Chapter 19 #2
“I thought he’d realize what he was losing,” she said after a moment.
“I imagined he’d come charging to me, stand up for me to my mother and the press and everyone.
I wanted a knight in shining armor, and I’m afraid I didn’t get one.
” She sniffed again. “Sorry. I thought I was over this. And I am over Thomas, because leaving him didn’t actually hurt that much.
It was just realizing how stupid I’d been, how easy it was for him to let me go, that hurt. ”
The apple cart had moved on, and Bella and Poppy were returning with the fronts of their hoodies full of apples.
Alex didn’t say anything, and Lucy was starting to wish she hadn’t just off-loaded a whole Dumpster of emotional garbage.
Just what Alex wanted from this day. He was probably freaking out, wondering if she was equating him with Thomas, and his girls with Will and Garrett.
What if he came out with some awful line about how they were just friends?
And what had happened to her resolution to keep today light and unthreatening for Alex and the girls?
She knew Bella was suspicious of her, if her obvious silence and endless sighs were anything to go by.
Poppy was easy to love; she’d slipped her hand in Lucy’s as soon as they’d left the car.
And knowing herself, Lucy acknowledged, she’d love Bella too.
She’d love all of them, if they’d just give her a chance, and that’s what scared her.
She didn’t want to end up as she had before, trying so hard and getting nowhere.
Having a man choose his children over his girlfriend, a choice Lucy agreed with in some ways but that she hadn’t wanted Thomas to have to make.
She certainly didn’t want Alex to make it.
So what was she doing here, holding Poppy’s hand and confiding in Alex? Why was she upping the ante with every moment she spent with this family?
“What on earth are you going to do with all those apples?” she asked the girls. Time to get back some lost ground, and make this light again. “Make loads of applesauce?”
“Apple crumble!” Poppy crowed, and then made the mistake of dropping her hands from her hoodie, so the apples rolled everywhere.
“Oh, no!” Her eyes filled with tears and her lip wobbled and before Lucy could even think about what she was doing—or why—she was down on her knees, chasing after the apples.
Bella made some kind of snorting sound and belatedly Lucy realized how ridiculous she must look, cavorting around on all fours after a bunch of apples you could easily buy in the supermarket.
This was what she did, she acknowledged as she reached for another bruised apple. She tried too hard. She acted pathetic and ridiculous and something about it pushed people away.
Slowly she got to her feet, a few of the apples cradled in her arms. The knee of her tights was ripped, she saw, and they were a new pair.
Not that she cared about her tights, or even the apples.
She cared about Poppy, about Bella, and, yes, about Alex, and she was afraid it was already too late to stop herself from caring even more. From getting hurt.
“Here you go,” she told Poppy, thrusting the apples she’d collected back into the little girl’s hoodie. “Sorry I couldn’t get them all.”
“You didn’t have to do that,” Alex said, and Lucy forced a smile.
“I know.”
Then Poppy hurled herself at Lucy, wrapping her arms around Lucy’s waist. “Thank you,” she mumbled, her face pressed against Lucy’s middle, and Lucy’s arms came awkwardly around the girl.
She glanced up from Poppy’s head still pressed to her stomach to see both Alex and Bella watching them, their expressions unreadable. Then Bella turned abruptly away and Alex smiled.
“Shall we have a look at all the food stalls?” he asked.
They walked along the market square, looking at the food stalls and different exhibits for a while, and Lucy was glad to relax a little.
Maybe she just needed to stop obsessing over every little action and just enjoy the day, accept whatever it brought.
Easier said than done, of course, but she’d try.
A man with a megaphone blared right next to them. “Last chance to enter the greasy pole competition! Winner gets a whole leg of lamb!”
“Daddy—,” Poppy began, and Alex shook his head firmly.
“You’ve got to be kidding me, Poppy. There’s no way I’m doing that.”
Lucy glanced in bemusement at the greased pole that was festooned with ribbons and had, amazingly, a leg of lamb perched on the top for the lucky—and greasy—winner.
“You sure you don’t want to try?” she teased, and Alex emphatically shook his head.
