Chapter 1
“Grace, you’re so beautiful.” Brad’s voice was low and gravelly. His hand reached out to tenderly cup her cheek, as he gazed at her with his eyelids halfway closed.
Grace’s heart began to race. The lightest brush of his lips kindled a fire inside her. She wanted to let herself go and be fully engulfed in his touch, his caress, his whisper. But she knew this was the dangerous time, when she could easily disregard her own boundaries. She didn’t want to do something she would regret later.
She stiffened and broke off the kiss, forcing a laugh. “Maybe it’s time you got your eyes checked.”
An indulgent smile appeared, and he shook his head. “No joking, Grace. I’m serious.”
“You know I don’t do serious. I told you that from day one.”
“Your mouth says one thing, but your kisses say something else.”
“Then, ignore my kisses, and listen to me. In fact, we probably shouldn’t kiss anymore.” She gulped, nervous at the longing she felt. It was more than physical. She was starting to fall for him. And she knew exactly how it was going to end. Brad was a doctor. She was just an elementary school teacher. She wasn’t smart enough to keep his interest. His attraction to her was purely physical, as it had been with every other guy she’d dated. She knew it couldn’t be more than that.
His hand reached out to tenderly cup her cheek, sending tingles of electricity. With hooded eyes, he leaned toward her face, stopping when his mouth was millimeters away, his breath heating her skin.
“I want to kiss you, but I won’t unless you give me permission.”
Why did he have to be so irresistible? Tall. Broad shoulders. Square jaw. Eyes like pools of crystal blue water she wanted to dive into.
She pressed her lips together, trying not to say it. But the words jumped out of her mouth. “Yes. Kiss me.”
He obliged, tracing his lips all along her jaw, and the resulting fireworks short-circuited her brain, just like it always did. She shouldn’t have stayed on the couch beside him once his roommate, Josh, was called into work at the hospital. She knew she couldn’t trust herself. Moments like these made her wish she didn’t have any boundaries.
Abruptly he pushed himself away and fell back against the cushion. “Grace, I can’t keep doing this.”
She groaned at the loss of his touch. Then tears pricked her eyes as she realized what was coming. Their relationship had to end. She’d had this moment before with other guys, but if felt even worse this time. She’d almost let her heart get too attached.
“I understand,” she whispered, swallowing a lump in her throat. “I’m just not willing to give you what you want.”
“No, I don’t want you to… you know…” Brad sputtered. “I mean... I can wait.”
“Wait?” Her mouth went tissue-paper dry. “But—“
“I love you, Grace.”
Her chest clenched with a deep desire to believe his words. She hadn’t felt this way since that fateful night with Mark. Alarm sirens screamed inside her head.
“I need to go.” She leapt toward the door.
“Grace—stop!” He was following her outside. “You can’t walk home at night alone. Let me walk with you. We can talk on the way.”
“No… I don’t want to talk.” Her voice was shaking, as were her hands.
“Okay. I won’t talk. I’m sorry I said that. I thought I’d waited long enough to tell you, but I won’t say it again. Please? Okay? Just forget I said it.”
She didn’t answer. She couldn’t answer. The old wounds from Mark’s harsh words gaped open, raw and bleeding, even after five years.
When she’d told him she didn’t want to sleep together until they were married, Mark’s mouth had twisted into a sneer. “You think I want to sleep with you so bad I’m willing to marry you?”
Tears had stung her eyes, her throat swelling almost shut. “But last week, you said you loved me.”
“I probably meant it at the time.” He’d shrugged. “You have a really hot body, Grace. But a lifetime commitment? You’re just not that special.”
It had been her curse. She’d had curves since elementary school, always drawing the attention of the opposite sex. But she no longer held out false hopes. Guys weren’t interested in her for any other reason.
Mark had done her a big favor that night. He’d slashed her dreams, but helped her wake up to the cold reality. Now she knew when a guy started talking about love and marriage it was nothing but hormones overriding his good judgement.
She couldn’t offer enough to satisfy a guy for long… especially not a guy like Brad. He probably meant what he’d said, but it couldn’t last. The physical attraction would fade. He might stay with her—he didn’t seem like the type to cheat—but he didn’t deserve to be stuck with her.
She held onto a vain hope that someday, maybe after she got her master’s degree, guys would be attracted to her for her brain instead of her body.
True to his word, Brad didn’t speak to her on the twenty-minute walk. When she reached her door, trying to escape inside, he pulled her against him and held her tight. Her bones dissolved, and she melted against him. His hand smoothed her hair as his lips pressed against the top of her head.
