Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Tommy was losing himself.
In her eyes.
In her touch.
In the way she felt in his arms.
He loved protecting her.
To be the one she leaned on, who kept her safe.
He knew what she thought.
That he had given up everything for her.
But that wasn’t the truth at all. The truth was, she had given his life meaning that he hadn’t known he needed. He couldn’t imagine being without her now.
He wasn’t sure who he was or what he was doing.
He had never been this man. Too afraid to take the next step. Uncertain of how to act around a woman, of what to say for fear that he would choose the wrong words.
He never thought about that kind of thing.
He acted on instinct, doing whatever felt right.
But with Minnie, if he did that, he just might scare her away earlier than he had anticipated.
She lifted her head from his chest, angling her face up toward him, her eyes glancing over his lips, and he knew that if he tilted his head down, she would be willing and accepting of his kiss.
And yet, he hesitated.
Why? Why Tommy?
To kiss her would feel better than anything he could imagine. It was what felt right, what would finally, perhaps, fix this hole that had grown between them.
He was worried that if he kissed her, he wouldn’t be able to stop, and she would be scared away too early.
Before the threat was over.
Before he could finish his task of keeping her safe.
After that, well, their future would be up to her.
He stepped back, running his hand through his hair as he saw the disappointment cross her face.
“Tommy?” she said in a small voice. “Is something wrong?”
“No, not at all,” he said, forcing a smile. “Come, let’s look at the ledgers.”
She nodded, biting her lip, and followed him to the small kitchen table where the books were laid out. She was likely far better suited for this exercise, having more education and being far more intelligent than he was. But he would do his best to help.
"I know how to read my father’s ledgers,” she murmured. “I’ve been helping him in his business long enough, even if he didn’t think he wanted the help. As for Blackwood’s books…”
She ran her finger over the page, and Tommy couldn’t stop watching it, wishing that it was travelling over his skin instead. “They are actually surprisingly well organized. I cannot help my curiosity about how Jonny got his hands on these.”
“I don’t think we want to know,” Tommy said with a chuckle.
“There is so much here. I didn’t realize just how vast his reach was.
But I’m focusing on the accounts pages. It’s easy to see where the payments are coming in,” she said in a low voice.
“They are all protection payments from different businesses, or perhaps he is cashing in on debts, as he is trying to do with my father. Ada’s father’s business is here too, but they do supply ammunition…
. The interesting thing is where his expenses go. ”
“There is one name that appears multiple times,” Tommy said. “Jenkins.”
“Jenkins,” she said, looking up at him, her blue eyes bright.
“I’ve heard that name before.” She pursed her lips, tapping a finger against them as she tried to think, and suddenly Tommy remembered a night when he had been drinking with Jonny at a bar.
A man had joined them, had said he’d had a particularly long day.
“He’s a customs official,” he said suddenly, and Minnie’s eyes lit up.
“You’re right! He used to come into my father’s business time and again.”
“If Blackwood is paying him off, that means he’s bribing him.”
“That’s how he’s getting away with stealing shipments and working against these businesses,” Minnie murmured. “That makes sense.”
“And if we can catch him, then we could bring them both down.”
“Do you think these ledgers will be enough?” she asked, leaning in toward him, and Tommy frowned.
“I’m not sure, but it might be the best we can do. I think we go to the police. Tell them what we know, give them what we have, and let them handle it.”
“Would that implicate my father?”
“He’s respected. If he works with them, I’m sure he can get off.”
She nodded slowly. “Can we trust the police?”
“I don’t think we have much other choice. I am doing all I can, Minnie, but I’m just a footballer and a blacksmith. I don’t know how to handle this kind of thing.”
It was a good reminder. That he was just a footballer. A blacksmith. He didn’t deserve Minnie, let alone could he do anything for her.
“You are doing more than enough,” she said, leaning in toward him again, but before she could get too close, Tommy leapt to his feet, stumbling backward for a moment as he set himself off-balance in his haste.
“Tea,” he said, saying the first thing that came into his head. “Do you want tea?”
“Tommy,” she said, standing and facing him, folding her arms across her chest. “What is going on?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why are you avoiding me? Why do you want nothing to do with me? Do I repulse you to that great an extent?”
“Repulse me?” he said, practically spitting out the words. “Of course not! Why on earth would you think that?”
“How could I not?” she exclaimed. “You practically run away from me. You turn away from me in bed. The only time you’ve ever touched me as one would his wife was to help me sleep!”
That did sound bad.
Tommy scratched his head. “It’s not what you think.”
“No?” she said, lifting her hands in the air beside her in exasperation. “Then enlighten me.”
“The problem, Minnie, is that I want you too much.”
She blinked a few times. “Pardon me?”
He didn’t mean to say anything further, but the words came pouring out of him regardless.
