Epilogue
epilogue
. . .
A s soon as Ben and I walk into Peyton and Noah’s California home, the smell of roasting turkey dominates the ever-present scent of sea salt air. My stomach growls loudly and a bit embarrassingly. Ben laughs, lets Beau off his leash, and drapes his free arm over my shoulders. In his other hand are thank you presents he bought for my family. Well, our family. I told him he didn’t have to do anything, but he wanted to make sure everyone knew how much he appreciated the support this year.
We walk into the kitchen and find my mom hovering over the stove with Josie and Jenna. My sister, Eden, Paige, and Nola are off to the side entertaining a very chatty Oliver, and the men in my life are in the other room, watching football. You’d think Noah would rather watch something else, but he still enjoys the game.
“Well, it smells good in here.”
My mom is the first to turn and squeal in surprise. It doesn’t matter that she saw us last weekend, she’s happy to see us all the time.
“I’m starving,” I say as I give my mom a hug.
“Good because I made enough to feed an army,” she says. “How are you, Ben?” Every day, she asks him how he’s doing, and thankfully the answer is always the same.
“Feeling awesome.”
I look at him and beam. This year has been rough, to say the least. The difficulties are moments I cherish but also want to forget. I keep them in the back of mind as a reminder of what we’ve overcome and how we got there to begin with. They’re flashes in my life—our life together as a couple—that help us grow, and not something we dwell on. We’re coming up on the year anniversary when things started going downhill for Ben and me. It’s not a day I want to remember, but it’s one we talk about often. We both made mistakes and it took a life-altering situation for us to see the error of our ways. Thankfully, we did.
“What can I do to help?” I ask the moms.
Jenna waves me off. “Don’t be silly, go hang with your sister.”
“But I want to help,” I tell them. I don’t really, but it’s nice to put the offer out there.
“Someday, all of this will be yours,” Josie says. “And the three of us will be sitting on the balcony, with a glass of wine . . .”
“Or the whole bottle,” my mom interjects.
“And our children will be in charge of making our feast,” Josie laments with a sigh.
I hold in my laughter until I see Jenna bend over and crack up. These ladies are too much and by the looks of it, are already in deep with their wine drinking.
“Oh, I know how you can help,” my mom says.
“How?”
“Go plan your wedding. I want to start finalizing everything after the first of the year.”
I roll my eyes and Ben laughs. Marrying him in his hospital room was the smartest thing I’ve done since I told him I loved him years ago. Telling my parents, we got married without them —not so much. At first, they were hurt, which was reasonable, but they understood why we did what we did. However, the “let’s set a date” topic popped up as soon as Ben and I told them we were still having a wedding and we’ve been in planning mode ever since. Ben and I decided on a summer wedding, next year, during a break in the tour. The moms—Katelyn, Josie, and Jenna—are all hands-on deck when it comes to planning. We even consult Brenda on a few of the finer details.
“I’m going to go hang in the other room,” Ben says, laughing. He wants no part of the wedding talk. He bends slightly to kiss me, much to the delight of the women in the room. PDA never used to be our thing, and while we still control ourselves, we’re a little more open around our family. When we’re at work, we keep things strictly professional, unless our office doors are closed. I watch him and Beau disappear around the corner.
I make my way to where my sister and the others are. When Oliver sees me, he lights up and waddles his way toward me. He’s walking now and a holy terror. When mom or dad need a break, they don’t ask us to watch him, they ask us if we can wrangle him for a bit because that’s what it’s like when he’s around. The boy can Houdini himself out of his play yard and likes to climb on everything. Betty Paige jokes that Oliver is going to be the first one in our family to climb Mt. Everest. Something tells me she’s right.
“Dog,” he says.
“With Uncle Ben,” I tell him. “Go find Daddy.” I point to the other room and Oliver takes off like he’s being chased.
