16. Jamie
jamie
. . .
A s much as I don’t want to admit it, I’ve missed Ajay. It had taken me years to forget him, although I never really forgot, I just pushed him aside as a part of my life that didn’t work out. Once I had Evelyn, she became the only person who dominated my thoughts. And now, as I sit at my desk, watching Ajay through the security camera, I’m wishing he would turn around so I can see him one more time before he leaves. He says he’s coming back, but he said that before and it’s taken him almost eight years to make good on his word… and he really only did so because my father arrested him.
As if he knows I’m thinking of him, his face lights up on my phone. I groan as the device vibrates, moving slowly across my desk as a result. I choose not to answer. I know he has Evelyn today but the conversation we need to have has to happen face-to-face. Even my father knows this.
I shut off my monitor, gather my things and head toward the kitchen to let the guys know I’ll be back later. Being the manager has its perks. I can come and go as I please. The downside is that in a small town like Bailey, employees are limited so when someone calls in sick or needs a day off, I am usually the one to cover. For the most part, I don’t care, but sometimes the hours can be a bit too much, especially for Evelyn.
The drive over to my parents is about fifteen minutes from the bar. They live close to the ocean on the outskirts of town, while Evelyn and I live in town near her school, the park and our small downtown. I enjoy being part of the community and want Evelyn to grow up surrounded by these people. My little spitfire of a daughter is loved by all around here.
“Mommy!” she screams as soon as I get out of my car. She runs toward me, launching herself into my arms. I hold her tight to my body. “I missed you,” she tells me even though she’s only been at school for half a day today.
“I miss you always. How was school?” I set her down but grab her hand as we walk toward the front door. My dad is standing there, leaning against the doorjamb. I can’t look at him out of fear that I’ll lash out in front of my daughter. She doesn’t need to hear me say things to her grandfather, at least not the kind of words that I’m holding back.
“School was boring,” Evelyn sighs heavily. “No recess and I had to do spelling.”
“Do we have words to work on?”
She nods and skips over a hole that’s likely a result of my parents’ dog doing some digging. “Ten of them. But I already know them.”
“Of course you do, because you’re so smart.”
We climb the steps leading to the wide wraparound porch. This was a must have for my mom who loves sitting out here to watch the sunrise and listen to the ocean as the waves lap against the shore.
Dad steps out onto the porch and picks Evelyn up. He whispers something in her ear to make her giggle and when he sets her down, she’s off and running. He must know that we need to talk and that it’s going to get ugly. I decide to sit on the steps, as doing so gives me a clear shot at my car if I need to make a quick escape because right now, I feel like running. Running to find Ajay. Running away from life. Just running, never stopping, and never looking back.
He sits next to me and lets out an audible sigh. “Jameson?—”
“Unless the next thing out of your mouth is ‘I’m sorry for putting my nose in your business’, don’t say anything.”
He sighs again. “I am sorry. I just wanted to scare him. I had no idea Harvey would pull this shit.”
“Really?” I ask, looking at my dad. “Did you really not know? Because I’m having a hard time believing that. At what point did you think arresting Ajay would be a good idea?”
He doesn’t answer. He doesn’t even look at me.
“You have no idea what you’ve done,” I say to him. “Things are good here for Evelyn and me, and now… now I’m forced to spend time with Ajay all because you have a vendetta against him. I accepted that things between us were over a long time ago. I grew up. I became a mother. Ajay’s doing his thing – and we shouldn’t begrudge his happiness or success - yet, here you are interfering with his life. He made a choice, one that I found a way to make peace with, and you need to as well. You don’t act like this with Evelyn’s father and what he did was far worse.”
“At least he pays child support.”
I roll my eyes. “Is that what this is about, money? Does Ajay owe you some? Because if he does, I’ll tell him to pay you and we can be done with this crap. Neither of us want to be married to each other, and yet something as simple as Harvey signing the papers to end this farce of a marriage is too much to ask.”
“I’ve already said I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, well sometimes sorry isn’t good enough, Dad.” I glance at him, he’s staring down at his hands. “Three days a week for three months, that’s how long I have to spend with him. And he’s determined to fulfill the sentencing. What am I going to do with Evelyn?”
“You know she can stay here.”
“Not the point.”
“So, introduce them.”
I shake my head. “I don’t want to see the hurt in his eyes, Dad. He wanted our baby, and he has no one, except for his band, while I have her.”