“I’ve never felt like this about a woman before. Every time I see you, all I want is to be close to you. To touch you. To feel those lips under mine again. To feel you under me. But you’re untouchable.”
She crossed her arms again. “In what way?”
“You’re perfect. You’re beautiful. You’re intelligent.
You’re well-mannered. You’re everything I’m not.
I can’t see how I deserve you. When Blackwood is no longer a threat, when you don’t need me anymore, you’re going to want to leave.
To return to your own life. I will help you if you want an annulment, as all I want is for you to be happy.
But if I let you in too close — if we find our way together — then I don’t know how I will ever be able to part from you.
It would kill me all the more when I am no longer able to see you every day, to talk to you, to breathe you in.
” He paused. “That sounded rather disturbing. Sorry. But you see my point? I’m falling for you, Minnie, and I don’t know how to be with you without losing myself in you, when one day you’re going to want to be free from me. ”
She hadn’t said a word, letting him speak as she stood there, expressionless, blinking. Now, she stepped toward him, her eyes wet as she looked up at him.
“Is that what you truly think?”
Dear God, she was going to run away now.
“Well… yes.”
“Tommy,” she said, reaching up to cup her cool, smooth hands around his rough cheeks, already covered in stubble. “I am not perfect. Far from it, actually. How could you possibly think that you don’t deserve me, that I would so certainly want to leave you?”
“Look around you,” he said. “These rooms could fit into your parents’ drawing room.”
“Do you truly think that’s what matters to me?” she asked, her eyes widening.
“How can it not?” he said. “I have nothing to offer you. In fact, you have had to work to be with me.”
“I do not have to. You made that perfectly clear. I want to. Did you ever stop to think that maybe I like being with you? Spending time with you? Contributing to this life that we are building together? If returning to my parents’ house last night taught me anything, it was that I am happy where I am now.
With someone who cares for me. Who looks out for my best interests.
Who would go as far as to marry me to make sure I am safe. "
“I appreciate that,” he murmured, looking down, knowing that he might not deserve the praise, but accepting it anyway.
“I want to be with you,” she continued. “As your wife. That is, if you will have me.”
“If I will have you?” He stared up at her in shock. “That’s not the question. I would have you now and in every way possible. But once I get a taste of you… I’m not sure if I will ever be able to let you go.”
“Who says I want to go anywhere?”
She might not. Not now, at least. This was all still a novelty to her. One that, eventually, would wear off, he was sure. In the meantime, was there any harm in making memories?
Well, yes. Likely.
But she had worn him down, and he couldn’t help but forget about that for a moment and take a chance in the present.
He leaned down, pressing his lips across her jaw to her cheek, revelling in her skin, softer than he could ever have expected.
Finally, he moved to her mouth, connecting them for the first time — and oh, it was worth the wait.
He took his time, molding their lips together, but never going any farther than that.
He kept it sweet, exploring the surface of her lips as his hand gently trailed down her ribs, stopping on her hip.
His mouth still on hers, he reached around her, beginning to undo the buttons on the back of her gown, unfastening them before he pushed the sleeves of her dress off her arms and slid the garment over her hips, his fingers fumbling as he sought all the fastenings, ties, and buttons that kept all this blasted fabric attached to her body.
He wasn’t making as quick work of it as he would like, but together, they managed to divest her of all her outer clothing and garments and stays until she was standing in only a thin chemise before him.
He backed up a couple of inches, hating the space between them, undressing faster than he ever had before as he explored her with his eyes, taking in every curve, the swell of her breasts and hips, and the tightness of her waist.
Her eyes widened when he shed his drawers, and she took him in. It might not be the first time she had seen him naked, but it was the first time he was naked and ready to make love.
That made quite a difference. One he was happy for her to discover for herself.
He returned his mouth to hers, backing them up until they bumped into the bed, and he slowly lowered her down upon it.
He took the hem of her chemise in one hand and murmured into her lips, “This all right?”
She nodded, her breath coming in short pants, as he slowly inched it up, over her body, before pulling it over her head.
He could only stare.
Clothed, she was a beautiful woman.
Naked, she was breathtaking.
Lush, full breasts, soft skin, her hips cradling her womanhood, ready and waiting for him.
He had felt her, glimpsed pieces of her, but fully seeing her… was a dream come true.
Tommy rested on his side next to her, grinning when she spread her legs farther for him. He slowly rubbed one finger over her slit. He had done it before, but now that he could see what he was doing, what it was doing to her, the way her lashes fluttered over her eyes…
“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured against her lips. “So ready for me.” His tongue flicked across her mouth.
“Open for me.”
Her lips parted, and his tongue dove in, his kisses more urgent as he was now driven by need instead of just interest.
His mouth and fingers worked together, sliding in and out, and he smiled against her lips, knowing she was close.
He wasn’t going to let her go yet.
First, he was going to show them both some fun.