Chapter 29
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
POLLY
We are all looking for a place in life, somewhere we fit. It’s not a place that changes who we are or what we do – perhaps it shapes us, makes us better, makes us more – but mostly it shelters us with a sense of peace, a sense that whatever we do, wherever we are, we’re not alone in it.
Samantha Young, Into the Deep
G irlfriends, I decided, were great. Fantastic, even. Besides Leah, my experience with female friendships consisted of two faced, catty wenches. These women were the opposite. They were accepting, genuinely wanting my opinion. I enjoyed myself so much, I was a little disappointed they only got together once a month.
“It was a real treat to have you here with us, Polly,” Rose said at her door. Leah and I were the last ones to leave.
“I had the best time. I can hardly wait for the next book club,” I answered honestly.
Leah was standing behind Rose and flashed me a smirk that was so smug, I could practically hear it aloud.
“Say! We’re getting’ together for Eliza’s fourteenth anniversary of her twenty-fifth birthday next Saturday. You should come! The more the merrier!”
I glanced between Rose and Leah. “I can check to see if Jace can watch the kids. What book are you reading?”
“No book. We’re taking a class at a fitness studio in town.” Leah’s voice sounded guarded.
Rose reached out and clasped my hands. “You’ll love Stripped. Suzie’s the best. We’re gonna go to the Donner Bakery after for breakfast.”
“What’s Stripped?”
“It’s a fitness studio downtown that teaches everything from senior aerobics to pole dancin’! Eliza signed us all up for the Intro to Chair Dancin’ class. I’ll bet it’s a snap to have you join us.” Rose snapped to emphasize her point, beaming at me. “Please say you’ll come! It’s gonna be a scream and a holler!”
Rose was looking at me like an endearing rainbow on steroids, which made it impossible to refuse her.
“Of course, I’ll come,” I said, side-eying Leah, who looked to be biting back a smile.
As I drove home from Leah’s later that afternoon, instead of listening to an audiobook, I settled for peace and quiet. The lush greens of the trees against the bright blue sky were saturated with color this late in July. For so long, it felt as if I’d been in a haze, like a fog had settled over my life and I was following the path of least resistance that had been laid out for me.
Now, for the first time, I was forging my own path. I was making real friends. I had something exciting I was working on in my career. And I was getting to know Jace. A gentle heat stirred low in my belly as I thought of him the night before, his breath on my neck, his hand in mine as he pointed out fireflies in the yard. A tangible ache spread through me as I thought of the hug we shared. How good it felt to be pressed up against his firm body. How even when he was sitting on the stairs, wiping my tears, yes, I felt embarrassed, but it was strangely freeing. Having someone with me when I was at a low point, offering me comfort and a helping hand without conditions or judgment. It was strange to think of how much my life had changed in a week. Like the wind shifted and the fog lifted when Jace waltzed into our lives, fitting in seamlessly, like he was the new and improved Mr. Mary Poppins.
Maybe that was why, this morning, when I got an email from a childcare company asking me if I was still interested in finding after school care for my kids this fall . . . I promptly ignored it.
* * *
The kids and Jace were swimming when I got home from book club.
Jace was standing thigh deep in the shallow end, snorkel mask and arm floaties on, and for all intents and purposes, looking completely ridiculous. I couldn’t keep my eyes from tracking the water droplets that rolled down his olive toned skin. A situation was brewing inside my body that I could only describe as a cat in heat: my pulse started to race, I was sweating, and I’m pretty sure I breathed out in a manner that was both a sigh and a groan.
His arms were spread wide, palms facing out. His snorkel bobbled when he whipped his head back and forth between his two attackers: Ryla, lifejacket and goggles on, stood on the pool stairs, her Nerf water blaster trained on Jace, and Max, standing waist high in the shallow end, also carrying a water blaster, had Jace directly in his sights.
Jace’s plea was muffled by his snorkel. “Now, now, you two wouldn’t gang up on poor, old Jace like this, would you?”
