Chapter 8
I’m expecting Sunday morning to be a continuation of the afternoon before, my phone pinging non-stop with post-date messages from Teddy and Elliot, but as I lie in bed as noon approaches, not a ping disturbs the air.
In the end, I’m the one who opens up the group chat.
LIZZIE: Well?
It’s Karina who starts to type immediately, and I wonder where Teddy is.
They wouldn’t have, would they?
A sudden flash of me waking up in my bed next to Elliot early the morning after we had sex crosses my mind.
We weren’t even on a date and look how that ended.
It’s possible they ended up sleeping together, although Teddy isn’t one for going home with someone she’s just met.
Elliot, on the other hand, certainly has form in that department, but I find it very hard to draw the line from them meeting up for crazy golf to ripping each other’s clothes off.
Before Karina has finished typing her message, Teddy appears on the chat and begins to type too. Both messages appear on my screen at the same time.
KARINA: Ten minutes away from meeting Matthew. Feel sick.
TEDDY: Last night was really good fun in the end. Thanks, Lizzie. Good choice.
I combine my response to both messages together to dilute the question buzzing around in my mind.
LIZZIE: You’ll have a lovely time, K. Bottomless brunch is a perfect first date – nice food, good atmosphere and the option to keep it as casual as you like (or end it whenever you’ve had enough). Now go and have fun! Did your date end on a high last night, Ted?
TEDDY: It went very nicely, thanks. We promised to meet up again. How about you and Jordan? Did it go well?
Before I can think of my reply, or how to push her for more info, Teddy texts again, saving me the bother.
TEDDY: Actually, don’t answer now. Meet for a walk and tell me all about it?
An hour later, we’re walking by the river Mersey, takeaway coffee cups in our hands, our faces dipping down into our coats between sips to shield us from the brunt of the cold November wind.
‘We should have stayed in the café,’ Teddy says after a particularly strong gust hits us, and she links my arm to keep steady.
‘No, this is good for us. At least the wind will help to get rid of my muzzy head before I go round to Mum’s for tea later.’
‘Lasagne?’
‘You guessed it.’
‘Yum. So, come on, how was it?’ Teddy asks. ‘I’ve been desperate to hear all the details. Did you like him?’
‘Yeah, I did. We had a really good time.’ It’s true.
I know there’ll be a second date, and I already know I’ll enjoy it.
When I woke up this morning, I was happy.
Happy to be able to replay a night that ended at the right point with a nice man who I was attracted to and who I’d want to see again.
That’s so much better than the anger or embarrassment or, most often, disappointment I’ve felt the morning after most of the first dates I’ve had for a long time.
OK, perhaps my stomach wasn’t doing somersaults, and my brain didn’t go straight to planning our future together in the way I expected it might when I was sure I’d just met my soulmate, but God, last night with Jordan was way, way above my usual standard of dates.
‘Yeah, you’re going to need to elaborate,’ Teddy says. ‘For a start, is he fit?’
‘Very. All the waitresses were fawning over him, which was funny because he was oblivious to it.’
‘Lucky you. I love dating a man everyone else fancies. But come on, what was he like?’
‘He was nice. We had a nice time.’
‘Nice. OK. Nice is good. Anything else?’
‘Nope, I’m sticking with nice. There’s nothing wrong with that,’ I say, realising as I do how much it’s true and how few times over the last year I’ve been able to reach for that adjective when describing the men that I’ve dated.
‘It was a lovely date, and he’s just as great as you’d imagine an ex of Karina’s to be.
I’m glad we went out, which for me to say is a pretty impressive result. ’
‘I suppose so.’ She eyes me suspiciously, looking for more, but gives in after a few seconds when I give her nothing back. ‘I’m glad it went well. Will you go out with him again?’
‘Yeah, I think I will.’
‘That’s great.’
‘It is. But anyway, I want to know about your date. How was the golf?’
‘No, no, it wasn’t that bad at all,’ Teddy says, noticing the grimace on my face. ‘Elliot is,’ she pauses to search for the right word, ‘surprising.’
‘Is he?’
It’s not the word I’d have chosen for him. Yes, Elliot might have surprised me that one time a year ago, but every day afterwards I’d say he’s been the opposite of surprising. He’s dependable, organised, stable – all the qualities that make our friendship work. ‘In what way?’
