Chapter 30
‘Hey, it’s me. Is now a good time?’ I ask Teddy a week later.
‘Not really, but I suppose I can stop for a few minutes. For you.’
‘Thanks. How’s the app coming along?’
‘Good,’ Teddy says. ‘It’s still so early, dozens of issues are coming up every day I hadn’t ever considered, but on the whole, it’s getting there, and I’m having so much fun with it.
I’ve barely missed sleeping or meals that aren’t ordered from Just Eat.
Karina’s client emailed me to set up an initial meeting next week to talk designs, and they seem incredible. ’
‘That’s great,’ I tell her before pushing myself to get to the reason for the call. ‘I was wondering if you could help me with a thing which I’m hoping will end up helping you back a lot if it works out.’
‘You have my attention. Go on.’
‘I was wondering, how would you like to give My Best Ex its first trial run?’
‘What do you mean?’
I’ve come out for a walk to make this phone call, to psyche myself up for it by surrounding myself with warm air and the sun on my face and other people going about their day.
Couples and families, people having important sounding calls on their phones, people going to places in their car or hurrying along the pavement with their heads down, in a rush to be somewhere else, all giving me the reminder that this doesn’t need to be hard, that people take leaps like this all the time to get what they want.
A reminder I can’t seem to summon when I’m in the flat on my own.
I stop now and sit on a low brick wall outside a row of offices to steady myself before I tell her.
‘I mean I’d like to give it a go. I’d like you to set me up with an ex. One of your exes, actually. Only I’ve a very particular ex in mind.’
I wait for him in the foyer of Manchester Museum, the location I settled on after hours of scouring the internet trying to find the perfect place.
I read so many articles – The ten most romantic date locations in Manchester.
Best ideas for a first date that will guarantee there will be a second.
Five historical buildings you have to see to believe.
Perfect dates for History buffs – all in the hope I’d find a perfect solution, but the longer I didn’t hear back from Teddy to tell me Elliot agreed to being set up on a blind date, the clearer it became what kind of date we needed.
Not one that other people have done, not one that someone else has decided is romantic, but one that will work for us, for him.
I knew that Teddy and Elliot had planned to stay friends after their break-up, but after what happened, I was nervous that they would no longer be able to get to that point.
When Teddy messaged to say Elliot had said yes to being the first best ex Teddy could use for a trial of her app and would be happy to be set up on a blind date as a favour to her although he really wasn’t looking to find someone else, I was so happy.
Not just that he’d agreed but that they’d got to this point where they were helping each other out.
I messaged her back straight away with my instructions.
Meet in the foyer of Manchester Museum, Saturday morning 11 a.m.
I hadn’t reckoned on it being so busy. I thought museums were mainly the domain of school trips and pre-schoolers whose parents wanted to kill a few hours mid-week.
On Saturday mornings, I imagined everyone would have better things to do (not that I would ever say such a thing to Elliot), but I’m clearly wrong.
I’ve had to queue to get inside. It’s a good job I made the decision to come early as meeting him in the queue, admitting that, yes, it’s me, I’m the blind date, with people standing between us listening to our every word would have been horrendous.
There’s still ten minutes to go, so as soon as a large family with matching blonde hair stop studying the map opposite the doors and agree where to go to first, I position myself by the side of it, so he should be able to see me as soon as he gets in.
I lament my choice of wearing black jeans and a green top as that’s the colour combination of the staff uniform here.
All I’m missing is the lanyard. Three different groups come up to me to ask for directions.
I’m just in the middle of recommending the dinosaur room to a lovely family from Latvia when I see him.
He looks over the heads of the people milling around in the foyer, a slight indent between his eyebrows until he spots me. I give him a wave, and the ball of worry begins to unravel in my stomach when he waves back and begins to laugh.
‘I should have known,’ he says when he gets to me. ‘Teddy setting me up with a mysterious friend of hers who somehow knows my favourite places on earth are museums. It was all there, wasn’t it?’
‘Yep. It was. Is this OK?’ I ask, searching his face for clues.