As of late, I’ve seen more of Paige than I have of my sister. Ben and I keep two residences, our house in Malibu and one in Beaumont. The music scene is really taking off there, and Liam is in the process of buying Ralph’s. Ralph, the longtime owner, doesn’t have any kids and wants to retire. Funnily enough, Liam wants to own a bar. Honestly, I think Liam wants to own the entire town and if given the chance, he will. No one can say he isn’t giving back to the community that supported him when he was a teenager. He’s done so much in the revitalization of Beaumont, it’s crazy. A few of the town council members want him to run for Mayor, but Liam says politics are not in his future. He’s happy doing what he’s doing and likes the flexibility his life affords him. In February, once football season is over, 4225 West is going on tour, with both Plum and Sinful Distraction as their opening acts. It’s nice when a manager like me has some connections. This tour will catapult Plum to the next level. They’re on the cusp of being something amazing.
“How’s surfing?” I ask Eden.
“It’s good,” she says. “I’m heading to Hawaii next week to get ready for a competition and then to Costa Rica.”
“That’s incredible. Your videos are spectacular.”
“Thanks.” She smiles brightly.
“What do you do about school?” Peyton asks.
“I have a tutor; she comes with us,” Eden says.
“Are you going on tour with the band?” Paige asks. She looks at Eden with pleading eyes.
Eden nods. “I am. I wouldn’t miss it.”
I elbow Peyton. “These kids are lucky. Mom rarely let us go on tour at their age.”
“I know. I’m jealous.”
“Wait, you’re going too, right?” Paige asks us.
“I’ll come to a few, but I have to work,” Peyton says.
“I’ll be at some stops,” Nola says. “The bus life isn’t glamorous. I don’t know how you do it.”
Peyton and I laugh. It’s definitely something you get used to, and it’s much easier if you grow up with it.
“I’ll be there,” I tell her. “My bands, remember.”
“I can’t wait to see Plum. O. M. Geeeeee. I am so excited,” Paige says as she claps her hands. She met them when they came to the studio and fell in love with their music. She’s asked me a few times to bring them back to Beaumont, but they haven’t had the time. I half expected her to show up at the studio when she arrived in Los Angeles the other day, but Liam came alone. I think this is the first time his daughter is obsessed with a band and he’s not sure how to handle her fangirling moments.
The moms yell for dinner and we all gather in Peyton and Noah’s massive dining room. This is the first time they’re hosting, and it’s only because Noah isn’t playing this weekend. Normally, we’re either in Portland or we’re celebrating without them. I hate that we’re all so spread out and I don’t think it would be so bad if Noah’s job wasn’t during the heart of the holidays. Peyton missed Oliver’s first Halloween a few weeks ago. Mom and Dad dressed him up as a teddy bear and he was the cutest thing ever. Ben and I had a blast walking around the neighborhood with him, but it was seeing my parents with him that sealed the deal. Ben and I are ready to start trying for a family.
We all sit down, and I rest my hand on Ben’s leg. Having been through what he has, you learn not to take any moment for granted. We’re more in tune with each other and we talk about everything. The littlest things like whether we should change the brand of toilet paper we buy, or which gas station is one cent cheaper are something we talk about instead of one of us making a household decision. We realized even this kind of communication makes our relationship stronger.
Everyone starts passing bowls of potatoes, vegetables, salad, and everything else the moms made around the table. I take a little of everything because I know I’ll want seconds, and then I’ll have thirds in a few hours. There’s something about reheated Thanksgiving dinner that’s better than the actual dinner itself. Not everyone will agree with me and that’s okay. I have my vices, and this is one of them.
Once everyone has filled their plates, we go around and say one thing we’re thankful for. I’ve thought about what I’m going to say for a couple of months now, wavering back and forth between a few things. There are so many moments and people in my life, that it’s hard to pinpoint one action or event that stands out, but I think I found it.
When it’s my turn, I clear my throat. I know everyone expects me to be thankful for Ben, and I am. He knows this. I tell him every day. Each morning when I see his eyes, I remind him that I’m incredibly lucky to have him next to me, to be able to call him my husband, and to hear him tell me that he loves me.
