Chapter 4 #2
I share the details of my plan, going back to the terrible date the Friday before and the conversation with Teddy and Karina about Karina’s exes that gave me the idea in the first place.
Elliot is duly horrified about my date and asks a few questions about the criteria for ‘best’ ex-boyfriend, which I admit I’m still trying to work out.
He asks about Toby, Jay and Eddie, and I give him the briefest of summaries about my time with each one, mainly because there isn’t that much to tell.
If he picks up on how little I’ve got to say about the men I’ve selected as the best I’ve ever dated, he doesn’t show it.
Instead, as I knew he would, he listens in that thoughtful, intense way of his.
He does the familiar thing he always does whenever he’s thinking deeply about something, taking his left hand up to his jawline and running his fingers over it as though he’s got a beard, even though his skin is completely smooth.
Once I stop talking, I wait for his verdict.
He doesn’t think the idea is crazy, in fact, he thinks it’s kind of genius, which immediately spreads warmth throughout my chest and up my neck.
‘So, you’re just going to ring whichever of these guys you choose out of the blue and tell them you want to set them up?’
‘Yeah,’ I say, forcing myself to move away from the genius comment and focus on his question. ‘That’s the bit I’m really not looking forward to. How would you feel if you got that phone call? Would you find an ex ringing you and wanting to set you up with someone else weird?’
I wait for Elliot to consider the question.
He runs a hand through his hair, slightly scuffing up the neat quiff at the front, and pushes his lips together.
‘I guess I’d probably be flattered. If a girl I’d dated considered me to date her friend, it would mean I’d done something right.
It might make for an awkward conversation, but if we both knew we weren’t right for each other and she thought I could be right for her friend, then, yeah, I’d be pretty chuffed about that. ’
‘And would you do it? Would you go out with an ex’s friend?’
‘Yeah, I probably would. If I remembered the girl ringing me as being all right and I was single, I’d be tempted to date her friend.’
He’s nodding and smiling – really smiling – at the idea, until suddenly it’s like his brain catches his reaction as being too much and corrects it by making him give an awkward laugh.
‘OK. Good,’ I tell him, my own brain registering how weird it is to be talking about this with him. ‘That makes me feel better.’
‘I’m glad. So now you need to choose the perfect ex for Teddy?’
I nod. ‘Yep. I was just trying to decide when you rudely interrupted me.’
He holds his hands up, and smiles. ‘Sorry. I’ll let you get back to it.’
‘No,’ I say. ‘Stay. I’ve been struggling to decide all day. You’re a welcome distraction.’
‘OK.’ I expect he’ll change the subject back to school and the three top sets he has to do an inordinate amount of marking for, or back to his long-standing dilemma of whether he goes for a promotion or sticks to being in the classroom.
At thirty, he’s already being prepared for a senior leadership role, which Len, our head of English, is fighting vehemently against as it would deprive him of his best teacher.
Instead, he surprises me by saying, ‘If you like, you could always set Teddy up with me.’
‘What?’ I narrow my eyes as I search his face for signs that he’s joking, that he’s winding me up and isn’t taking my plan anywhere near as seriously as I thought, but his expression is honest and open.
‘You heard. You could always choose me.’
I let out a bark of a laugh to cover my shock that he thought to say that.
‘You hardly qualify,’ I tell him, opting to continue to laugh at the idea.
He gives me a look that has more than a hint of hurt in it. ‘Sorry, but you don’t,’ I say, trying to take back the harshness of my reaction. ‘You’re not single for a start.’
‘What? Yes, I am.’
‘Really? What happened to … what was her name?’
‘Minnie. I broke up with her a few weeks ago. Didn’t I tell you?’
‘Maybe, it’s kind of hard to keep track.’
In the last year, Elliot has gone through so many women, they’ve become a blur.
I mean, it’s not hard to understand why he gets so many dates.
There’s always going to be high demand for six-foot-two sporty types who look at you with their piercing eyes like nothing matters as much as what you’re saying.
Yet one thing I’ve noticed about his prolific love life is that he is most often the dumper. I don’t understand how it is he comes to be so unlucky with the women he dates, but he seems to find it an impossibility to get past the one-month mark with any of them.
‘What happened this time?’ I ask.
‘I found out she wasn’t just dating me, but at least three other guys at the same time. To be honest, I couldn’t be arsed with the competition, so I took myself out of the game.’
I nod. ‘Fair decision.’
‘I know, right? She didn’t think so. She told me she was going to dump me anyway because, get this, out of the men she was seeing, she decided I was by far the least exciting.
I was tempted to remind her how exciting I could be too, how she told me she’d never had a date at the Imperial War Museum before she met me but in the end, I decided to let her follow her misguided heart and find out her mistakes for herself. ’
He’s poking fun at himself, like he always does, but I still work hard to keep my mouth from curling up into a smile. ‘Very wise.’
‘All of which means, I am now free for your consideration.’
‘No. Sorry, you’re not. See, we’ve never dated, so I couldn’t possibly recommend you to Teddy. You might be terrible on first dates. How do I know you don’t ask the poor girls you meet to name their top three Dickens’ characters before you’ve even bought them a drink?’
‘Hey, that’s an interesting question. You didn’t seem to mind me asking you that.’
‘That was different. We’re friends and you can just about get away with asking that to a friend. Plus, you know I love any opportunity to talk about my love for Miss Havisham.’
‘That’s true, but what if I promise to ask only non-Dickens, bland questions. What if I submit a question list to you for approval first?’
‘We both know you’d never stick to that list, and anyway, why are you so keen to get yourself into my notebook?
’ I ask, but I already know the answer, and it makes me wish Elliot wasn’t smiling at me like that with an undeniable shine in his eyes whilst talking about being set up with my best friend.
I bet Elliot would love the chance to go out with Teddy.
The few times they’ve met on nights out, I’ve seen how Elliot has been far from immune to Teddy’s charms. He’s gazed at her in the same way most people do, at her striking looks and that confident way of wearing whatever the hell she wants.
Because let’s face it, she totally gets away with it unlike the rest of us who’d look like we’d got dressed in the dark.
If she wasn’t completely oblivious to her charms, it would be hard not to be jealous of Teddy, but like Karina’s magnetic personality, my two best friends’ gifts have always been so natural that I’ve only ever admired them.
‘I’m not trying to get in your notebook,’ Elliot says, holding his hands up in mock surrender, ‘just curious to know more about your selection process.’
‘Don’t you worry about my selection process,’ I tell him, feeling my shoulders tightening. This really isn’t a conversation we should be having. He knows that full well, and I can feel the irritation spreading down my body.
‘Fine,’ he says, relenting. He gives me that smile, the one I only ever see him use with me.
Frustrated and amused at the same time. He doesn’t crack it out much, but when he does, I always think how it makes him look happy even though he’s exasperated, and I love that I’ve brought it out of him with something I’ve said or done.
‘I’ll leave you to Toby, Jay and Eddie then. Good luck.’
I wait until he’s shut the classroom door before getting back to my list. I take a few clearing breaths and think about what Elliot said, that he would be flattered if an ex chose him as good enough to date their friend.
That’s good. It’s what I needed to hear.
Elliot doesn’t qualify to be set up with Teddy, and I’m still perturbed at the suggestion he would be, but I guess it’s nice to know he’d be on board with the idea.
I return to Toby, Jay and Eddie. One of these three is going to get the chance to go out with Teddy. Beautiful, funny, amazing Teddy. They should be flattered. If only I could decide which one of them it was going to be.