Chapter 37
37
ADAM
A fter our bath, we lie in bed, warm and floral-scented, tangled together beneath the covers. Jonathan kisses my skin and combs his fingers through my damp hair. He looks at me with so much tenderness it aches. Everything is quiet and muted.
I’ve heard there’s this town in Alaska that goes 65 days a year without seeing the sun. How beautiful that first dawn must be. Must feel something like this. Something like the way Jonathan looks at me, even knowing the truth of me. Something like the way he feels under my fingertips, the way he tastes on my lips.
I must have drifted to sleep because I come awake to Jonathan’s arms around me, my pillow damp from the towel that was around my head and a… uh, “morning” wood. Jonathan stirs beside me, nuzzling into my chest before I can pull away to adjust myself.
He smiles sleepily. “Well, hello there.”
I chuckle. “Hey.”
He blinks up at me. “Was I out long?”
I have no idea what the time is, but by the light in the room I’d say it’s afternoon. “Think we missed lunch.”
“I seem to be making a habit of this.”
“Falling asleep on me?”
He nods. I run a hand through his mussed curls. “I like it.” Means he feels safe around me.
His smile turns wicked as he reaches below the blanket. “Clearly.” A shiver races up my spine when his fingers brush my erection.
“Hey, I was asleep too. I can’t help what my body does when I’m asleep.” On some level at least I must have been aware of his naked form beside me, us lying skin to skin. This particular situation probably started before I drifted off, what with all the kissing and touching.
His fingers fold around my situation . “I’m not complaining.” Then doubt flashes across his features. The confident facade melts away and he seems at once uncertain.
“Neither am I,” I assure him and I bend to kiss him. His lips part for me, but even the kiss is tentative and his fist doesn’t move.
I pull away, but before I can ask what’s wrong, his gaze darts down to my middle and he wets his lips. “I’d… I’d like to…” He clears his throat, swallows, looks up at me again. Whatever he finds in my eyes must give him the confidence to continue. “Would you like a blow job?”
The question is so unexpected from his sweet lips, in his posh accent, that I almost laugh. Almost. I catch it before it bubbles up. He goes bright pink.
“Has anyone ever answered ‘no’ to that?”
“Not in my experience. But…” He glances at my middle again. “This morning was quite emotionally intense. I want to, but I know you might be feeling vulnerable and I don’t want to take advantage.”
The idea of Belle taking advantage of me, of anyone, is almost as laughable as the way he asked the question. But the fact that he cared enough to worry fills my chest with so much warmth it feels like I’m going to come apart.
“C’mere.” I hold my arms wide and draw him against me, kissing his nose, his cheeks his lips. I hover over his ear and whisper, “I would love a blow job.”
Jonathan’s lips are soft and his mouth is warm as he takes me in. I run my fingers through his hair and try to resist the urge to pull. I don’t think about the past, or the future, or anything but how amazing his tongue feels as he drags it over my head. My stomach muscles tighten and I quiver with the effort of staying still, not thrusting up.
He takes me in deeper, gently caressing my balls as he runs his tongue along the underside of my cock. His other hand wraps around the base and he sucks in his cheeks. A moan slips from my lips as he starts to work it all in tandem: hands, lips, tongue. Watching my cock slip in and out of his mouth is nearly as intoxicating as the sensations: his tight grip, his soft lips, the way his tongue licks from the bottom of my shaft to the tip. When his gaze locks to mine, I nearly lose it. Those big eyes and his mouth around my cock. Goddam he’s beautiful and so fucking hot. I groan, fingers tightening in his hair despite my best efforts as too-sweet pleasure spikes up through me.
“You look so good,” I say, voice tight. I feel feverish.
He smiles around my cock and I’ve never been more turned on in my life.
The combination of the soft bed of his tongue and the hot suck of his lips makes me see stars. I grip the bed with my free hand, afraid to hurt him if I grip his hair as tightly. Heat and pressure start building at the base of my spine and I know I’m close. Already.
Jonathan hums and sucks me deeper. His lips stretch around my girth and my tip brushes the back of his throat and I can’t hold still, I can’t. I push forward, further into his throat and he gags a little but stays put, then he twists his wrist and relaxes his throat and swallows more of my cock and— oh god . I’m fucking into his mouth. Slowly, carefully, but still. He’s taking every inch of me and when he moans, sending a vibration traveling all the way back up my cock, my balls pull up tight.
“I’m gonna—” I try to move back, but he grips me tightly, holding me in place.
My balls tighten and my vision goes white as ecstasy surges through me, stealing my breath and my senses. I cry out, jerking against him, exploding down his throat.