I leave my dad on the steps and go inside to see what my mother is doing. I find her and Evelyn at the table, working on a craft project. I don’t ask questions, I just sit down and immerse myself in glue, glitter, colored cotton balls and construction paper. At times, I have to excuse myself because my eyes start tearing up, and I can’t stop them. I’m so angry with my father, and yet there’s a small piece of me that is happy he did what he did because I saw Ajay. Seeing him, however, has opened old wounds, wounds that have never fully healed. I could use our time together to gain some closure, but knowing my heart, it’s highly unlikely that will happen. It’s always belonged to him and as much as I’d love to close the door, I’m not capable… it remains wide open for him to come in and destroy me.
Instead of returning to the craft table, I sneak out back and walk the steps my father built down to the beach. My mom has two chairs and a small table out here, but I choose to sit closer to the water.
The cold, wet sand feels good as I dig my toes into it. The waves come close, but barely touch me except for the errant one that envelops me. I don’t care that I’m wet and sandy, right now it’s the only thing that can distract me from my aching heart.
“He meant well,” my mom says as she sits down next to me. She hands me a bottle of beer with the top already twisted off.
“I have to drive home,” I tell her.
“Not until after dinner and one beer won’t hurt you.”
Still, I hesitate before taking a drink. It’s one of her fruity beers, something I don’t particularly care for. Maybe that’s why she gave it to me, knowing I’d nurse the bottle instead of finishing it.
“Did you know about this?”
“Not until this afternoon when Tina called. Why didn’t you tell me he was back in town?”
“Because I thought he would be gone after today, that I wouldn’t have to see him again.”
“And what were you going to do with your divorce papers?”
I try to peel the label off the bottle even though I know it won’t come off. Back in high school, Ajay and I used to do this. We’d save them, saying that when we had our own place, we’d make wallpaper out of all the labels. Good thing that idea lasted as long as our marriage… well the initial part of our marriage.
“I was going to sneak into the records and put them in there. Blame the clerk for not filing them correctly.”
“So, Ajay comes back, and you revert back to your old ways?” she asks. I shrug. Sometimes being bad is fun. “I used to think he was a bad influence on you but maybe it was the other way around.”
“He definitely encouraged me.”
As my mom and I sit, she points out different birds that land near us and talks about how the tide is shifting. She tells me that the craft project that we were working on was for the senior center and that it was Evelyn’s idea to make glitter cards. I remind her that last week Evelyn’s class went on a field trip there and that’s all Evelyn talked about for days.
“Why’d he do it, Mom?”
“Who, your dad or Ajay?”
I close my eyes briefly. “Both.”
“Well, I can’t speak for Ajay, but I imagine he just got lost and couldn’t find his way back home. Your father… I don’t know, Jamie. We watched you struggle for so long after Ajay left; I think that always played in the back of his mind. He’s a father after all, and he’s protective of his daughter.”
“How did he know where to find him?”
“There was an ad in the paper for the concert. I threw it away but found it later on his dresser. He had circled Ajay’s name. I tried to talk him out of whatever he was planning, but you know your father. Once he sets his mind to something there’s no stopping him.”
“I’m the one who teepeed Harvey’s house. Ajay just drove my truck. I did it because I heard what you told Dad about Harvey hitting on you and I got pissed.”
“You were such a delinquent back then, but I thank you for sticking up for me.” She bumps her shoulder into mine. “What are you going to do if Evelyn takes after you?”
“Lock her up,” I say with a shrug. “Tell her that whatever she’s thinking of doing, I’ve already done it so she can’t outsmart me.”
“She’s definitely smart.”
“Like her father.”
My mom looks at me. “She asks about him a lot.”
I nod. “I know. I don’t know what to tell her about him. She shouldn’t have to know that he chose his family over her.”
“All you can tell her is that you didn’t know what he was really like.”
I scoff. “No matter what I say to her, I look like the asshole who had an affair with a married man.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself, Jameson. A one-night stand hardly constitutes an affair on your part… he on the other hand, needs his balls cut off.”
“He was just another mistake I made.”
“But the result was worth it in my opinion. Evelyn is the light of our lives, and you gave her to us. You brought that beautiful little girl into this world; her father be damned. She’s ours and we get to keep her to ourselves.”
Mom shrugs. “Maybe it’s time to make up a fairytale about him. I’m sure between the two of us we can create a Prince Charming who lives with a wicked witch in a cold, dark dungeon and only a fire breathing dragon and unicorn can save him.”
I look at my mom with bewilderment. “She’s going to see right through your story.”
Mom shrugs. “It’s the beer talking,” she says, taking another sip.