“Don’t listen to him, Max! That’s how they get you!” my daughter shouted, ostensibly the four-star general of this operation.
“Ryla? Maybe we shouldn’t . . .” my sweet pacifist son protested, causing Jace to swing his head toward him.
But that was Jace’s mistake. You don’t turn your back on an assassin.
As Jace’s head swung to Max, Ryla yelled, “Fire!” unleashing her full payload. Water hit Jace full-on in his face, chest, and back as he flopped in the water.
“What is going on out here?” I shouted in mock consternation, walking down the patio stairs.
“Mom! You’re home!” Ryla shouted. “We’re protecting the crystal! He’s trying to get it from us!” She pointed to the presumed crystal, a.k.a. an aqua-blue pool noodle sitting by her feet on the edge of the pool stairs. “We can’t let the evil sorcerer get it, he’s gonna use it to steal all the chocolate in the whole world!”
Her head whipped to Jace, who’d taken advantage of Ryla’s distraction to launch himself up and out of the water in exaggerated play-acting movements. Jace was only a few feet away from the “crystal” now, but Ryla was closer. Grabbing it, she looked to me and shouted, “Mommy! Catch!”
And then she launched it like a freaking javelin right over the middle of the pool.
As impressive as the throw was, I was focused on something else.
In order for me to catch it, I’d have to jump into the pool.
If I jumped . . . I’d be swimming. In my clothes.
In that instance, a lifetime of, That’s not appropriate, Polly, or What would people think, Polly? went out the window.
Because who was I before my father told me who I should be?
I spared one millisecond to look at Jace. His eyes were focused on mine. A flash of excitement in them.
“Help is on the way!” I started running, then leapt out over the water, caught the noodle midair, and sunk into the pool.
* * *
“I think they’re asleep,” Jace whispered, muting the movie. I looked down at Ryla, spread-eagle on a big quilt, and Max, curled up in a ball under his weighted blanket. I wasn’t surprised they’d totally zonked out. The kids were delighted that I’d jumped in the pool and swam with them. I’d changed into my swimsuit shortly after my epic save and continued to swim until we were pruny and exhausted. After swimming, we’d all dried off and changed into jammies and had a movie night, ordering pizza and eating it on the floor of the living room.
It was the nicest night I’d had in a long time.
Jace and I were sitting on opposite ends of the couch in the living room. His hair was adorably frizzy again, after air-drying. My eyes must have flicked up to his hair one too many times because he finally caught me, grinning sheepishly.
“How bad does it look?” he drawled, running his hand through the frizzy locks.
“It’s fine.”
He narrowed his eyes at me.
“What? It’s just a shame you’re not pursuing a clown career. It’d be economical. No wig needed.”
Jace groaned and covered his heart with his hand, a gesture of his I’d come to recognize. “Imagine you’re a thirteen-year-old with a delayed growth spurt, dressed in a black cape, holding a white-tipped wand, with this mop top under a black top hat, begging his family to watch his magic shows.”
“I bet it was adorable,” I blurted, then mashed my lips together.
“I was certain that I was going to be the next famous magician.”
“What made you leave magic behind?”
“When I realized I wasn’t willing to put my body through high-grade torture.”
“What?” I asked.
“Have you ever seen David Blaine’s stuff?” I shook my head prompting Jace to bring out his phone and lean toward me. I scooted over, folding my legs under me until I was sitting right next to Jace. I had to force myself to focus on his phone, rather than the mint on his breath from the peppermint patties we’d shared after pizza. I held my breath as the clip played.
Revulsion filled me as I saw the magician put metal through his hand. “There’s something wrong with that guy. Is that what it takes to be a successful magician? No wonder you stopped.”
I’d turned my head to Jace as I spoke, scooting back when I realized my lips were only a few inches from his.
Jace’s eyes had dipped to my mouth, then back to my eyes as I inched further back on the couch. Shaking his head, he turned toward me and sat cross-legged on the couch.
