Chapter 8
eight
. . .
A ubrey comes into the kitchen, dressed in a pair of navy-blue scrubs, and rummages through the refrigerator. She either doesn’t see me sitting at the table or she does and is choosing to ignore me. The latter would suck because as of late, things have been good. We haven’t fought, we’ve enjoyed each other’s company, and she’s been somewhat affectionate toward me. Those moments are really what sends me into a tailspin. It’s like my wife is slowly coming back to me, and I’m not sure what to do about it.
With her head deep into the opening, she says, “Can I make you something?”
So, she did see me.
“I’m good,” I tell her. “Coffee’s fresh.”
“Thank you for making it.”
Another new development from her—she thanks me for everything. Thank you for taking Amelie to school. Thank you for doing the laundry. Thank you for leaving a light on for me at night. Her kindness is what made me fall in love with her in the first place and only disappeared a year ago. I wonder what happened that turned her against me and made her jaded toward our relationship. I’ve spent a few nights staring at the ceiling trying to rack my brain, searching for any incidents, but come up blank each time. Everything seems gradual. Like we both stopped trying somewhere along the way because we fell into a routine. I never stopped loving her but maybe I stopped telling her or showing her. I can’t remember the last time I took her out on a date or did something romantic for her.
Fuck .
Aubrey makes herself eggs and brings the plate over, along with a mug of coffee, to the table and sits next to me, not across from me. I’m slouching and trying to adjust without calling attention to myself, but the chair is rickety, as is the table, and I end up jostling it enough that her coffee spills over the edge. I’m out of my seat before she can say anything.
“I’ll take care of the spill,” I tell her. I’m back with the pot and a towel to clean up the mess I created because she makes me feel awkward. It’s like we’re dating all over again and haven’t been together for the past twenty years. “Sorry about that.”
“Accidents happen.”
After taking the wet towel to the sink, I rinse it out and set it on the side to dry. “What time are you going to work today?” Normally, she’s gone by six in the morning, if not earlier.
“A little later,” she tells me. “Jacoba had to take Hanneli to the doctors this morning and I didn’t want to ask you to drive me out there.” Jacoba is the other nurse Aubrey works with. She lives down the road from us and her daughter, Hanneli, often plays with Amelie after school.
“Is Hanneli okay?” Immediately, I wonder if I should’ve noticed something when I saw her the other day.
“Yes, as far as I’m aware.”
“That’s good.” Guilt weighs heavily on me about being here and not working, and also being here and not in Beaumont. Amelie isn’t adjusting well and has gotten into trouble at school. Ideally, Talisa would be the one to pick her up, but the one time we tried that, Amelie threw a fit and I had to get her anyway. It seems to me my daughter is doing everything she can to keep me here.
“We need to talk about me heading back to Beaumont,” I say to Aubrey. She looks up from her eggs, in mid-bite and stops chewing for a second. “I know things are going well, but we need to think about our son. I was supposed to be back by New Year’s, and then it was another two weeks, then the end of January. We’re now almost to the end of February. It’s going to be spring break soon.”
“But—”
I hold my hand up. “I know, your schedule is wonky, and Amelie is . . . well for a lack of better words, being a troublemaker. Which I absolutely don’t like, Aubrey. She’s acting out because of the situation, and we shouldn’t tolerate it.”
“What situation?”
I do everything I can not to be sarcastic or raise my voice. What situation ? I must be the only one living in reality while Aubrey floats from cloud to cloud in Lalaland.
“Our situation .” I emphasize the situation because I really don’t know where we stand on the whole divorce thing. She hasn’t brought it up since we arrived and I definitely haven’t pushed the issue, despite my attorney calling to see if I’ve received the papers he emailed. I have and I don’t like them. Ashford v. Ashford—dissolution of marriage—really hits you right in the gut when you read those words.
Aubrey puts her fork down and takes a sip of her coffee. And then another sip. She holds the mug in her hands, and I wonder if she’s going to hurl the ceramic object at my head because I’m not exactly being forthcoming with her.