“Grace... Don’t freak out on me. Nothing has changed. We’re still good together.”
She allowed herself to enjoy his embrace longer than she should’ve.
“I need to go. School starts tomorrow.”
“That’s right. A brand new first grade class.”
His tone was light and teasing. Back to normal. Maybe she could pretend he’d never said anything. Maybe they could keep spending time together for another month or two before they broke up.
“I’ll see you Friday night, right?” His deep voice rumbled in her ear. “Let’s sit down and talk about our relationship, like mature adults.”
Her spine stiffened.
“Sure,” she said, through a tight throat. “Sounds great.”
Inside, her gut churned. Friday night would be their last night together.
She slipped away before she let herself kiss him again. It would only make her miss him more.
* * *
“Oh!”cried Grace at the sight of the bloody tooth. She turned her head and swallowed at the queasy feeling that surged in her stomach. “That’s really great, Horatio,” she said, hoping her face wasn’t as green as she felt. She’d always had a problem with blood, but she’d hidden the malady from everyone she knew. Even her own family had no idea how nauseous she became at the sight of a single drop of the red oozing liquid. She certainly couldn’t reveal any sign of that particular weakness around her first graders. They’d be certain to plague her with cuts, scratches, and bloody noses at every opportunity.
“I get to put it under my pillow, and I get money for it.” The boy stood at her desk sporting a proud grin. “I’ll buy you something with my money. What would you like?”
“Horatio, that’s so sweet. But I don’t want you to spend your money on me. You should buy something for yourself or for someone in your family.”
“But I want to buy you something.” His lower lip began to tremble. He’d had a huge crush on her from almost the first day. It had happened to her every year with at least one of her students, probably because she wasn’t a lot taller than they were.
“The best present you could get me would be another one of your pictures,” she said, giving his hand a squeeze.
“Ms. Marshall,” said another little boy standing close by. “I have a loose tooth, too. You wanna see?”
“No, thank you, Jeffrey. I need all of you to go get your backpacks right now. It’s almost time to go.” Grace surveyed her noisy class—five girls and thirteen rambunctious boys. She’d only made it through one week, and she could tell this would be a long school year.
She glanced at the clock, looking forward to the dismissal bell and imagining her muscles relaxing in a hot shower before she settled down for a cup of hot tea. Rent was expensive in New York, so Grace had moved back into her family’s home two years ago when she finished her degree. She still paid rent, but only a fraction of what it would cost her to live in an apartment, even sharing expenses with a roommate or two. And truth-be-told, she loved being back with her three younger sisters, whom she’d missed terribly during her college years, despite seeing them all at least once a week for Sunday night dinner. The Marshall clan, as they called themselves, were extremely close, though they had their fair share of squabbles. Her older brother, Spencer, was the only sibling who had moved out permanently. Of course, he was soon to be married to Emily Best, and Grace would have yet another sister.
“Too much estrogen around here,” their father complained, though the whole family knew he was teasing.
The bell rang and the kids poured out the door, most of them pausing to receive a goodbye-hug. All the germicide in the world couldn’t keep her from catching whatever sicknesses the kids had, but Grace couldn’t bring herself to deny showing affection for the kids. Some of them came to school with dirty faces and hollow eyes, revealing the stress of their home-lives. If suffering a few colds and viruses during the year would lift their spirits, then so be it.
Horatio was the last to leave, kicking the floor with his foot as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. “You don’t want a present, Ms. Marshall?”
“I just don’t want you to spend any money on me, Horatio. A picture would be very nice, and it would mean just as much to me.”
“Okay,” he mumbled.
Grace patted him on the head as he left and fetched her purse from her desk drawer.
“Hey, Grace!” Katy, a fellow teacher who’d been a friend in college, leaned into the doorway. “I missed you during our recess break today.”
“Yeah—sorry about that.” Grace lifted a hand to rub her forehead, realizing she had a headache. “Marcie asked me to take her recess shift. She said her ankle was swelling.”
Katy rolled her eyes. “There’s nothing wrong with Marcie’s ankle—she told me she’s going dancing tonight. Didn’t you sub for her on Monday, because of her supposedly sore throat? She’s just using you.”
Grace let out a groan. “You’re probably right. But I just don’t suspect people of doing that sort of thing.”
“I know it. But don’t worry… that’s one of things I love about you.” Katy’s cheek dimpled as she winked. “Do you have plans this weekend? Going someplace fun with your hunky doctor boyfriend?”
