8. Jamie
jamie
. . .
I t’s a rare occasion for me to call out sick. Normally, I can manage with a sniffle, a cough or whatnot. Nothing really keeps me down since I get my flu shot like clockwork… nothing except for the sight of Ajay Ballard. Telling the staff that I’m taking the rest of the day off not only stunned them, but left a few scratching their heads, wondering how they’re going to manage without me.
Coping, it’s what we do when we hit a bump in the road. We ride the wave and move on, waiting for the next obstacle to step in front of us. We hope that we’re better prepared or can handle the challenge. Preparation for whatever life throws your way is key. It’s one thing to know your ex is back in town and planning on stopping by your work, but it’s something else entirely when you’re taken by surprise. No preparation means you stumble to find your words. Words that have been festering in your mind for years, things you always thought you’d say to him when you saw him again. I always thought that when Ajay and I crossed paths again, I’d punch him in the face, and maybe even spit on him. Okay, the spitting is a bit much, but in my mind I’m a mafia princess and that seems like the right thing to do to an enemy because that’s what Ajay is to me, the enemy. He’s from the other side, the wrong side. The side that wasn’t raised right or with respect for others. The side that I completely fell in love with the first time I met him. Thinking that and remembering how I used to feel makes me want to go back to Bailey’s and punch him in the face for good measure. Just so he knows I mean business.
Would he care? Probably not. Maybe? I don’t know. He seemed like he wanted to say something but didn’t or couldn’t. Was he tongued tied because his perfect girlfriend — or wife — was sitting across from him? She was very matter of fact, telling him that he wasn’t drinking. I found that comical. She has his balls in a vise and I want to applaud her, but I’d be afraid the real me would show up and I can’t have that. The wall I have up is there for a reason and needs to stay there. At least for my own sanity.
My house is quiet as I stand in the dimly lit living room. The voices inside my head are screaming. One telling me to go find Ajay and talk to him, find out why he left the way he did. The other part of me is saying, “Who cares? What’s done is done. The past is the past and we should move on.” I could be the bigger person, strike up a conversation and ask him how things are. Ask about his new family and whether he has… No , I don’t want to know. I don’t want him to know that I still care about him. He doesn’t deserve my thoughts or the tears that are leaking from my eyes.
Even though Ajay has never been to my house, it feels like he’s everywhere. I can see him sitting on my couch with his arm causally draped over the back cushion with his right ankle resting on his other knee. He’s wearing a hat and a flannel. His jeans are worn in and he tells me that he needs to buy a couple of new pairs and wants to know if I want to go for a ride. I say “yes”, because I’ve always told him yes, and then Evelyn walks in and Ajay’s pissed. No, he’s not angry. He’s hurt because she’s not his and because I was with someone else.
He has to be okay with that.
He left me.
He chose a different life.
I don’t even know why I’m thinking about him meeting Evelyn. There’s no need and I can’t imagine we will ever be in the same spot as him. Besides, once his legal issue is taken care of, I’ll never have to see him again.
I finally move from my spot by the door and into my dining room where I sit down with a heavy sigh. Pulling my phone from my pocket, Fletcher’s name is the third down my list. I press his number and wait for his secretary to answer. Fletcher’s that guy, the one who won’t answer his cell phone while at work because he’s afraid of giving off a bad impression. I know other lawyers that he works with get irritated with him, but I respect him for sticking to his guns. Nothing worse than being on your personal phone while your work phone is ringing.
“Prineville County.”
“Hi, LouAnn it’s Jamie.
“Oh honey, you just missed your father. Do you want me to see if I can get him on the radio?”
The benefit, or maybe it’s a drawback, of living in a small town is that there’s one person who knows everything and for us that’s LouAnn Jerrish. She’s worked for the county since she graduated high school some eons ago and is the main operator. Chances are, if you call to talk to the police, a district attorney or need some information, you’ll get her.
“No, ma’am, I’m calling for Fletcher. Is he free?”
“One moment, sugar.” She puts me on hold. Normally, I don’t mind the elevator music that plays while I have to wait, but today, it’s just prolonging the inevitable.
“Fletcher Oakes,” he says into the phone.
“How long did you know?”
He sighs. “Hey, Jamie.”
“Don’t ‘hey, Jamie’ me, Fletch. How long?”
He pauses, likely wondering how he’s going to get out of this. “Let me call you back.” He hangs up and before I can even register frustration about it, my cell phone rings. “Tell me about your day,” he says.
“Fletcher, I don’t have time for this.”
“Well you need to humor me until I’m outside and across the street.”
“Oh,” I say as I realize what he’s doing. “Today was shitty. Everything started off great though. Evelyn was happy until I told her she couldn’t drive to school.” He laughs. He’s a damn good uncle to my girl but right now I want to strangle him. “I closed last night so opening was easy until…”
“Until Ajay Ballard walked back into your life?”
“Fletcher, how long?”
“This morning, when I arrived at work. There was a file on my desk and an emergency hearing.”
“Why? What did he do?”
“That’s just it, Jamie. He didn’t do anything that I’ve ever prosecuted before, but Harvey and your dad are pissed. Harvey has me looking at case law for misdemeanors that allow for jail time. I’m completely stumped here, and your dad, he didn’t want him out of jail.”
I understand why my dad is angry. I do. My parents endured the hell I put them through after Ajay left. The endless nights of tears, the drinking, and not wanting to live. They experienced firsthand the heartbreak I suffered. As angry as I am at Ajay, it’s not enough to try and ruin his life. “When did my dad arrest him?”