“I don’t understand why you want to go back to the States, Nick. In the time we’ve been here, things have been good.”
Except they’re not.
“Our son is there, Aubs. And I know you’re tired of hearing this, but we can’t take him out of school. He’s doing well and has a bright future ahead of him. Imagine if we did and he struggles like Amelie. She’s miserable and acting out, which isn’t good for her. Or us. We have to discipline her for a situation we put her in. That’s shitty parenting. You promised her this really cool life, when in reality, what you’re doing is dangerous and not safe for her. How would you feel if she had seen the girl her age you had to treat and lost? Those are horrors I’d like to keep out of her life for as long as possible.”
“The schools in the states aren’t much safer.”
“I’m not talking about the schools. I’m talking about how hard the adjustment has been for her. If you tell me she needs her mother, and her mother wants to live here, then you need to be home for her, every night. You can’t depend on Talisa to raise Amelie.”
“I’m not,” she says quietly.
With some hesitation, I place my hand over hers, expecting her to pull it out from under mine. She doesn’t and a smidge of hope surges. “I need—” I’m cut off by my phone ringing. I glance down at the screen and frown at the unknown number.
“Nick Ashford?”
“Nick. Kirk. How are you?”
“Fine.” I pinch the bridge of my nose and sigh, DeBartolo hears me and grasps my annoyance with him.
“I ran into Aubrey the other day. She says you’re still in town.”
Funny, Aubrey doesn’t want to look at me right now.
“Yep, for a bit at least, still ironing out some details.”
“I could use you for a consultation downtown. Won’t take but an hour or two.”
Don’t ask him what he needs.
Do. Not. Ask.
“What’s the problem?” I ask, knowing I shouldn’t.
“Not a problem, per se. I have a presentation this afternoon and I could really use someone with your knowledge and experience to help me push for more funding.”
“That’s not really my thing,” I tell him. “I’m in private practice for a reason.”
“Aubrey mentioned that.”
“Did she now?” She still won’t look at me. “I didn’t know you went out to Tshwae to see patients.”
“Oh, I don’t. She was downtown.”
“I see.”
Aubrey gets up from the table and takes her plate to sink. I watch her like a hawk, wondering what else she’s keeping from me.
“Look, Nick. I’m not going to beat around the bush and use some board meeting to entice you to come downtown. I need your help. Your skills are useful and needed here. The salary offer is double. The job is yours. Let me know, okay?”
“Yeah.” I hang up and stare at my wife’s back. “Aubrey.”
She visibly stiffens and then turns slowly.
“Did you have lunch with Kirk DeBartolo?”
She nods. “He said he had an offer for me, so I met him. Turned out to be a pitch on how to get my husband to come back to work for him.”
“I see.” I say again, because it seems to be the only answer I can give that won’t give away my frustration or disbelief.
“The money’s good, Nick.”
“I make more back home,” I tell her.
“But here, you’ll be helping people who need help. Who don’t have access to first world health care. Who can’t afford a doctor like you.”
“Our son?—”
“I get it,” she interrupts me. “He can’t leave, and you need to go back. Or you stay and you work here, and we work on us.”
“Aubrey, are you asking me to choose you over our son?”
“Yes.” Then she shakes her head. “No, I’m not. I don’t know what I’m asking, Nick. What I do know is, I love being here. I love helping, despite the horrors I’ve seen. Amelie will learn to love it once she finds her groove.”
Aubrey steps forward, closing the gap between us. “And I know you feel it, the shift between us. Since we’ve been here, we’ve been different. We’re not fighting. We’re happy. I know you miss practicing, helping people. Being kind is in your nature and it’s eating you up on the inside to sit here all day long with idle hands when you could be helping.”
She comes closer.
“And you already said Mack told you to work here.”
“It’s not up to Mack,” I tell her. “We are relying on people to take care of our son. A woman, I might add, you accused me of having an affair with not too long ago.”
