Chapter 36
Oh, damn. The steady crunch of dead leaves under Jessica’s feet stopped.
“It’s only an idea,” Teddy said.
He’d brought her to a lake. No, it was a dam. Or a natural pool. Jessica wasn’t sure what the difference was. But it wasn’t the spa-sized rock pool she’d been expecting when Teddy told her to put her bathers on under her clothes.
“Won’t it be too cold?” she asked.
A solid defence.
“It’s a hot spring.”
There goes that idea.
“And it’s only us.”
She cast a glance around their surroundings.
Gum trees dotted the landscape, their scribbly trunks and leaves a multitude of greys and greens.
A light wind pushed the leaves on the ground around, and ants crawled around a large nest further down the bank.
On the other side, boulders with green moss formed a natural ledge.
“We don’t have to go in.” Teddy hung his backpack on a low branch of a tree.
“Is it deep?” The words scratched out of her throat.
“Not really, I can stand in the middle. You wouldn’t be able to, though.”
Jessica swallowed. She hadn’t exactly been truthful the other day when she’d admitted why she hadn’t ever taken swimming lessons.
“I thought …”
Of course, he had. Strike another mark on the record for how thoughtful Teddy was.
“… it would be a good place for you to practice. The water will be warm, and I’ll hold your hand the whole time. We can take as long as you need. Go as deep as you want to.”
Her breath rushed out of her. “I’m not sure.”
“Then we have a picnic, maybe make out if you play your cards right and head back.” Teddy unzipped the backpack and pulled out a thermos and a Tupperware container with Nate’s name written on it.
“Really?”
He turned to her, his expression earnest. “I’m never going to make you do anything you don’t want to, Starshine.”
“Maybe we could dip our feet in. Once we’ve had coffee.”
Teddy unfolded a picnic rug, pulled her down onto it and settled her in his lap, which gave her flashbacks to last night.
She’d looked up from her telescope to find Teddy staring at her with heat in his eyes and dragged him inside.
Where she’d spent more time in his lap, their gazes locked together, his fingers gripping her hips as she took him inside her repeatedly.
The sex had been slower, more connected, more everything.
Jessica shivered, redirecting her gaze to the mug of coffee Teddy pressed into her hands.
“You okay?”
“Uh-huh.” She couldn’t look up, not without running the risk of becoming an exhibitionist. She was a mother, for God’s sake. She was supposed to have more sense than this, wasn’t she? She couldn’t be having sex outdoors, out in nature, where hikers could stumble across them.
But mothers aren’t just mothers. If Jessica wanted to explore nature in a whole new way, the fact that she had a child shouldn’t stop her. Mums could be fun and wild and brave and bold. They could be whoever they wanted to be.
“I changed my mind,” she blurted.
“No worries,” Teddy said. “We can go back after this.”
Lordy, he was kind.
“I didn’t mean to push. It was meant to be more of a gentle nudge. I’m sorry.” Teddy knocked his mug of coffee over, and the brown liquid snaked along the dirt, running down the gentle slope.
“That’s not what I meant.” Jessica stilled him with a hand on his forearm.
Side note, he was so muscular there. “When I was younger, a boy who lived in the same flats as us almost drowned. I was in the pool too, but only on the step. Our mums were supposed to be watching, but they’d gone to get something. There was no one to help.”
She swallowed around the lump rapidly forming in her throat. “I remember feeling so scared. And so powerless.”
“Oh, Jess …” Sorrow was etched into Teddy’s expression, his words.
“He was reaching out for me, but I couldn’t let go of the edge. What if he pulled me in?”
“You were a kid.”
“But still. I didn’t know what to do other than call out for help.
And he was okay in the end. Eventually, this other guy who lived there heard me and jumped in to save him, but ever since, I’ve been too scared.
It’s why I can’t be there when Sam does swimming lessons.
I know he needs to learn how but the idea of watching …
” She pressed a hand to her chest. Her heart was racing.