“I’m thankful for my brother, Quinn.” I look across the table at him and he dips his head. “Without you, I’m not sure Ben would be my husband today. You never gave up on your friendship with him and you knew exactly how to push me back to him. You love without reservation. I’m thankful for each and every day I get to call you my brother.”
I raise my glass to him, but he stares at me. He pushes his chair back and walks around the table. I stand and fall into his arms when he opens them. “I love you, Elle,” he whispers to me.
“I love you too, Quinny.”
When I sit back down, I glance at our dad and catch him wiping his cheeks. I hope he knows how much he means to me, that without him I wouldn’t be half the person I am today. Ben leans over and kisses my cheek. “That was beautiful,” he says.
He clears his throat and looks around the table. “There are a couple of things I’m thankful for, so if you’ll bear with me for a moment.”
Everyone laughs and Jimmy says, “I think you’ve earned your time, mate.”
“I appreciate it.” Ben stands, which surprises me. “I’m thankful for my beautiful wife, who loves me despite my lack of . . .”
“Benjamin.” The tone of my voice warns him not to finish the sentence regardless of Jimmy egging him on.
Ben laughs. “I’m thankful for my beautiful wife, the life we live, for Beau, and for this family who took me in as their own. I would not be here today, if it wasn’t for your love and support. With that said, I’m also thankful for my doctors, and the radiologist who read my recent scans. As of right now, the cancer hasn’t returned.”
Everyone claps. We’ve had this news for a couple of days, but he wanted to wait until today to share it with everyone. Ben looks at me and then back at everyone. “I’m not out of the woods yet, but this is the first step, and it’s a good one.” He raises his glass, and everyone says, “Here, here.”
We finish dinner and clean-up, and we’re about to head outside when the doorbell chimes. I’m closest to the door and open it. “Hello,” I say to the young man on the other side. “Can I help you?”
“Yes, I’m Rush Fennimore. I’m here to see Eden Davis if she’s available?”
Ooh !
“Eden,” I yell her name. “There’s a young man here to see you.”
She comes around the corner, clad in a bikini top with her wet suit covering her legs. Her eyes widen in surprise and then she sprints to the door. Within seconds her arms are around Rush and they’re kissing.
“What are you doing here? I didn’t think I’d see you until tomorrow.”
“I came a day early to surprise you.”
Eden squeals and kisses him again.
“I can hear you,” Jimmy yells from the other room and I start to laugh.
“Eden, why don’t you invite your friend in.”
“Yes, come in. You have to meet everyone,” she says, dragging the poor kid by his hand. He smiles as he walks by, and I can see why Eden is smitten with him.
“Hey, Rush,” Quinn says. They shake hands and I look at my brother oddly. He shrugs and mouths that he’ll tell me later. I swear he’s the secret keeper.
“Everyone, I’d like for you to meet Rush,” Eden says. “Rush, this is . . . well, literally everyone in my family.” Rush goes to everyone and shakes their hands. While this happens, Quinn tells me Eden and Rush met last Christmas in Vermont and have been traveling to see each other every few months. Rush is an Olympic hopeful in snowboarding, which Quinn believes is why Jimmy is so chill about Eden having a boyfriend.
Peyton asks if I want to go outside with the teens, and I agree. Eden shows Rush where to change into a wetsuit and we all gather at the shoreline to watch her do her thing. When I see Betty Paige and Mack walk off, I bump Peyton’s arm.
“Are they having sex?”
She shrugs. “Noah’s talked to Mack and he assures Noah they’re not doing anything they shouldn’t be doing. I don’t think Mack would jeopardize the living arrangement.”
“I can’t believe Nick isn’t back yet.”
“I know, it’s been almost a year. Mack seems okay though. He spent most of his summer with Noah between Portland and Beaumont, and he’s thriving with Liam and Josie. Liam hasn’t missed a game of his since Mack moved in.”
