1. Quinn
quinn
. . .
P eople in California always complain about the humidity, but I can honestly say not a single one of those people have ever been to Chicago in May, and according to my sister, Peyton, “It’s really not that humid.” I happen to think she’s a bit crazy because I feel wet, like I’ve run through a sprinkler trying to cool off, even though I haven’t. Everything is damp and uncomfortable, and I can’t understand how people want to live here. I get it, it’s gorgeous. The lake is amazing, and I honestly wish we were back on the yacht that my parents rented for the week, instead of standing outside, under a white tent, shaking hands with random people who I don’t know. My dad says they’re people who could open doors for Peyton or some shit like that. Honestly, she doesn’t need any doors opened. The girl doesn’t have to work if she doesn’t want to, and yet Noah encourages her. It makes sense. He doesn’t want to hold her back and wants her to follow her dreams. I love him for always putting my sister first, however, I think it’s bad for their relationship. I keep telling him that she’s going to destroy their impending marriage the first time she calls one of his games, and he disagrees. Noah says Peyton’s hounded him from the time she was five. If he’s not used to it by now, he never will be.
Five… it’s hard to think I’ve known my sisters that long. More so, there was a time when I never thought today would happen, not after Peyton’s accident. I had never been so scared in my life. Not only of losing my sister but what her absence would’ve done to my parents. A lot of my friends come from divorced households and they loathe their step-siblings. It’s always been different for us. When my mom adopted me, it was because she wanted to be my mom more than anything, same with my dad when he adopted the twins. When my dad started dating Katelyn, I didn’t want to get my hopes up, but I already loved her as a mom. She was kind, loving and treated me as if I were her son, even though I wasn’t. I kept my guard up and my head down and sat away from everyone because I didn’t want to get attached. I saw how smitten my dad was, how he fell hard and fast for the widowed mom of two, and I also saw the hurt he went through each time she rejected him.
The day they started dating, I’d never seen my dad so happy. He finally found his true love and it didn’t matter that she had two kids and was still grieving the loss of her husband. He wanted her to grieve and share her pain with him. I don’t even remember how long it lasted, maybe a few short weeks or months, but after my uncle Liam married the love of his life, my dad and I started packing to head back to Los Angeles. The home we were making in Beaumont was no more and I had no idea why. It was when I was a little older that I discovered why – my biological mother had played some nasty trick on Katelyn, hurting her and she blamed my dad. This was why I didn’t want to get my hopes up. I’d never been loved by a mother before and I desperately needed it. No, I wanted it. When I was little, moms used to come into our class, bringing cupcakes, cookies and volunteering their time. I had my grandma and Aunt Yvie, but I was missing a mom and I wanted one.
And then everything changed. Someday I plan to ask my parents what happened, but right now all I remember is my dad and I moving into the twins’ grandparents’ home, where I had my own room, two sisters and a mom who loved me without me asking her to.
Many have asked why our parents aren’t married, and honestly, we don’t have an answer. Everything about our family is backward and we have our dad to thank for it. He’s never allowed the twins to forget their father and made sure each of us carried a piece of him, even though my dad and I never met him. Truth be told, it doesn’t bother us that our parents aren’t married. You wouldn’t know it by looking at them or even us. My parents dote on each other, share the same last name, although we’ve all decided to use James for the most part, and act like they’re still on their honeymoon. It’s all rather sickening, and my sisters and I have taken to calling before we walk into their condo. I’ve seen parts of my parents that no child, teen or grown man should ever have to see, and I don’t want to talk about what I’ve heard by showing up uninvited. All I know is that I want what they have.
Up until my sister, Elle, moved out and started shacking up with her best friend turned boyfriend, I’ve been lonely. Dating isn’t always easy considering who my family members are. Once they figure out I’m Harrison James’s son, they want to know everything about him and my uncles. I get it, they’re popular, and I’m just a guy who plays in coffee shops, happy with the tips I make, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to find someone and maybe settle down with them. Although, my sisters say I need to figure my life out because it’s going nowhere. To me, it’s fine, but I guess in the grand scheme of things, I’m a simpleton. I like sitting on a bar stool and playing the song I wrote to strangers, playing video games with Ben and Noah, surfing, and just hanging out at home. Growing up in the spotlight, really made me crave normalcy. I don’t need to be the center of attention like the rest of my family.
Thankfully, today, all eyes are on Peyton. We are finally ushered into Cahn Auditorium. Peyton’s convocation is a ticketed event and when she called our mom to tell her it was only four tickets per student, it didn’t sit very well with Katelyn James and she used our dad’s name and a big donation to secure more. There was no way any of us were missing Peyton walking across the stage. The only people not here are my aunt and her husband Xander, Jimmy, Jenna, and Eden, and Noah’s little sister who stayed back on the yacht with Ben. We’re all dressed in our finest, which for my dad and myself, means we actually put on slacks, ditched the combat boots and beanies, and slipped into polo shirts. My mom wanted us to wear button-downs, but both of us refused. It’s too damn hot right now and I know if I had, my shirt would be drenched and turned see through. I can see where this benefits her if it’s my dad, but not me.