“It was just as well. The next summer, I hit my growth spurt, gained ten pounds of muscle, and joined the baseball team.”
On their own accord, my eyes drifted to his arms when he said the word, muscle. My gaze snapped back to his face, only to see him eye me curiously. I reached for a question—fast.
“Did you do any theater in school?”
“Junior year. About the time that a sixteen-year-old guy just wants to get laid. All the hot girls were in drama club, and they needed guys for the play they were doing.”
“What was the play?”
“ Romeo and Juliet .”
“What role were you?”
Jace rolled his eyes, resigned. “Sam still calls me Romeo occasionally.”
Of course, he was Romeo. He’d be perfect. I wondered who the teenage Juliet was who played opposite him.
“So, you never did magic again?” I asked after unclenching my jaw.
“Not until after high school. I’ve done a few magic shows here and there for kids I babysat, and then during the summer program at the school a few times. I was too busy driving for Lyft, helping Sam with odd jobs, and a few other things to do it any more than that.”
“I’ve never had that many jobs at once. Is there anything you can’t do? Besides cook, that is.”
Jace’s face fell. “Who told you?
I waved him off, trying to keep my face neutral. “No one. I figured it out on my own.”
His voice was flat. “It was Ryla, wasn’t it?
“Oh yeah, she sold you out the first day,” I said, smiling wide.
Jace snapped his fingers. “Damn it. I knew I shouldn’t have been a dog.”
“Was that what you did to buy her silence?”
“It wasn’t just for fun!”
I laughed quietly, mindful of the kids, then tilted my head back and forth, eyes teasing. “Oh, it was fun.”
Well, that came out more rough and ready than I expected.
Seemingly unfazed, Jace dragged the tip of his index finger across his neck. “So, says you. I still have rope burns.”
Watching his lips form the words rope burns , his finger dragging over his skin . . . it did something to my gut. A flash of something filthy went through my mind. Heat sizzled in the air between us. I swallowed and Jace’s eyes dipped to my throat. I imagined what his finger would feel like, tracing across my collarbone. Maybe he’d follow it with his lips, skimming their way up my neck as his hands caressed their way down my body.
A sudden snore from Ryla made us both jump and I immediately moved back, deciding I was out of my mind from chlorine, adrenaline, and lust poisoning.
I attempted to stand up, but the cushions were deep and soft, making me fall backward on my first attempt. Jace stood up gracefully on his first try (of course) and held out a hand to me, pulling me to my feet. I stumbled forward a step, my hand pressing into the firm planes of his abdomen, which felt hot and smooth and hard beneath the black jersey of his shirt. Jace’s smile fell almost imperceptibly, and I stared at his lips, knowing that if I raised myself on my tip toes, our lips would touch. A shudder ran through me at the thought.
“Y’all good?” he whispered.
I gulped. “I’m fine. We should probably get to bed— THEM to bed. The kids. To bed.”
I stepped to the side, trying to act unfazed. Because I was very much fazed. In fact, I wanted to get fazed by Jace over and over and over again.
I looked down at my sleeping children in front of us and mentally berated myself. I was a pathetic cougar flirting with a guy half my age when my kids were sleeping ten feet away.
Get it together, Mrs. Rochester.
I moved toward Ryla, but Jace got there first.
“I got her. You get Max.” Before I could protest, he slipped his arms under my sleeping six-year-old and lifted easily.
Ryla roused enough to wrap herself around Jace like a spider monkey, then instantly fell back asleep. As I watched Jace carry her up the stairs, I had to force my heart to slow down and my brain not to jump to conclusions—even though there she was, on the edge of the high dive, ready to jump.
He is your kids’ nanny and fourteen years your junior.
But I knew that was unfair. He was more than that. He was my friend.
A friend that you imagined fazing on your couch twelve point seven seconds ago.
I woke a sleepy Max, carrying his weighted blanket over my shoulder as he stumbled up the stairs to his room. He fell asleep again as soon as his head hit his pillow. I crept out of his room and shut the door, my heart taking off in another galloping rhythm when I saw Jace sitting at the top of the stairs.