‘I don’t know. Maybe it’s the fact I’ve always met him on a night out and haven’t spent much time with him because he’d always be chatting away to you, or it’s the way you’ve spoken about him that made me expect someone else.
You know him as Elliot the teacher, and I guess a lot of the stuff you share about him is related to that, so I had this image of him from the stories you told me.
I suppose I thought he was geeky, and he kind of is but in an appealing, very attractive way. He’s more than that too.’
‘Oh, yeah?’ I say, like I don’t know that already. ‘In what way?’
‘For a start, he’s funny. Not the kind of funny people think they are when, really, they’re just lifting lines from people they’ve seen on TikTok, but actually funny.
I’d not got that from him before yesterday.
I went to meet him not sure I was going to have a good time at all, but the first thing he did was laugh at himself and apologise for coming up with such a shit idea and then after that, it wasn’t shit.
We ended up laughing the whole time, and it was strange.
I didn’t feel like I needed to impress him once or that he was trying to impress me.
We played the golf and if either of us messed up a shot we made fun of each other, and it was honestly one of the most relaxed, enjoyable first dates I can remember having. ’
‘Wow,’ I say, making sure she sees the shock on my face. She might not be saying she’s madly in love with him and is swearing off all other men from this point on, but still it’s a lot from a first date.
‘I know, right?’
‘Did you guys grab a drink after the golf, or?’ I don’t know why I’m pressing so much.
I’m glad it went well. Here we both are the day after our set ups with only positive things to say, and it’s exactly the result I wanted, but if I see Elliot at work tomorrow and he’s going to start talking about having sex with my friend, I should be ready for that.
‘We stayed on to have a few drinks in the golf place after, and we hugged goodbye. It was all very PG. I would have at least wanted a kiss out of the date because, well, you know, he’s gorgeous, but it wasn’t the right time.
I’ve put myself in charge of planning our next date, and I’m going to make sure it’s the kind of night that leads to more than a hug. ’
I make a kind of laughing grunt in agreement, and before I’m expected to say more, we’re forced to move into single file as a couple with no intention of unlocking hands are approaching us on the narrow path.
Teddy glowers at them as they pass, but I’m grateful to have had a reprieve from the conversation.
Teddy mentioning kissing Elliot has led me straight to thinking about Elliot and I kissing, and I haven’t let myself do that for such a long time.
Memories of the night we spent together begin to stir from under the layers and layers of friendship and professionalism I’d worked hard to bury them under.
I become aware of how hot I am in my thick winter coat.
Pulling the zip down, I welcome the cold blast of wind through my T-shirt.
The first time Elliot kissed me – the lightest touch of his mouth against mine, after I’d dropped my phone and he’d leaned over me to help me reach it, both of us giggling at my clumsiness until it was like a switch flicked and nothing was funny and the air had suddenly altered – that was only the start of it.
It’s going to be the same with my thoughts.
I’m remembering Elliot kissing me now, but just like we did when we came together, stopping at that is going to be almost impossible.
Just thinking of us kissing has led to a fireworks’ display of memories going off in my head – my hands roaming over his wide chest, my hands grabbing his dark hair as he trailed kisses down my stomach, the way his eyes sparked as he smiled when he saw how much I wanted him.
Unless I work really, really hard my brain is going to diligently take me through the hours that followed all the way until we fell asleep in my bed, exhausted, his arm securing my thigh across him, like he didn’t want to let go.
But these are thoughts I absolutely have to let go of.
Thanks to me, Teddy and Elliot are now dating, and there’s no way I’m allowed to think of him like this ever again.
‘I’m so pleased it went well.’ I try to keep my voice steady, so she doesn’t hear the guilt in it caused by my wildly inappropriate flashbacks. ‘How do you think Karina’s getting on with Matthew?’ I ask, desperate to steer the conversation into a non-Elliot direction for the rest of the walk.
After another twenty minutes walking and trying to work out what Karina is going to say after her date with Matthew, I leave Teddy and get in my car to go straight to Mum’s.
The kitchen, when I let myself into it through the back door, is in chaos, and I smile at the grated cheese on the counter, the dozens of dishes in the overflowing sink and the distinct smell of burning food.