Noah and I sit next to each other with Elle on my other side. We’ve always been this four-some, even after Noah went off to college. I’d visit more often than he could come home. For a long time, he was my only friend in Beaumont, aside from my sisters, and he understands what it was like growing up with a single parent and suddenly having a houseful. He also knew how to keep Peyton level-headed. I never understood why she would get so antsy until they both came clean about their feelings for each other. Life, with them, started to make sense. They were each fighting feelings for the other, hiding what we all knew – they were meant for each other and now they’re getting married.
My parents, along with Liam and Josie, and our grandparents fill most of the row. Liam’s playing with his video camera, likely testing the lighting, and my dad is trying to show him something on his phone. They’re like an old married couple, going as far as finishing each other’s sentences. My mom and Josie are the same though, except they seem to know what each other’s thinking before the other even says anything. Noah’s my best friend, but we’re not even on that level yet. Don’t get me started on my sisters. They’re just freaky and even after all these years, I still can’t figure out the “twin” thing.
The soft melody of music changes to the commanding bass of The Graduation March. When I look around, I see nothing, but phones pointed in the direction of the marching graduates. Even Liam is standing, likely blocking the people behind him. Ask him if he cares and he’ll flat out tell you no. He, like the rest of us, has been waiting for this day to come.
As soon as we spot Peyton, midline because she’s decided to go by James, at least until she marries Noah, everyone in our row is on their feet yelling for her. She ducks her head. Not out of embarrassment, but to hide her smile. This morning when I saw her, she told me she was going to keep a straight face and not let our crazy, unconventional family get to her. I should’ve put some money on this moment. She’s proud of her accomplishment and she should be.
The graduates sit in front of us, a sea of caps, some decorated while others are plain, with matching gowns. Sometimes I wonder if my parents wish I had gone to college, but school wasn’t my thing. Sure, I made decent grades, but that’s because my mom sat with me while I did my homework. She never let me falter. It’s not that I’m not smart, I got straight A’s, it’s that I genuinely don’t like structure. Maybe it’s from my early years and being on the road with the band. I didn’t have a bedtime or any sensible ritual. It’s not my dad’s fault. He did his best, the absolute best. Living on the road is a different lifestyle and acclimating to normalcy is hard. Still is. My sisters are different, and I think it’s because they only toured in the summer, so they didn’t get the tutors and nannies. Still, I wouldn’t trade any of it to have parents who work a nine to five. To me, that seems boring and out of character.
The speeches start. I want to zone out, maybe tip my head back and take a nap, but my father would kill me. Noah would kill me. So, I sit here, in these uncomfortable chairs, moving from side to side for a bit of relief. I’m even afraid to look at my phone, knowing my parents are watching. This is important to them and my sister, but I find these ceremonies so boring.
To pass the time, I pick up a program and flip to the agenda to see how many speakers we have left. That’s when my eyes land on Peyton’s name. I bump Noah and point to the line. He rips it out of my hand and shows it to Elle, who does the same thing until it’s down the line to my grandmother. My sister never mentioned she was giving a speech, at least not to me, and by the way things are looking, not to anyone in our family. Liam walks in front of us, making his way to the aisle and down to the front. He wants to be front and center, capturing this moment.
When my sister’s name is called, again, we’re on our feet. We’re loud, obnoxious and our boisterous applause gets everyone in the auditorium clapping. That’s right, everyone needs to clap for my sister.
Peyton smiles as she stands at the podium. When she starts talking, I listen. It’s the story of her father, Mason. I’ve heard it many times and often feel like I’ve missed out from never knowing him. My sister speaks eloquently, poised, and it’s proof that she’s ready for her television debut. She tells the other parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, and grandparents about her life, growing up with a band for a family and how our small town never really bothered us when it came to our parents. When she steps away to clear her throat, I know what’s coming next. Her voice cracks and I feel Noah’s arm tighten next to me, likely from gripping the armrest. I look down at my own hand, it’s doing the same. The both of us want to protect her, keep her safe, but we can’t. We didn’t. Her recount of the accident, mostly what we’ve told her, or the police did, is bone-chilling. Tears prickle my eyes as she tells the entire auditorium about how she almost died. About how she didn’t know if she would make it through rehab without our uncle. How she became good friends with the man who was in the accident with her and how because of this accident, the man she’s been in love with for most of her life, finally admitted he was in love with her too and now they’ll be married. “When, I don’t know because we can’t agree on a date,” she says, earning a round of laughter. “In closing,” she continues. “It was the strength of my family and my determination that puts me in front of you today. As my uncle has always said, follow only your dreams. I want to add, it’s your dreams that determine your future.”
Peyton leaves the podium to a standing ovation. She doesn’t look at the crowd or even scan the area for us. She doesn’t need to, she knows we’re proud of her, and I’m fairly certain she can hear us.
We clap as each name is called to receive their diploma, and in true James/Westbury/Powell fashion, we make sure Peyton knows where we are when she gets up on stage to get hers. She pauses for a moment, holds it up in the air and screams, “I did it!”
“Yeah you did, sis. You sure as hell did.”