“Shit. I had no idea, and to do this to you on your birthday. I’m so sorry. Let’s go back to the cabins.”
The mention of her birthday snapped her out of her memories. Today was another beginning. The start of a whole new year. And Teddy was right here with her.
“I want to go in the water. Can we do it now?”
“Are you sure? You don’t have to do this.”
“Yep.”
Teddy tapped her thigh, signalling for her to stand. “Then let’s go.”
He removed his shoes and socks while Jessica struggled to untie her laces with her trembling hands.
Teddy will keep me safe.
“I got you,” he said, nudging her hands out of the way. Even crouched down, he was so big. Jessica rested her hands on his shoulders, steadying herself. She breathed in and out slowly. Focused on the rustle of the wind, the sunlight slicing through gaps in the canopy of leaves above them.
Teddy hooked his thumbs in the waist of her tracksuit pants. “Do you want me to roll these up? Or are we taking them off and going in wearing our swimmers?”
She shook her head. “Promise you won’t let me go?”
Teddy stood, his hands cupping her face. “I won’t ever let anything bad happen to you. I promise.”
Jessica shimmied out of her pants. “Then we can go in a bit deeper.”
Cool air bit at Teddy’s exposed forearms and legs. He shook his arms out, trying to coax warmth back into them before tying his hair into a bun.
“Ready?” he asked Jessica, twisting to help her over the mossy rocks that lined the shallow edge of the hot spring. She looked fucking fantastic in her black one-piece. The fabric cut high on her thigh, right where he’d held her last night.
“It’s cold.”
“It won’t be for long. Besides, I’ll keep you warm.”
There it was. The tiny smile that blossomed amidst the blush that had spread across her goosebumped skin. “I know you will.”
Her grip on his hand tightened as they approached the water’s edge. “We’ll go at your pace,” Teddy promised.
Jessica swallowed, extending her leg and dipping her toes in the water. “Oh,” she exclaimed, her eyes wide. “It is warm.”
“Four-year-old me couldn’t understand how hot springs worked and why all water couldn’t be warm in winter so we could swim all year round.”
Jessica shuffled forward, both hands gripping his as they stepped into the water. Teddy could feel her trembling. “Is it deep? Did I ask you this already? I can’t remember.”
Water lapped around Teddy’s ankles.
“It’s not deep,” he answered. He kept his tone soft and gentle. “You’ll be able to feel the bottom for a long time yet.”
“Okay.” She edged forward.
Slowly, they waded forward until the water rose to Jessica’s thighs.
“I like being able to feel the bottom. Knowing I can turn around and walk out. It helps.” Jessica swallowed.
“I’m glad.”
When the water encircled her waist, Jessica stopped. “I don’t want to put my face under.”
“Okay.”
“And I don’t want you to, either.”
Teddy shifted so he was in front of her and cupped her jaw, his fingers sliding into her hair. “I won’t.”
“That was the bit that always gave me nightmares,” she admitted.
“I’m so sorry.” Teddy wished he could go back in time and save her from this pain, but he couldn’t. He’d have to do the next best thing and protect her from ever experiencing anything like that again.
“Me too,” she whispered. “It’s so silly, you know, because he was fine. But I could never get past the bit where he might not have been. If that guy hadn’t been around …”
She was frozen, her hands clasped around Teddy’s forearm. If he could drag his eyes away from hers, he was sure he’d find little half-moon crescents on his skin from her fingernails.
“We don’t have to go in any further.”
“It’s okay. I want to.”
“Are you sure?”
Jessica nodded, her curls bouncing with the movement. “Just go slow.”
“Starshine …”
She stepped forward tentatively. “I like it when you call me that.”
“Yeah?”
“I’ve never had a real nickname before. I mean, not one that wasn’t just a shortening of my name. It’s nice having something special.”
“You deserve all the special things.”
