. Bears have plenty of fur.”
That was true, although real bears also usually hibernated through the worst of winter. I didn’t argue though. I supposed he knew what he was doing and he didn’t seem like the kind of guy who would make a big deal out of trying to seem tough and masculine. He drank herbal tea, after all.
“Do you need another drink before we head out?” Zander asked. “Or should I grab you a pickle to go?”
“Not right now.” Honestly, if I put anything in my tummy, it would probably come straight back up again.
Zander tromped down the hall and I followed him.
As we passed the living area, he called out to let Melinda know that we were heading outside.
He held the front door open and I stepped through it and shivered as the wind blasted into my side.
It was just as well he’d given me the jacket because it was one of those frigid winds that would have cut straight through my sweater and made me icy to the core.
Zander closed the door and moved alongside me. “Are you sure you want to stay out here?”
“Just for a little while. Don’t worry, it won’t be long.”
I started along the path away from the house and turned left when I reached the road. I expected Zander to fall into step alongside me but instead he walked a few yards behind.
Perhaps he was giving me space. If so, I was grateful for it.
Nevertheless, my thoughts lingered on the hulking bear shifter as I gazed around the cold, barren landscape of Grizzly Ridge.
He’d been nothing but supportive and kind.
I wanted to trust that he was exactly the sort of man he presented himself as.
Gods, I wanted it so badly.
But after seeing so much of the worst side of humanity, how was I supposed to believe it?
I looked around. Most of the houses had lights on in the windows, but the trees were bare, the gardens mostly empty, and there were no cars on the street.
It was almost eerily quiet. I wasn’t sure whether to think of it as a Hallmark-like small town or the setting of a horror movie right before everything went to hell.
I glanced over my shoulder, my gaze clashing with Zander’s and strange heat lancing through me. His eyes were intent, and he didn’t take them off me. He truly did seem to want me. But how did that work when I was pregnant with another alpha’s baby?
Surely that was enough to put most alphas off. The ones I’d spent time around before never would have wanted to raise someone else’s child. Yet he hadn’t tried to influence my decision to keep the baby. Would that change?
A chill swept through me that had nothing to do with the frozen surroundings.
Behind me, Zander made a sound in the back of his throat, perhaps sensing my emotions. I drew in a deep breath, trying to calm myself. It wouldn’t do me any good if he could smell everything that went through my head.
I paused at an intersection, taking a moment to check left and right as I collected myself. We’d gotten closer to the town center and a row of shops stretched ahead, some of them with cute facades and signs outside.
In the other direction, there was a bronze statue of a man in an old-fashioned hat. I wandered closer. The plaque was frosted over so I couldn’t read what it said.
“He was the town’s first mayor,” Zander explained, having caught up to me at some point. “And the Clan’s first Alpha.”
“A bear shifter, I assume?” That would make sense, given the town’s name.
He nodded.
I peeked at him out of the corner of my eye, revisiting my earlier thoughts. I honestly didn’t believe that Zander would try to take my baby. He didn’t seem like that kind of man. But if he or anyone else tried to do that, I wouldn’t let them.
That’s when it struck me, with absolute clarity.
I wanted my baby.
It had seemed so complicated, but it really wasn’t.
This baby was mine. I’d raise them to be better than their kidnapping, assaulting father. I’d teach them about kindness and I’d never, ever use them the way I’d been used.
I blinked as moisture gathered in my eyelashes and wiped it away before he could freeze in place.
It seemed that deciding what to do about the baby wasn’t so difficult.
Not when I couldn’t handle the thought of being separated from them.
Not when the baby deserved to know they were loved, and I could give them that.
They’d never ever doubt their place in the world if I had anything to say about it.
I took off again and walked for a while longer, until a wave of nausea rolled through me and I bent over a nearby bush and emptied the pitiful contents of my stomach into it.
Zander approached and hesitantly stroked my back. “Can I carry you home?”
Straightening, I shook my head. My instincts screamed at me to just agree. To close my eyes and snuggle up to his broad chest. But I didn’t let them get the best of me. Whatever my instincts wanted to believe, I couldn’t afford to trust Zander completely or to be too vulnerable with him.
Maybe one day, but not yet.