Chapter 45
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
JACE
“Because if it’s possible to have a partner who gives all of themselves without reservation, who looks forward to working and sacrificing for me just as I look forward to doing the same for her, who can’t help but love ferociously, brutally, and unconditionally—and even perhaps without reason or sound judgment—that’s what I want. Because that’s how I plan to love in return.”
Penny Reid, Ninja At First Sight
A fter dropping off the kids at summer school on Friday morning, I sparred with Sam, dropped by my parents for a time, and was now setting up a romantic backyard candlelit dinner for my girlfriend for our first official date.
Because Polly Alberton was my girlfriend now. I still couldn’t believe it.
I was carrying the candles out to the patio when my text alert sounded.
Sarah : Does your phone not work anymore?
Sarah: I talked to Momma. I know you’re alive and well and nannying for two kids with a single mom.
Jace : Then you know I’ve been busy working
After placing the candles on the table, I frowned at where I’d put the spoons next to the plates. Did they belong next to the knife? Or was it the fork? Grabbing a spoon, I switched it with a fork, then switched them back immediately because that didn’t look right, either. Scowling, I backed away from the table.
I couldn’t stop thinking about Polly, about how she lied to me about what she was listening to last week. Watching her lie poorly was admittedly a little cute, which was interesting because I saw her lie to her father not too long ago without so much as a flutter. This week, I’d seen her reading or listening to her earbuds on occasion, but she’d abruptly change the subject as soon as I came into the room. If Polly couldn’t trust me enough to tell me the truth about what she liked to read, could we really last?
Worse, the guilt that accompanied snooping through her e-reader like the world’s weirdest cat burglar, was heavy in my mind.
Another text alert sounded.
Sarah : He lives! Two weeks now and it’s been crickets.
Jace : Was there a question in there?
Sarah : Who are these kids? Who is this single mom you’re working for? Why were you keeping it a secret?
I typed out three different responses to my sister before deleting them one by one. I was driving myself stupid. I should really ask Sarah what to do even though she’d be insufferable about it. My sister had the irritating habit of always being right.
Jace: I need some advice
My phone rang almost instantly.
“What happened?” Sarah whispered urgently, her breath coming out in little huffs like she was walking.
I sat down in a kitchen chair, leaning my elbows on my knees. “I’m seeing someone?—”
“Yes, Mr. Gardner.” Sarah’s assertive voice sounded far away. “I’ll have a copy of those court documents faxed over to you right away.” Another ten seconds passed before she came back on. “If anyone asks, your name is Jeremy, and you work for the public works department in Evanston. You have five minutes. Go.”
“I’m seeing a woman, and I need to tell her something that I’ve done. It’s nothing illegal, but I broke her trust. But if I tell her, I could lose her. Should I tell her? I don’t want any lies between us.”
“What did you do?” Sarah whispered.
I swallowed thickly. “I, uh, don’t want to say.”
“I can’t give you advice if you don’t tell me.”
“I’ve been reading her books.”
“Ok . . .” Sarah sounded confused.
I pushed off my elbows and sat back against the chair, running a hand through my hair. “I’ve been snooping through her e-reader without her knowing so I can read the same books she’s reading.”
“Why wouldn’t you just ask what’s she reading?” Sarah asked, incredulity thick in her voice.
“I get the feeling she wants to keep it private.”
“What kind of books are they, like pirate romance or something?” Sarah chuckled.
I remained quiet.
“Wait. Are they pirate romances?”
Knowing I was going to regret this, I took a deep breath in, closing my eyes and said, “Not exactly. At least there haven’t been any pirates in the books I’ve read.”
A strangled sound morphed into wheezing which eventually turned into low chuckling. “Hold on,” Sarah laughed, “I need to go somewhere else.”
Sarah’s voice was still on the edge of hilarity when she came on the line. “Soooo, let’s see if I have this all straight. You have a girlfriend who reads erotica or romance or something like that, but she doesn’t want to tell anyone, and you’ve been snooping around her e-reader so that you can read the same books she’s been reading and you want to know if you should tell her.”
Sarah was way too pleased with herself. I let out a sigh before answering. “Yes.”
“Uh-huh. And why do you want to tell her?”
“I don’t want any secrets between us.”
“Uh-huh. While that’s noble, it sounds like you’d be doing it more for your benefit. Let me guess, you’re hurt she doesn’t trust you enough to talk about it, and you feel guilty for lying to her?”
I didn’t answer. Not only because she was annoyingly right, but also because Sarah’s lawyer brain wasn’t done.
“Telling her now would only serve to absolve you of your guilt and prove that she has a reason to distrust you. It wouldn’t do anything but hurt her. She’s probably embarrassed enough.”
I stood up and started pacing back and forth in front of the kitchen table. “But I’m not judging her, she has no reason to feel embarrassed.”
“Oh, little brother, I didn’t mean embarrassed by you . I mean by society. By the Kents of the world. You have no idea the stigma women who read romance contend with. They’re marginalized even within the book world. They’re either lust-filled women who read smut for kicks, to which I say, what the hell is the problem with that?”
That was a hypothetical question. I was sitting down by this point, patiently waiting for her to finish. Sarah was on a roll and there was no getting off this train until we got to the station.
“The problem is that women are held to a higher moral standard. Thus, women who enjoy sex are regarded as shallow or bad compared to her male counterparts, which is not only hypocritical, but old fashioned. Or, women who read romance over other types of literature are deemed unintelligent; like a book can’t be written well just because it has sex scenes. It’s one of the most natural things in human nature, to fall in love. To have sex. As long as no one gets hurt, what’s the problem with reading and writing about it? I should know, I’ve been reading romance for years. Remember when I used to hide them under my bed?”
“I remember Gran doing the sign of the cross at your door a lot.”
“Exactly. And that further illustrates my point. We’re judged by men and women alike. I wasn’t reading porn, even if Gran thought I was.”
I winced, because that’s exactly what I’d thought Polly was listening to at first.
“So, you’re saying I should wait for Polly to tell me in her own time?”
My question was met with extended radio silence. I moved the phone from my ear to confirm the timer was still running.
“Sarah?”
“Isn’t Polly the name of the woman you’re nannying for?”
“Uhhh,” I replied, brilliantly.
“I knew it! I knew there was something going on with this single mother! Momma was all suspicious, and you were being cagey not answering my texts.”
“As helpful as this is, Sarah . . .”
“Right. You obviously need to stop spying on her e-reader, immediately. Next, just start reading in front of her. Then, when and if she talks to you about it, listen without Judgment. You want her to share with you? Prove to her that you’re someone worth trusting.”
I resumed pacing around the kitchen slowly, processing my sister’s words.
“She will you know,” Sarah added in a gentler tone. “Trust you, that is. You’re one of the good ones.”
“You really are a good big sister. A little preachy, but good.”
“I’m the fucking best!” Sarah snapped. “Oh, and Jace? This was the cliff notes version. I expect a call by next week to get the whole story about you and this Polly. I’ll have the popcorn ready.”