‘Yes, although I don’t get it. We’ve barely spoken for weeks, and now we’re on a date. Is this a date?’
There’s no escaping it now. I’ve brought us this far, and although the nerves are making me feel sick, I know I need to start talking. You can do this, I tell myself.
‘It’s totally up to you if it is or not, but I’d like it to be.’
‘Really? But you said—’
Another large family are making their way towards us. I catch the determined look in the parents’ eyes and the way the man points to me as they make their way towards the map, where we’re standing.
‘Shall we move from here before we carry on? Unfortunately, I’ve come dressed as a member of staff, so we’re not going to get any peace until we move out of the entrance and find somewhere quiet. Unless I nip into the gift shop and buy that jumper with the T-rex on it.’
‘I happen to know that jumper in an adult size costs a fortune, so let’s move.’
‘OK. You lead the way.’
It’s too busy to talk as we weave through the crowds.
I’m content to follow him and to enjoy the way he looks back every thirty seconds or so to check I’m still with him, a small smile curving up his lips when he confirms I am.
We pass through the gift shop, and I’m sure he’s leading me to the Egypt exhibition which looks even busier than the foyer was, but he keeps walking until we come to a café with plenty of free seats and a view of the university buildings on the other side of Oxford Road.
‘Coffee or a walk?’ he asks, pointing to the door of the café that leads to the street.
‘Walk with coffee?’ I suggest. Once we’ve got our takeaway drinks, I follow him outside before being swallowed up in the bustle.
We weave in and out of groups of students until Elliot turns left, through an arch that leads into a large sun-filled quad of a university building, and I follow.
Being the weekend, there’s hardly any students around, and Elliot leads me to a bench in the sun by the grass.
He stretches out his legs and closes his eyes for a few moments to enjoy the sun on his skin.
His hair flops over his forehead, and he unconsciously pushes it away.
My breath catches as I take this chance to look at him.
How did I ever get through a day without being blown away by how good looking he is?
‘What’s going on, Lizzie?’ he asks. ‘How are we on a date?’
I swallow down the coffee I’ve just taken a sip of and put my cup on the bench. I’m shaking a little, and I don’t want him to see. I want him to know I couldn’t be surer about what I’m about to say.
‘Well, we’re not quite yet. There are some things I need to say to you first. You don’t need to or anything, if you’d rather not, but I’m very much hoping you’ll hear me out and maybe the date bit can come after.’
‘Hear you out on what?’
‘On everything, but mainly the way I’ve not been honest with you for a lot of the time we’ve known each other, and how sorry I am for that.
‘Ever since that first night we spent together, I’ve led you to make assumptions on how I felt about you, and I’ve never corrected you on them, even though I’ve known those assumptions have hurt you.
I let you think the first time we had sex was a massive mistake, that it didn’t mean anything, when that’s not true.
I was scared, that’s all, because it was amazing, you were turning out to be amazing, but I’d just started working with you, and I told myself I needed you more as a friend than anything else.
I’m sorry that I let you think the whole time we were friends that that really was all there was from my side.
I saw the way you looked at me sometimes, and I think I knew deep down that if I just told you how much I liked you, there may have been chance we could start something that had the potential to be incredible.
But I didn’t. I didn’t tell you because I was too scared of us not working to contemplate seeing if we actually could. ’
His gaze is on the grass square in the centre of the quad, but he nods slightly when I pause for breath to let me know he’s heard.
‘After Stratford, the morning after I came round to your flat, I woke up and I was so unbelievably happy. The relief of being honest with you at last, of stopping the pretend act for that one night was overwhelming. I would have told you how I felt then, I really believe I would have, but you were gone. When I saw you in school and you laid out all those things I’d said to you about why we couldn’t be together, instead of telling you they were all bullshit, that they didn’t matter, I wimped out and hid behind them.
I should have told you that as good friends as we’ve been, as great as it’s been working with you, being together with you is worth risking it all for. You are worth risking it all for.’
His Adam’s apple bobs in his throat. He takes a sip of coffee, then another, and I can see he’s trying to digest what I’ve told him. The waiting is torture.