“I was angry.”
“You were angry?”
She nods.
“So, you lashed out at a married woman and threatened to tell her husband a lie? People we consider our friends?”
Another nod. “Should I call and apologize?”
“Absolutely, yes,” I tell her. “Josie didn’t deserve you saying those things to her. Neither did I. I’ve been nothing but faithful to you, Aubrey. I wish you’d believe me.”
“I’m trying. I really am, Nick. I know I said some really hateful things and honestly, I expected you to leave me, but you didn’t and you’re still here. It makes me wonder if we have something worth saving.”
I pull her into my arms and hold her tightly. Leaning back slightly, I lift her chin with my index fingers so I can look into her eyes. “We do, Aubrey.”
She rises on her toes and pulls my head down toward her. Our lips brush against each other’s. Hesitantly, at first and then she opens for me. The moment our tongues touch, it’s like a kaleidoscope of colors bursts through my mind. Everything around me seems vibrant and shiny, and powerful. I pick her up and her legs wrap around my waist as I head toward the bedroom. Only for my phone to ring. If we were anywhere else, I’d let it go to voicemail.
Groaning, I stop in the hallway and Aubrey slides down slowly, bumping my erection on the way. This time I moan. It’s been over a year since we’ve had sex, and I’ve missed my wife terribly.
In three big strides, I grab my phone from the table and see Liam’s number on my screen. Instant panic arises. I press the button and wait for the video to connect. “Is Mack okay?”
“Hey, yeah,” Liam says. “Sorry, I should’ve texted you but uh . . . I signed Mack up for a recruiting program and I wanted to fill you in. The band shot a music video the other day and I had the videographer put some content together of Mack, and I sent it off in hopes of getting some scouts out here to see him pitch.”
Relief washes over me. “He said you taught him how to throw the slider.”
Liam nods. “He’s a natural, Nick. We should be thankful we didn’t have to play against him in high school. I don’t think anyone is going to hit him this year.”
“That’s fantastic.” I am dying inside because, once again, I feel like I’m failing my son as it’s not me who’s signing him up for recruiting programs.
“Anyway, you’re going to get a shit ton of emails because I put your email in there as well as mine. Anything he gets from a scout or recruiter, you’ll see. Just email me what you think and we’ll go from there.”
“I can’t thank you enough,” I tell him. “How’s Mack doing in school?”
“Thriving,” Liam says proudly. “He’s doing well, Nick. You’ve raised an outstanding young man. He’s been helping out at Mr. Powell’s, mowing his lawn, washing the car that rarely moves, and going to the grocery store for him. I’ve been teaching him to drive, if that’s okay. I probably should’ve asked first.”
“No, that’s perfectly fine. We were going to do that after football and then. . .” I trail off. “If I need to sign anything, email me and I’ll take care of it.”
“Everything good there?”
I turn, only to find Aubrey gone. My hope is she’s in the bedroom, ready and willing to pick up where we left off. Looking back at Liam, “I’ve been offered a job here.”
“Mack mentioned that after the game. You were really missed.”
Heart meet knife, twist.
“I hated missing it.”
“So, are you going to take it?”
“My son?—”
“Your son is doing well, Nick. We love having him, and if the time comes when we don’t, we’ll let you know. If you need to stay because of your family, do it. But do it knowing Mack is being taken care of. Things are good in Beaumont,” he says. “I’ll have him call you when he gets home from school. We’re going to the batting cages after dinner to hit some balls under the lights. He said he struggled with that last year.”
“Yeah, he did. Thanks, Liam.”
Liam sighs. “You did it for Noah, Nick. I’m just returning the favor. Mack will call you after school.” He hangs up before he can see me lose my shit. I don’t know whether to scream or cry right now.
Or both.
I move about the house, looking for Aubrey. Because if it isn’t my heart aching for my son, it’s because my wife just left without saying goodbye.