“I figured Mack would’ve gone to live with you and Noah before Liam.”
“Same. We would’ve taken him for sure.”
Peyton and I watch the two love birds until they’re out of sight. “They’re cute,” I say nodding toward Eden and Rush.
“They’re so opposite. She’s summer and he’s winter. It’s fun to see.”
I bump my shoulder with hers. “My gut tells me something’s wrong, but I can’t pinpoint what. You and Noah look incredibly happy, sometimes too happy,” I tell her. “So, what gives? Where’s my bright and cheery twin? What’s bothering you?” I ask her. “You seem down.”
Peyton leans into me and rests her head on my shoulders. “Life’s . . . I don’t know,” she says. She lifts her head and looks at me. “Noah and I are desperately trying to get pregnant. We’ve done everything we can, but the doctors think there’s too much damage to my pelvis. I have a lot of scarring from the accident.”
I reach for her hand and hold it tightly.
“I’ve miscarried twice.”
“Peyton,” I gasp.
“I haven’t told anyone because I feel like a failure as a woman. I barely found out I was pregnant and then I wasn’t.”
“Honey, I’m so sorry.” I pull her into my arms. “Oh, sweetie.”
“I’m okay,” she tells me, but I don’t know that she is. “I have something to ask you.”
“Of course, anything.”
She looks at me with her tear streaked eyes and tries to smile. “Will you carry a baby for me?”
My mouth drops open and my heart falls to my stomach. I would do anything to help my sister and her husband have a baby. “I can’t,” I say quietly.
“Can’t or won’t?” she asks as her face falls.
“I can’t, Peyton. Ben and I are . . .” I pause, knowing I’m about to break the pact I made with Ben. I clear my throat. “We’re starting IVF. We want to start a family.”
Realization hits her and she smiles. “I understand. The timing . . .”
“If Ben . . .”
“I get it, Elle. If I had asked last year?—”
“I would’ve said yes in a heartbeat.”
“I know,” she says quietly. I pull her to me, and we hug for a long time. I cry for the babies she’s lost and the pain she’s going through. She’s been through so much. I hate that her heart is broken. When we part, I brush her hair away from her wet cheeks.
“So, what’s next?” I ask her.
Peyton shrugs. “There’s this surgery. They go in and scrape away the scar tissue or something. I don’t know. I wasn’t paying attention because I’m angry . . . at myself, the truck that hit Kyle’s car and the damage it did to my body, and for losing those babies. Noah paid attention though. He’s my rock. He has the entire procedure memorized and then IVF. The specialist says I might need a couple rounds. Asking you was an easy way out. Noah and I have talked about surrogacy but it scares me. You’re the only one I’d trust.”
“Want me to wait?” I ask her, knowing this is something I should discuss with Ben. Deep down, I think he’ll be on the same page because he knows how important Peyton is to me. “I think it would be kind of fun to be pregnant together.” I know the chances of us getting pregnant at the same time are slim, but it’s worth a shot.
She snorts. “Would you do that?” Her eyes light up. “I can schedule the surgery as soon as I get back to Portland.”
I nod. “I’ll wait. I want our babies to be born at the same time,” I tell her. “Mom would love it. Imagine all the party planning she could do. I’ll come to you. We’ll do this together, all of it. Every step of the way. You hold my hand, I’ll hold yours.”
Peyton smiles. “I’d like that.”
“Me too.”
We stay there, sitting with our heads together, watching the surf and I imagine our children playing in the sand, with their extended family surrounding them. When Ben, Beau, and Noah join us, I suggest Ben, Beau, and I go for a walk, and I ask him what he thinks about waiting until after Peyton’s surgery.
“I think you’re the most amazing, selfless, woman I have ever known. I don’t mind waiting if it’s going to make you happy. Besides, my swimmers aren’t going anywhere anytime soon.”
Ben cups my cheeks and kisses me. “I love you, Benjamin Miller.”
“I love you too, Elle Miller.”