Chapter 4
FOUR
HOME TEXT CHAT
Pecan: Is it true?
Denny: Is what true?
Pecan: That you got drunkety drunk last night?
Denny: Do you want me to tell Charleston Hunter that you got tested for chlamydia last year?
Zach: Whoa! You did?
Pecan: DENNY!
Zach: I shoulda warned you she’s in a killer mood
Zach: Who’s Charleston again?
Zach: Also, who gave you chlamydia?
Pecan: She’s on the school paper. Thinks she’s the next Rachel Maddow
Pecan: And I didn’t have chlamydia, DENVER
Denny: No, his dick was just leaking some weird juice
Zach: Gags. What is it with you and body juice atm?
Pecan: DENVER!
Denny: I have a headache to kill all headaches so do NOT give me any bullshit today
Zach: Her mom called and so did her dad
Pecan: whistles
Pecan: Heard about you not getting into the sisterhood of traveling sister-wives, Den. Sorry, bud
Denny: It’s fine
Zach: I heard them arguing from the elevator lol. I thought she was being attacked.
Denny: They figured they could hit me with a two-pronged assault, so I showed them.
Pecan: Damn, I’m sorry I missed it
Zach: What was your dick leaking if you didn’t have chlamydia?
Pecan: My special juice has nothing to do with you
Zach: shudders
Zach: Thank fuck for that
Denny: I told Mom about Franny being pregnant. That shut her up.
Denny: Should get them off my back for a while
Denny: Last I heard from Logan, Mom was calling her lawyer to up the alimony payments
Zach: Can she do that?
Denny: She can try lol. I happened to tell her that he didn’t declare an apartment in Aspen during their divorce…
Pecan: You pissed at your dad or something?
Denny: I don’t trust him
Pecan: Why don’t you?
Denny: Duh. Because my mom trusted Dad and look how that turned out?
Zach: What aren’t you telling us?
Denny: Freya said Alec cheated on her.
Denny: I don’t trust cheaters.
Denny: Pecan, if you ever cheat on Hailey, I’ll cut off your leaking penis for her.
Pecan: DENNY!
Denny: What? At least Zach just fucks around. You made that girl your girlfriend. Either dump her before you fuck a puck bunny or face the consequences
Denny: Now, if you don’t turn that music down, Zach, I will pour bleach into your next load of laundry
Pecan: Holy shit, Z-man! TURN THE MUSIC DOWN. You know she means it!!