“Early Sunday morning, right after their tour bus crossed into the county.”
I close my eyes and repeat in my head that I don’t care, that this isn’t my problem. “What are you going to do? I don’t want him here, Fletch.”
He clears his throat. “I think for once you might get your wish. His lawyer is a shark and knows what Harvey is doing is unprecedented. I’ve never had a judge so knee deep into a case before either. He’s called me a half dozen times, and your dad’s even been by to see me. Right now, I have to do what my boss says, otherwise I’d never send this to court. It’s wasting time and money.”
“None of this makes sense.” Mostly because Ajay didn’t do anything except drive the getaway truck. I did the damage.
“Fletcher, for me, please make this all go away.”
“I’m trying,” he says before telling me he has to go. My friend cares about his friends, sometimes too much. I decide that I’m going to get Evelyn from school and send a text to my mom. I don’t want to see my dad right now, not until I’ve calmed down a bit.
I opt to walk to Evelyn’s school. It was my school as well and where I met Ajay. We must’ve been in the fourth grade or maybe it was the fifth. He was the kid everyone picked on because of his clothes. He rarely had money for lunch and one day I shared with him. When my mom would pack my lunch, I asked for extra. Same when we would go shopping for clothes. After a while she caught on and suggested I invite my friend over for dinner. I did. He didn’t have parents and lived with his grandma who was aging and couldn’t take care of him. When she died, he would stay at our house or his friends’, but he fought to stay out of the system.
We were rough and tumble kids, always coming to my mom with banged up knees. We spent our time riding ATV’s, climbing trees, jumping off rocks into the river. If my parents were hoping that Ajay would follow me by getting good grades, they were sadly mistaken. Instead, I turned into him because he didn’t have a care in the world and that was exhilarating. Except he did care, he just didn’t know how to show people. As we got older, things changed, and our friendship went from best friends to lovers. Suddenly, he wasn’t allowed in the house when my parents weren’t home, but that didn’t stop us one bit.
Evelyn’s tiny voice brings me back to the present.
“What are you doing, Mommy?”
“I just want to look at you for a minute,” I tell her as I move a few lose strands away from her face. She has deep blue eyes like her father, but the rest of her is me. I don’t know how many times I wished she were Ajay’s. Even though he left, I would’ve had a part of him to hold onto, something that would’ve eventually brought him back. Knowing he was so close, and yet had no intentions of stopping, hurts. I get it, but the pain is still there.
“You’re my angel, do you know that?” I ask her.
She nods and reaches for my hand. “Where’s Grandma?”
“Well, I got off early and thought what a better way to spend this beautiful afternoon than with my girl.”
“That’s because you love me the most.” She looks at me and smiles.
“That’s right, I do. I was thinking we could go to the park, maybe get some ice cream.”
Evelyn jumps up and down, never letting go of my hand, telling me that going to the park is a great idea but having ice cream is even better. We walk hand in hand until we get to the park. She tells me that it would be best for us to have ice cream after she’s played because she doesn’t want a tummy ache. I let her lead the way and she shows me where I can sit, then promptly heads to the slide. Last year, she was afraid of it, fearing that she would fall off the side or slip on a rung as she climbed the ladder. Between Fletcher and Logan, they helped her conquer her fear. A little too much if you ask me, probably because she reminds me of how I used to be: A dare devil in a dress.
“Watch me!” she yells from the top when it’s her turn. Evelyn grabs the bar and swings herself out before landing on the slide. My heart lurches and I feel sick to my stomach, but she’s laughing and so are the other kids. “I’m going to do it again,” she says as she runs by.
Please don’t . “Okay, be careful,” I say, wishing I could tell her to bring it down a notch, but I never will.
Someone walks in front of me, shielding me from Evelyn. I have to lean to the side to watch her, while wondering why people are so inconsiderate. Whoever it is, sits next to me, which I don’t care about until they start speaking to me.
“Ajay’s in town,” Jolene Johnson-Johnson says as she sits down next to me. We aren’t friends. Never have been. She used to chase after Ajay like she had something to offer him that I wasn’t already giving him. She’s the only woman I know who would hyphenate her last name even though it technically didn’t change when she married Lee Johnson, the guitar player from Ajay’s garage band.
“Wow, news travels fast.”
“He stopped by to see Lee this afternoon, offered him a spot in that band of his. Lee turned him down of course, with the baby and all just being born.”
“Isn’t your son like four?” I look at her in her made up, over exaggerated style. Her hair is curled, twisted, pinned, and sprayed with so much Aqua Net it’s like a fly trap, and her leopard print dress is far too much for the town of Bailey to handle. Jolene has always wanted to be this generation’s Dolly Parton and even went as far as to stuff her bra until she married Lee and his family’s money gave her the rack she always dreamed of.
I scrunch my face at her and turn my attention back to my daughter. I could tell her that I think… no, I know she’s lying about Ajay asking Lee anything, but it would be a waste of time and effort.
“I suppose Ajay’s gonna stick around once he finds out about Evelyn.”
“And why would that be, Jolene?”
She shrugs. “Most people talk. Ajay has a right to know his kin.”
I sigh as loudly as possible. I stand, grab our things and look at her over my shoulder. “You’re about as useless as a screen door on a submarine, Jolene. Y’all need to mind your p’s and q’s and stay out of my business.”
Ruining Evelyn’s trip to the park isn’t something I’m willing to let happen so I move to the other side of the jungle gym. The sun’s in my eyes here, but I’d rather go blind than to have to listen to Jolene Johnson-Johnson lie about things when she has no idea what she’s talking about.