Chapter 34
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
POLLY
My body was panting, "He's hot. Can we have him?" while my mind was screaming, "Oh, dear God, what the hell are you thinking?”
Samantha Young, Down London Road
R yla and Max were all smiles when I put them to bed. They loved their new hair colors, and frankly, so did I. Sure, it would wash out in a week, but every time I saw the lavender tips of my hair, a flush of giddiness filled me. It was convenient that the kids were distracted by the excitement of the day because I couldn’t focus on a god damn thing. I repeated the same sentence twice while reading a book to Ryla at bedtime, then trailed off in the middle of a relaxation exercise with Max.
My heart was pounding as I walked to Jace’s room later that night. I knocked lightly on the door, receiving no answer.
He was probably asleep. I should let him rest. But what if his rash was worse?
Maybe you can nurse him back to health, purred the cheeky twenty-four-year-old inside of me.
After a quick debate, I opened the door. The curtains on the far side of the room were pulled back and the full moon cast a soft light around the room, tempering the shadows.
Jace was asleep, in the same position I’d left him two hours ago. My lips quirked as Jace quietly snored, even and deep. The cloth over his eyes felt warm, so I removed it and checked his forehead. The rash had faded significantly and there was less swelling around his eyes. After rinsing the cloth with cold water in the bathroom, I laid it back over his eyes causing Jace to stir.
“Shh. It’s me,” I whispered, sitting beside him. “How are you feeling?”
“Looadss better.” Jace’s sexy Tennessee drawl was more pronounced than normal due to the sleep or Benadryl, I wasn’t sure which. He lifted the cloth and squinted toward me. “What timess it?”
“Just after eight, the kids are sleeping. I wanted to come check on you.”
“Thanksss,” he slurred again as I smothered a laugh.
“Benadryl hits you hard, huh?” I asked, a strange shaky feeling building in my chest.
“Dunno. First times I tried it.”
“It’s a good thing I have off tomorrow. Who knew that you could be felled by a first-generation antihistamine?” I teased, making a move to stand. He reached for my hand, like he’d done that afternoon and I reached back, letting him.
“You leavin’ me alone?”
“You needin’ company?” I returned boldly.
Stupidly.
He smirked, letting my hand go and placing the cloth back over his eyes, letting me know he had more awareness than his slurring suggested.
“Least you could do. Wasn’t my hair dye.” He blindly patted the bed next to him in . . . invitation?
I swallowed nervously as I walked around the bed. My hands were shaking. “Bringing out the big guns, huh? Guilt! You sure you’re not a parent?”
Incredibly conscious of every dip of the bed as I crawled next to him, I finally settled on my back beside him.
I was sure the pounding of my heart was audible, but Jace’s peaceful, even breathing set a rhythm that finally calmed my racing heart. Over time, small things came into focus: the downy softness of the coverlet beneath us, the heat from Jace’s body radiating into my side, the texture of the linen canopy above the bed.
Jace was so quiet, I thought he’d fallen asleep until he asked, “Was the deal with belshin waffles?”
His question surprised me. I found myself searching for an appropriate answer when I realized there was no need to search. With Jace, there was no need to tailor my response; I merely needed to tell the truth.
“I ordered them today.”
“Good choiss.”
“It’s the first time I ordered something I actually wanted in front of my father. Maybe, ever. Over the years I’d learned what my father expected of me in public. With clothes it was nothing revealing, demure colors and high necklines only. I bought the dress I wore today on a whim months ago, never thinking I’d get the opportunity to wear it. Turns out, the world didn’t end with my father’s derision.”
Jace was still, but I knew he was listening.
“On the way home I was preoccupied, thinking about all the things I wanted to do but was never allowed. Like dyeing my hair. Before I knew it, my car was in the drugstore parking lot.”
I absently fingered my hair. “I thought about all the other things I missed as I drove the rest of the way home. Dances, football games, birthday parties. Friendships.” I was suddenly hoarse, angry tears building behind my eyes.
I cleared my throat. “It’s like I’m finally feeling angry at the loss, at missing that part of life I didn’t get. Hoping that it’s not too late.”
“Too late for what?” Jace had taken the cloth off his eyes and rolled toward me, looking more awake than a moment ago, the reflection of the moon illuminating a rim of gold in his hazel eyes.
I swallowed roughly, gathering the courage to say it.
“For my own happy ending.”
The moonlight bathed our skin in white light, making Jace’s face look like it was carved out of marble. Emboldened, like we were in a bubble of safety, I cupped his cheek. His skin was warm and supple beneath my hand. Touching him and finding him real felt impossible. Like I couldn’t believe there was finally someone in this house for me again; the first time I’d felt that way since my mother was alive. Somebody that understood me. Somebody who gave without expectation.
Finally.
His intoxicating scent made me want to drink him in. I inclined my head, and he did the same; our lips were millimeters apart, my body yearning, aching to know what his lips felt like.
Powerless to the inescapable pull, our lips touched. I relished the relief of finally knowing what his lips felt like, the subtle pressure, the soft brushes. They fit together perfectly, like Jace’s lips were meant to kiss mine, and mine alone.
I leaned into him more fully, greedily, my hand gripping his cheek, his stubble rough against the palm of my hand as I held us together. His hand came to rest on my waist as our lips brushed and sucked and pressed, drinking each other in, savoring like we both knew this moment wasn’t meant to last. Moving closer I felt something wet on my arm and pulled back from Jace with a gasp, only to realize it was the cold cloth laying between us.
I swallowed a laugh as I took in Jace’s heated stare. His lips were full and red, the moonlight reflected his wide, dilated pupils . . .
Shit .
I slammed my eyes shut and rocked back. “I’m sorry! First I made you all blissed out on Benadryl and then I forced myself on you. I’m so sorr?—”
“Shhh.” Jace covered my lips with two fingers, silencing me immediately. “You weren’t taking advantage of me. I wanted to kiss you. I’ve dreamed of kissing you, of taking my time, savoring the way you taste . . .” Jace’s eyes swept down, then up my body lazily, a fire igniting everywhere his gaze lingered, “until the only kiss you remember is mine.”
Can a human body liquefy from mere words? Because those were the hottest words anyone’s ever said to me, and they were uttered by a delectable man inches away whom I wanted more than air in this moment.
I longed to lean into him again, but there was a glaze over his eyes. With a sigh, I moved off the bed and made my way to the door slowly and opened it, fighting the urge to return to him with every step.
As I turned to the pull the door shut, Jace croaked my name, as if the distance between us was just as painful for him as it was for me. Lifting my gaze, I saw he was half sitting up, watching me intently.
I took a slow breath in. There are certain decisions in your life that change the course of it irrevocably.
“I can’t go there tonight, Jace. Not when I essentially drugged you. So, sleep. I’m dropping the kids off at summer school in the morning and then I’m coming back home.”
Jace’s eyes were completely focused on me, glistening in the dark.
Right here and now, I was singularly aware that what I said next could change my life forever.
That my words could keep me locked in a cage.
My voice was barely a whisper, but I knew he could hear it.
“If you still want me tomorrow, tell me again.”
Or, they could set me free.