When I come back to myself, he’s crawling back up my body. He kisses my cheek and I lift my chin to catch his lips. He makes a surprised little sound.
“Your turn?” I murmur.
He shakes his head and his trembling breath puffs against my lips. Oh. He has the matter in hand . His fist is flying over his cock. He clings to my shoulder, clearly nearing the edge. I kiss him deeply as he whimpers. “That’s right, Belle. You beautiful creature. That’s right. Are you going to come for me?”
His face scrunches and he lets out a strangled cry as he climaxes, catching his cum in a cupped palm. I pull him into my arms and hold him through the aftershocks, kissing the top of his head. I clean away the cum with the towel that’s been pressed under my cheek, then kiss his palm.
I let out a long breath and laugh softly. It feels good. It all feels good. “That was incredible.”
He hides his face against my chest. This is more expected from the blushing man I’ve come to know. I fill my lungs with the scent of his hair. “You hungry? Or have you had enough to eat?”
That wins me a small giggle. I poke his side and he squirms and bats my hand away.
We enter the kitchen to find Ray facing down Meredith. She’s standing on the other side of the counter from them, waving a printout.
Ray plants their fists on their hips and fires back to whatever she just said. “If the babies can’t have luxuries then what is the point of this thing!”
“There’s a difference between nourishment and ordering five pounds of chocolate!”
“Honey, you’re going to need to cut costs somewhere else. I can’t?—”
“Somewhere else!” I’ve seldom seen Meredith ruffled at all, let alone this upset. “Perhaps we should take the chocolate out of your salary? That would be one way to cut costs?—”
“Meredith.” I say her name softly, merely intending to announce my presence, but it comes out firm and she whirls to face me. I don’t miss the way her eyes travel from me to Jonathan, standing at my shoulder.
“I’d actually be okay with that,” Ray says, as if I hadn’t interrupted. “Davy earns enough. I’d be fine. If a salary cut’s what it takes for the little ones to have good food.”
“Chocolate is not—” Meredith starts.
I hold up my hands. “No one’s losing their salary.”
“Are you certain?” Meredith pointedly does not look at Jonathan, but I know her so well she doesn’t have to.
“We’ll make a plan.”
“What plan?” Meredith asks. Her voice is softer than when she was addressing Ray and she no longer sounds angry, just resigned. The subtext is clear: Beast, you’ve done everything you can. You’ve emptied your pockets, you’ve sold off your properties, what’s the plan?
The Prime Minister said we’re past the worst of the pandemic. If lockdown lifts, there’s still a possibility we can host the gala. But Meredith wouldn’t be so anxious if she thought that was viable. I wish Jonathan wasn’t here for this, wasn’t seeing me so defeated.
“I’ll think of something,” I say softly, knowing it won’t appease anyone.
It doesn’t. We all stand in fraught silence for a beat before Ray rubs at their temples. “Are you hungry? Jonathan, honey, you want something to eat? There’s still bread from lunch?”
They don’t wait for an answer before pulling out some freshly baked bread and cutting into it for sandwiches. “The children were wondering where you were.”
“I’ll go check on them,” Jonathan says, pulling away. I grab his hand automatically.
Meredith’s gaze cuts to our hands and I drop his immediately.
“Have something to eat first,” I say gently to him while Meredith’s dark eyes lock on mine. Her gaze says: You haven’t changed at all from the man that gave up everything at the alter of his own glory years ago. It’s still all about you and what you want.
Okay, maybe some of that is my own conscience and not Meredith at all. Regardless, I lose my appetite.
“I’ll go check on the kids while you eat.” I need out of this room.
“Adam—” Jonathan starts, but I turn and stalk out.
My heart twinges at abandoning him here, but it’s better that I leave him with the mood that’s brewing in my chest right now.
As I reach the stairs, I hear Meredith’s kitten heels clacking on the marble behind me. I pause, one foot on the staircase. I speak without looking back at her. “I don’t have a plan, okay? I don’t know what to tell you. I need time.”
“You’re running short on it.”
“You think I don’t know that?”
Her hand touches my shoulder and I tense. “Maybe it’s time.”
“I’m not going to give up on this, Meredith.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
I turn to look at her.
“We have to do the best we can with the resources we have. And maybe that means shifting our focus inward. At least for a little while. Talk to them. Tell them the truth. And Belle too. They can help us figure out the next steps.”
My stomach plunges. “I’m not doing that.” My voice is barely a whisper. “We’ve come too far.”
She sighs. “Then I don’t know what to suggest.”
“I’ll think of something.”