Heat infused every part of Teddy’s body as Jessica looked up at him, her eyes watery, lips in a tiny, shy smile he took a mental snapshot of and added to the memory box inside his mind.
“Teddy”—she stepped closer to him, her hand settling on his stomach—“I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything.”
Jessica shook her head, her gaze sweeping around the hot spring before meeting his again. “No, I want to. You keep surprising me.”
He attempted to cover his nervousness with a chuckle. “In a good way, hopefully.”
“The best way.” Jessica rose onto her tiptoes and reached for his shoulders. Never had Teddy moved so willingly. Jessica Sonoto was the one he’d never thought he was going to find. Someone who could see past all the jokes and fun he tried to hide behind.
Their faces were millimetres apart, and Teddy was in danger of getting lost in the heat of her gaze, the grip of her fingers.
He’d never given much thought to the idea of wanting to claim someone else because, frankly, it was weird.
Independence was an intoxicating kind of sexiness that he’d always been drawn to.
But now? Teddy wanted to be claimed. To be hers.
The person Jessica reached for in the middle of the night when she was fast asleep, her subconscious relaxed.
The one she told her fears to, who could comfort her.
He didn’t just want the big moments but all the little, quiet moments that bound couples together.
Jessica’s hands gripped Teddy’s shoulders as his slipped down past the curve of her ass to the back of her thighs.
He was about to lift her when Jessica shrieked and jumped away from him.
“Something touched my leg! Oh my God, what was that!” She was flapping around, sending ripples in every direction. Water hit Teddy in the chest, his face.
“Careful …” he warned, but it happened in slow motion.
Jessica’s mouth fell open as she lost her footing.
He’d never forget the way she screamed.
Teddy sprang into action, yanking her out of the water before her shoulders could get wet.
“I’ve got you,” Teddy said, one arm banded around her waist, the other coaxing her legs around his. Not that he needed to. Jessica was scrambling up his body with all the skill of a rock climber. If he hadn’t been holding her so tightly, she would’ve ended up on his shoulders.
“Something touched my leg,” she whimpered, tucking her head into the crook of his neck.
“I know.”
“It scared me.” Her shaky laugh matched the way her body shivered against his. “Oh my God, I’m ridiculous.”
“Hey,” Teddy said, waiting until their gazes met to press his mouth against hers and Jessica arched in his arms, her chest against his, her fingers twisting and tugging in his hair. “My wife is not ridiculous.”
“Your what?” Lulu screeched.
“Oh, shit,” Jessica whispered, peeking over his shoulder.
Teddy turned them slowly, sending a prayer to all the gods and saints and whatever other deities existed that he’d imagined his mother’s voice.
And that she hadn’t heard him call Jessica his wife.
Maybe he could pretend he was four years old again and still believed that if he couldn’t see the seeker when he played hide-and-seek, they couldn’t see him either.
But no.
No, no, no.
It was way worse than that.
His whole family was standing on the bank of the hot spring. That side was heavily treed, which explained why he hadn’t seen them approaching. Not that that was important right now. Lined up with varying expressions of shock were all the people he loved most in the world.
And he’d lied to them all.
“Theodore Matthew James, would you care to explain yourself?” his mother asked, hurt bleeding into each of her words.
“Mum—”
“It was my idea,” Jessica cut him off, scrambling out of Teddy’s arms and standing next to him. “I talked him into it.”
They’d better get out of the water because the ice in Lulu’s expression threatened to freeze the hot spring.
“Lu—” Wilbur started at the same time that Raff said, “Why don’t we talk about this back at the cabins?”
“Did you get married? Without telling us? That’s all I want to know,” Lulu asked.
“It’s complicated.” It was the chicken’s way out.
“It’s not.” Lulu crossed her arms.
Teddy’s throat was so dry that his response came out all scratchy. “Yes.”
Without a word, Lulu spun around and stalked away, tossing a “Wilbur!” over her shoulder.