Chapter Four #2
“The epitome of awkwardness!” Charlie all but yelled. “Mostly because he acted like he barely remembered me!”
“Oh.”
“Like I know it’s been a solid few years or whatever, but I very clearly remembered him. And he straight up said that maybe he had a vague recollection of me. Vague, Alicia! He used the word vague.”
Alicia cackled.
“I had to remind him how we met. How he asked me out.” Charlie shook her head. “I don’t even know why I’m still so mad about it.”
“Because the hot guy from your past is ignoring you?” Alicia offered, and Charlie could practically hear the smirk crawling across her face.
“I never said he was hot.”
“He’s hot in my mind until you say otherwise,” Alicia said. “Like all ripped and muscled, with forearms that are very toned from using them between your—”
“Okay,” Charlie cried. Alicia knew she had a thing for arms, and she didn’t need to give any more mental space to Julian’s.
“Thank you for that very unwanted image.” Her stomach dipped, the sensation unexpected.
She hadn’t felt anything like that for a while now, and the fact that Julian had jump-started those desires was infuriating.
Alicia cackled some more. “I’m envisioning those Fabio book covers. You know the ones where he’s busting out of his clothes?”
“Long silky locks blowing in the breeze?” Charlie finished. “Yeah. That’s definitely not what’s happening here.”
“You didn’t say he wasn’t hot.”
Charlie wanted to tell Alicia that Julian was a toad that had never turned into a prince, but that was a lie. Julian had deliciously filled out in the years since she’d seen him last—maybe he’d been hitting the gym?—but no. No! She would not give an ounce of her energy to acknowledging his hotness.
“He was just so insistent that he didn’t remember me or Gram. But then he’d mention something about that summer, and I don’t know… Trying to figure him out is driving me nuts.”
“Maybe seeing him again after all this time brought up old feelings,” Alicia suggested.
“Yeah,” Charlie muttered. “Irritation and discontent.”
“I mean real feelings. It’s been a while, right? Since you’ve actively dated anyone.” Alicia diplomatically avoided mentioning how losing her brother had derailed everything in Charlie’s life. Dating really was on the bottom of her priority list.
“I’m not really interested in dating.” Especially right now. Especially him.
“You don’t have to date him. But if there’s already history there, you could just…you know,” Alicia teased, “reminiscence a little. Get cozy and—”
“I’m also not interested in that,” Charlie said, cutting her off. Especially that. “The man can’t decide if he wants to be hot or cold with me.” And yet she’d still agreed to a music gig she never wanted.
Alicia hummed. “Bad sign.”
Charlie snorted. “I obviously wronged him in a past life. Or he just really didn’t think very highly of me that summer we spent together.
” Sure, they’d been young. But Charlie sort of thought she might have made a similar impression on him.
He obviously remembered something of their summer together.
That much was obvious. But why was he working so hard to deny it?
“Maybe you broke his heart,” Alicia said.
“Or maybe I was just one of many summer flings he entertained back then and he really did forget who I was.” She scowled at the thought, and at how much that bothered her.
“Ah, the good old days,” Alicia said, chuckling. “Now everything is so serious.”
The good old days indeed. Back before Charlie had learned what it was to say goodbye to her brother. Back when her biggest stress in life was figuring out which piece of music she was going to perform at her senior recital.
“Okay, let’s shift gears for a minute then,” Alicia said. “I know you’ve got a lot on your plate right now, but I did have an audition come across my desk that might actually be perfect for you.”
Charlie wallowed in the beat of silence that followed. It sat uncomfortably in her stomach.
“Have I lost you?”
“I’m here.” She’d gotten used to turning down auditions without ever giving them a second thought.
She appreciated that Alicia kept that door open despite how many times Charlie kicked it shut.
But now Gram’s concerns echoed in her head.
Life goes on… You have to move with it, or you’ll get swept away.
“No pressure,” Alicia assured her. “I can pass on it.”
Charlie didn’t want to get swept away, but she didn’t want to have to face it, either. Everything was easier when she didn’t let herself think about music and Tom and what she’d lost. Easier when she boxed her feelings up like the stupid china hutch.
Before everything happened, she’d been traveling around the country with Tom.
Charlie had always enjoyed working with him, watching him guest conduct orchestras in different cities and pull together a show from scratch.
Sure, she sang the tunes, but it was Tom who really made the magic happen.
He had a special way of bringing together a group of musicians that she’d always admired.
His dream had been to one day perform with one of the big five symphony orchestras: Boston, Chicago, Philadelphia, Cleveland.
Or even the New York Philharmonic. But as far as what Charlie wanted…
The thought of taking a proper stage without Tom there to guide her made her want to shrug out of her skin.
She tried to imagine it: standing before a crowd of hundreds, bowing to applause, all while knowing that Tom never would again. How could she do that to him? Pressure swirled behind her eyes. Gram’s words echoed in her head. What was the right answer? What would plug the hole in her chest?
“Send me the audition,” she found herself saying.
“Okay!” Alicia said, her tone filled with surprise. “Great. Let’s see if it sparks your interest, and we’ll go from there. No pressure.”
No pressure. Right. Then why did it feel like she was going to explode? “Thanks,” Charlie managed. She glanced at the time on her phone. “I gotta run and host a music class for a bunch of geriatrics.”
“Come again?”
“Long story for next time. But just know that’s reason number two that Julian is on my shit list. Talk soon?” she said, knowing they would.
“You bet. I need to know all about this music class with horribly hot Julian.”
“Just horrible,” Charlie muttered. “We’re leaving it at that.” They hung up, the sound of Alicia’s laughter fading.