Grace’s stomach bunched up. She’d been trying to avoid thinking about what needed to happen.
She tried to keep her tone of voice light. “Actually, I don’t think we’ll be dating after tonight.”
“Why? What happened? Was he cheating on you?”
“No, worse than that. He said the L-word.” Grace pronounced the letter like it was a curse.
“How awful!” Katy’s words dripped with sarcasm as she crossed her arms and rested against the doorframe. “He should be tarred and feathered. Or maybe we should burn him at the stake.”
“You know I don’t do long-term relationships. I just date for fun.”
“But if you follow that rule forever, you’ll never get married.”
“I don’t want to get m—” Grace’s throat clenched as she squeezed out the word. “Married.”
“Your face just turned white, Grace! What is it with you and marriage? You were one of my bridesmaids, and you loved it. You’ve been gushing about your brother’s engagement. Why is marriage okay for everyone else, but not for you?”
Her throat felt like hot gritty air had been blowing through it. Grace hadn’t told a soul what Mark had said to her that night… not even her three sisters. It was too humiliating.
“Maybe I’ll feel different after I get my MEd.”
Katy’s head was already shaking with a what-am-I-going-to-do-with-you expression etched on her face. “Just don’t do anything crazy, Grace. Give him a chance to prove he really does love you.”
Grace forced her lips into something she hoped resembled a smile, but she didn’t reply. She knew she didn’t dare take that chance with Brad. After all, he was a great guy. He deserved someone amazing.
The best thing to do is get it over with… like ripping off a bandage.
She blinked hard as her eyes stung. I’m really going to miss him.
* * *
Brad hada sick feeling in his gut, and he didn’t think he’d caught the stomach virus he’d diagnosed at least forty times in the hospital emergency room earlier in the day. No, this uneasy mood started after his earlier phone conversation with Grace. It was Friday night and he was waiting for her to show up at his apartment, fighting against a sense of impending doom. She’d been acting strangely for the past week, ever since he’d accidentally said, “I love you.” She’d gone a bit wacky on him at the time, but the next day on the phone she’d seemed back to normal. He’d hoped his slip-up hadn’t caused any permanent damage.
Brad had dated quite a few women, but Grace was different. He still remembered the first time he laid eyes on her on a hiking trail with her three tall-and-lanky sisters and two girlfriends towering over her five-foot-two frame. She was tiny, but her personality was huge. She was the boss, and she knew it. She was a spunky brunette, cute and fun, with boundless energy and a contagious enthusiasm for life, though she had a tendency to be a bit absent-minded at times.
Best of all, she didn’t seem to be interested in him for his money. Not that he was wealthy, working as a resident physician in the emergency room, but his income was better than hers and his future income would be far above average. Past girlfriends had been what Josh would call high-maintenance, demanding fancy dinners and expensive gifts. Not Grace. She was happy with pizza and a board game.
He fell for her the first time she winked at him with her gorgeous hazel eyes when they met on a hiking trail. It was the perfect way to meet, since she loved sports as much as he did. Every other girl he’d dated had simply tolerated his interest in sports, but Grace was downright passionate about the subject. She especially loved baseball—his own personal favorite—and he hadn’t found a single outdoor activity she wouldn’t try. She was fearless. With parachuting and bungee-jumping already marked off her bucket list, he wondered what dangerous sport she would attempt next.
But most of all, Grace was the most honest and kind woman he’d ever met—the kind of person who would give you her shoes if you needed them and walk home barefooted. Maybe that’s why he felt so safe with her, knowing she would never cheat on him.
He’d ended his relationship with his previous girlfriend when he’d discovered her going out behind his back. Her defense had been that she’d been lonely because he spent too much time at the hospital. He couldn’t deny the truth of that statement, so he’d sworn off women… until he met Grace.
Brad knew he had to tread carefully to keep her. In fact her sister, Olivia, had pulled him aside one night at the weekly Marshall family Sunday dinner to warn him he would face a challenge if he didn’t want to be thrown out in the cold. Evidently, Grace had a track record of dating one guy for a short time before dumping him and moving on to another. Olivia offered no explanation, so he didn’t know how to avoid becoming another statistic in Grace’s dating life. But he tried his best.
He always treated her with the respect she deserved. He was very careful not to pressure her physically, although she was really hard to resist with such an amazing body. It was all he could do to keep his hands from straying below her neck, but something had told him that would be a death sentence.