“Hey,” I whispered, “Thanks for carrying Ryla to bed.”
Standing up, he nodded and took one backward step down the stairs, our heights becoming even. His rich hazel eyes were watching me with a fervent intensity that made my core throb.
“Everything ok?” I asked, mouth dry.
The silence between us held until my palms twitched forward at the same time he took another step down.
“I leave around five-thirty for the club tomorrow morning. I have a few things to do tomorrow so I won’t be home, back here, until the late afternoon.”
“That’s fine,” I said despite feeling disappointment that he wasn’t going to be here. He started to turn when I called out, “Wait!” halting him on the stairs.
I didn’t have anything I wanted to say. I just wasn’t ready to have him leave yet.
He quirked an eyebrow as he waited for me to say something, the heavy silence continuing to stretch between us as my mind drew a blank.
Actually . . . that’s a lie. My mind had a lot of thoughts—only none of them were appropriate.
Kiss him! –Sixteen-year-old Polly.
Tear that shirt off his body and wear it like a cape as you run your hands over his slabs of abs! – Twenty-four-year-old Polly
Tackle him to the ground and mount him! –She-cougar Polly in heat.
“Don’t expect another forty-dollar tip,” I blurted.
A wide smile stretched over his lips. “I thought I’d at least earned a fifty considering how many extra hours I’ve been putting in.”
I shook my head, smirking. “You’ll be lucky to get a quarter if you keep that attitude up.”
Jace grinned, shuffling down a few more steps, then turned back to me once more, eyes serious. “You give him hell tomorrow—I’ll be right outside if you need me.”
I watched as Jace jogged down the stairs, then down the hall, longing and disappointment growing with each step he took away from me.
I laid awake for a long time that night. Glancing at the clock, I saw it’d been two minutes since I last checked the time. Which meant it’d been four minutes since I’d pulled out my earbuds in frustration, after I imagined the male character in my book with curly brown hair instead of blond, with an easy grin and dimples instead of a stiff upper lip, and bright hazel eyes instead of blue ones.
My clit ached as I rolled to my stomach. I laid there for another few minutes before sitting up and turning on my bedside light. I glared at my earbuds. I was aware I was being ridiculous. So what if I imagined Jace as the male character in my books? Whatever I did in the privacy of my own bedroom was my own business.
Resolutely, I grabbed the damn ear buds and turned off the light. Laying on my back, I turned on American Cream.
“Don’t come,” Helena whispered in his ear as she squeezed her cunt around his rock-hard cock.”
I slid my hand under my panties, finding myself slick and hot, then slid my fingers up to circle my clit.
“She cupped her breasts, bringing them to his mouth. He obliged, greedily sucking a taut nipple into his mouth, earning a hiss of pleasure from Helena.”
I reached up with my other hand and grasped my nipple, teasing it, imagining how good it would feel to have Jace over me—or better yet, below me, totally at my mercy.
“She rewarded him, rocking her hips up and down, moaning at the sensation of her clit dragging against his studded cock. He popped off her breast, letting out a frustrated grunt as his wrists pulled against the handcuffs behind the chair.”
I increased my pace, rubbing and circling my clit, pinching my nipple, my breaths coming in pants. I’d never had that during sex. That feeling of control. Sex had always been in a bed, missionary, and brief. The thought of being in control, taking what I wanted and having my partner love it just as much, spurred my climax on.
“Helena smiled, knowing she had him right where she wanted him. “Don’t you dare even think about coming. I want to fuck you until you’re begging me for release. Until you’re so deep inside of me, you don’t know where you end, and I begin. Until you’re so mad with lust, you can only remember my name.”
My orgasm ripped through me as I pictured coming around Jace’s cock, his arms pulling against the restraints as he tipped his head back and found his release, the only thing louder than the mutual pounding of our hearts being the sound of him crying out my name.