“I think you should, Dad,” Bella suddenly said, her eyes glinting a challenge. “You’re pretty strong, for an old guy. I reckon you could manage it.”
“Thanks, Bella,” Alex answered dryly, “but this old guy intends to stay with his feet planted firmly on the ground.”
“Of course you won’t even try,” Bella said, her face tightening as she looked away. Watching the exchange, Lucy had the feeling that Bella had been challenging her father for more than just amusement’s sake. Did she want Alex to prove himself somehow?
“Maybe you should, Alex,” Lucy said, and he stared at her in amazement.
“Are you having me on? It’s practically impossible, and frankly I have no desire to be covered in grease—”
“Don’t be such a prig.”
“A prig—”
“I think you should try.”
“Last chance,” the man with the megaphone reminded them. Lucy nodded towards Bella, who had hunched her shoulders and was looking away.
Alex’s gaze narrowed. “You really want me to climb a greasy pole for my daughter’s sake?” he said in a low voice that only Lucy could hear. “I’d rather buy her a bra.”
“How about you do both?”
“Competition starts in two minutes, mate,” the man said, and Alex heaved a resigned sigh.
“All right, fine, I’ll do it.”
Bella turned around, her face lighting up with amazement. “You will?”
“I didn’t say I’d win,” Alex told them, and Poppy clapped her hands.
“Oh, but you will, Daddy! You’ve got to.” She turned to Lucy with a confiding air. “I love lamb.”
Lucy watched as Alex peeled off his sweater, revealing a brief, tantalizing glimpse of his toned abs before he yanked his T-shirt down. He tossed his sweater to Bella, who caught it with a small smile.
“The things I do for you,” he said with an answering smile and a shake of his head. “If I win, we’ll be eating lamb for a month.”
“I like lamb too,” Bella offered, clutching her father’s sweater to her chest. Lucy smiled even as she remained slightly apart, sensing that this was between Alex and his daughters.
Who knew what was going on in their hearts and minds, but somehow climbing a greased pole had become bigger than any prize that might be perched at the top.
It was about showing his daughters that he loved them, that he’d do anything for them.
Even look ridiculous and get really dirty.
The competition began, and half a dozen brawny-looking lads managed to shimmy halfway up and snag one of the ribbons before they slid down, good-natured and covered in grease.
Alex gave Lucy a dark look. “I’m going to get filthy.”
“You can shower when you get home”
Finally it was Alex’s turn. Bella and Poppy waited, their breath held, their hands clasped in front of them, as Alex started up the pole. It was clearly a lot harder than he’d anticipated, because he started sliding down almost immediately.
Lucy’s breath caught in her throat. It was stupid, she knew; it didn’t really mean anything, and yet . . . she wanted him to win. The girls wanted him to win.
Wrapping his arms more tightly around the pole, Alex started to shimmy up again. His biceps bulged impressively and Lucy spared a second’s thought for how utterly fit Alex Kincaid really was.
“You can do it, Daddy!” Poppy screeched in excitement, and startled, Alex slid down half a foot before he managed to stop himself. He was past the halfway mark now and people had started to cheer him on, Poppy and then even Bella, loudest of all.
Lucy realized she was cheering too, and as Alex loomed closer to the top of the pole and the leg of lamb, she started screaming as loudly as the girls, all of them jumping up and down, caught up in the moment.
Alex spared them a glance, which cost him another foot, and then he made one last herculean effort and lunged upwards again, one hand outstretched as he grabbed the leg of lamb.
It must have been heavier than he thought, for it wobbled alarmingly and people jumped back in case it fell on their heads. Alex brought it to his body like a football, lost his grip on the pole, and came sliding down in a greasy rush as his daughters broke out into cheers.
“Your prize, my lady,” Alex said, and with a mock bow he handed the lamb to Bella. She took it with a surprised, shy smile.
“You were great, Dad,” she said quietly, and the sight of Alex’s answering smile nearly burst—or broke—Lucy’s heart. Either way it overflowed with emotion, and she turned away so they wouldn’t see how affected she was, when she had no right to be.
This was their moment, their time, not hers.
She wasn’t part of it.