The doorbell rang and his heart skipped a beat. Maybe it was all in his head. Maybe everything would be fine. Maybe he wasn’t going to have his heart cut out and handed to him on a platter. But when he grabbed the knob to open the door, a chill ran right up his arm and into his spine. He shivered as the door opened and Grace swept into the room.
Brad swallowed hard as Grace stepped inside, looking as nervous as a bird in a roomful of cats. Once again he berated himself for his words last weekend. Why did I tell her I loved her? I knew she wasn’t ready. Eight weeks of careful work to build up her trust, down the drain with three little words.
“I’ve missed you, Grace. I was worried when you didn’t answer my calls last night.”
He snaked his arms around her waist and squeezed as if he could hold her there forever. She fit perfectly against him.
“Hi guys!” said Josh, stepping into the living room. “Hope I’m not interrupting anything.” He flopped onto the couch and propped his feet on the footstool.
Grace swirled to face him, tugging her skirt down as two bright red spots appeared on her cheeks.
Josh raised his eyebrows and grinned. “Looks like you two weren’t planning on me being here.”
“Don’t you have someplace to go?” Brad ground through gritted teeth.
“Not really,” said Josh, picking up the television remote. “I thought I’d just watch a movie or something.”
Brad was trying to decide how to dispose of his roommate’s body when Josh busted out laughing and stood up. “I’m just kidding. I’m going to have dinner with Spencer and Emily. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” he warned as he slipped past them out the front door, his laughter trailing behind him.
Brad let out the breath he’d been holding when the door closed behind Josh. His eyes sought out Grace’s, and he saw something there he hadn’t noticed when she walked into the apartment. Fear.
“What’s wrong?”
Her teeth chewed her lower lip. “We need to talk.”
Something told him he wouldn’t like where the conversation was going. He needed a chance to apologize and make her feel at ease. If only he knew why she was so against having a serious relationship. Someone must’ve hurt her badly.
“You seem uptight. Why don’t you let me rub your shoulders for you?”
He urged her to sit on the footstool while he sat behind her. He kneaded her muscles, pleased as the tension seemed to melt away. Taking a deep breath for courage, he ventured his practiced apology, hoping it would open up the communication channels.
“Listen, I’m sorry I said I love you. I promise not to mention it again until you’re ready.”
Her back went board straight, and she twisted to face him.
“That’s the thing, Brad. I’m never going to be ready.”
With great difficulty, he kept his emotions in check. “Never is a long time. Can you tell me why you feel that way?”
“I can’t tell you.” A huge tear welled from her eye and rolled down her cheek.
Some guy must’ve hurt her badly. Brad clenched his fists, wishing he could slug the dude.
“If you don’t tell me, how can I persuade you to give us a real chance?”
“You can’t,” she whispered, as another tear fell.
“Please talk to me. Tell me what happened. Was it an old boyfriend?”
He held his breath, praying she would open up. Instead, she stood and backed away with wide eyes.
“What’s wrong?” He followed after her, holding his hands out. “Where are you going?”
Biting her lips, she shook her head and shuffled backwards until she found the door. Her hand fumbled for the knob, and she got it open. He followed her outside, determined to get to the bottom of the issues.
“You can’t leave until you talk to me.” He gripped her shoulders and held her motionless. She seemed to stare right through him. “Isn’t that why you came over? Wasn’t that the whole plan? To explain how you feel?”
Tears streaked down her face. “I... It’s... There’s someone else...”
Her words struck him in the chest like a sledgehammer. He released her, stumbling back.
“What?”
“I’ve been seeing someone. Another guy. So you and I need to break up.”
Blood pounded in his ears, and her voice sounded tinny, like they were inside a tunnel.
“I don’t believe it,” he mumbled. “You’re making this up. Why would you cheat on me?”
She shook her head, her eyes squeezed shut. “Brad, it’s for the best. You wouldn’t have been happy with me.”
“If there’s really another guy, who is it? What’s his name?”
Her mouth dropped open, her eyes going wide. For a moment he thought she would take it back, But her answer, when it came, stabbed him in the heart. “Horatio... His name is Horatio.”
All the oxygen vanished from the air, leaving him dizzy. “How could you do this?” His voice cracked, but he didn’t care. How had he misjudged her?
“I’m sorry,” she choked out.
“Why Grace?” Brad fell back against the door and slid slowly to the ground. “We were so good together.”
With his face buried in his hands, he heard her footsteps echoing in his ears, quieter and quieter as she walked out of his life.